how to approach this married woman? (moralists spare me)

[Bible_Belt]

Not every marriage is the normal vanilla kind. A lot of them are open relationships. Sometimes the husband is impotent and approves. You never know the details of someone's sex life until you start having sex with them.

 

[Serenity]

i don't like this labeling. but if you think me going for what i want, as beta, so be it.
at the moment i have 2 single FWB's and one who is going to marry in june (with this one was easy because i boned her way before she had a boyfriend i just wanted nothing serious from her so she went for security). but this new one has something in her i really love.
the reason i tiptoe is because i don't want her to feel slooty, or publicly expose her.
no reason for hostility mate, i told "people what i don't want to hear" is because i knew most of the jealous types will come preaching how this is a beta thing / immoral / i will have my ass kicked. and i don't care about that, nobody will do anything to me.
i just wanna know how others proceed in this situation to avoid unnecessary drama. i may or may not pursue her.

I think much along the same lines as Tictac does. I understand his point, I don't think you fully did. Why do people conceal and deceive? Because they know others won't approve of the actions. They know there's going to be drama if others know. They do it because they want to avoid responsibility for what they do. A proud man who stands up for what he does won't hide his actions, he will show it to the world. Tiptoeing around isn't exactly a bold move, wimps do it because they fear being held accountable for something they know is wrong. So they conceal their actions, lie even if they're close to being busted because what they do is nothing to be proud about.

There's also another funny little reflection to be made about fvcking someone's wife behind their back. If you do it you will know with absolute certainty that some guys fvck other guys wives. If you ever get a girlfriend or wife, will you ever be able to feel safe she's not fvcking someone like your past self? If you were in the husbands shoes, how would you feel about being lied to by the person who's supposed to be your life partner?

That may not seem like a real consequence or problem right now, but it's sure going to be a massive mindfvck if you ever want to be exclusive. By lying to anyone you undermine your own trust in others, if you can do it then you know others can. How can you then trust anyone? If you can't trust anyone then you're on your own. If you've been caught lying, cheating and concealing which will happen if you continue doing it, then how can anyone trust you? If nobody can trust you then you're on your own, no matter how fvcked you are nobody will come to help you, nobody will believe you.

If you don't own up to what you do then someone will eventually force you to be responsible for your mistakes. Mostly by not helping and letting you suffer and deal with the consequences yourself, since it's of your own making.

Good luck though, you're going to need it, luck. There's no way to fully contain and control situations like that, you can't prevent drama if you fvck someone else's wife.

 

[Ronaldo7]

CrimsonPanther,

Morality is such a subjective topic. Caligula fornicated with his sisters and offered them to other men. Everyone has their own viewpoint of things.

Having said that, go ahead with your initial plan. You are not raping the woman. If she likes you & wants to consumate s3x with you, she's willingly going for it and knows the effects of it. Her husband is clearly not pleasuring her correctly and she needs someone to fix that for her. Nothing distorted or evil about it.

I'm sure you are aware of the PC culture we are inundated in. Life is all about opportunity and if you don't take yours, someone else will take what was originally meant for you.

As for your question, go with the flow you sense from her. If she moves her pawn, move your pawn. Ask her out for a nonchalant coffee because you find her captivating and would like corroborate your initial sense of intrigue. Nothing wrong with conversation to get to know the "real" her. Let her talk endlessly.

Be a good listener. This is your bonafide weapon to kill. The more you know of her, the better your game plan will be. The less she knows of you, the less prepared she'll be.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

CrimsonPanther,

Morality is such a subjective topic. Caligula fornicated with his sisters and offered them to other men. Everyone has their own viewpoint of things.

So we should bone our sisters and pimp them out to men? Because morality isn't real?

Having said that, go ahead with your initial plan. You are not raping the woman. If she likes you & wants to consumate s3x with you, she's willingly going for it and knows the effects of it. Her husband is clearly not pleasuring her correctly and she needs someone to fix that for her. Nothing distorted or evil about it.

There is no guarantee her husband isn't pleasuring her correctly. I knew a $300k/year, greek good of an alpha male, and all he wanted to do was to make love to his own wife. She was withholding because it gave her a sense of power over him.

I'm sure you are aware of the PC culture we are inundated in. Life is all about opportunity and if you don't take yours, someone else will take what was originally meant for you.

One can still pass on banging wives. However wives that screw around are usually "easier" than a actual single.

As for your question, go with the flow you sense from her. If she moves her pawn, move your pawn. Ask her out for a nonchalant coffee because you find her captivating and would like corroborate your initial sense of intrigue. Nothing wrong with conversation to get to know the "real" her. Let her talk endlessly.

Be a good listener. This is your bonafide weapon to kill. The more you know of her, the better your game plan will be. The less she knows of you, the less prepared she'll be.

Agree

 

[HeadLightsOn]

So I'll pose a general question, in relation to sleeping with a 'married' woman.

If a woman who was married, approached you, at work or in any situation and made it clear that she wanted you to fvk her, would you turn her down? Would you seriously turn that offer down (take out HB ratings etc etc, let's just say you find her very attractive).

If you did turn her down would it be on moralistic principles? If she said that her and her husband fool around separately, and you and her screwing is ok, would that mean you'd screw her?

My point is this: Where does morality kick in and what stage do you think, 'ok, green light, I'll do it.'

I reckon we all have that line drawn somewhere. One Mans morals is another Mans joke.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

As for your question, go with the flow you sense from her. If she moves her pawn, move your pawn. Ask her out for a nonchalant coffee because you find her captivating and would like corroborate your initial sense of intrigue. Nothing wrong with conversation to get to know the "real" her. Let her talk endlessly.

wow, wrong site for this question i guess

to all the guys giving useful advises: thanks, i will take them into consideration

to the haters/moralists/ad hominem butthurts: sorry but i don't care about that. i have or lack my own morals, and your attempt to shame me into the good little moral citizen failed. no hate, really, i understand why you are all patronizing with your morality, but i'm not buying it. we are different people, what i am doing is not illegal, so thank you for your concern about my self esteem or my upbringing, but i feel they are just fine.

the only "morality" issue for me is, to not make the girl feel like a ho for doing it, because she seems like a genuinely kind hearted woman.

UPDATE for those interested: i invited her to play pool last night, i did some heavy kino there, she didn't object so when we finished, we got out of the bar, and when she wanted to enter my car, i told her "not the front seat, let's sit in the back a little" she did it, and i boned her in the car.

after that she started crying and told me she feels guilty, and now i will think she is easy and unfaithful, so i said "i'm here for you, don't worry", so she hugged me and told me "i feel so safe with you", and then we just sat there for a while, then i drove her home.

when we arrived she said she is free this weekend and asked me if i wanted to teach her shoot with the bow. so we will meet saturday. i think it went well. i will try to keep it on a friend level with the occasional seks. so far so good.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

wow, wrong site for this question i guess

to all the guys giving useful advises: thanks, i will take them into consideration

to the haters/moralists/ad hominem butthurts: sorry but i don't care about that. i have or lack my own morals, and your attempt to shame me into the good little moral citizen failed. no hate, really, i understand why you are all patronizing with your morality, but i'm not buying it. we are different people, what i am doing is not illegal, so thank you for your concern about my self esteem or my upbringing, but i feel they are just fine.

the only "morality" issue for me is, to not make the girl feel like a ho for doing it, because she seems like a genuinely kind hearted woman.

UPDATE for those interested: i invited her to play pool last night, i did some heavy kino there, she didn't object so when we finished, we got out of the bar, and when she wanted to enter my car, i told her "not the front seat, let's sit in the back a little" she did it, and i boned her in the car.

after that she started crying and told me she feels guilty, and now i will think she is easy and unfaithful, so i said "i'm here for you, don't worry", so she hugged me and told me "i feel so safe with you", and then we just sat there for a while, then i drove her home.

when we arrived she said she is free this weekend and asked me if i wanted to teach her shoot with the bow. so we will meet saturday. i think it went well. i will try to keep it on a friend level with the occasional seks. so far so good.

Well, in the end, this was her fault, I guess. Nice job on the lay by the way, as the other poster above said, I may have done the same thing if she made it super clear, and I think most of the guys would too.

A question though, do you go out of your way for married women (as in you treat them same exact way as other women like cold approaches for example) or do you try not to deal with them unless they go for you like this one did?

 

[wifehunter]

How about find a single girl, and spare yourself all the baggage.

Unless you like all that complicated sh1t!

 

[Tictac]

One Mans morals is another Mans joke

Go with that. If your standards exist only because someone does or doesn't like them, you will blow about like a leaf in the wind.

 

[mikey2012]

Been there, done that no excuses but she came on to me first. We are weak in this way for the hunt for Pu$$y. In short don't do it...too much BS. But if you are going to, take extra precaution, coz you won't be the first....She will probably have some STI.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Most guys are terrible at sex to begin with and once they've gained a bunch of weight and stopped going to the gym become even worse...

Your right. A lot of married and long term dudes don't face the fact that they probably got way outta shape or dont' take care of their looks like they may have before.

 

[marmel75]

There is no guarantee her husband isn't pleasuring her correctly. I knew a $300k/year, greek good of an alpha male, and all he wanted to do was to make love to his own wife. She was withholding because it gave her a sense of power over him.

Obviously not that Alpha...he would have simply said cool, no problem and went out and started banging other chicks...she would have broken down real quick.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

Obviously not that Alpha...he would have simply said cool, no problem and went out and started banging other chicks...she would have broken down real quick.

i know the guy. definitely not an alpha.
also me and the girl talked last night on the phone (she called me to ask me if our bow shooting date is still on saturday), and i asked her if everything is ok, and she told me, she was thinking about these and it's ok.
then she told me they basically married out of friendship (which seems weird and could be a lie from her part, or could mean she married the guy she placed in the friendzone, dunno / don't care). i said "let's not complicate things just go with the flow", she said "you're right.". and she offered for her to pick me up this time.
something seems off and i cannot put my hands on it. i have a strange feeling. i think she wants more than just occasional boning.

How about find a single girl, and spare yourself all the baggage.

Unless you like all that complicated sh1t!

i have plates who are single it's not like i like this one BECAUSE she is married.

 

[marmel75]

i know the guy. definitely not an alpha.
also me and the girl talked last night on the phone (she called me to ask me if our bow shooting date is still on saturday), and i asked her if everything is ok, and she told me, she was thinking about these and it's ok.
then she told me they basically married out of friendship (which seems weird and could be a lie from her part, or could mean she married the guy she placed in the friendzone, dunno / don't care). i said "let's not complicate things just go with the flow", she said "you're right.". and she offered for her to pick me up this time.
something seems off and i cannot put my hands on it. i have a strange feeling. i think she wants more than just occasional boning.



i have plates who are single it's not like i like this one BECAUSE she is married.

How is it you are picking up a married woman from her house?? And why? That's just asking for trouble. I don't really care about the whole moral part of it but that's just plain stupid.

 

[Serenity]

something seems off and i cannot put my hands on it. i have a strange feeling. i think she wants more than just occasional boning.

How did you figure that out? She told you she felt safe with you. This is an emotional thing for her, she's very likely thinking of wanting you as a boyfriend. She feels good about you, something she doesn't feel around her husband who's away all the time.

She's looking for love, not just sex. Because love is what she lacks from her man. Now you are there giving her the attention as a woman she misses.

I think you two have different goals in mind, she's not going to be happy when she figure out you don't want more. Especially after already cheating, which is a rather large emotional investment on her part.

I partly withdraw the morality given in my previous reply. Had her husband been home and they had a good marriage, then my previous post would stand. The circumstances though are that he's absent and she's left on her own, he's not there for her as a good husband would be. I don't think I would care myself about she being married if I were seeing someone under those circumstances, I would give her what her husband doesn't.

There's one thing I don't like about what you're doing though, you're looking for just sex and she's staking her marriage to give it to you. I don't believe she's doing that solely for sex especially as she wants to do other activities with you, like she's getting to know you and be with you. There could come a lot of drama out of this if she finds out she has no chance to get you, especially if she goes so far as to divorce her husband for you. Which they will do if they consider you boyfriend/husband material, especially if they feel safe and a lot better with you.

Basically I think it's a bad idea to continue this just for sex, I think she has plans to replace her husband with you. I don't think she's going to accept you just being an affair indefinitely.

 

[Alvafe]

So I'll pose a general question, in relation to sleeping with a 'married' woman.

If a woman who was married, approached you, at work or in any situation and made it clear that she wanted you to fvk her, would you turn her down? Would you seriously turn that offer down (take out HB ratings etc etc, let's just say you find her very attractive).

If you did turn her down would it be on moralistic principles? If she said that her and her husband fool around separately, and you and her screwing is ok, would that mean you'd screw her?

My point is this: Where does morality kick in and what stage do you think, 'ok, green light, I'll do it.'

I reckon we all have that line drawn somewhere. One Mans morals is another Mans joke.

if I would turn down a married woman if I knew she was married? yes I would, i'm not lacking sex, I can pretty well go out for single girls and get sex from then, so tell me why you would put yourself in such drama just for a used goods when you can get something better with less drama, risk, and keep your head in good state?

 

[Ronaldo7]

How did you figure that out? She told you she felt safe with you. This is an emotional thing for her, she's very likely thinking of wanting you as a boyfriend. She feels good about you, something she doesn't feel around her husband who's away all the time.

She's looking for love, not just sex. Because love is what she lacks from her man. Now you are there giving her the attention as a woman she misses.

I think you two have different goals in mind, she's not going to be happy when she figure out you don't want more. Especially after already cheating, which is a rather large emotional investment on her part.

Not his problem. What does that have to do with him?

I partly withdraw the morality given in my previous reply. Had her husband been home and they had a good marriage, then my previous post would stand. The circumstances though are that he's absent and she's left on her own, he's not there for her as a good husband would be. I don't think I would care myself about she being married if I were seeing someone under those circumstances, I would give her what her husband doesn't.

There's one thing I don't like about what you're doing though, you're looking for just sex and she's staking her marriage to give it to you. I don't believe she's doing that solely for sex especially as she wants to do other activities with you, like she's getting to know you and be with you. There could come a lot of drama out of this if she finds out she has no chance to get you, especially if she goes so far as to divorce her husband for you. Which they will do if they consider you boyfriend/husband material, especially if they feel safe and a lot better with you.

Not his problem. What does that have to do with him?

Basically I think it's a bad idea to continue this just for sex, I think she has plans to replace her husband with you. I don't think she's going to accept you just being an affair indefinitely.

Not his problem. What does that have to do with him?

We are here vying for the OP's best interests. She is not relevant.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Morals or not, relationships started off of getting people out of marriages do not work out well. It will end badly.

 

[Serenity]

Not his problem. What does that have to do with him?

We are here vying for the OP's best interests. She is not relevant.

Not his problem if she has a problem with it. It is his problem if her having a problem with it creates problems for OP. Are you at all familiar with the concept of revenge? You know when people try to fvck things up for you because you fvcked things up for them?

I would say I speak in the best interest of the OP, this can turn into a mess that he would be better off without. Not saying it's guaranteed to happen, but it's a risk that might not be worth taking.

According to what you say it's the same as saying "I smashed up this dudes car, it's his car, not my problem". Guess what, some people WILL hold you accoutable forcibly if they must. Meaning they will make it your problem.

If you think I'm a white knight who gives a fvck about some woman choosing to cheat, then your profiling of me is wrong.

 

[Maximus Rex]

This stupid muthaf*cka is going to learn the hard way the meaning behind that old pimpin' proverb, the one pertaining to how you start with a b*tch is how you end with a b*tch.