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How to handle the end?! Need advice :)
- Thread starter Boxerr1
- Start date
Update.
So it’s been 6 weeks no contact. I’ve held strong and never intended to break it. I’ve been seeing other girls and doing my thing!
Yesterday I checked my phone during the day and got a message from her on Facebook. It was VERY long and detailed but nothing to do with us. It was her asking what the best way to get her fridge back would be around Christmas. She even said if I’d be comfortable being there or if I should leave the house empty so her dad and her can get it without it being awkward.
I kept my cool and responded with a short message to the point. She sent back another message but I didn’t open it.
So later that night I’m out having drinks with friends and get a message from her roommate/best friend (who is my previous housemate). She asked what I was doing. I told her I was out. She asked where, I told her and then she said she was coming. She then told me my ex was with her and that if I had “other girls I’m sleeping with” around they wouldn’t come. I told her I was with friends.
I’m at the bar ordering drinks when they walk in. My ex comes straight to me and hugs me. 6 weeks since any contact. The hug lasted almost a full minute.
Throughout the night I talked to my ex a lot. She was showing all the ios and was beaming and riding every word I was saying. I really felt I demonstrated my value and how much I’ve changed. There was some flirting, I slapped her ass, she slapped mine. We were getting very close.
Then, before we all danced, she went to the bathroom with her friend and when they came back she had a different vibe!
We danced and I felt her moving away from me at times. I chased a little bit then pulled back. When we were alone again, I sat down, put my hand out and pulled her to me and she sat on my lap. We were almost kissing and she said “I don’t know if we should I’ve worked so hard to get over you the past month”. I disagreed with her. I went to whisper something in her ear then snuck in a very quick kiss and threw her off me. She laughed and said it was very cheeky. Keep in mind I was drunk throughout this all so I was extra confident but also very intense! I remember telling her to stop hiding her feelings because it was so obvious how she acted and felt were complete opposites. I wouldn’t have said that if I wasn’t drunk. Then the bar closed and we all said goodbye.
When I got home I noticed she had unblocked me on Instagram (at some point that day).
Would love to hear some thoughts on all this! I still want to get back with her as mentioned earlier but am not going to care if I don’t. I’m back to no contact until she comes to get her fridge in 2 weeks or breaks no contact.
So it’s been 6 weeks no contact. I’ve held strong and never intended to break it. I’ve been seeing other girls and doing my thing!
Yesterday I checked my phone during the day and got a message from her on Facebook. It was VERY long and detailed but nothing to do with us. It was her asking what the best way to get her fridge back would be around Christmas. She even said if I’d be comfortable being there or if I should leave the house empty so her dad and her can get it without it being awkward.
I kept my cool and responded with a short message to the point. She sent back another message but I didn’t open it.
So later that night I’m out having drinks with friends and get a message from her roommate/best friend (who is my previous housemate). She asked what I was doing. I told her I was out. She asked where, I told her and then she said she was coming. She then told me my ex was with her and that if I had “other girls I’m sleeping with” around they wouldn’t come. I told her I was with friends.
I’m at the bar ordering drinks when they walk in. My ex comes straight to me and hugs me. 6 weeks since any contact. The hug lasted almost a full minute.
Throughout the night I talked to my ex a lot. She was showing all the ios and was beaming and riding every word I was saying. I really felt I demonstrated my value and how much I’ve changed. There was some flirting, I slapped her ass, she slapped mine. We were getting very close.
Then, before we all danced, she went to the bathroom with her friend and when they came back she had a different vibe!
We danced and I felt her moving away from me at times. I chased a little bit then pulled back. When we were alone again, I sat down, put my hand out and pulled her to me and she sat on my lap. We were almost kissing and she said “I don’t know if we should I’ve worked so hard to get over you the past month”. I disagreed with her. I went to whisper something in her ear then snuck in a very quick kiss and threw her off me. She laughed and said it was very cheeky. Keep in mind I was drunk throughout this all so I was extra confident but also very intense! I remember telling her to stop hiding her feelings because it was so obvious how she acted and felt were complete opposites. I wouldn’t have said that if I wasn’t drunk. Then the bar closed and we all said goodbye.
When I got home I noticed she had unblocked me on Instagram (at some point that day).
Would love to hear some thoughts on all this! I still want to get back with her as mentioned earlier but am not going to care if I don’t. I’m back to no contact until she comes to get her fridge in 2 weeks or breaks no contact.
lamath
Master Don Juan
She notice she had you back in the pocket so she will now retreat again.
She is keeping you on a leash.
You seen it from her when she came back from bathroom
You should not get back with her
But
If you want to get back with her back off continue doing what you did before, you gave her too much attention at the bar, next time go flirt with other chicks have fun with your friends
lamath
Master Don Juan
When her action are not clear it means your not her first choice.
Hopefully he will follow the advice but i somehow doubt it.
If she really wanted you she would have goten home with him at the end of the night.
what i think she broke up with him for some1 else and things are not working
Glassguy
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When she said that she was unsure if she should, you should've just said "you're right" and grabbed your friends and went to another place.
She knows she can have you back. You should've made her chase. Too late now.
Dont initiate any contact. If she reaches out and says it was a mistake meeting up with you, simply agree with her and tell her you were drunk and then remind her that it didn't work out before it if she wants to come over and chill sometime to let you know, but that you're not really interested in more than that right now because you're enjoying the single life. She will get the point.
Women want what they cant have and chase guys that show them just enough SEXUAL Attention to keep them coming back for more.
Treat her like a piece off @ss and not someone that you're interested in dating and watch her actions change. Or watch her keep moving on. Either way, you shouldn't care as much as you do now.
She knows she can have you back. You should've made her chase. Too late now.
Dont initiate any contact. If she reaches out and says it was a mistake meeting up with you, simply agree with her and tell her you were drunk and then remind her that it didn't work out before it if she wants to come over and chill sometime to let you know, but that you're not really interested in more than that right now because you're enjoying the single life. She will get the point.
Women want what they cant have and chase guys that show them just enough SEXUAL Attention to keep them coming back for more.
Treat her like a piece off @ss and not someone that you're interested in dating and watch her actions change. Or watch her keep moving on. Either way, you shouldn't care as much as you do now.
Thanks guys!!
I 100% agree when she doubted kissing I should have just been cool and moved on (but being drunk didn’t help! She knows I was drunk and she had a few herself).
She was genuinely into everything I was saying her face was lighting up like crazy. When I’d leave her to go bathroom she would look around until I came back to the group. If her friend (also my good friend) wasn’t there, no doubt she would have come home with me. At the end, we were standing outside the bar, not saying anything just staring at each other (really deeply) then her friend came out, grabbed her hand and dragged her away.
Anyways, I don’t think I handled the situation badly, but could have done better. The jealousy card will be easy to use next time. Back to no contact and will continue to see other women with no expectations.
I 100% agree when she doubted kissing I should have just been cool and moved on (but being drunk didn’t help! She knows I was drunk and she had a few herself).
She was genuinely into everything I was saying her face was lighting up like crazy. When I’d leave her to go bathroom she would look around until I came back to the group. If her friend (also my good friend) wasn’t there, no doubt she would have come home with me. At the end, we were standing outside the bar, not saying anything just staring at each other (really deeply) then her friend came out, grabbed her hand and dragged her away.
Anyways, I don’t think I handled the situation badly, but could have done better. The jealousy card will be easy to use next time. Back to no contact and will continue to see other women with no expectations.
Just an update on this.
December
Throughout December we saw each other (mutual friend would bring her out on weekends to bars - where she saw me flirting with other girls) but didn’t sleep together. Most of what we did was kissing/holding hands and she said she was still confused. She however noticed a HUGE change in me. We started messaging each other towards the end of December since she needed to get her fridge. She came with her parents and took it on Christmas Eve and it was fine.
A couple days later (just after Christmas) we agreed to get a quick coffee and catch up. We met up at a large pawn shop and decided to walk around inside. While in there we started kissing and then I fingered her. She orgasmed within seconds (she later said that’s the quickest anyone has made her orgasm). We then walked to my house and she said she didn’t want to have sex. I said okay and was cool about it. She was confused and said “is that it?? You’re not going to try harder?”. A few minutes later we had sex and she spent the rest of the day with me.
January Week 1
On New Year’s Eve she wanted to see me and slept over and then spent all of New Year’s Day with me. We went to the beach and had an amazing time.
January Week 2
The weekend after we hung out again for most of the weekend (all of Saturday and Sunday) and went on a road trip. Had a great time. The sex was crazy good.
January Week 3
Again, the weekend after that we had a mutual friends birthday and spent Saturday night and most of Sunday together. The sexual chemistry was stronger then ever and we were very confortable with each other. The night I left, I was walking out and she stood at the door and said “I love you”.
January Week 3/4
This entire week we didn’t see each other and she was flakey. Three weeks earlier I said to her if we really want to give this another try we shouldn’t see other people otherwise it would cause issues. She said she needed time to think about it and be sure I’ve actually “changed” (which I have since I’ve sorted many issues out).
I called her during the week and she told me she had the entire weekend free but didn’t want to see me and wanted to be “alone” and relax. I immediately sensed a red flag and messaged her yesterday saying it’s over and we should stop seeing each other so I could focus on someone else. She responded quickly and wanted to see me for dinner so I met her today after work to talk.
At dinner she tried to flip it to make me feel like she was ending it. Told me she didn’t love me anymore (felt like a lie) and that she’s started seeing someone (“we’ve been on a few dates”). She works A LOT of hours during the week and spent almost entire weekends with me recently so if she is with someone it’s very very early. She cried a lot throughout dinner, I was calm.
It felt like crap all over again but not as bad. Because I instigated this ending I feel better and much stronger as a man. Throughout this entire time I’ve been dating other girls but yet to find one that I can connect with like her. She’s young and confusing.
The urge to call her out on her bs and let her have it is strong but I’ll let it settle. Back to no contact and carrying on doing my thing.
Any thoughts on this appreciated.
December
Throughout December we saw each other (mutual friend would bring her out on weekends to bars - where she saw me flirting with other girls) but didn’t sleep together. Most of what we did was kissing/holding hands and she said she was still confused. She however noticed a HUGE change in me. We started messaging each other towards the end of December since she needed to get her fridge. She came with her parents and took it on Christmas Eve and it was fine.
A couple days later (just after Christmas) we agreed to get a quick coffee and catch up. We met up at a large pawn shop and decided to walk around inside. While in there we started kissing and then I fingered her. She orgasmed within seconds (she later said that’s the quickest anyone has made her orgasm). We then walked to my house and she said she didn’t want to have sex. I said okay and was cool about it. She was confused and said “is that it?? You’re not going to try harder?”. A few minutes later we had sex and she spent the rest of the day with me.
January Week 1
On New Year’s Eve she wanted to see me and slept over and then spent all of New Year’s Day with me. We went to the beach and had an amazing time.
January Week 2
The weekend after we hung out again for most of the weekend (all of Saturday and Sunday) and went on a road trip. Had a great time. The sex was crazy good.
January Week 3
Again, the weekend after that we had a mutual friends birthday and spent Saturday night and most of Sunday together. The sexual chemistry was stronger then ever and we were very confortable with each other. The night I left, I was walking out and she stood at the door and said “I love you”.
January Week 3/4
This entire week we didn’t see each other and she was flakey. Three weeks earlier I said to her if we really want to give this another try we shouldn’t see other people otherwise it would cause issues. She said she needed time to think about it and be sure I’ve actually “changed” (which I have since I’ve sorted many issues out).
I called her during the week and she told me she had the entire weekend free but didn’t want to see me and wanted to be “alone” and relax. I immediately sensed a red flag and messaged her yesterday saying it’s over and we should stop seeing each other so I could focus on someone else. She responded quickly and wanted to see me for dinner so I met her today after work to talk.
At dinner she tried to flip it to make me feel like she was ending it. Told me she didn’t love me anymore (felt like a lie) and that she’s started seeing someone (“we’ve been on a few dates”). She works A LOT of hours during the week and spent almost entire weekends with me recently so if she is with someone it’s very very early. She cried a lot throughout dinner, I was calm.
It felt like crap all over again but not as bad. Because I instigated this ending I feel better and much stronger as a man. Throughout this entire time I’ve been dating other girls but yet to find one that I can connect with like her. She’s young and confusing.
The urge to call her out on her bs and let her have it is strong but I’ll let it settle. Back to no contact and carrying on doing my thing.
Any thoughts on this appreciated.
lamath
Master Don Juan
Man dont tell her you are breaking up with her then agree to meet her. WOMEN UNDERSTAND ACTION NOT WORDS
We have a lot of mutual friends so I didn’t want to end it through text and appear even more like a jerk (a perception she can’t seem to shake).
Compared to the initial breakup, I handled this better. Was calm, cool and acknowledged the end (since i initiated this time) while she cried, got angry, tried to make me feel like ****, raised her voice a lot etc.
She told me the person she went on a date with treated her “nicer” then I had our entire relationship (which i don’t buy). Again, I was calm when she said this and cool about it. Wished her the best.
If she was feeling her date, she most likely wouldn’t have mentioned anything about how nice the guy was. Nice response on your part.
