How to handle women's attention-seeking?

[koon]

I've been thinking about spinning plates more recently and though I can't say I'm quite there yet, but I've been burnt enough times to see that the mindset makes a lot of sense and I'm taking steps in the right direction.

I have a practical question though. How to handle women's constant attention seeking - especially if there are more plates? As soon as a girl and I hit it up and things get more serious they bombard me with requests for attention - via texts, skype, phone etc. Of course being women this usually amounts to them telling me about every little thing that happens to them: how they cheated on their vegan diet today, what funny thing happened at their friend's yoga-class, what they're planning to eat that evening, that they're thinking about dieing their hair, what fun new thing they found on pinterest, what vlogger they're currently watching on youtube etc etc.

In the beginning I kinda enjoyed this sort of banter, but it's quickly becoming a drag. A result is that my interest wanes and that my replies become shorter and more to the point and they notice things have 'changed', which usually isn't a good thing to keep attraction-levels up. This isn't so much a problem with my interest in a woman herself though, as a problem just with the amount of communication they expect. If they could they would chatter away all day. An added problem is that I work behind a computer from home often and being behind a computer they expect me to be online on skype. And of course my phone is always ready to receive texts.

So how do I prevent this? Should I set boundaries early on? So basically: "You're a plate and I'm not going to talk to you all day about your experiences?" I don't know how well that will go over. Or should I just be aloof? Be the guy that responds to texts etc only after an hour or two and therefore raises no expectations? I'm kinda stabbing in the dark here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Initially, her attraction levels are inversely proportionate to the amount of time you spend feeding her attention. So the more you feed her attention, the less her attraction becomes. This happens for a few reasons. First, you become like 95% of the other men she is talking/texting with. That's boring and common. Nobody wants that. Secondly, you obviously don't have much going on if you can spend all day texting her, which is a huge attraction killer. If you are constantly in touch with her, you leave nothing to her imagination. She can't imagine you being busy, out with other women or wondering what you are doing. You are telling her everything.

At first, it may seem like she is really into it. Yet with each passing week she will have her attraction level drop until it reaches a point where she LJBF you or just doesn't want to meet again. Basically you just respond when you feel like responding or take a few hours to respond to their texts. If she texts at 7 or 8pm, feel free to let it ride til tomorrow or not respond at all. Be unpredictable. If they say something about it just tell them you are busy and you do like communicating with them, but you prefer to do it in person.

Don't let them make you one of their guy friend orbiters or one of their girlfriends. Give them enough to keep them wanting more but not so much that you smother them.

 

[Serenity]

Smother them with attention and they soon enough stop. When she seeks too little attention (interest drop) you pull back and she fires up again. Not giving her attention when she craves attention or giving her attention when she doesn't want it drives her away.

 

[koon]

Thanks for your insight guys. Gave me some things to think about.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm new to the game, but I've been having some solid results in the last two months by simply using the phone as a communication device only and abstaining from any and all form of video chat.

After the initial 5-10 minute conversation (which ends in asking for the first "date"), I only call or text about once per week to set up the next date.

For those girls who want constant attention; I stay in the frame that I will not give out any personal information over text. It's done pretty easily by re-directing the conversation immediately (within the first 2 minutes or 2-3 texts) to a meet up. If she doesn't want to meet up or discuss talking about it, simply remove yourself from the conversation. "Ohh ok, glad to know you're doing well. I've got to run stay in touch!!" etc. etc.

A few tips that are working well for me so far:

-Don't play games with text response time. I respond as soon as I am able to. That way she knows if I take a long time to respond, I actually am busy or simply don't want to talk to her.

-If I get a text after about 8 pm on Thursday-Sunday night, I just don't answer until the next morning (unless I meeting up with her that night and it is logistical)

-I don't text during working hours. Period.

-I redirect / deflect all pre-date meaningless convos.

The less you communicate with her, the more open she is to meeting in person. If she doesn't want to meet in person but still wants to text / talk all day, she isn't interested in you romantically at that point.

I personally don't ignore any texts. Ignoring discourages them from chasing.

 

[macallik]

To the OP, I believe you need to manage expectations better from the onset of the relationship. Drop hints about how you dislike when a girl gets too clingy, or how you like being single, or how you want to take things slow early on. Then if/when you feel like a girl is toeing the line, sit down and remind them or do something that makes them reevaluate whether they want to fall for you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Simple.... dont text. I have nothing else to add.