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How to recognize if girl wants relationship or just sex

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I think my biggest problem in dating right now is that I cant seem to recognize when a girl wants just a casual hookup and when she wants a serious long term relationship. That causes me to do 2 things: I treat relationship girls like hookups and hookup girls like relationship material.
It is because I am super confused with girls. Many times I dont know what they want.

I will be brief and summarize it into these 2 points:

1.) One scenario that happened to me a lot is that I met a girl , beautiful , my type, I talked with her, we had attraction, exchanged contacts, decided to meet up for a date and everything went well. But since I really liked that girl I wanted to take things slow and get to know her. Therefore, sometimes I dont even kiss on the first date if I feel she is not ready/showing signs she wants to get kissed. When she does , I kiss her and we kiss nicely. But I never sleep with such a girl on the first date, or so to speak, after we kissed for the first time. I just dont want her to think "oh yeah, this guy just wants to sleep with me, but I kinda like him so we can do it, but just a one night stand and thats it." So as I said, I dont do it so fast because I really wanna get to know the girls and go from there. However, if I dont sleep with them right away, they either disappear/ghost me or are just not interested anymore. Just like that. Even though before that it seemed they were crazy about me.

2.) Other scenario is the same beginning and ending but slightly different proccess. I meet girls which I really like, we have mutual attraction, exchange contacts, go for a date and I know I just want a hookup. Therefore, I dont really care if she rejects my kiss or anything for that matter. We kiss but then things dont go the right way.
I remember a girl with whom I kissed passionately on the first date, I touched her tighs, even between her legs a bit, I touched her butt, we could have sex right then and there if we were not in public. We repeated this a couple of times but I didnt want to take her home that night because first, I had a terrible mess at my place and I didnt expect her to be that passionate , because she seemed like a timid nice girl before the date, and second, it was already late and I really couldnt afford to stay up all night that time. So we just parted ways, I wanted to kiss her again for goodbye but she turned her head away so I just kissed her cheek. She was very interested before that date and the date went well obviously, so I thought I can just message her whenever the following week and be ready this time. But she just wasnt replying that often and then just ghosted me.
I remember another girl who was also interested, we texted a bit (but didnt know each other a lot before, we just met on the street) and she really wanted to go out. I was out of town for 2 weeks so we couldnt meet right away , but the following week we agreed to go out on the weekend and she was really happy about it , she even said shes gonna be there couple hours before but like 30 minutes before she said, shes gonna be late and never replied again. I also wanted this to be just a hookup and I wonder if I didnt give out some signals involuntarily that scared her off. For example lack of communication through text (but she wasnt very communicative either) or the fact that I asked her where she lived (I asked that so I pick a place where she doesnt have to travel a long distance during the night...but maybe it sounded like I want her place to be close so we can go there...). Maybe she didnt want a one night stand and I was kind of pushy or straight forward, I dont know.

Both of these are beyond udnerstanding to me. If you have some opinion on it please share it with me.
But in general, I would like to know if you have some advice on how to recognize if a girl wants just a hookup or if she wants a relationship AND if I can influence it somehow....for example if there is a girl I really like, and I want to know her more and treat her like lady and potentially make her my girlfriend and not just bang her one night and thats it...how can I make it happen.

Thank you all!
 

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sazc

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You need to run one game and see what falls out. Always make sure your place is clean OR you're cool with letting a chick see your messy place.

Stop assuming one chick is one way and another chick is another way. Always run the same game and you will be less confused.
 

backseatjuan

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Problem is taking things slow.

Best sht test is sex on first date.

You gotta treat them all the same, because treating someone differently is aching seeing in her some one special. It’s same as predefing relationship from start.
 

Glassguy

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Treat them all like they want to hook up. Because all women will "hook up" right away with the right guy, regardless of what they say they are looking for.

The guy that smashes the chick and then pulls back will have total control. The guy who is out looking for an exclusive relationship will get cucked.

All women have a "dirty girl" side to them. Your job is to escalate, smash, back off. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Your job is to bang her and let her worry about a relationship down the road.
 

17 shots

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If a woman dissapears because you didn't sleep with her fast enough after just one meeting, then you probably don't want to be bothered with her anyways

They probably had chlamydia, they did you a favor lol
 
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Problem is taking things slow.

Best sht test is sex on first date.

You gotta treat them all the same, because treating someone differently is aching seeing in her some one special. It’s same as predefing relationship from start.
I kind of agree with you. But what do you mean by sex on first date being a **** test?
 
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Treat them all like they want to hook up. Because all women will "hook up" right away with the right guy, regardless of what they say they are looking for.

The guy that smashes the chick and then pulls back will have total control. The guy who is out looking for an exclusive relationship will get cucked.

All women have a "dirty girl" side to them. Your job is to escalate, smash, back off. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Your job is to bang her and let her worry about a relationship down the road.
I got what you mean. I kind of agree with you but I read/heard somewhere that (like you said) woman will sleep on the first date with the "right guy" but they consider such guy to be just a sex material, one night stand and goodbye, **** buddy at best. But what if I dont wanna be perceived by a girl like "the guy for just one night"? I mean, with some girls I dont care, because they are pretty , attractive, have an ok personality, but nothing special....but with some girls, I find they are really compatible with me personality-wise and also they are really my type in the looks department.....with quality girls like these I dont wanna be looked at just like this guy they "use and leave" ... I heard that when women feel a guy is relatioship material , they will not sleep with him on the first date.......thats why with high quality girls I dont wanna push it and force everything on first date....

I mean, I dont know, maybe times are different now.....but I really believe that there are still quality women with high standards who deserve to be treated like a lady and who are loyal and supportive to their man......I refuse to believe all girls are just sluts who sleep with everyone on the first date....but maybe Im just old fashioned.
I have nothing against casual hookups, **** buddies and stuff like that...just sometimes it gets boring already, all those sleepless nights, stupid mind games..sometimes I wish I meet a normal woman.

But as Ive said, maybe Im completly out of my element here and no clue how to addjust my game...
 

backseatjuan

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I kind of agree with you. But what do you mean by sex on first date being a **** test?
If two of you fck or she scks you off on first date it's a giant big red flag. Actually it says that woman is not looking for relationship, she just wants a fling.

But if you take things slow, you will never see what she wanted in the first place. Plus there will be more than a few that will not go on 2nd date with you.
 

LJC

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You’re getting tripped up by red herrings.

red her·ring
/ˈˌred ˈheriNG/
noun

something, especially a clue, that is or is intended to be misleading or distracting.


What you are likely doing wrong is reading all of the clues a woman provides on the surface, but you are not actually testing to confirm any of it.

Most people, particularly on the first date or two, tend to put their best foot forward, bury their baggage deep from sight, temper disagreements that might cause problems, try to avoid awkward and uncomfortable situations, be willing to overlook a few small things for at least a little while and generally act with a little courtesy.

In other words, they aren’t entirely being their true selves on the surface. They may hold your hand but not really be into doing that. They might sound interested in doing something you suggest but secretly hoped you had something else in mind. The last words they say to you can sometimes be that they look forward to seeing you again, just to avoid the “this won’t work” conversation.

some women might lead you to believe they are old fashioned and traditional, no sex before 3 dates kind of thing. A red herring here would be a woman who is very promiscuous, has slept with too many men too quickly, all of which lead nowhere for her, and now she craves to just try something different this one time in an attempt to avoid another train wreck drama relationship. And you just happen to be that next guy. For such a woman, avoiding the temptations she has always succumbed to can be a difficult chore on the inside as she plays the slow game of niceties and patience on the outside.

Or, she can really be an old fashioned kind of girl.

How can you tell? Test it.

Right now you’re just guessing, wrong in many cases as it apparently seems.

If a woman seems sweet, tempt her with something a little impish with a grin. A real sweet girl will probably blush. Promiscuous women often cave to their temptations.

It won’t take much to get a woman to reveal more of her true colors once you get the hang of this , and in time this can be done pretty quickly.

This should be your primary focus on first dates, rather than putting the cart before the horse and structuring your entire behavior by a specific, hopeful outcome with a person you don’t even know yet (but think you do).

Look for consistencies. Then decide how you will chose to pursue her.
 
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Rodrigo

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I had a similar situation with a girl a week or so ago. So we matched on tinder and I intuitively felt she was a good material. We chatted back and forth for a few days and agreed to meet up at a restaurant downtown. We sat and spent 3 hours there, had a bottle of wine each the convo was very easy going, she was fun and educated and had sense of humor and overall I felt a good vibe btw us.

And when the check came, my intent was to pay it all with my card and only whispered to her "pull out a 10 for the tip" (the total was 80). And I was about to do it with a real pleasure. Then she said "Oh, no, no way" and pulled out and shoved in my hand exactly half of the total. I was a little confused if I should consider this a good or a bad sign. We left and walked around for 30-40 more minutes. It was already close to midnight on a weekday, both of us having to get up early the next morning. Finally, we sat on a bench at a small park and I kissed closed her. She didn't resist the kiss. We made out for 1-2 minutes and then she suddenly jumped and said "I think I've drunk too much. Gotta go home" So we walked a few more minutes and flagged two cabs down at the boulevard as we were heading separate directions. I kissed her one more time before she got on the car and wished her good night.

Ever since our meeting I could feel how she has gone cold. Stopped texting and would only reply shortly and with delays. Our date happened on 16th (Tuesday). I asked her to come out for a couple of hours on Friday evening (19th) as I needed to go home earlier that evening due to a midnight drive for the weekend ahead of me but she dodged my offer, stating she had already planned a meet-up with a friend of hers and her husband for the night. Then this entire week she is away on vacation, returning on Monday but next week I'm doing late shifts, hence no way I can meet her so it'll be nearly two full weeks with no option for a 2nd date and I can tell she's pretty much lost already.

A friend of mine claims that even though she allowed me to kiss her on our 1st date, she has gone cold either because she might have felt as too easy, specially after a bottle of wine, or she was not that attracted to me in the first place. The thing I couldn't find out was if she has recently come out of some LTR or was just casually "browsing the marketplace" but judging from our interaction over the chat and during the date, I scanned her as not-the-whhore type which made me move slower with her, which on the other hand could've killed any initial attraction she may have had towards me in the 1st place. It sucks, man. :)

Since I'm not going to lose anything, I may hit her up with a final invitation when my schedule allows it even though I know she is going to most likely reject the offer. Well, at least I'll know I'll have tried enough and will have only invested 3 hours of time in her as at the same time I went out with one more girl the other night and have two more upcoming dates in the next few days. :)
It's that one in ten girl is perhaps worth some additional effort, or at least you don't necessarily have to walk away immediately.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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I got what you mean. I kind of agree with you but I read/heard somewhere that (like you said) woman will sleep on the first date with the "right guy" but they consider such guy to be just a sex material, one night stand and goodbye, **** buddy at best. But what if I dont wanna be perceived by a girl like "the guy for just one night"? I mean, with some girls I dont care, because they are pretty , attractive, have an ok personality, but nothing special....but with some girls, I find they are really compatible with me personality-wise and also they are really my type in the looks department.....with quality girls like these I dont wanna be looked at just like this guy they "use and leave" ... I heard that when women feel a guy is relatioship material , they will not sleep with him on the first date.......thats why with high quality girls I dont wanna push it and force everything on first date....

I mean, I dont know, maybe times are different now.....but I really believe that there are still quality women with high standards who deserve to be treated like a lady and who are loyal and supportive to their man......I refuse to believe all girls are just sluts who sleep with everyone on the first date....but maybe Im just old fashioned.
I have nothing against casual hookups, **** buddies and stuff like that...just sometimes it gets boring already, all those sleepless nights, stupid mind games..sometimes I wish I meet a normal woman.

But as Ive said, maybe Im completly out of my element here and no clue how to addjust my game...
Trust your particular instincts on this one if you are looking for a relationship. Most advice you'll get here is a more general policy for the casual stuff because 'all women are so and so'.
 

RangerMIke

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All women what sex and prefer a relationship.

If a chick likes you, she will wear the hat you give her. So if you are sexual... she will be sexual. If you put out a vibe you want a relationship... she will mirror your vibe, Stop giving a fvck what she wants... focus on what YOU want. If a chick doesn't go along with what YOU want, then she DOESN'T like you. And you just move onto one that does like you.

Sounds simple right? It is.
 

sazc

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I had a similar situation with a girl a week or so ago. So we matched on tinder and I intuitively felt she was a good material. We chatted back and forth for a few days and agreed to meet up at a restaurant downtown. We sat and spent 3 hours there, had a bottle of wine each the convo was very easy going, she was fun and educated and had sense of humor and overall I felt a good vibe btw us.

And when the check came, my intent was to pay it all with my card and only whispered to her "pull out a 10 for the tip" (the total was 80). And I was about to do it with a real pleasure. Then she said "Oh, no, no way" and pulled out and shoved in my hand exactly half of the total. I was a little confused if I should consider this a good or a bad sign. We left and walked around for 30-40 more minutes. It was already close to midnight on a weekday, both of us having to get up early the next morning. Finally, we sat on a bench at a small park and I kissed closed her. She didn't resist the kiss. We made out for 1-2 minutes and then she suddenly jumped and said "I think I've drunk too much. Gotta go home" So we walked a few more minutes and flagged two cabs down at the boulevard as we were heading separate directions. I kissed her one more time before she got on the car and wished her good night.

Ever since our meeting I could feel how she has gone cold. Stopped texting and would only reply shortly and with delays. Our date happened on 16th (Tuesday). I asked her to come out for a couple of hours on Friday evening (19th) as I needed to go home earlier that evening due to a midnight drive for the weekend ahead of me but she dodged my offer, stating she had already planned a meet-up with a friend of hers and her husband for the night. Then this entire week she is away on vacation, returning on Monday but next week I'm doing late shifts, hence no way I can meet her so it'll be nearly two full weeks with no option for a 2nd date and I can tell she's pretty much lost already.

A friend of mine claims that even though she allowed me to kiss her on our 1st date, she has gone cold either because she might have felt as too easy, specially after a bottle of wine, or she was not that attracted to me in the first place. The thing I couldn't find out was if she has recently come out of some LTR or was just casually "browsing the marketplace" but judging from our interaction over the chat and during the date, I scanned her as not-the-whhore type which made me move slower with her, which on the other hand could've killed any initial attraction she may have had towards me in the 1st place. It sucks, man. :)

Since I'm not going to lose anything, I may hit her up with a final invitation when my schedule allows it even though I know she is going to most likely reject the offer. Well, at least I'll know I'll have tried enough and will have only invested 3 hours of time in her as at the same time I went out with one more girl the other night and have two more upcoming dates in the next few days. :)
It's that one in ten girl is perhaps worth some additional effort, or at least you don't necessarily have to walk away immediately.
She's not into you at all. It was the alcohol that encouraged her to take down her boundaries and she realized, in the middle of all of it, that she was behaving that way because of the alcohol, not because she was attracted to you.

I wouldn't bother with this one. If she's remotely interested she will teach out to you. Move along.
 
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Glassguy

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they consider such guy to be just a sex material, one night stand and goodbye, **** buddy at best.
This is the guy that THE WOMAN chases.

But what if I dont wanna be perceived by a girl like "the guy for just one night"? I mean, with some girls I dont care, because they are pretty , attractive, have an ok personality, but nothing special....but with some girls, I find they are really compatible with me personality-wise and also they are really my type in the looks department.....with quality girls like these I dont wanna be looked at just like this guy they "use and leave" ... I heard that when women feel a guy is relatioship material , they will not sleep with him on the first date.......thats why with high quality girls I dont wanna push it and force everything on first date....
Many times I do not escalate on the first date....for sex anyways. Mainly its just a drink or two, lasts about an hour....maybe hour and a half and done. I am there to feel her out to see if she is what I am looking for. I dont give out the "just looking for sex" vibe at all.

I just stay chill and see what she is all about. If she is smart, she is doing the same. But I have the attitude of if it doesnt work out, no problem. On to the next.

But in that case, I will escalate the 2nd date. And 3rd date.

I also feel as if a chick is directly dtf the first date it is a big red flag.

thats why with high quality girls I dont wanna push it and force everything on first date....
This is a problem. You need to treat them all the same.

Failure to escalate will cost you more chicks than escalating. Trust me on that one.

Escalation on the first date should be a good hug, kiss close, maybe some good making out and go from there.

2nd date should be drinks and then back to your place for a night cap, or have her come over to make dinner. 2nd date setting should make it easy for escalation.

But all chicks want to fvck. Dont forget that.
 

Rodrigo

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She's not into you at all. It was the alcohol that encouraged her to take down her boundaries and she realized, in the middle of all of it, that she was behaving that way because of the alcohol, not because she was attracted to you.

I wouldn't bother with this one. If she's remotely interested she will teach out to you. Move along.

Ok, I'm with you on this one. Pretty much thought the same, save for the day after the date when I thought she may have had some buyer's remorse, although it was only a kiss close. Just didn't put the bottle of wine into the equation.

Now, regarding your last sentence, this is another tricky part I frequently have problems with and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one here. Usually, how does one tell for sure if the girl is simply not attracted/interested at all, resulting in her backing away and going cold after a date, expecting you to just leave her alone but being afraid to tell you directly (like almost all women act) OR she has certain interest and attraction, however she is faking the opposite just to have you push some more and chase her around a little bit?

As much as we should follow all verbal and non-verbal cues, body language and all sort of behavior signs, it's not that hard to get tricked by a woman and evaluate the situation completely wrong. So how should we differentiate not interested/attracted vs. playing hard to get? Will the latter eventually result in her coming back to you if, say, you've done a week of NC and backed up from her yourself or she'd just move on to one of her other options?
 

sazc

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Ok, I'm with you on this one. Pretty much thought the same, save for the day after the date when I thought she may have had some buyer's remorse, although it was only a kiss close. Just didn't put the bottle of wine into the equation.

Now, regarding your last sentence, this is another tricky part I frequently have problems with and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one here. Usually, how does one tell for sure if the girl is simply not attracted/interested at all, resulting in her backing away and going cold after a date, expecting you to just leave her alone but being afraid to tell you directly (like almost all women act) OR she has certain interest and attraction, however she is faking the opposite just to have you push some more and chase her around a little bit?

As much as we should follow all verbal and non-verbal cues, body language and all sort of behavior signs, it's not that hard to get tricked by a woman and evaluate the situation completely wrong. So how should we differentiate not interested/attracted vs. playing hard to get? Will the latter eventually result in her coming back to you if, say, you've done a week of NC and backed up from her yourself or she'd just move on to one of her other options?
You evaluate not interested versus attracted by throwing a quick text message a day or two later and seeing if you get a bite. If you get a bite then ask for another meet up. Anything other than a yes is a no and you move on. if the reply to the meet-up question is wishy-washy put the ball back in her court and tell her let me know when you're free and then move on.

Don't overcomplicate any of it, don't get too caught up in the in the 'how do I know?' stuff, always be ready to move on.

Be agile
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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But in general, I would like to know if you have some advice on how to recognize if a girl wants just a hookup or if she wants a relationship AND if I can influence it somehow....for example if there is a girl I really like, and I want to know her more and treat her like lady and potentially make her my girlfriend and not just bang her one night and thats it...how can I make it happen.

Thank you all!
99.9999% of men do barely enough just yo score the 1st semi decent lookin hood rat to play house after best yrs are done. Its the height of stupidity.

There's no 2 ways about it.

Go through the fire. Absolutely absurd balls to the wall exposure to women. Hot on baeeeees. "the field" has all your answers that no forum will ever do justice to in contrast. The alternative is the post wall single mom and or woman who jumped off the carousel due to inability to compete. Pick your poison.


You are noob. Take it with humility. Act accordingly. Start from Ground zero. Work up. Get GIRLS. ACQUIRE BAEEEEEEES. ABUNDANCE, OPTIONS, CHOICE > BETA MALE CUCK PROVIDER.

Transcend Being. Go through the fire. Who you are before and after isn't the same thing. Once you have seen it all, you know female nature, you see indicators of interest, women doing the double take, eye ****ing, etc you assume attraction + wants to smash.

Every chick is 1. Practice 2. Booty call material until PROVEN OTHERWISE. Act accordingly.

Lastly, smash and leave feelers to women and small children. Its gay.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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As much as we should follow all verbal and non-verbal cues, body language and all sort of behavior signs, it's not that hard to get tricked by a woman and evaluate the situation completely wrong. So how should we differentiate not interested/attracted vs. playing hard to get? Will the latter eventually result in her coming back to you if, say, you've done a week of NC and backed up from her yourself or she'd just move on to one of her other options?
Irrelevant.

Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday.

Come @me bro!

Differentiate as follows :

I lead, she follows or next!

A egg drops every month as fertility edges closer to expiration. Baby rabies does not make my **** hard.

You spit game and you drop the mic. You bait. You set pace.

Compliance is KING. It is the tell tale sign of interest level. She plays games, i am hitting on her hotter younger sister.

Step game up kuz. Winner takes all.

Moreover, life's too ****in boring not to try.




^^^ me running into thots from the past after I pull top fprm SMV 18-23. Lulz

Trolling as a hobby since!
 
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