How to go about it

[geralt]

Hi,
I dated a girl for about 6 weeks then she ended it basically saying she prefers to be the one to chase and me coming on strongly pushed her away. I honestly don’t think I came on that strong but there were things that made me fall for her too fast I admit. She said she liked me but need time to herself to think. I stupidly told her I was hurt by this and decided to give her the space and focus on myself and other women. After a week shes messaged me asking how I was doing(part of me thinks it was her just being nice due to me not taking it well) I responded and a we had a small chat about stuff but nothing serious. So I decided to not contact her for a while, I was thinking about doing so recently as I still would like to try start something with her. So it had been 3 weeks since last contact and she messaged me asking how I was doing. I wasn't sure what to reply with, other than knowing I can not project that I need her in my life(which I don’t). We exchanged a few messages which have been quite friendly but not flirty.

Then she said:

"We should catch up sometime if you're keen? I know I stopped talking to you before and I'm sorry about that it wasn't fair on you. I do like you things just got a little complicated"

my reply:

"Yeah I would like to catch up with you ____. Let's grab a drink sunday."

She has not viewed my message yet(on facebook), and its been almost 2 days. So I'm a bit confused haha. I don't wanna be messed around. Do I send another message saying so?


Also I can give a lot more back story to the situation if it helps.

Cheers,

Any advice welcomed

 

[marmel75]

Was it Yennifer or Triss, White Wolf? Maybe you should have taken her to Rivia instead of Kaer Mohren...

 

[sazc]

Say nothing, at all.

Idk if y'all have a different phone than I do but.... My phone alerts me that I have a new <thing> (fb message, text, email, what's app)

Then, without even unlocking the phone, I can press the notification icon and view most of the <thing> without actually accessing the app and reading the message in the app.

In regards to FB messages, I also get an email notification that I have recieved an email containing a FB message and then ii can go read that email to see what the message contains. Again, no actual reading of the massage in the app required. The sender sees an unread message icon, even tho I know what the message says. I'm surprised everyone's phone didn'td do the same thing, but I suspect everyone's phone does do this, and the claim that "they haven't read it yet" is more about being in denial.

Long story short, she has seen, and read, the message, and is aware that you have extended an invitation. Do not send another message. Wait this out. If she wants to go she will contact you in a timely manner. If she doesn't want to go, she will get back to you (before or after the suggested date) with some sh1tty excuse

Regardless of how it goes down, if sure doesn't meet you and does not counter your offer with an actual date to get together, don't waste your time, leave this one in the dust.

 

[The Duke]

Just delete the goofy game playing validation craving slut and move on. If we all did this more often it would be a better world. We would have the power back.

 

[Glassguy]

At this point its obvious (and you cant see it) that she is ONLY sending you sporadic messages to see if you are still there at her beacon call.

You are plan B since you "fell for her so quickly" and only a safety net, emotional tampon, time filler for when she needs validation that you are still on the hook.

I would not message her at all. If she loses her shyte over it, simply say "be at my house at such and such time on Tuesday evening. Bring a bottle of wine".

Chances are she will dance around it and continue to string you along. If she does show up, escalate to fvcking her and if she is not down for it send her home and never open another message that she sends you.

Have some self respect man. I have dealt with these women before and the best thing to do is just ghost them and not give them the satisfaction of a response.

 

[geralt]

thanks guys, appreciate the feedback

just as an update: she did not respond to the invite, but later on that night(11pm) she messaged saying: " Hey , are you up?"
I was at a wedding and my phone was dead, saw this in the morning

more games and ****?

I am leaning towards the move on option

 

[geralt]

yeah I think I should next her/ignore her

is there any benefit to telling her I don't wanna be messed around, put up with this crap etc?
I mean it is tempting to say something/get it off my chest haha but from what I've read here there is no point?

 

[Billtx49]

is there any benefit to telling her I don't wanna be messed around, put up with this crap etc?
from what I've read here there is no point?

It feels better to you internally, but there’s absolutely no benefit for you.
She will probably think you’re just bitching…
Your absence is a stronger than words message to her.

 

[flowtheory]

Honestly man, the most viable situation that came to mind when reading your post was that she started seeing someone else, or was, when you were together. The other guy seemed like a better option to her, so she gave you the line “you’re coming on too strong” which is garbage, because she’s making you responsible for the downfall and it alleviates her guilt. Let’s her cling to a reason other than her own lack of integrity.
She then messaged you again once that other guy turned out to be a dud, or just used her, or whatever. You were never the apple of her eye, like she was yours.
It’s a harsh pill to swallow. No girl who has high interest will ever say the guy she’s highly interested in is coming in too strong (as long as it’s normal and reasonable, of course)

Move on. And never look back. Other wise; enjoy the orbit!
And it’s a clear sign you should never pay her any attention again after she totally avoided your invitation.
Protect yourself and get a woman who won’t use you.
If there’s already this issue within 6 weeks, the relationship is doomed as that’s a pretty harsh gash straight outta the gate.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if there were even warning flags before the fallout, but you chose to ignore them in your self delusion.

Move on otherwise you’re going straight to the meat grinder on your own volition.

 

[claudolfgeorgini]

Everyone here is right. She saw another guy and it's not going so well with him right now.

So you're basically her second choice. You can easily turn this into a guilt smash if you feel like being a ****.

 

[geralt]

Everyone here is right. She saw another guy and it's not going so well with him right now.

So you're basically her second choice. You can easily turn this into a guilt smash if you feel like being a ****.

Yeah I do agree with everyone. I don't want to be some girl's second choice. I should value myself higher than that. My lack of experience has partly led to this happening, but there are also uncontrollables I guess.

a guilt smash? haha, that's half my problem I think- I'm not much of a ****

 

[Mazer]

thanks guys, appreciate the feedback

just as an update: she did not respond to the invite, but later on that night(11pm) she messaged saying: " Hey , are you up?"
I was at a wedding and my phone was dead, saw this in the morning

more games and ****?

I am leaning towards the move on option

She never responded to your invitation to hang out on Sunday. Ghost or you ignore this chick until she tells you she wants to hang out and if/when she does, you tell her "nah hun, I am pretty tired, come over. If she comes over then you bang her and then you let her do what she wanted to do, you let her chase you and you spin other plates. Plus dont turn into a bish if she gives you the vag.

 

[Roober]

Agreed with others. She didn't respond to your invite so ignore. The "I didn't see it ..." nonsense is just a nice way of saying. I'm not going to see you, but I want another girlfriend with a penis". She's just checking if she still has you on the hook because she's lonely now.

You should just ignore

 

[geralt]

just an update:

the good news:
-I have slept with another girl and have a different date lined up this weekend
-I haven't contacted her in a week

the bad news
-she has not contacted me (not really bad news I guess haha)
-I still think about her- goddamn I suck haha. I need to move the hell on haha

other news:
-she posts on social media stuff like: "who wants to come to the movies with me, blah blah blah"
attention *****? I should delete aye
also she seems to lose friends easy which is odd

anyways I will continue with no contact and my own life and other women!

 

[flowtheory]

just an update:

the good news:
-I have slept with another girl and have a different date lined up this weekend
-I haven't contacted her in a week

the bad news
-she has not contacted me (not really bad news I guess haha)
-I still think about her- goddamn I suck haha. I need to move the hell on haha

Good. And keep sleeping and enjoying women who want to have fun and value you. And don’t contact that chick again.
And I’m sure you’ll still think about her even two years from now. It’s just how we are as humans, so don’t go thinking you suck or you’re weak because of it. Be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for even walking away. Many men will orbit for a lot longer because they’re weak. Just because you’re thinking about her doesn’t mean you care about her. don’t think about her and cry for your long lost love that could have been, that’s different. And also it’s onky been a week, of course you’re still thinking about her.

If you have a strong desire to think about her and that is weakening you, delete her from the stream which is social media. The less you see posts from her, the better your mindset is, as seeing her posts reminds you of her and how she treated you. And yes, most all women are attention wh0res. Especially the ones who ask anyone on social media to go to a movie.

 

[geralt]

another update:

I started dating another girl, went on a few dates, went to hers- escalated to sex but a few days later she said there wasn't much chemistry- and I agree with her actually. Though it would have been ok to turn her into a fvckbuddy haha. But I guess she was looking for a relationship and saw me as a one off bang haha.

So the original girl I was talking about recently messaged me again. I know I should of ignored probably. She said she is moving closer to the town I live in and wants to catch up this weekend....

 

[MrWood]

I stupidly told her I was hurt

Mr Woods random frame tip #792

You are a man
A big man
You are a mountain

She is a girl
A small girl
She is a butterfly

She flutters and flies all around your dangerous peaks and grassy valleys...

A butterfly cannot crush your mountain or dig holes in your valleys... be a man