How to deal with people telling you, you can't do this or that constantly?

[thunder_god]

I'm getting really sick and tired of this $hit. People from my parents since I was a child, to my best friends or strangers telling me I can't do this or that. Take for example, I recently went on a trip to Europe by myself. Two of my friends told me I was being stupid and wasting my time and money. Before I got back home, I had told one of them, my best friend how I met a model and went on a date with her and had gotten several numbers here. He apparently relayed this information to several of my mutual friends. As soon as I got back home, he starts asking me about it, he wanted to know how it went down with the model in detail. This is the same muther****er who told me to forget about approaching chicks and to just stick with some lazy a$$ online dating site like he does, because he does so well with the ladies over here (he only dates whales and girls who are a 4 or under). Another one of my friends heard about this, and then starts asking me about this as well and also told me he wants to see me go approach girls out on the street. I told him I ain't doing $hit for him. This is the same guy who was looking down on me, and told me I wouldn't even get a girl because I'm too shy after I had asked him for help several years back. He also only goes after girls who are 4's and under and all asian. 2 of his ex gf's cheated on him, and one of these ex GF did it recently. He turned extremely beta and started calling me asking me if he should send flowers to some random chick his friend introduced him too. He also ended up marrying some fob that couldn't even speak English like 6 months after his Ex cheated on him because he is needy as fcuk and just latched onto the first chick that showed him any interest.

Recently I've had some academic issues at school, and as a result ended up dropping out and now are stuck with around 40k in student debt. I had mentioned to my best friend that I wanted to go teach and live in Europe for 1 year to help pay off some of my loans. He quickly dismissed this, saying why would they pay you money to teach english there, they already speak english. Then he goes on to suggest I go teach in Asia instead. Fast forward to a few weeks back, I told him I'm seriously considering going to teach in Asia because the salary is much higher. Now he is telling me I'm delusional and have no grasp of reality and how it works. He thinks I should just stay here making peanuts working my ass off to move up in the ranks while barely making a dent on my student loans. I had told him about 2 weeks back, that I wanted to one day own one of those mansions we saw while driving. He quickly tells me I would never be able to own one of them in my lifetime. I also told him I wanted to one day start my own company and he is like your business is going to fail.

He also was quick to dismiss my approach on improving with girls like cold approaching them out during the day. Luckily I didn't listen to none of his BS because if had done so, I would never had made as much progress as I did. He told me that all of those PUA wings I used to go sarging with are losers and to stop doing that. I do agree most of those guys who I went sarging with in my country were fcuking losers and weirdos, however they pushed me to approach chicks and helped me grow, whereas my best friend never has done this for me even when I insisted he do it. He instead chickened out because he felt uncomfortable. He keeps on telling me I need money and confidence. Oh gee, how the fcuk am I suppose to magically get confidence out of thin air?

Also I had told him about the model I went out with and met in Europe. He quickly told me she was a golddigger without even giving me the chance to give him more details.

My parents are the same thing. My parents told me they didn't think I would even get into university, especially my father. Gee Dad, thanks for the support and confidence boost. That's surely going to help your kids self esteem out a lot. My father looks down on me and thinks I won't ever amount to anything.

Its already hard as it is to try and improve myself and fix these things in my life. The last thing I need is for other people to try and kick me while I'm down. It pisses me off to no end. It seems I can't do this, I can't do that. I should just go settle and be an average joe like everyone else. Its the same thing with guys telling me I should just go and stick to dating asian girls because I'm asian. They told me white chicks don't like asian guys. Why the fcuk should I have to settle for someone who I'm not attracted to and don't like, when other guys can be with someone they like? Completely fcuking bull****. Its a good thing I'm stubborn as an ox, otherwise I would have already succumbed to their criticism and already given up.


Sorry for the rant. I'm just really angry right now!

 

[Octogonal]

Sounds like the problem is more about you than anything else. You're allowing other people to control your thoughts and how you feel about yourself. People are going to tell you all kinds of sh1t. It's up to you not to let it get to you being able to brush it off doing what you want.

 

[Mike32ct]

I learned not to talk about my goals or what I'm doing.

Don't get me wrong; some things can't be hidden. For example, a guy losing a lot of weight will have people notice. A guy taking a vacation will have people from work know he went on a trip (though not necessarily where). But in general, try to keep your goals and ambitions quiet. If people notice you changing and improving for the better, fine, but it is best that they not hear it from you.

I cringe when I hear motivational speakers advise people to "Share your goals with others because it keeps you accountable." Wrong. People will either doubt you, criticize your goal, or worst-case discourage you when you have a setback.

But all that aside, I also found that if I kept TALKING about a goal, I'd run out of steam and quit. But when I kept it to myself (to the extent possible), and focused on "No talk and all action," I usually got it done.

 

[mangotot]

You could always lose these unhelpful friends of yours. Unfortunately the parents are here to stay.

 

[thunder_god]

I learned not to talk about my goals or what I'm doing.

Don't get me wrong; some things can't be hidden. For example, a guy losing a lot of weight will have people notice. A guy taking a vacation will have people from work know he went on a trip (though not necessarily where). But in general, try to keep your goals and ambitions quiet. If people notice you changing and improving for the better, fine, but it is best that they not hear it from you.

I cringe when I hear motivational speakers advise people to "Share your goals with others because it keeps you accountable." Wrong. People will either doubt you, criticize your goal, or worst-case discourage you when you have a setback.

But all that aside, I also found that if I kept TALKING about a goal, I'd run out of steam and quit. But when I kept it to myself (to the extent possible), and focused on "No talk and all action," I usually got it done.

I've noticed in the last year or so, I've been getting a lot of haters then ever before. It was when I started to take action and do something about my life and then I started getting all these cynics and critics on my a$$ all the time. I think from now on, I'm not going to share most of my life with people. I'm also going to warn my best friend that I won't be sharing any more of adventures with him unless he keeps his mouth shut.

 

[prison/con.net]

Parents can be dropped out of your life, too, and SHOULD be, if they are a negative aspect for you.

 

[marmel75]

Eliminate those people from your life. They are only dragging you down, happy to see you fail just like they have.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I'm right where you are OP. I'm ready to take a chance on starting again overseas and I've got family and friends come up with laundry lists of problems I'll encounter.

People only want you to be happy on the terms they feel comfortable with, and are only okay with taking the risks they deem worth taking.

You just gotta STFU about your plans, tell them when it's locked in and bid them all adieu unless they start showing some belief in you.

 

[kraytkiller]

You'll notice when you change, for the better, or start advancing through life, oddly enough everyone you knew who knew you before you changed, will try to keep you down, or hold you back.

It's like the crabs in a pot analogy, if you ever heard of that. (If not I'll tell it to you)

But its sad, but it's almost guaranteed. Don't bother sharing your life with others. Unless you need them for something. Seriously. What does sharing with others bring you? nothing, usually. It's just a way to stroke your ego and brag. Stay quiet, and stay focused.