The Next Big Thing
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2013
- Messages
- 63
- Reaction score
- 11
I think my biggest problem in dating right now is that I cant seem to recognize when a girl wants just a casual hookup and when she wants a serious long term relationship. That causes me to do 2 things: I treat relationship girls like hookups and hookup girls like relationship material.
It is because I am super confused with girls. Many times I dont know what they want.
I will be brief and summarize it into these 2 points:
1.) One scenario that happened to me a lot is that I met a girl , beautiful , my type, I talked with her, we had attraction, exchanged contacts, decided to meet up for a date and everything went well. But since I really liked that girl I wanted to take things slow and get to know her. Therefore, sometimes I dont even kiss on the first date if I feel she is not ready/showing signs she wants to get kissed. When she does , I kiss her and we kiss nicely. But I never sleep with such a girl on the first date, or so to speak, after we kissed for the first time. I just dont want her to think "oh yeah, this guy just wants to sleep with me, but I kinda like him so we can do it, but just a one night stand and thats it." So as I said, I dont do it so fast because I really wanna get to know the girls and go from there. However, if I dont sleep with them right away, they either disappear/ghost me or are just not interested anymore. Just like that. Even though before that it seemed they were crazy about me.
2.) Other scenario is the same beginning and ending but slightly different proccess. I meet girls which I really like, we have mutual attraction, exchange contacts, go for a date and I know I just want a hookup. Therefore, I dont really care if she rejects my kiss or anything for that matter. We kiss but then things dont go the right way.
I remember a girl with whom I kissed passionately on the first date, I touched her tighs, even between her legs a bit, I touched her butt, we could have sex right then and there if we were not in public. We repeated this a couple of times but I didnt want to take her home that night because first, I had a terrible mess at my place and I didnt expect her to be that passionate , because she seemed like a timid nice girl before the date, and second, it was already late and I really couldnt afford to stay up all night that time. So we just parted ways, I wanted to kiss her again for goodbye but she turned her head away so I just kissed her cheek. She was very interested before that date and the date went well obviously, so I thought I can just message her whenever the following week and be ready this time. But she just wasnt replying that often and then just ghosted me.
I remember another girl who was also interested, we texted a bit (but didnt know each other a lot before, we just met on the street) and she really wanted to go out. I was out of town for 2 weeks so we couldnt meet right away , but the following week we agreed to go out on the weekend and she was really happy about it , she even said shes gonna be there couple hours before but like 30 minutes before she said, shes gonna be late and never replied again. I also wanted this to be just a hookup and I wonder if I didnt give out some signals involuntarily that scared her off. For example lack of communication through text (but she wasnt very communicative either) or the fact that I asked her where she lived (I asked that so I pick a place where she doesnt have to travel a long distance during the night...but maybe it sounded like I want her place to be close so we can go there...). Maybe she didnt want a one night stand and I was kind of pushy or straight forward, I dont know.
Both of these are beyond udnerstanding to me. If you have some opinion on it please share it with me.
But in general, I would like to know if you have some advice on how to recognize if a girl wants just a hookup or if she wants a relationship AND if I can influence it somehow....for example if there is a girl I really like, and I want to know her more and treat her like lady and potentially make her my girlfriend and not just bang her one night and thats it...how can I make it happen.
Thank you all!
It is because I am super confused with girls. Many times I dont know what they want.
I will be brief and summarize it into these 2 points:
1.) One scenario that happened to me a lot is that I met a girl , beautiful , my type, I talked with her, we had attraction, exchanged contacts, decided to meet up for a date and everything went well. But since I really liked that girl I wanted to take things slow and get to know her. Therefore, sometimes I dont even kiss on the first date if I feel she is not ready/showing signs she wants to get kissed. When she does , I kiss her and we kiss nicely. But I never sleep with such a girl on the first date, or so to speak, after we kissed for the first time. I just dont want her to think "oh yeah, this guy just wants to sleep with me, but I kinda like him so we can do it, but just a one night stand and thats it." So as I said, I dont do it so fast because I really wanna get to know the girls and go from there. However, if I dont sleep with them right away, they either disappear/ghost me or are just not interested anymore. Just like that. Even though before that it seemed they were crazy about me.
2.) Other scenario is the same beginning and ending but slightly different proccess. I meet girls which I really like, we have mutual attraction, exchange contacts, go for a date and I know I just want a hookup. Therefore, I dont really care if she rejects my kiss or anything for that matter. We kiss but then things dont go the right way.
I remember a girl with whom I kissed passionately on the first date, I touched her tighs, even between her legs a bit, I touched her butt, we could have sex right then and there if we were not in public. We repeated this a couple of times but I didnt want to take her home that night because first, I had a terrible mess at my place and I didnt expect her to be that passionate , because she seemed like a timid nice girl before the date, and second, it was already late and I really couldnt afford to stay up all night that time. So we just parted ways, I wanted to kiss her again for goodbye but she turned her head away so I just kissed her cheek. She was very interested before that date and the date went well obviously, so I thought I can just message her whenever the following week and be ready this time. But she just wasnt replying that often and then just ghosted me.
I remember another girl who was also interested, we texted a bit (but didnt know each other a lot before, we just met on the street) and she really wanted to go out. I was out of town for 2 weeks so we couldnt meet right away , but the following week we agreed to go out on the weekend and she was really happy about it , she even said shes gonna be there couple hours before but like 30 minutes before she said, shes gonna be late and never replied again. I also wanted this to be just a hookup and I wonder if I didnt give out some signals involuntarily that scared her off. For example lack of communication through text (but she wasnt very communicative either) or the fact that I asked her where she lived (I asked that so I pick a place where she doesnt have to travel a long distance during the night...but maybe it sounded like I want her place to be close so we can go there...). Maybe she didnt want a one night stand and I was kind of pushy or straight forward, I dont know.
Both of these are beyond udnerstanding to me. If you have some opinion on it please share it with me.
But in general, I would like to know if you have some advice on how to recognize if a girl wants just a hookup or if she wants a relationship AND if I can influence it somehow....for example if there is a girl I really like, and I want to know her more and treat her like lady and potentially make her my girlfriend and not just bang her one night and thats it...how can I make it happen.
Thank you all!