How to stay grounded and not loose one self?

[frencha]

Her behavior is consistent with sky high interest..

Her comment about the other guy comes from her anxiety about wanting MORE of you but not quite getting it to her satisfaction. She is trying to maneuver you into a tighter connection by playing the "I have another option" card.
This is a priceless example of why we should believe what women do, not what they say. IF she was not serious about you she would not have introduced you to her folks. That was the give away sign.
BY doing so she is telling you that YOU are her first choice, her preference, but she is also alerting you that should a relationship with you not eventuate to her liking, she has an option. She wants you to scoop her up and commit to her exclusively .
Just ignore this "test" or better yet agree and amplify and appear to push her towards him .

She says, " IF it does not work between us I would get with Bradley."

You," He sounds like a great backstop. IF I were a chick I would date him. Keep his number just in case."

You need to maintain and feed her anxiety, not diffuse it.

Update - so she brought up another "us" talk again last night before my business trip. Saying that she feels like the only reason I'm with her it's because I don't have any other options. She feels like I'm really "Not into it" with her and I'm not showing the kind of care she would expect a guy to show for her.

So I explained to her, that I do like spending time with her and that I am making an effort. I did tell her that the reason why I'm like this with her is that she's confusing me and sending me "mixed" signals. I did not mention about her talking about that dude.

Anyways, we kiss n make up. So now I'm away and we're talking on the phone and again...:cuss: she brings up that guy saying how he finally called after a month and how he wants her to go with him to Vegas. And her reply to him was that she is already going next weekend. Nothing mentioning that she's "dating" me. WTF?

I'm lost here again... I feel I can't trust this girl and I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

 

[jophil28]

Update - so she brought up another "us" talk again last night before my business trip. Saying that she feels like the only reason I'm with her it's because I don't have any other options. She feels like I'm really "Not into it" with her and I'm not showing the kind of care she would expect a guy to show for her.

So I explained to her, that I do like spending time with her and that I am making an effort. I did tell her that the reason why I'm like this with her is that she's confusing me and sending me "mixed" signals. I did not mention about her talking about that dude.

Anyways, we kiss n make up. So now I'm away and we're talking on the phone and again...:cuss: she brings up that guy saying how he finally called after a month and how he wants her to go with him to Vegas. And her reply to him was that she is already going next weekend. Nothing mentioning that she's "dating" me. WTF?

I'm lost here again... I feel I can't trust this girl and I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

Another round in which she played the "other guy wants me " card.
The way to deal with this kind of bluff poker is to double her bet - bet your limit .

She says," Bradley called me. He wants to take me to LV. ....blah blah.."
You, " OK, I think that's a great idea. Have fun....you'll love Vegas."

And shut up.

 

[frencha]

I did "shut up" abou Vegas. Then she did bring up during last nigth's conversation that she will be going to dinner with her "friend" this Friday. I didn't ask who.

Earlier during out dating stage, she admited to me once she "lied" about going out to dinner with a "friend" which turned out to be a "date". Why she lied? She gave a some dumb excuse.

Anyways, I know where I stand now. If it's meant to be then let it be...

 

[jophil28]

I did "shut up" abou Vegas. Then she did bring up during last nigth's conversation that she will be going to dinner with her "friend" this Friday. I didn't ask who.

Earlier during out dating stage, she admited to me once she "lied" about going out to dinner with a "friend" which turned out to be a "date". Why she lied? She gave a some dumb excuse.

Anyways, I know where I stand now. If it's meant to be then let it be...

She has, intentionally or otherwise, trapped you into a 'no win' situation here.
IF you continue to passively allow her to play "the other guy wants me " card, you lose self respect as you tolerate her annoying mindgames.
However, if you go off on her and call her out for playing "make frencha jealous " games, you signal to her how she can get under your skin in future.

You do need to take some action ASAP rather than just posting here about what she said last night, and the night before, and so on.

You are involved with a manipulative mindgamer who seems to be relentless and quite ruthless in pursuing what she wants, regardless of what you want.
Is that the kind of g/f you could be content with in the long haul ?
Furthermore, if you cave in and sign up with this woman just to make her quit her pressure campaign, you are telling her how to get the upper hand in future .

I just do not see how you can maintain some autonomy here and remain in the relationship.
She wants what she wants and she wants it now !
As a general rule, woman who use pressure tactics, nagging or pestering and worst of all manipulations like this are bad prospects for LTR's.

IF I were you I would think hard (and quickly ) about this situation because she is planning her next assault ...bet on it.

 

[jophil28]

... still being be able to leave on a moments notice. If you let your frame dissolve so much that you don´t know when (if needed) is time to leave, where your boundaries lay, if you start to loose yourself in the relationship, then you are in trouble.

Frencha, read the above a few times -it's what you need to believe.

 

[frencha]

Thanks guys I will make a decision.

 

[Kailex]

Update - so she brought up another "us" talk again last night before my business trip. Saying that she feels like the only reason I'm with her it's because I don't have any other options.

Next time YOU say: Oh baby, I have options. I'm just trying to figure out which option YOU are.

And your situation is what the Star Trek nerds would call the Kobiyashi Exercise.

 

[zekko]

Update - so she brought up another "us" talk again last night before my business trip. Saying that she feels like the only reason I'm with her it's because I don't have any other options.

Yeah, I wouldn't like this idea she has that you have no other options. She's basically saying she's the only girl you could get. Even if you have no other plates you're currently spinning, she shouldn't hold the opinion that you have no other options. I would see that as an insult.

A high quality guy always has options. Maybe you should explore them. She is apparently exploring hers with these other males she keeps talking about (or not talking about). That makes her look higher value than you because SHE is demonstrating that she has options while you do not. This is giving her the frame, which she is using to pressure you. How much do you really like this girl?

 

[The Duke]

Why the hell do women have to play stupid bs games!!!??? My last ltr went down almost identical to Frencha's. I feel your pain dude.

 

[Radharc]

You´re kinda screwed, the way I see it you have three options:

1) Keep letting her play these mind games with you, it will cause you severe mind fvck, she will either leave you and crush your "feelings", or you "sign up" and she will stay with you making you, over time, her slave-b1tch boy and eventually shoving in your face the other guys she´s hooking up with. Because if a woman is ruthless enough to escalate these, otherwise relatively harmless, mindgames to this level of fvcked up coldness, prepare for worst things in the future when she knows she "has" you.

2) Eject, cut down your losses, leave her to her b1thchy stupidity and all the guys who are "contacting" her.

3) Go into cold b1tch mode yourself, beat her at her own game, find plates, spin them, make it very clear to her that you have options. This is hard to do, its basically beating a female at a game that is seriously skewed in her favour. It´s particularly hard to do when you are feeling sh1tty and your emotions are all over the place, making your game weak.

Women like this are not good news, they are in for power trips, and usually cant conceive ppl liking them for who they are, everything is a competition, and if you dont seem to be able to "score" (i.e. shove your options in her face) its because you are "weak". It´s like power and control is the only language they can talk.

 

[jophil28]

Women like this are not good news, they are in for power trips, and usually cant conceive ppl liking them for who they are, everything is a competition, and if you dont seem to be able to "score" (i.e. shove your options in her face) its because you are "weak". It´s like power and control is the only language they can talk.

^^ "...everything is a competition.." Indeed it is, and she regards her pvssy as the prize.
She is one of those repulsive women who coldly decide which guy draws the winning ticket according to the levels of obedience that he demonstrates.

Along the way, she has discovered that this "pvssy as prize" game works well enough to adopt it as her main strategy to assert power and control over men..
Make no mistake, you are caught up in a vicious, calculated game of power in which there is no high ground for you UNLESS you refuse to play - and you do that by withdrawing. As long as you engage her in this game, you will always be fighting off the back foot.

Even though you and she are only 2 months old, already she is revealing her tactics and her ruthlessness.
THis woman is not LTR material because she is willing to bet with the entire relationship to get her way.

Jeez, what happened to the days when most women were on their best behavior for several months ...? I guess that deal ended when enough men started to cave in to women's demands.

The way to win this game is NOT to play.

You either dump her cold OR you outplay her at her own game.
But remember, this game is a female game. When a woman adopts this game it is because she knows that she has the advantage of wriggling their little finger and one or more chumps will always step forward .
The reality is that the vast majotity of men do NOt have this same advantage with women.

Our "equalizer" comes from our willingness to just walk away from unsuitable women.

The fact that you are posting on an internet forum about a serious problem that you are having with a woman you have known for only 2 months should be a wake up call in itself.

 

[The Duke]

The personality being described by others is very familiar. There are some common traits amongst this type of personality you are dealing with.

My last LTR involved a girl who was very competitive, didn't think I liked her for more than her looks, and was accused of being a control freak by her exhusband. She even pulled the "I saw my exboyfriend and I still might have feelings for him" bull****. She was always telling herself how much she "rocked". She'd say and do things that indicated she wanted a relationship then it would be the total opposite.

We booked a trip together and 8hours before we were to leave she tells me she is going by herself. I say fine........after she arrives at her destination she calls me up and tells me how much she misses me and wants me to come see her. At first I told her NO........and it was like she saw me in a different light and went into super attraction mode. A day later I caved in and booked a flight to visit her. The trip was pretty lame. When I arrived the spark was gone. She had already moved me into the lets just be friends category.

I share my story because it sounds familiar....my advice is if you want to stay with somebody like this, you will be forced to play stupid games to keep her interest. You beat her at her own game and you run the chance of her labeling you a player and she'll fire you for that too.

I finally told mine that I wasn't going to be her friend and leave me the fuhk alone. She was a former Hawaiian Tropic model..........and had every single physical trait I could ever want in a woman. Mentally aside from the games she played she was greatness too. Sometimes I think my brain was clouded by her beauty. Oh well......I might be better off than her 3 exhusbands!

 

[jophil28]

Oh well......I might be better off than her 3 exhusbands!

Hmm, now there's a clue .

 

[bam bam]

I'm rather curious about a couple of things OP...

What was the original talk about a relationships like with her what you where saying also not just her...

I think it would be nice to know a bit more info of why she keeps pressuring you into what r we? Why did you do/say to hint her off at the confusion? I find most of the times woman who are confused are only confused because the guy's frame is weak and he hasn't stated clearly what he desires. When she asked you what you where looking for or you expressed your stance on relationships in your life what position did you take? Do u call her most of the time or does she call u? Do u cancel dates on her or she on u? Have you ever mentioned any other woman you are seeing since she mentioned the guys she was seeing?

I have a suspicion that she feels you two are friends with benefits. I like what info you've told us about her it gives us a clear idea of what's going on with her but what's ur story in all this? How often have do u see her? Give us some info from what u've done/said in this 'thing' with her...

great posts jophil28 btw.. I do have a slight supplication we aren't being told the fully story on this one...

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^ "...everything is a competition.." Indeed it is, and she regards her pvssy as the prize.
She is one of those repulsive women who coldly decide which guy draws the winning ticket according to the levels of obedience that he demonstrates.

Along the way, she has discovered that this "pvssy as prize" game works well enough to adopt it as her main strategy to assert power and control over men..
Make no mistake, you are caught up in a vicious, calculated game of power in which there is no high ground for you UNLESS you refuse to play - and you do that by withdrawing. As long as you engage her in this game, you will always be fighting off the back foot.

Even though you and she are only 2 months old, already she is revealing her tactics and her ruthlessness.
THis woman is not LTR material because she is willing to bet with the entire relationship to get her way.

Jeez, what happened to the days when most women were on their best behavior for several months ...? I guess that deal ended when enough men started to cave in to women's demands.

The way to win this game is NOT to play.

You either dump her cold OR you outplay her at her own game.
But remember, this game is a female game. When a woman adopts this game it is because she knows that she has the advantage of wriggling their little finger and one or more chumps will always step forward .
The reality is that the vast majotity of men do NOt have this same advantage with women.

Our "equalizer" comes from our willingness to just walk away from unsuitable women.

The fact that you are posting on an internet forum about a serious problem that you are having with a woman you have known for only 2 months should be a wake up call in itself.

^^^This^^^

 

[frencha]

I'm rather curious about a couple of things OP...

What was the original talk about a relationships like with her what you where saying also not just her...

I think it would be nice to know a bit more info of why she keeps pressuring you into what r we? Why did you do/say to hint her off at the confusion? I find most of the times woman who are confused are only confused because the guy's frame is weak and he hasn't stated clearly what he desires. When she asked you what you where looking for or you expressed your stance on relationships in your life what position did you take? Do u call her most of the time or does she call u? Do u cancel dates on her or she on u? Have you ever mentioned any other woman you are seeing since she mentioned the guys she was seeing?

I have a suspicion that she feels you two are friends with benefits. I like what info you've told us about her it gives us a clear idea of what's going on with her but what's ur story in all this? How often have do u see her? Give us some info from what u've done/said in this 'thing' with her...

great posts jophil28 btw.. I do have a slight supplication we aren't being told the fully story on this one...

It is what I mentioned I am posting with integrity and will admit to my mistakes. We are not "dating" other people. We're acting like a couple without the actual label.

Initially I held back a lot on seeing her only on weekends and limited calls/texts to her. She then felt that we were acting like friends with benefits and that this is not what she's looking for.

She does make every effort for us to spend time every weekend and has actually invited me multiple times for dinner at her parents and planning a outing on Sunday with her family.

Here's the show stopper though fellas, at this point she told me that she feels I'm not "the one". She is saying this because she feels that I'm not "caring" enough.

This is all due to one incident where she got drunk and I didn't take care of her "properly". I told her it was stupid of her to judge people based on one experience.
I then mentioned the mistakes she's done and how I'm not as critical and judgemental as she is.

I told her that it takes time to get to know someone but that if she's not willing to be patient then it's her issue not mine.
Basically, she's comparing every guy (including me) to that one "ex" she didn't end up with due to "career" choices.

So at this point, we are really "friends with benefit"! I'm working my way to move on. I'll admit it's hard, I'm attached and used to her, but I know that is what I need to do.

I know this is not a good situation for me, I'm not sure if we're just growing on each other or she's really has a cold heart and just wants to keep me as a companion.

 

[jophil28]

Here's the show stopper though fellas, at this point she told me that she feels I'm not "the one". She is saying this because she feels that I'm not "caring" enough.

This is all due to one incident where she got drunk and I didn't take care of her "properly". I told her it was stupid of her to judge people based on one experience.

Priceless !
This woman's criterion for selection is the man's wiilingness to be her personal attendant.
He is expected to devote himself to accomodating her whims,(that's "caring" to her, apparently ).
And then, when she drinks to the point of intoxication, he is blamed and shamed for not treating her like a helpless child who needs rescuing "properly".

Frencha- your action in the last sentence in your quote above was a blunder. You are apologizing for not pandering to her childish expectations to be "taken care of" after she drank herself stupid.

Warning bells are a 'clanging, my man.

 

[frencha]

Priceless !
This woman's criterion for selection is the man's wiilingness to be her personal attendant.
He is expected to devote himself to accomodating her whims,(that "caring" apparently ).
And then, when she drinks to the point of intoxication, he is blamed and shamed for not treating her like a helpless child who needs rescuing "properly".

Frencha- your action in the last sentence in your quote above was a blunder. You are apologizing for not pandering to her childish expectations to be "taken care of" after she drank herself stupid.

Warning bells are a 'clanging, my man.

I didn't apologize at all. Actually I told her she was wrong for thinking that way.

Argh... women...

 

[jophil28]

I didn't apologize at all. Actually I told her she was wrong for thinking that way.

Argh... women...

Hmm, in telling her that she was "wrong for thinking that way" you were telling her that you cared enough about her opinions and her thought process for you to comment critically. At this stage you are unknowingly drawn into her game of complaining and criticizing to gain the upper hand.
Realistically, what are the chances of changing a woman's beliefs and /or behavior by pointing out the errors of her ways ? It has never worked for me and I have been at it a long time...ha ha !
Your only chance of effecting change in women is by withdrawing what they value most - your affection, your time and your attention.
Frankly ,this woman sounds like a self centered brat in an adult body. Why bother with someone who acts like that?

Whenever you encounter a woman who whines, complains and criticizes you in the first two months ,your best action is to dump her. IF you do not, and you go back for more in an attempt to "work it out" you are signaling your willingness to play HER game . You are also sending her the message that you value her and her pvzzy so highly that you are willing to jump though any and all of those hoops of her invention just to sleep with her.

At that stage you are whipped and beaten - you just don't know it .

Learn the power and value of silence and withdrawal.

 

[Warrior74]

wow. what a b1tch. i would have just disappeared on her ass. ghost. no contact....then after a month or two, call her, take her out, fvck her and go back no contact, repeat until it stops working. basically my actions would firmly say B1tch you ain't Sh1t.