How should a cold approach look?

[AntoniousIV]

I usually only initiate a cold approach after she holds eye contact with me. Sometimes I look first, sometimes I catch the girl staring and that's when I have a green light to go (either situation).
Otherwise I feel it's weird to approach blindly.

I also caught a girl sort of waiting for me to look at her while passing by. She was looking towards me whilst going in my opposite direction with her friend
(it was a long street where many people walk), then when I looked at her she faced away towards her friend. She was pretty hot. Seemed like a green light too, or maybe not.

Then if I get a greenlight, what I've done in the past is:
Hi/excuse me (depending on if she's still facing me)
Her: Yes?
Me: How are you.
Her: Hi, good.
Me: I'm Antonious.
Her: I'm Stacy.
Me: I think you look cute. Do you wanna get to know eachother?
And then wait for a response.
-If yes, I try to go for a number, but I see no issue with her giving me her ig.

A more succesful approach I've done, had a bit more talking in it.

Is this how a cold approach should look?

 

[pipeman84]

Hi/excuse me (depending on if she's still facing me)
Her: Yes?
Me: How are you.
Her: Hi, good.
Me: I'm Antonious.
Her: I'm Stacy.
Me: I think you look cute. Do you wanna get to know eachother?
And then wait for a response.
-If yes, I try to go for a number, but I see no issue with her giving me her ig.

A more succesful approach I've done, had a bit more talking in it.

Is this how a cold approach should look?

Yeah, if you're about 14 years old.
By definition a guy doing cold approach, particularly on the street, signals he's socially un-calibrated/desperate at best or a weirdo/psycho at worst. Pick-up artists who popularise this demeaning activity through faked/edited infields footage belong in the latter camp.

 

[BPH]

Alright, let's break this down with why certain things are wrong, then I'll give you an example of what's correct...

Hi/excuse me (depending on if she's still facing me)

Not "excuse me". That's what you say to somebody before you're about to bother them. You don't want to put her in the headspace that you're interrupting her day. Probably not a dealbreaker, but don't get in the habit of waiting/asking for permission to do something as simple as saying "hi".

Me: I think you look cute. Do you wanna get to know eachother?
And then wait for a response.

You're asking for way too much commitment way too early on. This is a much deeper question than simply asking her to grab a drink or a coffee. Yeah, you're going on those dates to accomplish the same thing as your question implies, but it's more surface-level rather than "I just met this guy, and it sounds like he already wants me to be his girlfriend".

-If yes, I try to go for a number, but I see no issue with her giving me her ig.

Instagram is a consolation prize, so you don't take it personally as a rejection. If I ask for a girl's phone number and she's not comfortable giving it to me, I'll decline whatever her alternative is and walk away. I've had girls compliment me when I ask for the number because they complain that guys these days don't have balls and always ask for Snapchat and Instagram instead.

Is this how a cold approach should look?

No, but it's better than what most guys would attempt.

Here's what I do:

"Hey, I think you're really gorgeous and had to come say hi, what's your name?"
"(Name)".
Ideally she'll also ask for mine, but if not..."Nice to meet you (Name), I'm BPH. Listen, I was just leaving/on my way to something/whatever your false time constraint is, but are you single?"
"I am".
"Ok great, I'd love to grab a drink with you if you're free this weekend. What's your number?"
Usually I'll give her my phone, call it once she enters it so she has mine/to confirm it's real, then text her my name so she knows it's me when I text her later..."XXX-XXX-XXXX".
"Cool, nice meeting you (Name), I'll text you later".

Then you leave, text her later, and plan the date.

Contrary to what @pipeman84 said, cold approach is great, but I wouldn't really do it in the street unless it's socially acceptable, like on a boardwalk or something. Most of my approaches happen at the bar, and if the conversation is going well, I'll see how far I can escalate FIRST, and get the phone number if I think I've gone as far as the interaction will go that night. The example above with the false time constraint is more for approaching outside of those venues.

 

[AntoniousIV]

Pick-up artists who popularise this demeaning activity through faked/edited infields footage belong in the latter camp.

How do you meet new women?

 

[AntoniousIV]

"Hey, I think you're really gorgeous and had to come say hi, what's your name?"
"(Name)".
Ideally she'll also ask for mine, but if not..."Nice to meet you (Name), I'm BPH. Listen, I was just leaving/on my way to something/whatever your false time constraint is, but are you single?"
"I am".
"Ok great, I'd love to grab a drink with you if you're free this weekend. What's your number?"
Usually I'll give her my phone, call it once she enters it so she has mine/to confirm it's real, then text her my name so she knows it's me when I text her later..."XXX-XXX-XXXX".
"Cool, nice meeting you (Name), I'll text you later".

Then you leave, text her later, and plan the date.

Sounds great, I'll try it your way.

Is waiting for my "green light" smart?

Also Is it good to go for a handshake after introducing yourself? "I think you're gorgeous and wanted to say hi Im Antonoous." And go for a handshake?

Also I cant ask her if she's single, there is no such word in my language. I can ask her if she has a bf/is she taken, is that fine?

And I'm talking about an outside broadwalk approach. Not a bar approach.

 

[pipeman84]

How do you meet new women?

By just living your life ... directly trough whatever activities you're interested in or indirectly through people you meet participating in those activities.
If you have no life, though luck, work on that.

 

[crowolf]

Yeah, if you're about 14 years old.
By definition a guy doing cold approach, particularly on the street, signals he's socially un-calibrated/desperate at best or a weirdo/psycho at worst. Pick-up artists who popularise this demeaning activity through faked/edited infields footage belong in the latter camp.

That is a totally BS belief to protect your ego, and validate your fear of doing it.

 

[pipeman84]

That is a totally BS belief to protect your ego, and validate your fear of doing it.

Cold approaching is nothing but panhandling only that instead of money you're begging for female attention and hopefully some pvssy.
The vast majority of guys don't practice either one not because they're afraid but because they have a certain level or self respect.

 

[Manure Spherian]

How do you meet new women?

Socially integrated or high status men routinely come into contact with women. Other men meet women infrequently and need to act quickly.

In a normal society men wouldn’t need to meet “new” women. Nearly all would have one woman.

 

[BPH]

Is waiting for my "green light" smart?

No, because you might end up waiting too long and talk yourself out of it, or she might leave. Women may give you green lights you're not seeing, you might think you're seeing a green light when you're not, or she might not even have seen you to decide whether she's interested.

Just go up and talk to her.

Also Is it good to go for a handshake after introducing yourself? "I think you're gorgeous and wanted to say hi Im Antonoous." And go for a handshake?

About half the time I do, so it's fine if you want to - just make sure it's a gentle handshake and not a firm, business handshake.

Usually, I'll ask her name, then shake her hand while telling her my name, and that it's nice to meet her.

Also I cant ask her if she's single, there is no such word in my language. I can ask her if she has a bf/is she taken, is that fine?

Sure, the wording doesn't matter so long as you communicate the message properly. Some variation of "do you have a man" or "do you have a boyfriend" is fine.

Ignore @pipeman84 on this, I don't know why he hates cold approach so much. Aside from taking the next 5-10 years to become a "high-value man", it's the best way to meet women because you have the most control.

You see a beautiful woman while going about your day.

You can either do nothing, become extremely successful and famous on social media (because, remember, just because you're rich and good-looking doesn't mean women know about you), and hope that this woman slides into your DMs several years later...

Or you can just go up to her and see if she likes you, now.

Just last night, I went to the bar with my friend and approached a table of 3 girls. I really hit it off with 1 of them, and we spent most of the night making out. She wanted to go home with me, and I had an Uber on the way, but 1 of those friends got kicked out of the bar so she had to cancel to make sure she was ok. She's supposed to come over tonight, so we'll see.

I also got another girl's number after that girl left, before the bar closed.

Those things don't happen if you don't have the balls to approach a woman. Even if you do become a "high-value man", you still have to know how to talk to women...

 

[Sega Genesis]

>>How should a cold approach look<<

@AntoniousIV

I don't hang out at bars/clubs so my response applies to when you're out and about on a Saturday afternoon or any other day.

The best cold approaches are approaches that don't look like you're cold approaching; they appear totally spontaneous, unplanned and natural.

An example would be the other day a man was standing behind me in the grocery store check out line and witnessed me showing kindness to the man in front of me checking out his items.

He (man in front checking out items) could not find (what I would assume to be) his government prepaid card or something like based on what he was saying. .

He was so frantic, I felt so badly for him I offered to pay for his groceries... but then thankfully he found the card.

As I was walking home, the man who had been on line behind me was walking behind me, caught up to me and said:

"I like how you handled things back there, I don't typically see such kindness from women as pretty as you."

I thanked him, we chatted briefly and he asked for my number and would I be open to going out sometime. Clearly a cold approach that appeared to be spontaneous and unplanned.

On his end he may very well have planned it!

However he did it in such a way that looked spontaneous and natural versus some thirsty dude out cold approaching random women scoping for new p*ssy.

Take advantage of opportunities like that or create opportunities!

That said the bar/club scene is different, women there expect to be approached so agree with @BPH in that regard.

 

[pipeman84]

Ignore @pipeman84 on this, I don't know why he hates cold approach so much. Aside from taking the next 5-10 years to become a "high-value man", it's the best way to meet women because you have the most control.

If the bar is as low as 'meeting women', then yeah, cold approach till you drop. If the goal is to meet quality, single women and do it from a position of strength, as opposed to begging, then cold approaching is pointless and counterproductive.
Atom Smasher had some great posts on this issue, here's one of them:

I didn’t read this entire thread yet, but my observation is that cold approaching in the pua style is completely unnatural. What you’re doing is assigning massive value to the target for no reason other than her looks. You’re putting her in the position of accepting or rejecting you, the beggar.

The frame here is that you have already gone “all-in” with her, and you hope she will accept you.

The real, natural “cold approach” is a delicate dance, a give and take that conveys to her that she is going to have to earn your attention. For a close to 100% success rate, it starts with a subtle “invitation” on her part. She broadcasts signs that she is interested, and you respond with a cautious approach. You’re not all-in. You immediately convey that you might be interested if she proves to be worthwhile. You don’t say that verbally. Rather, you convey that subtly with your attitude (teasing, a light, fun bearing).

“Excuse me... I just saw you over there and I just HAD to come over and say hello” is the worst kind of approach. Be a beggar and she will always regard you as such deep down inside.

My feeling is, why would one assign value to a perfect stranger? Instead, develop your radar for discerning which women are receptive to you, and your work is already done. Just reel her in.

I’m convinced that most men receive indicators of interest from women which they are completely blind to. It doesn’t help that women think they are being obvious, when in fact they are being overly subtle.

As I was walking home, the man who had been on line behind me was walking behind me, caught up to me and said:

"I like how you handled things back there, I don't typically see such kindness from women as pretty as you."

I thanked him, we chatted briefly and he asked for my number and would I be open to going out sometime. Clearly a cold approach that appeared to be spontaneous and unplanned.

That's a smooth operator.

 

[BPH]

If the bar is as low as 'meeting women', then yeah, cold approach till you drop. If the goal is to meet quality, single women and do it from a position of strength, as opposed to begging, then cold approaching is pointless and counterproductive.
Atom Smasher had some great posts on this issue, here's one of them:

So, courting and leading are now begging? The roles are supposed to be reversed, and she's supposed to come to me?

You can do whatever you want, man, but how is that approach working out for you?

 

[Barrister]

There’s no set formula for “how a cold approach should look.” It’s more about putting yourself in a position to naturally interact with a woman. Your charisma and social skills carry the day and allow you to drum up a topic that has validity in the moment.

If you see a woman you want to talk to, get nearby (naturally), look at your environment and comment on something. An easy one is always what she is wearing. “You’ve got good taste. I like your <article of clothing/accessory>.” This normally gets them talking “Aww thanks! I got it at…..blah blah.” And you take off from there. You just need to get her talking and building rapport. But having good conversational skills is essential. If you act wooden or unnatural in the interaction you will always be destined to fail even if you are trying and even if you are good looking.

 

[pipeman84]

This is from Zan Perrion's (one of the OGs seduction gurus) book, Alabaster Girl:

I rarely approach women uninvited. I never really have, I suppose. I don’t need to. I am already in constant communication with them. I
approach from afar, if that makes sense. I am always scanning a room, checking in with every woman, watching for their signals, letting
them know that I am here. I let them know with my eyes and my smile that I see them, oh yes I do. Everything is already presented
and laid out before them, like a map on a table. The ones who are open to my approach-from-afar, or even mildly curious, will let me know. They will speak to me in a soundless, but loud and clear voice. I only go where I am invited. I never waste a moment of my time approaching women who are indifferent to my presence. And because I never go where I am not invited, I never fail. There. I said it.

So, courting and leading are now begging? The roles are supposed to be reversed, and she's supposed to come to me?

First off, are you indeed courting and leading? For that to happen, she should first drop the handkerchief, so to speak. In other words, she has to give IOIs that she's open to being courted by you specifically. Secondly, when cold approaching, you know nothing about her, just the fact she appears to be hot, after a cursory glance. It's highly likely she's in a relationship and/or mentally unstable, doesn't find you attractive, you have nothing in common, she's dumb as a rock and plenty other reasons why I wouldn't want to interact with her.

When you meet women through activities/hobbies/work or they're introduced to you by other people you know, you already have a good idea of who she is, if she's worthy of your time.

 

[Sega Genesis]

@pipeman84

What @Atom Smasher wrote:
>>My feeling is, why would one assign value to a perfect stranger? Instead, develop your radar for discerning which women are receptive to you, and your work is already done. Just reel her in.<<

There is truth to this (from my perspective). Even with the guy in my story, when I noticed him behind me in the check-out line, I smiled at him briefly and he smiled back.

Had I NOT smiled, it's quite possible he would not have followed and approached me. I will never know but my smiling may have made it easier for him to approach.

@BPH you do you, obviously it works really well for you!

That said for me personally, a man cold approaching me telling me I'm "gorgeous" is too much, over the top and tbh sounds a bit cheesy. For ME. And I don't respond positively to it. I mean I appreciate the compliment but that's as far as it goes.

What the guy in my story did was give me value based on the kindness he witnessed and tossed in that I'm pretty almost like an afterthought.

I thought it was pretty cool actually.

But no doubt I am unlike the women you meet and go for - I hate online dating, I don't have IG or FB anymore and I loathe the bar/club scene and hookup culture.

So there's that.

We all have our own standards and styles that work. There is no "one size fits all" as far as I'm concerned.

 

[BPH]

I rarely approach women uninvited. I never really have, I suppose. I don’t need to. I am already in constant communication with them. I
approach from afar, if that makes sense. I am always scanning a room, checking in with every woman, watching for their signals, letting
them know that I am here. I let them know with my eyes and my smile that I see them, oh yes I do. Everything is already presented
and laid out before them, like a map on a table. The ones who are open to my approach-from-afar, or even mildly curious, will let me know. They will speak to me in a soundless, but loud and clear voice. I only go where I am invited. I never waste a moment of my time approaching women who are indifferent to my presence. And because I never go where I am not invited, I never fail. There. I said it.

I believe that if you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough. Getting comfortable in a positive feedback loop, absent hardship, failure, and adjustment, means you're not growing...

But that's besides the point. This book was published in December 2013, meaning it was probably finished being written 1-2 years before that. Wanna know what's changed in that time?

• Instagram became popular and mainstream
• Tinder and the other dating apps were first released
• And 6 years later, the pandemic happened, which led to the popularization of OnlyFans, among other things, such as being terminally online and lacking social skills, having spent their college careers on Zoom calls

TL;DR The dating environment is WAY different now compared to when this guy wrote this up...

First off, are you indeed courting and leading? For that to happen, she should first drop the handkerchief, so to speak. In other words, she has to give IOIs that she's open to being courted by you specifically.

I don't wait for something that may never happen. That is passive. The reason I love cold approach is that if I want to meet a woman, I simply do.

Secondly, when cold approaching, you know nothing about her, just the fact she appears to be hot, after a cursory glance. It's highly likely she's in a relationship and/or mentally unstable, doesn't find you attractive, you have nothing in common, she's dumb as a rock and plenty other reasons why I wouldn't want to interact with her.

This sounds like the real reason you don't like cold approach. You've drawn all these assumptions about a woman you've never met, simply because she isn't in your warm market. That's a very limiting mindset.

@pipeman84

What @Atom Smasher wrote:
@BPH you do you, obviously it works really well for you!

That said for me personally, a man cold approaching me telling me I'm "gorgeous" is too much, over the top and tbh sounds a bit cheesy. For ME. And I don't respond positively to it. I mean I appreciate the compliment but that's as far as it goes.

The guy asked how to properly cold approach. That's my bread and butter, so I gave him my answer.

The argument about whether TO cold approach seems to be what this is evolving into. I think my track record speaks for itself, but ultimately it depends on what you're looking for.

 

[Plinco]

First off, are you indeed courting and leading? For that to happen, she should first drop the handkerchief, so to speak. In other words, she has to give IOIs that she's open to being courted by you specifically.

Why is this not a contradiction? Leading is having her make the first move?

If I approach a woman nonchalantly and tell her that I think she's pretty and want to get to know her, that's desperation?

 

[Sega Genesis]

The guy asked how to properly cold approach. That's my bread and butter, so I gave him my answer.

The argument about whether TO cold approach seems to be what this is evolving into. I think my track record speaks for itself, but ultimately it depends on what you're looking for.

No need to get defensive, I agree, you do you, and said so.

@BPH you do you, obviously it works really well for you!

We all have our own standards and styles that work. There is no "one size fits all" as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Velasco]

No, because you might end up waiting too long

she might not even have seen you to decide whether she's interested.

if we were having this conversation 5 years ago i would’ve agreed with this. but this idea is foreign to me now because if you look good (and i mean really good), you will have many girls (including the ones you actually want) giving you signs she wants you to come talk to her. so yeah, just go up to her and introduce yourself and see if she’s down to chill that night or get her number and arrange a meetup on another night. the looking really good part is vital in having her actually wanting to see you vs texting a girl that was just ehh about u then stops responding to ur texts