How to not be focused on past

[PlatoPacks23]

Going through rough streak and despite some interest, don’t feel supported by people in my social circle and also just past bad/tough rejections or situations w people

how do I not let this affect me in present when talking or going up to woman? Been having some approach anxiety lately and wanting things to be “perfect” and ending up missing out on situations or just feeling like I’m in a sad or mildly depressed mood and having to “fake it”

 

[BackInTheGame78]

In life you can either be focused on the past or focused on the future. Never both.

You have to decide which one.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Going through rough streak and despite some interest, don’t feel supported by people in my social circle and also just past bad/tough rejections or situations w people

how do I not let this affect me in present when talking or going up to woman? Been having some approach anxiety lately and wanting things to be “perfect” and ending up missing out on situations or just feeling like I’m in a sad or mildly depressed mood and having to “fake it”

Cold approaching when you're in a rough state is more challenging and can feeds into the tilt. Like a gambler that's on a losing streak but continues to chase the win out of spite. Common theme in poker or risk takers in the stock market that try to revenge trade.

At one of my lowest points, I decided to throw a hail mary. I went out, cold approached any attractive girl I saw no matter the circumstances, and just said whatever was on my mind no matter how silly or obscene. It ended up working better than any other approaches I've done, which were practiced but fairly linear. I came off as much more spirited because I didn't give a fvck.

My tonality and boldness went up a notch. I had fun and smiled. I got better results than usual and I learned a lesson that day, on the importance of tonality and other things I guess

So, I think that when you're in that state, you'll have to bypass it to get results. You either need to take a bit of a break to recover from tilt, fake it till you make it (which can be seen as practice), or just stop giving a **** as if there will be no consequences since you'll be dead tomorrow anyway.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You have to be your own best friend in life. Nobody else cares as much as you do. Accept this & quit expecting it to be different. You'll only frustrate yourself and annoy your friends (sound familiar?)

You gotta adjust your attitude and decide if you are going to be uplifting to be around or a drag to be around. One attitude attracts people, the other repels people. Pick your attitude and you can predict your result.

Lots of books and videos on attitude out there. Get to reading & watching.

 

[obelisk]

Go read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Short, easy but very useful.

 

[Barrister]

At the end of the day everything is in your own hands. By same token, other people don’t really care nearly as much as you think they do. And this can be a good and bad thing. They don’t care as much about you as you think they do and they don’t dislike you nearly as much as you think they do. Exceptions to this would be immediate family members.

Moral of the story is you have to change things yourself and not wait for the change to just happen. If you’re in a rut, make an actual decision to get out of it, even if it feels risky. Take a chance. Boldness in all walks of life *usually* pays off.

 

[saige]

You have to be your own best friend in life. Nobody else cares as much as you do.

This is great! I've also heard the saying, "no one truly cares about you except yourself and your parents/family." Its true. We're all trying to survive and look out for ourselves.

@PlatoPacks23 , something that's really helped me is internalizing the message 'stop expecting yourself from others.' You sound like an introspective and thoughtful person who is seeking a good outcome from socialization but is experiencing anxiety because of the fear of being rejected.

Anxious people pleasers (speaking for myself too) can have a really difficult time navigating the social world because they are expecting everyone to be just as considerate and kind as them. So when someone acts a certain way, they tend to blame themselves, because in their minds "I'd never act that way without a good reason." But the truth is, a lot of people in the world are dumb and @ssholes. They couldn't care less about being rude, maybe it's how they were raised or they're just horrible people. Guess what? They may even just be jealous, because you have something they lack, whether its looks or personality. Either way, its not your problem to solve.

I am sorry to hear you're having a difficult time and ruminating because of that. I've been there and you're not alone. I hope this helps somewhat.

 

[BaronOfHair]

How to not ruminate on the past... By recalling aspects of yesteryear like Nickelback and Swatch watches, each time you find yourself whitewashing days gone by

 

[Vanderdonck]

The only moment that exists is the present one. Past and future are in our imagination. Doesn't mean you can't reminisce or plan, but you're still doing that in the here and now.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You don't lol.

 

[jhonny9546]

uplifting to be around

Lots of books and videos on attitude out there. Get to reading & watching.

I just find general videos about "self help" content, but I think your vision or take on this could really be of help

 

[Clockwerk50]

I mention this constantly in this forum but, have you looked for a YouTube channel that features the audiobook format of Psycho-Cybernetics or read the book? If not, I highly recommend reading it.

If you're tight on time, you should consider just reading Chapter 10, which you can find as a PDF online.