How should I approach this

[becker]

Ok, so I got this number for a totally hot lady today at the library. She teaches 3rd grade. Now, she's there everyday, and I was wondering if I should approach her tomorrow and ask her to have coffee with me. There is a Starbucks in walking distance from the library that we can go to. Either that, or else wait a while before approaching her again. I know I don't want to be around her all day and make it seem like I'm stalking her or something.

I also don't know if she has a BF or anything. I got the number by asking her if she had a card for her tutoring, and she wrote down her number and e-mail because she didn't have one. Worked out pretty well.

 

[Dee-Zy]

The reason why you ask the number is to test her. To guage her interest level. Now that you have given excuses for the number you fukked yourself up.

Wait 4 days and then ask her out.

There is no really other way around it because you don't know how interested she is since you didn't ask for the number accordingly.

 

[becker]

Why isn't it ok to ask her for coffee tomorrow? The reason why I asked her for the number didn't have anything to do with me, it was a way to break the ice, and I actually know some people with kids who would be interested in her, so I have a back up plan already.

 

[Dee-Zy]

You can if you want. You asked my opinion and I gave it to you.

I believe that it is best for you not to ask her out right away. Wait a little bit, not that it matters that much since you haven't showed any signs of interest yet.

 

[DJ Supra]

i agree with Dee-Zy. You have no idea if this chick is interested because the reason in which you got her number isn't really for your personal interest instead for tutoring questions or whatnot.

I'd definatly give it a couple days before asking her out on a date and dont be surprised if she pulls the b/f bit. Lie or no lie.

 

[becker]

Yeah, thanks for the input, Dee-zy, I appreciate it, don't get me wrong.

I am wondering what the downsides of asking her tomorrow are. I really would not like the screw this up, because she is hot as hell. The only thing is, if I ask her tomorrow, and she has a BF, then I basically can move on sooner. I'll be seeing her everyday this week though, since I am there at the library when she is every day, so I can do it whenever I want.

 

[Dee-Zy]

If you have time, you don't have to rush into anything. That's my opinion. Of course, don't take too long - but waiting 3-4 days isn't.

 

[becker]

So if i see this girl tomorrow or all the other days, I shouldn't do more than just say hi to her? Also, if I wait 3-4 days, this girl is only in the library on weekdays, so I'll have to wait until Monday. Seems like it's a bit long, and I'm just beating around the bush to me.

 

[Seeph]

By just saying Hi to her will spark her IL if she has one for you. If you ask her out too soon then she will be like "Another helpless guy trying to get in my panties". By waiting it shows that your not obsessed with her and dont NEED to know if she will like you. Do your own thing and be a man. Is your schedule with girls really so tight that you cannot afford to wait 3-4 days to ask her out? if it is that tight then you really dont need to bother with this girl. in 3-4 days ask her out like dee-zy said.

 

[becker]

Well, all I'm planning on doing is asking her out for coffee, not dinner or anything. I need to find out if she has a BF first, and to me, going out for coffee is pretty tame, and if the BF comes up in the conversation, it's easy to just play it off and just be friends with the girl if anything.

Would you pay for her if you asked her for coffee? I'm always on the fence on this one, and am leaning towards not paying, but it seems a bit cheap.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Yes it's cheap

and god damnit Becker, why do you always have to conceal your intentions? You are not trying to rape her so why do you have to find an excuse for your desire? That alone is going to hurt you.

Go read Pook - Be A Man, now.

It doesn't matter if it's a coffee or a trip to Paris.

Wait.


Seeph said exactly what I was saying.

 

[becker]

Dee-zy, what do you mean by hide my intentions?

 

[becker]

Spoke to the gal some more today, but didn't ask her out or anything, you happy now?

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by becker
Dee-zy, what do you mean by hide my intentions?

Your intentions is to fukk her right? Or at least have a romantic relationship with her (as in dating her).

So Why are you hiding it? By making excuses such as asking her number for tutoring purposes, using 'back up plans to save face' and sugin more and more excuses, you are hiding your intentions!!!

If you want to have a sexual/romantic relationship with her, you have to show your sexual/romantic intentions/desires.

 

[becker]

Good point, but I think the main reason why I'd do that is that it makes it easier to be more indifferent if I just treat things less like I'm trying to get together with her.

I think that if you put yourself in the mindset that you're trying to get her on a date, it runs the danger of making you act like an AFC, which can only get worse if she is interested. I tend to find that if I treat a girl like any guy I know, then I tend to be less inhibited. It's just to put myself in the right frame of mind.

But I know what you're talking about, so I'll take note of that not to get carried away. I may just ask her to get coffee today, because the awkward part of all this is that I see her every day now, and she told me next week is her last full week of tutoring this group of kids, before her schedule becomes more splotchy. If I don't make some move now and just wait, it will seem like I'm hesitating too much, which I feel like I am already.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Then ask her out.

Be carefull with your approach though - you want to have that laid back, I'm not desperate approach - which is fine, but in the future, be aggressive about it - because women ARE passive. Trust me, I KNOW what you mean by the 'I don't care' approach, however, I'm talling you - being up front and aggressive (ie showing your interest) will work much better.

Because you are being a man. When you show sexual/romantic interest - you build up a sexual tension, which is what you want.

When you build up sexual tension, not only she is most likely to lean to you (because females are passive creatures) but if she's not interested - you will know right away.

Most of the time, this is the way to go - because when you don't build up sexual tension, you never know if they are interested, therefore you are just post-poning the rejection and you just wasted your time.

 

[becker]

So I should just go and ask her out now then, that's what you're saying?

 

[improvingdonjuan]

I have empathy for you, but not sympathy you are trying to hide your intentions because you're afraid, you are afraid of rejection.
being friendly is just that- being friendly. people get what they look for (eventually) friendly approach= friend (or you could break the ice by friendly approach but only combining it with C/F, but you have to flirt too)
the best way to know right off the bat wether a girl is interested or not is to show that you're interested, to let her know you are a potential romantic partner and she'll treat you accordingly (reject it or embrace it) you waste your time less and you dont get put in the LJBF zone as fast. + its a compliment for the girl.

another thing, i have learned to not thing so much or analize so much, just do it. Dont think just act = less pressure less nervousness and less awkwardness.

 

[becker]

So I was planning on approaching this girl today, and I saw her, and she was with a guy today, who I am assuming was her BF. They were dressed similarly, as though they were going to be off doing something together.

Anyways, I'm not going to bother with this girl anymore, at most I'll ask her to coffee and make friends with her, since she seemed like a very nice gal. But that's it. Time to move on to the other women.

 

[Dee-Zy]

What the FUKK??? If I knew you in person I would of slapped you til your neck snaps!!!

You are going to give up just like that? You don't even know if she has a bf.

How in hell are you going to assume that that man is her bf?

At least follow through with your desires and ask her out.

There is one thing being an avg guy in this world who doesn't know how to handle women, but YOU ARE ON A DJ BOARD!!!

What's wrong with you?