How to spot a user?

[upcoming_DJ]

this is a little long but would love your DJs comments and experience,

Hey DJs! so I''ve been seeing this girl for 2 months and so far we've been on 6 dates, this past weekend being one of them (all overnight dates).

so far - lots of sex, she has been doing a LOT of chasing as many of her texts go unanswered to the point where she is sending stressed out/annoyed emojis - but she knows that I'm a very busy man and have an active social life.

she has been very cooperative with my plans and has enjoyed being in my world from what I can see.

however, here are a couple red flags I've noted from her end:

• she has told me her longest relationship has been 5 months (keep in mind she is 28yrs old)
• she has had F*#k buddy type of situationships that she said has surpassed 5 months straight
• she has daddy issues and she has admitted to this, but said she has overcome a lot of it throughout the years
• she has been backing away from her group of girl friends she has been friends with for over 10 years - because all they are interested in is partying and drinking, and she said she has grown tire of it
• she has mentioned a couple of times that she would love to leave home as it is too stressful for her, and she has to pay the bills, etc. (to which I don't say anything, and I don't fall into her frame or play a white knight)
• with that said, she doesn't seem to want to be home - and I can see where being in my world is so much more enjoyable because I have a lot out social clout in my country (people know me everywhere I go and follow my popular instagram travel account) and she has a lot of new experiences with me, and enjoys the places I go to

I can see how for her, it would be so easy to want to continue to see me - and live in my world, as opposed to keeping in her seemingly stressful and unstimulating environment.

one the other hand - she has been very cooperative with sex, and I've never had to bargain or beg her or otherwise negotiate with her, and I know at 2 months in this is normal.

now my real question is this: how can I spot a user/manipulator?

I noticed whenever we're traveling together she always takes pics of the scenery and stuff, but never takes pictures of us. My experiences with other women have been different - they take photos of us together to keep for memories sake.

also noticed, she uses the photos of course to post on instagram - and I've read too much on women using guys to up their social game and for his connections.

here are a couple of screenshots of a conversation last night that I answered after she texted me about 7 times between Monday and Tuesday before getting a reply from me:

note that she said about the cool part after I sent her some photos I took of her at a waterfalls we visited. I'm very good with photography so she got some "cool" shots.

note - after she got the pics, she didn't say thanks or goodnight. however this morning she already posted the photos. I know this sounds like a woman talking here - but I also don't want to be with someone who's only interested in what I have to offer in my world.

note also: for the last 2 dates (overnight), she has started to invest money on the dates of over $100 - so I also like that she is investing too.

since the phone is only to set dates - I also took the opportunity last night to invite her out this weekend again. she agreed so I'm picking her up on Saturday and I'm planning a chill weekend for the next 2 - 3 dates - I want to see what her reaction or interest level will be not doing anything too "cool" or "extravagant".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A real user would force things on her terms and never spend money.

 

[Soflobro#2]

this is a little long but would love your DJs comments and experience,

Hey DJs! so I''ve been seeing this girl for 2 months and so far we've been on 6 dates, this past weekend being one of them (all overnight dates).

so far - lots of sex, she has been doing a LOT of chasing as many of her texts go unanswered to the point where she is sending stressed out/annoyed emojis - but she knows that I'm a very busy man and have an active social life.

she has been very cooperative with my plans and has enjoyed being in my world from what I can see.

however, here are a couple red flags I've noted from her end:

• she has told me her longest relationship has been 5 months (keep in mind she is 28yrs old)
• she has had F*#k buddy type of situationships that she said has surpassed 5 months straight
• she has daddy issues and she has admitted to this, but said she has overcome a lot of it throughout the years
• she has been backing away from her group of girl friends she has been friends with for over 10 years - because all they are interested in is partying and drinking, and she said she has grown tire of it
• she has mentioned a couple of times that she would love to leave home as it is too stressful for her, and she has to pay the bills, etc. (to which I don't say anything, and I don't fall into her frame or play a white knight)
• with that said, she doesn't seem to want to be home - and I can see where being in my world is so much more enjoyable because I have a lot out social clout in my country (people know me everywhere I go and follow my popular instagram travel account) and she has a lot of new experiences with me, and enjoys the places I go to

I can see how for her, it would be so easy to want to continue to see me - and live in my world, as opposed to keeping in her seemingly stressful and unstimulating environment.

one the other hand - she has been very cooperative with sex, and I've never had to bargain or beg her or otherwise negotiate with her, and I know at 2 months in this is normal.

now my real question is this: how can I spot a user/manipulator?

I noticed whenever we're traveling together she always takes pics of the scenery and stuff, but never takes pictures of us. My experiences with other women have been different - they take photos of us together to keep for memories sake.

also noticed, she uses the photos of course to post on instagram - and I've read too much on women using guys to up their social game and for his connections.

here are a couple of screenshots of a conversation last night that I answered after she texted me about 7 times between Monday and Tuesday before getting a reply from me:

note that she said about the cool part after I sent her some photos I took of her at a waterfalls we visited. I'm very good with photography so she got some "cool" shots.

note - after she got the pics, she didn't say thanks or goodnight. however this morning she already posted the photos. I know this sounds like a woman talking here - but I also don't want to be with someone who's only interested in what I have to offer in my world.

note also: for the last 2 dates (overnight), she has started to invest money on the dates of over $100 - so I also like that she is investing too.

since the phone is only to set dates - I also took the opportunity last night to invite her out this weekend again. she agreed so I'm picking her up on Saturday and I'm planning a chill weekend for the next 2 - 3 dates - I want to see what her reaction or interest level will be not doing anything too "cool" or "extravagant".

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Test her for congruencey. You can sh1t test women to you know. Catch her off guard and see what her reaction is. How much is she willing to sacrifice for you? The more she is willing to sacrifice for you, the more she cares.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

A real user would force things on her terms and never spend money.

I've also thought about that - I guess only time will tell! will test for congruency.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Test her for congruencey. You can sh1t test women to you know. Catch her off guard and see what her reaction is. How much is she willing to sacrifice for you? The more she is willing to sacrifice for you, the more she cares.

great! thanks - any test in specific that would help from the top of your mind? what are tests you have personally used to test congruency? appreciate your reply and advice - definitely will!

 

[Knight of Roses]

On which basis are you suspecting she is an user/ manipulator? Just because she doesn't include you in your pictures?

She demonstrates congruence with your frame, compliance in your suggestions, and invests monetarily in activities. None of those suggest a manipulator intent.

 

[Soflobro#2]

On which basis are you suspecting she is an user/ manipulator? Just because she doesn't include you in your pictures?

She demonstrates congruence with your frame, compliance in your suggestions, and invests monetarily in activities. None of those suggest a manipulator intent.

This. My last ex never EVER took pictures of us. She didn't even have a Facebook and her Instagram had no pictures of her and she just used it to stalk her family members Instagram because she is obsessed with her family.

Not all women have the same individual personalities, however they generally respond very similarly to certain traits.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

On which basis are you suspecting she is an user/ manipulator? Just because she doesn't include you in your pictures?

She demonstrates congruence with your frame, compliance in your suggestions, and invests monetarily in activities. None of those suggest a manipulator intent.

And if it is somewhat it's so minor compared to what's normal in our country. Sounds like a great and appreciative lady .

 

[wifehunter]

"How to spot a user?"

Throw a rock!

Odds are, you'll hit one.

 

[Knight of Roses]

Relax and just enjoy the ride my friend. Life is too short to be worrying about small sh1t like this. Maintain frame, do what you want, and if she gets out of line, put her in her place or find someone else. Simple as that, worrying about these other things is an unnecessary headache that you don't need.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Get ready to be cheated on

any reason to your suggestion?

 

[Skyline]

I have a suggestion and it's a simple one.

Take a picture together and upload it- tagging her in the process.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I have a suggestion and it's a simple one.

Take a picture together and upload it- tagging her in the process.

I don't think I'd do that. 1. I don't want other plates / potentials seeing me with another woman (mystery) 2. I don't want to show her over interest at this stage - it's still early.

 

[Billtx49]

1. I don't want other plates / potentials seeing me with another woman (mystery).

Yes and no, if you’re currently seeing other women it’s a definite no unless you want competition drama. If you are not and looking for prospects, then preselection can work wonders for you by posting, but not labeling her on social media as a GF…
Think of it as visual advertising of your desirability.

 

[Soflobro#2]

Op in what way do you think she is trying to use you exactly?

 

[Knight of Roses]

Yes and no, if you’re currently seeing other women it’s a definite no unless you want competition drama. If you are not and looking for prospects, then preselection can work wonders for you by posting, but not labeling her on social media as a GF…
Think of it as visual advertising of your desirability.

I second this. Competition anxiety can work wonders but only if it is implied covertly that you are a high value male with numerous other women vying for your attention. Come out overtly and display it, you can potentially lose plates.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I second this. Competition anxiety can work wonders but only if it is implied covertly that you are a high value male with numerous other women vying for your attention. Come out overtly and display it, you can potentially lose plates.

women already know this about me - not to sound ****y , but I've got very high social status in my country , as I've traveled a lot - I'm involved in my things and get my name out there a lot - I'm often seen with beautiful women so I don't really worry about the whole preselection concept ..... I give off this vibe whenever and I also talk as a preselected male ....

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Op in what way do you think she is trying to use you exactly?

just looking at different cues - while sometimes she's warm and sweet , she's also aloof and detached. Though she's an Aquarius - not sure if astrology plays any role in how we act as people. The fact that she's reaching her wall (read the Rational Male) of peaking at age 30 - she is looking for someone that can provide her financial security and I guess relationship stability. So it's likely that she is testing the waters on this premise ...

 

[Soflobro#2]

just looking at different cues - while sometimes she's warm and sweet , she's also aloof and detached. Though she's an Aquarius - not sure if astrology plays any role in how we act as people. The fact that she's reaching her wall (read the Rational Male) of peaking at age 30 - she is looking for someone that can provide her financial security and I guess relationship stability. So it's likely that she is testing the waters on this premise ...

First off you sound like a girl when you talk about their astrological sign having anything to do with reality. This is magical and feminine thinking.

Second you can't really know her intentions because you can't read her mind, but if she really is trying this, it seems to be working.

Lastly, I don't think she's really putting much thought into it. All people go a little hot a cold, or it seems so because they have their own life and problems so maybe they're not trying to manipulate you, their just trying to deal with their life.

What I'm hearing from you is: I'm catching oneintus and instead of being honest with myself I'm projecting my insecurities into her.

It's like you're preemptively labeling yourself a victim so you can just blame her instead of taking responsibility for YOUR choices.

Honestly because you're a "new" member and one of the first things you talked about in response to my comment has to do with astrology you're probably a troll. But just in case i gave you my opinion anyways.

 

[Tilex]

A user wastes your time and/or money without giving you sex.
You can detect this type of female nature within the first 2 dates

But you said you're getting lots of sex.
It sounds like you're having F buddy problems.