How to keep a positive momentum going with a woman?

[Gamisch]

Advice from the old lady:

Jordan Peterson has an interesting view about this. He calls it finding a “worthy adversary” in relationships. He talks about how if everything goes too smoothly all the time and your woman is unwilling or too fearful to call you on your shjt? You’re going to get bored.

On the other hand if the chick is too toxic, constantly creating drama that eventually becomes toxic and exhausting.

Neither extreme is sustainable long term. Peterson says that there should be enough unpredictability to keep it interesting, and you need a girl with the guts to call you out when you need calling out (and we all need calling out at times.). What this does is creates mutual investment and respect.

Where there is mutual investment and respect love can take root and grow. Real love, not just infatuation.

Passionate people are spicy at times. You need a girl who loves you but has a healthy amount of sass. You need someone who can give and take a little razzing. If you are a passionate dude you are going to get stale if your girl is too plain vanilla. A passionate girl is going to be more drama, but more interesting. So you need to understand who you are to understand what you need.

Boredom may be around the corner if she’s bland. Or you may crave bland, much depends on you.

Been through so many toxic relationships that bland and easygoing seems like new territory.

Made the thread more as a brain fart, because honestly, i was wondering (from a positive but suspicious perspective) how long these positive vibes will last.

Ironically it a started with me not giving a F about the outcome. At least , me projecting this energy.

 

[BeExcellent]

Been through so many toxic relationships that bland and easygoing seems like new territory.

Made the thread more as a brain fart, because honestly, i was wondering (from a positive but suspicious perspective) how long these positive vibes will last.

Ironically it a started with me not giving a F about the outcome. At least , me projecting this energy.

Fair enough. But that means these worries are rattling around in your brain for some reason (toxic relationship history) and so your subconscious is uneasy waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That uneasiness can manifest itself and your past history (yes, baggage) can taint your current interaction.

Im going to give you the best advice the old lady has.

You MUST release the baggage from the prior toxic relationships. You must take this interaction at face value. That doesn’t mean you forget everything the toxic relationships taught you (if you see patterns that are cause for concern then by all means pay attention)….and yes you could get hurt emotionally if you allow yourself to invest and care.

But if you do not allow yourself to care about someone you rob yourself of meaningful human experiences; of love. So you go into it knowing you might get hurt, you acknowledge that risk….and you do it anyway.

If you don’t allow yourself to connect you’ll never allow yourself to experience deep connection, and that is, in my view, a much worse fate than getting hurt.

All relationships end. Great marriages end with death of a partner, they ALL end. The ending always hurts if you cared for that person. That is life.

You find meaning in life through the connections you make along the way. Do not cut yourself off from connecting. That hurts you more than any pain of loss you can experience. Those connections are what give you a rich life money cannot buy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Been through so many toxic relationships that bland and easygoing seems like new territory.

Made the thread more as a brain fart, because honestly, i was wondering (from a positive but suspicious perspective) how long these positive vibes will last.

Ironically it a started with me not giving a F about the outcome. At least , me projecting this energy.

I would suggest the issue is you.

You need to analyze why you attract these type of toxic women or why these toxic women see you as the type of guy they can manipulate/use. Because that is what they are looking for in a man. Why do you come off as someone who fits the profile of what they are looking for?

Probably need to do a deep dive into yourself and figure this out or you are likely to continue dating the same type of women. This is not happening by accident. There is something you are drawn to about these type of woman and something these type of women are drawn to you by. What that is I am not sure, but until and unless you figure it out and correct it, there isn't really a way out of this cycle.