How to recover from this beta move?

[MrEkko]

Alright here goes.

I had a first date with this girl on Friday, which went really well and she invited me to a friend's party the following day. We ended up leaving the party very late and went back to hers. We were both pretty dead by then so didn't even make a move and we just went to sleep.

We spend the following day together at home and did some walking. I was contemplating to make a move or not because I was getting a vibe that she is more conservative and I just had that feeling that sex wouldn't happen. I did make a move eventually, and I saw her hesitant and she was stopping me when I was going to escalate.

This is where the beta move comes - I told her "we don't need to rush things if you don't feel ready". I regretted it afterwards because it was just unnecessary. She said that indeed she needs more time so we left it there.

Do you think this was seen as low from her or nothing too important? I really like her and she seems to like me too - we said that we are going to meet up again this week.

P.S - When I say "make a move" I mean for sex. We were kissing from the first date.

 

[AttackFormation]

Pretend it didn't happen and play dumb, escalate.

If she needs some adrenaline flowing before she opens up, do something like pick her up suddenly and spin her around and then kiss her when you take her down. I also like to ask them to come get a hug, then push them away at the last second. Chuckle, smile and kiss her forehead after her stunned reaction. You can do that after you spin her.

 

[backseatjuan]

Escalate.

 

[SoSuave666]

You’re thinking about it too much. Beta is a mindset, it’s not about what comes out of your mouth. An alpha dude could say the exact same thing you said and make it charming and playful to the point she is ready to pounce.

Say what you want to say but don’t stop trying to escalate. Say whatever the fvck you want but act with a mindset of abundance. Eventually your mouth will catch up with your actions.

 

[Serenity]

First date was on Friday, not unreasonable that she thinks it's too soon. I had this exact situation with my now girlfriend. I escalated, she stopped me, I said roughly the same thing and left it at that for that day. I did however not stop trying to escalate though, I'd not try for a couple of dates or a week whichever came first and then try to escalate again.

I was stopped quite a few times, but I didn't mind it and just tried again later. Eventually she just didn't stop me and we've fvcked like rabbits ever since.

It's easy for a guy to take it as a defeat to be "rejected" like that, often becoming reactive and essentially sabotaging any future chance. Saying what you said is fine, it's how you say it that you should worry about. It should come off as understanding or at least neutral, any hint of sounding butthurt is bad and will be perceived as emotional manipulation. Make it as little of a deal as possible, just acknowledge her not being ready and step back to other things you enjoy doing together. Give it some time so as not to be pushy and escalate on another date unless of course she initiates before that time is reached.

 

[Trump]

I probably wouldn't have said that, but it doesn’t matter it’s over. Unless she expects you to apologize for it or it’s weighing on your conscience and you can’t sleep, don’t go back and remind her.

Your issue isn’t what you said, your issue is why are going to a party for her friend on a 2nd date where could be a bunch of other guys ready to pounce on her? No group dates or gatherings until you have slept with her 10 times. And all dates should be about fun leading to sex, nothing more.

You are also seeing this chick too much, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Give her the gift of missing you after you give her your gift.

 

[MrEkko]

Cheers guys

 

[MatureDJ]

This is where the beta move comes - I told her "we don't need to rush things if you don't feel ready"

OUCH!

If a gal is reserved, then I am apt to go slow on the sex accelerator. Of course, this relies on her not having any hint of playing games.

 

[touma.akagi]

Don't repeat it and just escalate physically from here on out. If you're already kissing, sex will come all that much more naturally.

Of course if she was denying you kisses by this point, that'd be your indicator to not talk to her anymore.