How to approach this problem

[Bokanovsky]

I don't date women who smoke, have kids, are old, weird, feminists, SJWs, don't shave, have a mustache or too much homer Simpson vagina.

Smash & & & next ftw

Wait a second...Are you saying that you would "smash and next" a woman who is old, weird, has a moustache or "too much Homer Simpson vagina"? Are you sure you're not gay?

 

[AJ84]

Good stuff. Her and I had a discussion yesterday after a workout. I'm what you would call a gym rat and she has told me how great of an athlete she used to be, running marathons, etc. So I'm trying to get her to commit to working out. But she did bring up how the smoking really has slowed her down and how she's considering making some changes. I hope she does but not going to hold my breath (pun intended).

That’s good news. How did she communicate this consideration for making some changes? Sometimes you can build on it (if you want to) and see how ready she is to make some changes and what she can do (supports she can access) to get there and what may be some barriers to making those changes. It can be scary to quit an addiction and maybe you don’t want to take on the role of being her coach around that which is understandable if you don’t. I work in addictions so this is what I do lol so don’t feel like what I’m saying is something that you have to take on, just putting out some ideas.

I don’t know where you live but some cities have a smoker’s helpline where people can connect with a coach who can support them in quitting smoking. There may also be some clinics that provide support or her family doc could prescribe nicotine replacements.
Not saying you have to discuss all of this with her but even putting some info together and saying ‘hey, just following up on what you said about smoking, I found some stuff take a look and see if it would be helpful’

And leave it with her if that’s better for you. Whatever works that doesn’t really put you out.

 

[Plinco]

If it's a big deal to you then give her an ultimatum.

 

[jaymbrs]

That’s good news. How did she communicate this consideration for making some changes? Sometimes you can build on it (if you want to) and see how ready she is to make some changes and what she can do (supports she can access) to get there and what may be some barriers to making those changes. It can be scary to quit an addiction and maybe you don’t want to take on the role of being her coach around that which is understandable if you don’t. I work in addictions so this is what I do lol so don’t feel like what I’m saying is something that you have to take on, just putting out some ideas.

I don’t know where you live but some cities have a smoker’s helpline where people can connect with a coach who can support them in quitting smoking. There may also be some clinics that provide support or her family doc could prescribe nicotine replacements.
Not saying you have to discuss all of this with her but even putting some info together and saying ‘hey, just following up on what you said about smoking, I found some stuff take a look and see if it would be helpful’

And leave it with her if that’s better for you. Whatever works that doesn’t really put you out.

We had a talk about doing some 5ks and other things like that soon. She brought up how she misses being competitive and how far off she's gotten away from doing physical activities because of her new job working 50+ hour weeks. Hopefully she can gradually ease off her bad habit after doing more races.

I'm fairly certain she knows of all her options for assistance in quitting. All I'm comfortable doing is encouraging her to workout more and joining me in physical activities.

 

[jaymbrs]

No one is so addicted to nicotine that they can’t make it through a movie without a smoke, unless it’s one of those 3 1/2 hour movies. Sparking one up immediately after, sure. That’s normal. But shes already cracking up within an hour? Not likely.

Tell her to leave her phone behind when she runs off at these “inconvenient times”.

Watch what happens.

This is exactly my point.

I don't have any trust issues with her, nor do I want to make it seem like do by telling her to do that but I'm guaranteeing she goes to smoke to be on her phone for whatever reason. I just think she's abusing my acceptance of her smoking to get away with these other things. I was thinking of telling her that I should be allowed to have a "phone break" for 15 minutes as well 2-3 times when we hang out.