How to make friends...

[The Pedantical]

OK, I tried approaching girls with moderate to poor degree of success, and I had a couple of dates (just first dates, no second dates yet), but here's my problem now...

I'm in my late 20s and only lived on my own for a year. My mom was my dad's first ever girlfriend and they met at 38. My mom only had 1 or 2 boyfriends before. Neither of them had any friends at all. My mom retired after I was born and didn't stay in touch with anyone.
So I grew up alone, like completely isolated from society. No parties, no dinners, no family friends, no relatives to visit, and an overprotective mom who did everything from brushing my teeth to cleaning my clothes to cleaning my genitals (until I was 14-15... she was afraid I wouldn't pull the foreskin and clean it properly so she had to be there and do it herself, which was embarassing as ****)

Anyway so the result is that right now I'm a few years away from 30 and I don't have a minute of job experience and I don't have even one friend I can call or talk to. I don't even have a facebook account because if I did I don't know even one person I could add as a friend on there.

So that's where I got to ask you guys advice... wtf is the best thing I could do now? I mean, how do people normally make friends? I'm virtually unemployable, I made like 100 job applications last year and didn't even get an interview. I'm still sending a bunch out but I feel they throw it in the garbage as soon as they get them.

I signed up for some courses here and there hoping to make friends but at best I made acquaintances... people I say hello to when I meet and then that's it there's no more contact. But that's not what I want, I want friends, I want people I can go out with and party with. Even in college it feels all the groups are already formed and they hang out together and I'm an outsider no matter what group I try to approach and they let me tag along but then ignore me.

Anyway yeah, any suggestions are welcome.

I tried volunteering and I think it was nice, I met some people there too though not anyone that I knew well enough to stay in contact with afterward. Anyway whenever I went it was always different people who were there so there wasn't really much of an occasion to form a real group of friends where I could belong.

 

[AlexDP]

I'm in my late 20s and only lived on my own for a year. My mom was my dad's first ever girlfriend and they met at 38. My mom only had 1 or 2 boyfriends before. Neither of them had any friends at all. My mom retired after I was born and didn't stay in touch with anyone.

Jesus Christ.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Yeah. This is all pretty deep, bro. Not sure us amateurs can really provide much advice aside from "Pump more iron. Talk to more girls."

 

[The Pedantical]

Yeah. This is all pretty deep, bro. Not sure us amateurs can really provide much advice aside from "Pump more iron. Talk to more girls."

Well, if you have friends how did you meet them? How did you become friends? Like, what's the process from meeting to becoming friends and being part of some group?

That's the kind of thing I need to know. I read a lot of self help books like Dale Carnegie's but they usually assume you already have a social circle so I have a hard time knowing how to apply the advice given.

Anyway, anything you guys might tell me here might end up helping me tremendously... even if it sounds like an obvious thing to you, I might not have thought about it

 

[AlexDP]

Well, if you have friends how did you meet them? How did you become friends? Like, what's the process from meeting to becoming friends and being part of some group?

That's the kind of thing I need to know. I read a lot of self help books like Dale Carnegie's but they usually assume you already have a social circle so I have a hard time knowing how to apply the advice given.

Anyway, anything you guys might tell me here might end up helping me tremendously... even if it sounds like an obvious thing to you, I might not have thought about it

First thing you need to understand is that it happens organically. There are certain social rules, but they're hardly set in stone. I met most of my friends in school or when playing for a football team. They in turn introduced me to other people. Can you join some sort of club? Also, chances are you're going to be awkward socially seeing as you never meet someone. I think that you might want to tell people that you're trying to become a more open person, but that it's not easy for you and tell them why. I don't know how it is in the US, but here in Belgium people generally appreciate that sort of stuff and they'll help you out. I know I do anyway.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Well, if you have friends how did you meet them? How did you become friends? Like, what's the process from meeting to becoming friends and being part of some group?

That's the kind of thing I need to know. I read a lot of self help books like Dale Carnegie's but they usually assume you already have a social circle so I have a hard time knowing how to apply the advice given.

I have different groups of friends.

One group is my work friends...People I met at current or past jobs. Basically, I became friends with them by, basically, being friendly at work. Next thing you know, they're inviting me to come hang with them at happy hour, etc.

I've met friends at my gym. First, we might exchange advice, or ask questions about various workouts. After I've warmed up, I might start talking about women / my social life. After it has been determined that we all like girls, and we all like drinks, then one of us will suggest that we drink together...and find some girls.

Then there are the friends I grew up with. And those relationships were built over years and years.

And a lesser group is girls I used to hook up with. I'm normally pretty good at not burning bridges, so once a hook-up ends, a girl can text me a few months later and ask me to a bar or whatever.

If you're living in a small town...which it sounds like you are....perhaps you should move to a city. More bars. More people. More events. More chances to branch out.

 

[The Pedantical]

I live in a million-people metropolis... anyway I do work out at the gym but I haven't really talked to anyone there yet, it does sound like a good thing. Bars are fun but I wish I had people going with me, like a group of people and we all go together... when I go to a bar I'm by myself and it's as if everyone else in the bar came with a group or in pairs

I started going to ACDF (adult children) meetings but so far everyone there is like 30 years older than me and all we do is sit around in a circle and tell our sob stories... I don't really see much from it. Joining a club might be the best thing, I haven't really looked at this stuff all that much... I got to take a look