How to get rid of the thought your Ex is fcukING her new Boyfriend?

[resilient]

Great advice from expos. I followed a similar process to his six points this last year and it has made the world of a difference.

Who cares how she's sexing the new guy... I'll also echo as the other guys said, that new car smell wears off and she'll sooner or later come to terms with what's missing her in her life. Time catches up. Maybe she'll have an epiphany or maybe she won't. So what? It's her life now and you have yours to tend to. Some people will try to fill a void within their lives with hook ups because of the rush of endorphin you get from new romances or lust. Others can get that hole met by finding contentment and happiness within themselves through constructive habits and positive routines.

Knowledge that you don't need another significant other to love yourself first is an awesome thing. That takes time to cultivate because you have to do a deep dive so to speak to figure out your self-identity and know what makes you tick and what you still want out of life. Knowing strengths and weaknesses and improving upon both aids confidence and character.

If you fill the void of thinking about her with fun exciting passions that you enjoy, you won't have an ounce of energy left to think about the ex.

 

[dude99]

Hey Guys,

Been a long time lurker. Know this site for about 9 years - don't know my former account password any more. But however. I found answers to nearly all my questions. But this one is a tough one for me.
How do I get rid of the imagination my Ex being fcuked by her new Boyfriend.

Long Story short: my probably (90%) borderline 8year LTR Ex, with which I had no sex for all to long, startet to hang around with one guy, which I felt, that would be her backupguy. This and some other borderline escapades and disrespectfull behavier made me break up with her. Trust was gone, no sex any more and I was not willing to put up with the stress any more without nothing in return.
Fast forward to today: it's been three months since I broke it up, she now is in a relationship with the guy I smelled to be her backup guy. 10 years older then her, stuck in a marriage = textbook BPD behavior. So: What surprise?!
I know this Woman is no good for me - the break up was well thought and planed. I had nearly three months without Bad feelings. Than something switched, and made me miss her. And now knowing that she is definately fcuking the other guy, I feel in some kinda way betrayed. He is now getting what I wanted so long and didn't get. I know I have put up with that shxt way to long- and should have been breaking up earlier - I'm guilty on that. What happend happend, but how do I get the picture out of my mind, her and him together in bed and having the fun I never got in the end.
It doesn't help much to know that this guy will also only get the fruit in the beginning, when she is lurking him in, and probably the relationship will end up like mine or even worse.


So I could need some help from you guys to get my head straight and rid of this disgusting picture.
Thanks for your input!

MrAddict

Go spin plates.

Focus on yourself. No her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Mr Addiction,
Yes the passion you describe has come over all of us at one time or another...Love is an obsession....Like most things in the Universe it cannot be destroyed only transmuted...The one way to cure an obsession is to sublimate it with another...If you span more plates,it wouldn't worry you as much!

 

[expos]

Hmmm.

I'm going against the grain here - but I think going out and trying to date as many women as possible is a bad idea. I know this against the DJ Bible, but it didn't work for me at all.

The reasoning behind this seems to be concerted EFFORT to block out his ex woman by going out and trying bang a bunch of women to fill the void left by his ex. The process is not fluid. I did this and it left me feeling even worse about the situation because it wasn't exactly fun sleeping with women that I didn't give a **** about. It left me feeling like I was some robotic sex machine that was simply programming itself to carry out a single operation. I had zero identity or any real respect for myself. I would go home each night/or morning thinking that I was trying too hard to forget my ex and trying to have a good time with women who I had zero compatibility with. The women seemed to like me, but I was too far depressed to care.

I think the thing that helped me get over the wall of thinking about my ex sleeping with her gross boyfriend (now new husband) was simply doing things that I loved: running a ton, swimming in the lake, playing my bass guitar really loud, being selfish with my personal time, travelling, lifting weights with the biggest meatheads in the city, and boating (and getting drunk on the boat with friends ). Time, and the combination of trying to build the best version of myself led me to be a good catch for my new wife.

The thing is, a lot of bitches will just jump into a new relationship and not do a goddamn thing to make themselves better individuals. I would be interested to find out if the OP's ex jumped directly into a relationship with him after her previous relationship fizzled out.

 

[BeTheChange]

When a woman reveals her true low quality nature by wh0ring around or by hypergamy, being around another low quality women will not help you. You just trick yourself into acting like your ex and you will never out wh0re or out hypergamy them esp in the short term. Trust me your ex is miserable especially if she is a wh0re, it's a feature.

Each to their own. I can say from personal experience it would have taken me far longer to get over my ex had I not been spinning plates with fun, exciting women, even if they weren't LTR material.

Oneitis is a big reason why men struggle with NC and spinning plates after an appropriate amount of time - for me it was about a month - definitely helps. This counts two fold if your ex still wants you, as in my case. Much easier to resist the temptation of "just one more bang" if you aren't sexless.

 

[MrAddiction]

Hey guys,
Thanks a lot for all your advice!
It helped me a lot to come over my fcuked up thoughts. Knowing that she is together with this guy was a real setback. I had been doing well for about two and a half month before - after the breakup.
On one hand i had to laugh hearing she is now together with this scumbag, cause it is BPD textbook and it was so predictable but on the other hand the thought of her fcukING him made me sad.
Now fast forward to today. I have been taking a step further in redpill reading, trying to get back my game, am talking to women, get numbers, but all of the time rejections and flakes. So no real plates so far. I see pretty Girls all around places, where there seemed to be not a single one before - must be the effect expos stated.
I have come to the conclusion that it is not so much this particular girl I am missing - it is more some of her traits I miss. At least I miss the feeling to knowing there is someone there for me...someone calling, someone caring etc.
Its the feeling not to know if I will ever find someone again. But on the otherhand after all the redpill LTR readings I do not know if that really is what I want. Cause regarding the red pill, what I feel to want, seems not to be achieved in reality. A caring, loving trustsorthy women. .... But that seems more like a blue pill goal, which I know is not to be real.

To expos. I do not know how long she is already together with him. But she already befriended him while WE where together, and saw him behind my back - which was without going into details, one of the reasons I broke up with her. He is married she told me. I think they got together short after I broke it up. I suspiced something going on while we were still together.
She only told me they where together that one day after three months because she knew she would probably bump into me that evening.
She can not be alone, she even once told me that. The new guy is 48, the opposite of an Alpha and I don't even considering him in my league.
Scaramouche I think you are track on, that she only grabbed someone - in this case the nearest orbiter- simply not to be alone.

Thanks for your long post expos - a lot I had already thought about but it was a good reminder to finale set my mind back on track.

Someone once told me.... with all that thinking and analysing always remember: she is not your problem any more.
Realizing that helped a lot.
The Thread about forgiving also helped me so far.

Am I over her? I do not think so!
Do I still think of her? Yes. But not in an obsessed way.
Do I miss her? No, but the caring she gave me - I do for sure not miss the tantrums;-) So I Do not miss her as a person.
Do I want to try to get her back? Hell no!

A the moment getting girls seems to be a bigger problem than my ex;-)
Refering to scaramouche. Yes it is obsession it is addiction, and I am going cold turkey.

Thanks all! I try keeping on track!

MrAddict

 

[Alvafe]

Each to their own. I can say from personal experience it would have taken me far longer to get over my ex had I not been spinning plates with fun, exciting women, even if they weren't LTR material.

Oneitis is a big reason why men struggle with NC and spinning plates after an appropriate amount of time - for me it was about a month - definitely helps. This counts two fold if your ex still wants you, as in my case. Much easier to resist the temptation of "just one more bang" if you aren't sexless.

I say do it what makes you feel better, if you like to have dates and have fun, do so, if you don't want and jsut want to drink with friends? do it then, the thing her eis ahving fun and undertanding she is the one who lose, a woman having a men is easy all she have to do is say "I want to have sex", guys line up, a guy if yell that, if lucky, some guys will line up lol, the important is you having fun

 

[BeTheChange]

I say do it what makes you feel better, if you like to have dates and have fun, do so, if you don't want and jsut want to drink with friends? do it then, the thing her eis ahving fun and undertanding she is the one who lose, a woman having a men is easy all she have to do is say "I want to have sex", guys line up, a guy if yell that, if lucky, some guys will line up lol, the important is you having fun

Like I said everyone's different. I can only say what worked for me. Do what you want.

The gym, plowing myself into hobbies and reading all helped as distractions and made me happier but it wasn't until I started to like other women that I made serious progress to getting over my ex.

Find a good woman, with minimal drama who you enjoy fvcking and getting over your ex will be miles easier.

Definitely hasn't "prolonged the healing process" for me.

 

[Nick236]

Delete her number and everything else you have of her. Then start meeting new girls. No one is forcing you to meet drunk bar girls when you could meet girls practically anywhere.

 

[CMNILS87]

"She's not yours, it was just your turn"

"Out of site, out of mind"

 

[jebach123]

pro tip:

WORK ON YOURSELF AND






as once buddha said: **** BIATCHEEEESSSSSSS

 

[jebach123]

If I had her, you can have her, man it don't matter
I'm never sour, I'm just smokin' somethin' much louder -The Weeknd (song often)

XO ***** XO XO XO XO