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How often do you text your girl

BJP1991

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For any girl who is not brand new and is not your LTR gf. So, for girls youre beyond 2 dates with, but are not explicitly exclusive with:

How often do you text them between your dates? I’m not huge on texting, but I’ve noticed one of the girls I’ve seen about 5 times is starting to initiate a bit more frequently even when we have a date already planned for a couple days out.

Im not one to text much, and I know she will eventually pickup on that and likely adjust to my lead, assuming she wants to be with me and isn’t superficial about something as trivial as “how often you text each other”.

Thoughts? Some use it strictly for setting dates and nothing else - I think that’s a bit cold and can come off like you DGAF. I also know not to overdo it - I try to maintain a balance of letting the girl do more initiating than I do, but be playful and light - just not letting the text convo drone one about nothingness.

Also I have a hard time coming up with things to text when there is no “goal” - meaning to ask her out and get a date. It feels like I’m just trying to fill a void of communication when I do that and there feels like there’s no purpose. Therefore I don’t text at all in those situations.

Even texting to tell them something funny or a call back to a past interaction - it’s like “what’s the point?” - especially if we already have a date planned in a few days.


I want to maintain interest, but won’t be texting to do that. I know texting too often will lower interest, but no texting at all can absolutely do the same (which IMO depends on how needy the girl is.

Thoughts/opinions?

Gradually text more over time as you build a connection? That’s what my strategy usually is, as there’s no reason to text all day long - it seems weak.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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The best relationships I have ever had were ones that I texted daily from before meeting until we broke up. Not all day, sometimes one or two texts. FWIW.
 

BJP1991

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The best relationships I have ever had were ones that I texted daily from before meeting until we broke up. Not all day, sometimes one or two texts. FWIW.
So part of me agrees with this, but it’s something that is worked up to (daily texting), rather than starting off like that right away. I would venture to guess the daily texting is not what equated them to being good relationships - I’m sure that was other things that made the relationships positive and not the fact that you were constantly in contact...

My problem is I feel like “if there is no purpose behind a text, why even send it at all?”
 

Amante Silvestre

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assuming she wants to be with me and isn’t superficial about something as trivial as “how often you text each other”.
If you expect her not to make an issue of something so trivial, then why would you?

Text as you please. Don’t fret over the number.

A solid attraction is immune to it. If she leaves over that, she wasn’t going to stay anyway.
 

derby1

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i have a rule of thumb for social media and texting, seeing as both serve no health/wealth purpose to our wellbeing.

the 5 rule......if i find myself scrolling fb without realising , i count down from 5 and instantly shut it down.

if i'm texting a woman i'm mindful of floating in and out of 5 texts max, then im back on my grind. (probably reignite another 5 or so texts that evening)

i do not let women or mundane platforms sexually abuse my time anymore,

be mindful
 
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BackInTheGame78

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So part of me agrees with this, but it’s something that is worked up to (daily texting), rather than starting off like that right away. I would venture to guess the daily texting is not what equated them to being good relationships - I’m sure that was other things that made the relationships positive and not the fact that you were constantly in contact...

My problem is I feel like “if there is no purpose behind a text, why even send it at all?”
Then you are not very good at listening/texting. Women give you so many clues on things to talk to them about but most guys don't pick up on them.

But I do agree it wasn't what made the relationships great but it helped solidify them especially within the first month or so.
 

BJP1991

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Then you are not very good at listening/texting. Women give you so many clues on things to talk to them about but most guys don't pick up on them.

But I do agree it wasn't what made the relationships great but it helped solidify them especially within the first month or so.
Eh, I don’t think I’m bad at that. I just view texting and talking as 2 different things. I view texting as a tool to communicate, not just an open avenue of constant connection.

And the second part there makes sense. I feel like i could be in the stage where things start to ramp up more texting-wise, especially as we become more and more physical in person. I think it sort of naturally goes hand-in-hand (increasing intimacy, increased text volume)
 

oldmanofthesea

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I e been experimenting a lot with this in the past few months since Guru told me his strategy. I used to be about only setting dates for it. I understand why some people do that, but I feel that advice is specifically for guys who go way way deep in convo and act needy. A few texts a day is cool if you are getting the right vibes from the girl and you should calibrate to her responses and initiations.

If she never initiates, I might initiate ONCE per week (so long as there is a date scheduled). If we text a few times a day, then she pulls back, i pull back a little harder. After 3-5 dates most girls will initiate at least once or twice a day. I always respond and generally don’t make them wait many hours unless I am genuinely busy and can’t get to it.
 

gettinit

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For me, it varies, but I prefer to keep it to a minimum. I did have one that lived a little distant and having only met her face to face for an hour, we got further aquatinted via text. The next time I saw her, she told me that she felt very comfortable with me. A couple hours later, she proved it.

As others have said, feel it out. Some require more attention than others and in some cases, it seems to keep the burner warm between dates if done right.
 

RickTheToad

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For any girl who is not brand new and is not your LTR gf. So, for girls youre beyond 2 dates with, but are not explicitly exclusive with:

How often do you text them between your dates? I’m not huge on texting, but I’ve noticed one of the girls I’ve seen about 5 times is starting to initiate a bit more frequently even when we have a date already planned for a couple days out.

Im not one to text much, and I know she will eventually pickup on that and likely adjust to my lead, assuming she wants to be with me and isn’t superficial about something as trivial as “how often you text each other”.

Thoughts? Some use it strictly for setting dates and nothing else - I think that’s a bit cold and can come off like you DGAF. I also know not to overdo it - I try to maintain a balance of letting the girl do more initiating than I do, but be playful and light - just not letting the text convo drone one about nothingness.

Also I have a hard time coming up with things to text when there is no “goal” - meaning to ask her out and get a date. It feels like I’m just trying to fill a void of communication when I do that and there feels like there’s no purpose. Therefore I don’t text at all in those situations.

Even texting to tell them something funny or a call back to a past interaction - it’s like “what’s the point?” - especially if we already have a date planned in a few days.


I want to maintain interest, but won’t be texting to do that. I know texting too often will lower interest, but no texting at all can absolutely do the same (which IMO depends on how needy the girl is.

Thoughts/opinions?

Gradually text more over time as you build a connection? That’s what my strategy usually is, as there’s no reason to text all day long - it seems weak.
Once in a while. Though, she usually texts and calls me daily. Once you get them hooked, they do the chasing. (You) Need to watch my dude AMS.
 
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stringpuller

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So part of me agrees with this, but it’s something that is worked up to (daily texting), rather than starting off like that right away. I would venture to guess the daily texting is not what equated them to being good relationships - I’m sure that was other things that made the relationships positive and not the fact that you were constantly in contact...

My problem is I feel like “if there is no purpose behind a text, why even send it at all?”
BJ if your communication at any area is gettimg predictable or boring. Then you should be concerned. Until your gut tells you that routine is setting in. Don't sweat it.
 

LARaiders85

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I respond when they initiate. I dont think there's really a downside to that with most women although lately I have run into "why do you let me waste your time" more often.
 

KindredSpiritzz

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I text them daily, sometimes I initiate, sometimes they do. About half the texting is about sex, other half getting to know them stuff.
Had a first date last friday which ended up naked and in my hot tub and i have another first date this Saturday which is looking like it will be at a motel near her.
 

oldmanofthesea

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I respond when they initiate. I dont think there's really a downside to that with most women although lately I have run into "why do you let me waste your time" more often.
Ive run into that too and can’t decide if the point being made is:
1. You must have no life if you let me waste your time like this
2. She is really just insecure and is fishing for validation on where she stands with you, IE, “I do it because I like you.”
 

Glassguy

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I often get this text (actually got it last night):

"Hey whats up? I havent heard from you since Friday. Everything ok?"

I responded back with "You know, the usual. Lots of stuff going on and super busy. How was your weekend?"


That is what you want. You do not want to be blowing their phone up all day as it shows too much availability, lack of purpose and lack of abundance.

You cannot have a woman pursuing you if you are chasing her. It doesnt work like that.

If a woman has a high attraction/interest level she will chase. If not, you are going to chase and that might get her in the sack once or twice but you are setting yourself up for her bouncing when a better option comes along. If you are fine with that, go for it. If not, focus on women with a high interest level who is sexually attracted to you and she will chase. You can fvck her all you want and she will keep coming back for more as long as you keep making her pursue you.
 
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LARaiders85

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Ive run into that too and can’t decide if the point being made is:
1. You must have no life if you let me waste your time like this
2. She is really just insecure and is fishing for validation on where she stands with you, IE, “I do it because I like you.”
I've seen it framed both ways, when it's more of a pure criticism it's like "do you just talk on the internet all day" but I think underlying that is "why do you let me waste your time." Vice versa otherwise, they will say the latter but I suspect might also be thinking the former.
 
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