"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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How should I have gone about this?

S

SteR

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Hey guys. I was out clubbing last night with some of my mates and I was pretty drunk (wasn't really interested in gettin any girls that night lol).

Anyway I went out and when I got in the club I saw some other people I knew with some girls off their course who I've seen out before. Before I knew it (dunno how) I was talking to one, I think she asked my name or whatever which I knew meant she was interested in me.

I didn't really think she was that hot at all but she was a nice girl and after a while I started thinking should I or shouldn't I try and kiss close this (I'd heard about this girl before - apparently she was a bit of a slapper and she'd slept with a complete **** who I knew).

So we carry on talkin and we're just talking about the most random things like uni and people and blah blah. There wasn't really any kino from me because I was a bit edgey about leading this girl on. However she was all over me all night complimenting me, touching and asking whether I had a gf and all this crap. It got to the stage where I was thinking I might aswell start working for the kiss but all our mates were lingering around watching us and I was thinking shall I ask her to go somewhere quieter with me but the question I have is what should I have done from there? Only reason I ask is that all the other girls I've kissed in clubs I've been pretty drunk when I did it and it seemed to just happen - I didn't really think about it
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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squirrels

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Did she turn you on? Did you WANT to kiss her?

Sounds like one of two things happened:

1) You really didn't feel like kissing her and were just thinking about it because it would be the "DJ thing to do."

OR

2) You were so nervous about it you made an excuse NOT to kiss her.

Which is it?
 
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PuertoRican_Lover

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Who said you had to kiss her at a club right then and there. If it was such a sure thing you should have asked her for her number.
 
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Hanuman

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Wasn't really interested in getting any girls that night? - that's an AFC load of BS...

Anyways..., you had three options really:

1: Kiss her...

This could work against you - if she slept with some jerk before you would probably like to set your standards higher. Might mess with your socialproof otherwise...

2: Not kiss her

Well, if you had no interest in her - fine. Use the situation to boost your confidence and social proof, let her hit on you and remain cool...

3: Do what PuertoRican_Lover says, get her number.

This would probably be the most DJ thing to do in my oppinion. That way you can review the situation while sober (only get pissed when you are sure its only guys having beers, never around the ladies).
 
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Dirtheart

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If she's a slapper and you're not desperate, then forget about her as she'll not be much good for you or, as Hanuman indicated, for your reputation.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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SteR

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She didn't really turn me on I just had my beer goggles on lol so as I drank more I was thinking maybe I should just kiss her but the conversation was so.. normal so to speak that it would've been odd if I just out the blue kissed her. And no I didn't want her number at all, she is definately not the kind of girl I would want to see again, just kinda ONS material I guess.
 
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