how to build a conversation?

[Grifonculo]

Each time I approach women, I struggle to start a conversation and build a connection. I've never been the kind of guy who's good at small talk — I've always been more drawn to deep, complex, and philosophical discussions. I’m not saying I’m better than those who enjoy chatting casually — in fact, I see it as a weakness. Because it's through small talk that people connect, whether it's with men or women.


Sometimes, as if by magic or some lucky planetary alignment, the conversation flows naturally, and I’m able to build a real connection with a woman. But those moments are so rare that I wish I could control them — I wish I could have full control over my ability to open up and have smooth, engaging conversations with women.


That said, even when I’m genuinely open and willing to connect, many women just stay silent and put no effort into the conversation. And in those cases, I just feel discouraged and want to leave right away.

But should I stick around instead? Is there a strategy or technique that helps women open up and actually invest in the conversation? I’m really struggling with this.
Kind and open women are very rare. Some look down, as if intimidated; some freeze up; some act arrogant; some behave like snobs; and others just ignore me completely. In which cases should I persist? And how should I do it? In which cases, instead, should I see their behavior as a red flag and walk away from the interaction?

 

[CoolWave1331]

You might be overthinking things which holds you back

The secret to having a "good" conversation is having someone who is present and willing to engage. You said "even when I’m genuinely open and willing to connect, many women just stay silent and put no effort into the conversation. And in those cases, I just feel discouraged and want to leave right away. " You SHOULD be proud of yourself for trying to make things happen and also understand there is little that could've been done with these women. They weren't interested and didn't want to be bothered most likely - a different approach/tactic would mean the same result. I REPEAT there was probably nothing that could be done differently to change things, you did not do anything wrong so no reason to feel bad.

The first thing is no to worry about the "perfect" opener, there is no such thing. Anything will work provided your target has seen you and considered you "attractive"/she's open to you approaching. Many men and I myself have spent time worrying about "perfect opener" it's bull****. Anything to break the ice will work and I usually use something related to the environment - as an example let's say you are at the bar and you notice a woman is "checking you out" you can go up to her and say "hi, that looks like a good drink, what is it?" something to this effect.

Secondly take the pressure off yourself by thinking you have to be slick and dominate the conversation. This is another area where easy to mess up. Some men are more life of the party type, loud, have silver tongue which appeals to particular women. Other guys that don't have these attributes see this and try to emulate and comes across fake and awkward. Most people's favorite subject to talk about is themselves so you want take advantage of this. You want to be listening more as opposed to talking. If you're more of a listening type (such as myself) this is even easier to do. Just show that your present and try to keep the focus on the other person. When they say something ask how and why so they go more in depth. If you try to keep the focus on the other person they'll talk most of the time and by the end think you are a "great conversationalist" (LOL)

 

[Mike32ct]

Yeah it seems like there’s three categories of women:

1. Has no interest in talking to you.

<End conversation and/or walk away>

2. You don’t necessarily “click,” but they are still willing to talk to you.

<Politely engage the conversation. See how it goes>

3. You both “click,” and she wants to talk to you.

<The Gold Standard. You better get her number.>

 

[Grifonculo]

Thank you all


I want to share with you the experiences I had approaching women yesterday.


Since I’ve worked on becoming more masculine (and I’ve made some progress), I’ve noticed that even though I’m not particularly good-looking, I do attract quite a few women. But let’s be honest — attracting women and actually getting somewhere with them are two very different things.


Yesterday, I decided to go back to the university where I studied, just to see which women would show interest in me. My new mindset is to stop approaching random attractive girls and instead only approach those who either show genuine interest or are clearly attracted to me.


So, unexpectedly, right across the street from the university, I see this cute girl — she looked Eastern European, maybe Russian. She gives me these intense glances while I’m walking toward the entrance of the university. She’s the one who actually approached me, asking where building number 71 was — which was ironic, because we were standing right in front of it (lol). I took that as an excuse to start a conversation, so I introduced myself, and she did too. She was Ukrainian, visiting for a couple of days. (Side note: I find it bitterly ironic how men are dying in Ukraine fighting a war, while some women are off vacationing in beautiful Italian cities — but that’s another topic.)


So how did the interaction go? I asked her a few questions, she answered. I asked more, she answered again. Eventually, seeing how little effort she was making to get to know me, I told her I was headed into the university to study (lol, yeah, “to study”). She reacted with an “ohhh.” The interaction was dying — I was the only one trying to keep it going. So, slightly annoyed, I told her to enjoy her vacation and turned to leave. As I walked away, she actually followed me for a few steps and gave me a needy look, like “I like you, don’t go.” But honestly, the interaction felt flat and draining, so I just left.


Staying on topic: even when I approach women who clearly show interest, most of them just stand there silently, like they’re frozen. This fills me with frustration and even anger. What do they expect — for me to carry the entire conversation on my back? I don’t get it, and frankly, I’m tired of wasting time with women who act mute and expect me to do all the talking.


On the other hand, there are rare moments when I meet women who are open, who ask me questions, who show interest and help fill the silences with something meaningful. Those women are the best — not just because they have personality, but because they genuinely care to connect. In contrast, all these silent, cold women give off this vibe like, “I’m giving you a chance, now impress me.” Am I wrong for feeling this way? Maybe. But that kind of narcissistic attitude just disgusts me.


What do you guys think?


Anyway, I go into the university, walk into the library, and there I see this gorgeous brunette. She gives me a deep look, and we exchange a long gaze. The library was dead silent and packed with students, so it was hard to find a seat. After wandering a bit, I finally found one, sat down, and started reading a good book. After a while, a seat near me opened up — and that same girl came over and sat there. While doing so, she glanced at me again, intensely. I didn’t want to look needy, so I kept my cool and stayed focused on my book. I mean, I’m not going to interrupt my reading just because some girl throws me a look.


Some time passed, and I got up to grab a coffee at the university bar. When I came back, she looked right at me again, locking eyes. So I decided to go for it. I quietly approached her and said, “Hey, sorry…” and she responded in the most annoyed and dismissive tone: “What do you want?” I replied instantly, “I just wanted to say you’re cute.” She said “thanks,” but her tone was cold, arrogant, and irritated — it made me feel gross, like what she was really saying was: “Yeah, I showed you I’m into you, but now that you came over, I’ll treat you however I want.” That mindset honestly pisses me off, so I left right away.


The moral of the story? I attract a lot of women, but most of them seem to just expect things — they don’t put any effort into real interaction. I’m starting to think that a lot of these girls are just looking for attention. And I can’t figure out what they even want from me.


So let me ask you guys: those of you with more experience — how do you filter women? What do you do when you face situations like this? You must have interacted with lots of women and had countless conversations — what’s your approach?


Personally, I keep hitting this wall with most women. A wall where conversations feel forced, heavy, and tiring. And when you put yourself out there and make a move, some of them feel entitled to throw whatever negativity they want at you. It’s easy for them — but for me, it just kills any desire to keep going. Women today expect so much, but honestly, I often feel like they have very little to offer in return.

 

[Grifonculo]

You might be overthinking things which holds you back

The secret to having a "good" conversation is having someone who is present and willing to engage. You said "even when I’m genuinely open and willing to connect, many women just stay silent and put no effort into the conversation. And in those cases, I just feel discouraged and want to leave right away. " You SHOULD be proud of yourself for trying to make things happen and also understand there is little that could've been done with these women. They weren't interested and didn't want to be bothered most likely - a different approach/tactic would mean the same result. I REPEAT there was probably nothing that could be done differently to change things, you did not do anything wrong so no reason to feel bad.

The first thing is no to worry about the "perfect" opener, there is no such thing. Anything will work provided your target has seen you and considered you "attractive"/she's open to you approaching. Many men and I myself have spent time worrying about "perfect opener" it's bull****. Anything to break the ice will work and I usually use something related to the environment - as an example let's say you are at the bar and you notice a woman is "checking you out" you can go up to her and say "hi, that looks like a good drink, what is it?" something to this effect.

Secondly take the pressure off yourself by thinking you have to be slick and dominate the conversation. This is another area where easy to mess up. Some men are more life of the party type, loud, have silver tongue which appeals to particular women. Other guys that don't have these attributes see this and try to emulate and comes across fake and awkward. Most people's favorite subject to talk about is themselves so you want take advantage of this. You want to be listening more as opposed to talking. If you're more of a listening type (such as myself) this is even easier to do. Just show that your present and try to keep the focus on the other person. When they say something ask how and why so they go more in depth. If you try to keep the focus on the other person they'll talk most of the time and by the end think you are a "great conversationalist" (LOL)

I’ll follow your advice and try to get girls to talk more while being a good listener, but it’s still hard for me — because even the women who show interest rarely make an effort to keep the interaction going. I find it really frustrating.

Yeah it seems like there’s three categories of women:

1. Has no interest in talking to you.

<End conversation and/or walk away>

2. You don’t necessarily “click,” but they are still willing to talk to you.

<Politely engage the conversation. See how it goes>

3. You both “click,” and she wants to talk to you.

<The Gold Standard. You better get her number.>

I'll go for the third category

 

[Oatmeal31]

Thank you all


I want to share with you the experiences I had approaching women yesterday.


Since I’ve worked on becoming more masculine (and I’ve made some progress), I’ve noticed that even though I’m not particularly good-looking, I do attract quite a few women. But let’s be honest — attracting women and actually getting somewhere with them are two very different things.


Yesterday, I decided to go back to the university where I studied, just to see which women would show interest in me. My new mindset is to stop approaching random attractive girls and instead only approach those who either show genuine interest or are clearly attracted to me.


So, unexpectedly, right across the street from the university, I see this cute girl — she looked Eastern European, maybe Russian. She gives me these intense glances while I’m walking toward the entrance of the university. She’s the one who actually approached me, asking where building number 71 was — which was ironic, because we were standing right in front of it (lol). I took that as an excuse to start a conversation, so I introduced myself, and she did too. She was Ukrainian, visiting for a couple of days. (Side note: I find it bitterly ironic how men are dying in Ukraine fighting a war, while some women are off vacationing in beautiful Italian cities — but that’s another topic.)


So how did the interaction go? I asked her a few questions, she answered. I asked more, she answered again. Eventually, seeing how little effort she was making to get to know me, I told her I was headed into the university to study (lol, yeah, “to study”). She reacted with an “ohhh.” The interaction was dying — I was the only one trying to keep it going. So, slightly annoyed, I told her to enjoy her vacation and turned to leave. As I walked away, she actually followed me for a few steps and gave me a needy look, like “I like you, don’t go.” But honestly, the interaction felt flat and draining, so I just left.


Staying on topic: even when I approach women who clearly show interest, most of them just stand there silently, like they’re frozen. This fills me with frustration and even anger. What do they expect — for me to carry the entire conversation on my back? I don’t get it, and frankly, I’m tired of wasting time with women who act mute and expect me to do all the talking.


On the other hand, there are rare moments when I meet women who are open, who ask me questions, who show interest and help fill the silences with something meaningful. Those women are the best — not just because they have personality, but because they genuinely care to connect. In contrast, all these silent, cold women give off this vibe like, “I’m giving you a chance, now impress me.” Am I wrong for feeling this way? Maybe. But that kind of narcissistic attitude just disgusts me.


What do you guys think?


Anyway, I go into the university, walk into the library, and there I see this gorgeous brunette. She gives me a deep look, and we exchange a long gaze. The library was dead silent and packed with students, so it was hard to find a seat. After wandering a bit, I finally found one, sat down, and started reading a good book. After a while, a seat near me opened up — and that same girl came over and sat there. While doing so, she glanced at me again, intensely. I didn’t want to look needy, so I kept my cool and stayed focused on my book. I mean, I’m not going to interrupt my reading just because some girl throws me a look.


Some time passed, and I got up to grab a coffee at the university bar. When I came back, she looked right at me again, locking eyes. So I decided to go for it. I quietly approached her and said, “Hey, sorry…” and she responded in the most annoyed and dismissive tone: “What do you want?” I replied instantly, “I just wanted to say you’re cute.” She said “thanks,” but her tone was cold, arrogant, and irritated — it made me feel gross, like what she was really saying was: “Yeah, I showed you I’m into you, but now that you came over, I’ll treat you however I want.” That mindset honestly pisses me off, so I left right away.


The moral of the story? I attract a lot of women, but most of them seem to just expect things — they don’t put any effort into real interaction. I’m starting to think that a lot of these girls are just looking for attention. And I can’t figure out what they even want from me.


So let me ask you guys: those of you with more experience — how do you filter women? What do you do when you face situations like this? You must have interacted with lots of women and had countless conversations — what’s your approach?


Personally, I keep hitting this wall with most women. A wall where conversations feel forced, heavy, and tiring. And when you put yourself out there and make a move, some of them feel entitled to throw whatever negativity they want at you. It’s easy for them — but for me, it just kills any desire to keep going. Women today expect so much, but honestly, I often feel like they have very little to offer in return.

Yes, you have to lead the interaction and carry the conversation. Sometimes you'll come across a girl that is bubbly or really into your advance and it takes very little effort to have a smooth and engaging conversation. Sometimes she might really like you and just be shy.

It's normal to have conversation with strangers when you daygame regularly, not so normal for them, so keep that in mind. Girls do not have game. I think you can imagine why.

Yes, you will come across rude girls that act have bricks for a personality. When you cold approach, this is what you sign up for. All of this. You will get frustrated but if you have enough heart, you'll improve and see success.

You ejected from that girl that said she liked you ,which is rare by the way. You have to understand that the onus is on YOU to warm her up and eventually she'll open up more, especially on a date.

If you want something less demanding, go to a bar and practice there I guess. Girls expect to have some kinda conversation there because guess what?

There isn't a reliable way of filtering. You can't know how much a girl will engage before you approach her. Can you read minds?

 

[Grifonculo]

Yes, you have to lead the interaction and carry the conversation. Sometimes you'll come across a girl that is bubbly or really into your advance and it takes very little effort to have a smooth and engaging conversation. Sometimes she might really like you and just be shy.

It's normal to have conversation with strangers when you daygame regularly, not so normal for them, so keep that in mind. Girls do not have game. I think you can imagine why.

Yes, you will come across rude girls that act have bricks for a personality. When you cold approach, this is what you sign up for. All of this. You will get frustrated but if you have enough heart, you'll improve and see success.

You ejected from that girl that said she liked you ,which is rare by the way. You have to understand that the onus is on YOU to warm her up and eventually she'll open up more, especially on a date.

If you want something less demanding, go to a bar and practice there I guess. Girls expect to have some kinda conversation there because guess what?

There isn't a reliable way of filtering. You can't know how much a girl will engage before you approach her. Can you read minds?

Yes I guess so, thanks

 

[characternote]

So in general, the answer for when guys say they 'ran out of things to say' in a cold approach for example, is that she just wasn't into you. It wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. It was her 'goal' to make you 'run out of things to say'! That's what happens when someone puts in zero effort and you are talking too a brick wall. If she wants the convo to end because you're not her type, no amount of conversation skill is going to help

One of the first things I noticed when i'd kind of eves drop on my ex wingman who was very very handsome when he was talking to girls in bars, was that he never 'ran out of things to say'. No awkward silences etc. But it wasn't because he was great at convo! It was because SHE was doing so much work and making it easy for him. She was asking him questions, making assumptions, statements etc. She was gaming him. (since she was attracted). Not the other way around


Now, having said that, I do believe that there is a certain skill with conversation that some people have and maybe it's worth it's own thread. The stuff in PUA books when it comes to conversation just doesn't seem to cut the mustard as far as i'm concerned. I think it's about developing different brain patterns to respond differently to things she says and to ask different kinds of questions etc.

Being great at convo isn't something i've ever been amazingly good at, although I also realised it was kind of unecessary anyway (as I implied before, if she's attracted to you, it doesn't matter that much, and if she's not attracted, being great at conversation isn't going to help! Without attraction you're just a guy whose fun to talk too but she's gonna get smashed by a different guy. Probably a handsome mofo who can't even string a sentence together! haha) - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to be better in that regard for different reasons. Sometimes I see people talking (not really in a pickup sense) and they just have endless interesting things to say, they never 'run out of things to say', and their mind seems to work in a way that encourages 'better' and smoother topic changes etc. I used to think 'I'd literally need to put that guys brain in my own head and do a switch out for me to come up with the same stuff he's saying as opposed to what my brain comes out with!' lol

 

[Gamisch]

Yes, you have to lead the interaction and carry the conversation. Sometimes you'll come across a girl that is bubbly or really into your advance and it takes very little effort to have a smooth and engaging conversation. Sometimes she might really like you and just be shy.

It's normal to have conversation with strangers when you daygame regularly, not so normal for them, so keep that in mind. Girls do not have game. I think you can imagine why.

Yes, you will come across rude girls that act have bricks for a personality. When you cold approach, this is what you sign up for. All of this. You will get frustrated but if you have enough heart, you'll improve and see success.

You ejected from that girl that said she liked you ,which is rare by the way. You have to understand that the onus is on YOU to warm her up and eventually she'll open up more, especially on a date.

If you want something less demanding, go to a bar and practice there I guess. Girls expect to have some kinda conversation there because guess what?

There isn't a reliable way of filtering. You can't know how much a girl will engage before you approach her. Can you read minds?

This with the emphasis on LEADING.

It's like abiding match. You can't go in gun blazing because you'll pace yourself out( illvpme back to this in a sec )

You gotta lead thr convo. Sometimes you might say nothing!!

IF however you do wanna go in gunblazing and score a " 1st round 1st minute KO" you gotta go in ,be straight to the point by asking her number within a minute or so in.

Like boxing, there is never one answer and your opponent also makes for different variables, even the same opponent can give you a completely different match.

 

[Prepostereax]

Yeah it seems like there’s three categories of women:

1. Has no interest in talking to you.

<End conversation and/or walk away>

2. You don’t necessarily “click,” but they are still willing to talk to you.

<Politely engage the conversation. See how it goes>

3. You both “click,” and she wants to talk to you.

<The Gold Standard. You better get her number.>

I have my own three broad categories:

1. Conversation is like pulling teeth
and when it does occur, every tidbit of information teased out of her makes her seem more banal, instead of more intriguing

This could be because she's a bimbo
Or because she's incredibly shy
Or overly politically correct
Or just from such opposite ends of the track that any connection is gonna be iffy and tenuous.

This type of conversation, you will have to lead, a lot.
Just try and have fun with it and don't worry about offending her, you will need to light a fire under her to get her to respond positively.

Only worthwhile pursuing if she's really hot, or because of some aspect about her that's appealing to you.

2. Responds positively
- mostly likes talking about herself

This is the sweet spot, and the most common interaction.
You can have fun with these girls quite easily.
Try to let her do most of the talking, eg for every bit of info you reveal about yourself, try to get two out of her.
A lot of the time, she will reveal something interesting that makes a great conversation bridge

3. Doesn't reveal so much about herself, but tends to steer the conversation around you

This is kind of rare in my experience, but guys who do OLD might encounter this a lot.
On the surface, this would appear to be the holy grail, for me it sets off alarm bells.
It's a sign of a pro dater
Or possibly just a pro conversationalist (eg a woman who has a counselling type of role)
But I've also experienced this with every cluster B I've been involved with
And yes, this kind of woman can be like crack, initially..

Funnily enough, for some of these women, every scrap of info they reveal makes them seem more banal, like category 1.
Perhaps that's why they like to keep the mystery going..

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Get the following book:

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine

She was a socially awkward engineer who decided to learn to conversate (small talk) well despite finding it challenging. Very detailed practical little book. An easy read that will help you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

That said, even when I’m genuinely open and willing to connect, many women just stay silent and put no effort into the conversation

Find topics other than bleeding hemmoroids and infibulation in Sudan to discuss

 

[Grifonculo]

Find topics other than bleeding hemmoroids and infibulation in Sudan to discuss

Like you do? Oh no, I would never do it

 

[Slowhandluke]

Advice from the old lady:

Get the following book:

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine

She was a socially awkward engineer who decided to learn to conversate (small talk) well despite finding it challenging. Very detailed practical little book. An easy read that will help you.

A lot of western women now a days are just bad conversationalist. Move on to other women.

 

[SW15]

A lot of western women now a days are just bad conversationalist. Move on to other women.

It's true that a lot of Western women are not good conversationalists. This is becoming more apparent as Generation Z matures into adulthood. However, this was evident even in the 2000s and early 2010s when Millennial women were still mainly in their 20s.

I moved to a new city in the early 2010s and immediately started dating in the new city. I noticed some things right away with this experience. I had noticed worsening social skills from women then even as compared to 5-10 years earlier.

A lot of Millennial women never developed good conversation skills and social skills. Now, Millennial women are aging and their looks are fading. Their lack of personalities will stand out more.

 

[Slowhandluke]

It's true that a lot of Western women are not good conversationalists. This is becoming more apparent as Generation Z matures into adulthood. However, this was evident even in the 2000s and early 2010s when Millennial women were still mainly in their 20s.

I moved to a new city in the early 2010s and immediately started dating in the new city. I noticed some things right away with this experience. I had noticed worsening social skills from women then even as compared to 5-10 years earlier.

A lot of Millennial women never developed good conversation skills and social skills. Now, Millennial women are aging and their looks are fading. Their lack of personalities will stand out more.

Make etiquette classes great again (aka finishing schools)!!!

Finishing school - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I heard many eastern European women were very nice and good conversationalist. I know when I'm in Asia, all the women there seemed very good at starting and continuing conversations EVEN if they did not find the male attractive; just a human decency sort of thing. In the USA, I see more young women being bi*chy.. I'm assuming the thought process is she's sleeping with Chad, she thinks she's above talking/conversating with average men. In Asia, I also noticed when older women lose their looks, men still talk to them, joke with them, and hang around them. It's strange how that works.

Feminism really did a number on male/female relationship in western cultures.

 

[Serenity]

Here's a few things I learned going from having a hard time getting good conversations to being able to have engaging conversations with most people:

• You only carry 50% of the conversation, she may or may not carry her 50%. If she doesn't then you can't do much about it.
• She might not have any overlapping interests with you, not much you can do about that, she's just not your type.
• Trying to create a good conversation is always a bad focus as it's trying to do more than your 50%, looks try hard.
• The better focus is to talk about what interests you with the level of passion you feel about your interests, even of she isn't already interested she might become more interested because of how you clearly feel about it. This is good.
• Look at their actions and expressions and take it at face value. If she looks disinterested then simply assume that she is and disengage the conversation. If she looks interested then assume she is and keep going. If she thinks something other than what she expresses then that's her fault, not yours.
• Evaluate a few critical questions in the back of your mind. Are you enjoying the current interaction? Does she seem to be enjoying the current interaction? Is she engaging to talk to? Does she seem engaged in the conversation? If any of these are a "no" then you should consider disengaging.

That said, even when I’m genuinely open and willing to connect, many women just stay silent and put no effort into the conversation. And in those cases, I just feel discouraged and want to leave right away.

I'd do the same, it's the appropriate response. She's not interested and you're better off not continuing to waste your time on her.

Kind and open women are very rare. Some look down, as if intimidated; some freeze up; some act arrogant; some behave like snobs; and others just ignore me completely.

Yup, that's how humans are. Same applies to men. I'd say most people are weird in these situations and only a few are really comfortable. The discomfort comes out in all the wierd ways you mention there.

When a woman is acting weird just shrug and walk away. Your goal isn't to win over every woman, it's to find the women worth sinking your time into, that means filtering out all the junk as efficiently as possible.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Is there a strategy or technique that helps women open up and actually invest in the conversation?

Yes, it's to become more of an interesting conversationalist.

No woman or no man for that matter is going to want to open up and participate in a conversation with a boring dude who shows up out of nowhere.

How do you become a more interesting conversationalist?

Practice.

Make small talk with anybody you can, whenever you can.

Do this religiously, just like physical exercise.

You'll slowly get better, you'll consistently meet and learn from interesting people with interesting personalities, and your confidence will grow.

This is not something you can "fix" by reading a book or posting on line.

It's a skill. And skills require dedicated and consistent practice.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Make etiquette classes great again (aka finishing schools)!!!

Finishing school - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I heard many eastern European women were very nice and good conversationalist. I know when I'm in Asia, all the women there seemed very good at starting and continuing conversations EVEN if they did not find the male attractive; just a human decency sort of thing. In the USA, I see more young women being bi*chy.. I'm assuming the thought process is she's sleeping with Chad, she thinks she's above talking/conversating with average men. In Asia, I also noticed when older women lose their looks, men still talk to them, joke with them, and hang around them. It's strange how that works.

Feminism really did a number on male/female relationship in western cultures.

Most asian girls are just as stuck up, if not even worse man. Their entire culture is socially reserved

 

[Oatmeal31]

Yes, it's to become more of an interesting conversationalist.

No woman or no man for that matter is going to want to open up and participate in a conversation with a boring dude who shows up out of nowhere.

How do you become a more interesting conversationalist?

Practice.

Make small talk with anybody you can, whenever you can.

Do this religiously, just like physical exercise.

You'll slowly get better, you'll consistently meet and learn from interesting people with interesting personalities, and your confidence will grow.

This is not something you can "fix" by reading a book or posting on line.

It's a skill. And skills require dedicated and consistent practice.

Doesn't matter how good of a conversationalist you are with girls are act utterly disinterested. It's like talking to a brick wall. Only helps with getting some shy girls to warm up and girls that are willing to engage, who are incredibly easy to talk to of course. Flows smoothly and naturally