How to deal with situation like this

KrisD

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First of all I want to apologise for the repost, originally I posted this in the NC Challenge and I dont know how to delete my old post so bare with me, but I really need some opinions to help me get through this.

Ok guys, after a serious reading on this forum I decided to post my **** story.
Long story short I was dating a girl for 2.5 years which 8 months of them were long distance, she studies in another country.

I went 2 times to see her and everything was great. Before my third visit she told me that she is not happy the way our relationship is.
She said shee needs me close to her, and I told her I am going to move with her and she said after that, that she doesnt know if she wants to live with me.
I was like wtf, she wants me close to her but doesnt want me to live with her...?
We talked alot about the subject and she couldnt give me closure, all she said she wasnt happy.
I said that I will try to understand and I will let her go. She then asked me if I a still coming to her. I said no(I had bought the plane tickets already). After that she begged me to come and have one final good time for valentines day.
I made a mistake and I went to her. We had a blast...we couldnt stop having sex, having fun, laughing etc. We just acted like everything was ok. The day came and I had to leave. She came with me to the airport but only for 15 minutes because she had an important exam that day.
As she was preparing to leave she hugged me, kissed me and said to me that no matter what she loves me, she even wrote me a letter expressing her feelings as part for my valentines gift.
She left and immediately staryed messaging me that she loves me.
The 4 hours untill my flight were the most painfull ever, I broke down, started crying, hoping that she will come back to me before I leave and kiss me. No one came.
After I got back home I went NC.
I wrote her a short and friendly message for 8 March. She responed immediately.
She told me that this message made her day and she is very happy that I wrote her.
She wanted to know how I was and I told her that its painful but I am dealing with it.
At tje end of the convo she said she wanted to hear my voice, I told her I want too but its not a good idea. We ended the convo with her saying that she is hoping to hear from me again soon and she cant wait to hear my voice. I said that time will tell and ended it there.
Since then I went NC again, but I cant stop thinking about her and constantly check her social media...
This is the second time she breaks with me, the first time she came back on her own saying she made a huge mistake.
Now it doesnt feel the same.
I miss her dearly but I dont want her in my life. Its time to move on.
After she went to university, she went out only with boys, for 8 months she there she doesnt habe a female friend, only boys.
And they go out and put everything on FB.
I had suspocions about one guy, at first she denied but after abit of pressure she told me that he was hitting on her. It was only a comformation of my suspicions. First denial later the truth. She also assured me that she doesnt like him since he is muslim but who knows, all I know is that sje goes out only with boys. She changed when she left to uni.

Apolpgies for the long post.
I am trying to move on, but I get cought in memories and I have the feeling I am dying.
I dont want her in my life but I love her.
So far I am doing fine with the NC thing, only the social media stalking is killing me.
Thank you for your time guys.
 

KrisD

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Response to your title..
Get rid of all of your devices, and get hobbies.

It won't be easy, but give it 3 weeks and you won't have the urge to stalk
Yes, you are right about the title, seems like these are two different problems but I changed it now.
Thanks for the advice, I will give it a go and focus on more productive stuff.
 

Dr.Suave

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Go out and get some new plates
 

sph21

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Please reread what NC means on the thread. It means that you don't contact her no matter what. You just broke that rule. NC is not just eliminating texting or calling her on a phone or meeting her in person. By checking her FB profile, you just made a contract with her. NC goals is to get you to stop thinking about her. By checking her FB profile page, you have made it worse. NC is to shape your mental strength and realize that in the end, you can live without her. When I did NC, I blocked everything about her. That's one lesson you must learn.

The other lesson you must learn is that LDR is not a healthy relationship. A good relationship needs presence to make it alive. You can't do that over a LDR without destroying the relationship itself. I'll explain it below.

Next lesson: don't chase a girl. By going to her current country, you might assume that it's the sweetest thing you can do for her. Do you know what she thinks of it? She thinks that you're too desperate to find another girl and you have to go all the way to another country to 'save' a relationship.

Next lesson: don't try to save a relationship. It's not your job to save it. It's hers. If she doesn't want to save it, then it's over. As simple as that. Read "The way of the superior man" book to understand what I mean.

Next lesson: girls give mixed signal and they want us to understand the subtle signals. You might have known about this concept. I'll explain it in your situation. When she decided to let you go by saying that the relationship is not working, she must also make sure that she won't hurt your feelings that much. We're talking about girls logic here, so bear with me for a while. So, if a girl decided to break up with you, she can't just say, "let's break up." She must add a follow up that she thinks will ease your pain. After break up, she might say that she still care about you or something like that. Yes, she is lying. For girls, this type of lie is acceptable because they expect us to understand the indirect or non verbal signals she gave all the time. For men, it's just pure cruelty.

Desperation kills attraction. Don't be so desperate and you'll attract another girl. It is hard to forget her for the first few months, but you'll be able to get over it in the end.
 

wifehunter

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DJ Bible....

Read it!!!
 

Roober

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Please reread what NC means on the thread. It means that you don't contact her no matter what. You just broke that rule. NC is not just eliminating texting or calling her on a phone or meeting her in person. By checking her FB profile, you just made a contract with her. NC goals is to get you to stop thinking about her. By checking her FB profile page, you have made it worse. NC is to shape your mental strength and realize that in the end, you can live without her. When I did NC, I blocked everything about her. That's one lesson you must learn.

The other lesson you must learn is that LDR is not a healthy relationship. A good relationship needs presence to make it alive. You can't do that over a LDR without destroying the relationship itself. I'll explain it below.

Next lesson: don't chase a girl. By going to her current country, you might assume that it's the sweetest thing you can do for her. Do you know what she thinks of it? She thinks that you're too desperate to find another girl and you have to go all the way to another country to 'save' a relationship.

Next lesson: don't try to save a relationship. It's not your job to save it. It's hers. If she doesn't want to save it, then it's over. As simple as that. Read "The way of the superior man" book to understand what I mean.

Next lesson: girls give mixed signal and they want us to understand the subtle signals. You might have known about this concept. I'll explain it in your situation. When she decided to let you go by saying that the relationship is not working, she must also make sure that she won't hurt your feelings that much. We're talking about girls logic here, so bear with me for a while. So, if a girl decided to break up with you, she can't just say, "let's break up." She must add a follow up that she thinks will ease your pain. After break up, she might say that she still care about you or something like that. Yes, she is lying. For girls, this type of lie is acceptable because they expect us to understand the indirect or non verbal signals she gave all the time. For men, it's just pure cruelty.

Desperation kills attraction. Don't be so desperate and you'll attract another girl. It is hard to forget her for the first few months, but you'll be able to get over it in the end.
This is good stuff. Learn from your mistakes, hit the gym, start reading, and go complete no contact. Trust me, wiping her completely out of your life is the best way to go. When I did it, I threw away all things we shared or she had given me, deleted her off all social media, and deleted anything I could find of her on my phone. I even stopped doing some things like watching some TV shows we watched together and avoiding restaurants we frequented. After some time, you will be able to do these things again without feeling anything, and hopefully with a new woman by your side!
 
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