How many of you guys.....

[Glassguy]

How many of you guys are like this:

It doesnt matter what a chick says, its the same with me. Aloof, emotionally distant, not obtainable. Basically I get what I want from them and I dont really even take into consideration what they want or need.

It doesnt matter if a chick says "I really like you" or "you are very frustrating". Its the same look and response on my face. A smile and an "okay" is all they ever get from me.

I guess after a failed marriage and then a called off engagement back to back, I have just developed the mindset of "this is what I want from this, take it or leave it".

I spin a lot of plates, have numerous hobbies (too many probably) and I have a daughter that I have 90% of the time who is involved in sports. So whenever I choose to give time and attention to someone I am talking to, its limited and I try to keep secks the primary focus of the "relationship". As soon as the chick tries to take the focus off secks and to an emotional level I bail out.

It has me thinking maybe I have blown some otherwise very good opportunities with women because of how I can walk away so easy at the first sign of red flags (Clingy, insecurity, jealous, etc). I often think "I'll keep banging you for now but this is going nowhere past that". And thats what I do, bang them until they get so tired of my emotional detachment they put themselves on the bench.

Eventually there should be more than plate spinning and hanging out and I have become so detached emotionally, I seriously thought about completely going off the grid dating wise for a while. Spend time with my daughter, running, eating right and my hobbies. A time to really find out what I want long term.

Have I developed a characteristic that should be marveled or a curse? How many of you guys get to this point and what do you do to get over the hump (either way)?

 

[sazc]

You are where you are. If this is what you want, if this is what makes you happy, then perfect. If that changes, then follow the change.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

No. This is the one thing that I disagree with people on here. If you only look at them for sex, you are missing out on other possible benefits they can give you (social opportunities, career paths, her dad might be Bill Gates, etc). Look at them more as people you can benefit from rather than just pretty bodies that you stick your **** in. And if they are willing to have sex with you and want an emotional connection with you, they are definitely willing to help you out in other aspects of your life as well. People forget this sometimes.

 

[TheFixer14]

No. This is the one thing that I disagree with people on here. If you only look at them for sex, you are missing out on other possible benefits they can give you (social opportunities, career paths, her dad might be Bill Gates, etc). Look at them more as people you can benefit from rather than just pretty bodies that you stick your **** in. And if they are willing to have sex with you and want an emotional connection with you, they are definitely willing to help you out in other aspects of your life as well. People forget this sometimes.

Please, enough with this bull****. Women have NOTHING of true value to offer most guys because most women date up.

 

[highSpeed]

Boy, you could not be more right about this being fleeting. Their attention, time, money, sechs and adoration run out as soon as you get serious. It's like they know that point at which you have now invested in them. Most guys, once they have invested, have a tough time flushing that investment. This leads to them getting screwed over but is a good trait to have in things like businesss, sports, competition and life in general. If I can take more than you and go further than you can, that is almost always going to serve you well. In this case though, it simply leads to you being mistreated, disrespected and the ultimate act of betrayal that a woman can visit on you, cheating. I've always said it's a way more personal thing for a woman to have sechs. Think about it, which is more personal, sticking something in someone or being the person that thing is stuck in. Women always say, or at least the surveys do, that men's emotional betrayal and connection is the worst thing that a man can do to a woman in a relationship. That your emotional connection is the same as some guy railing her. This is the false equivalence that they always throw up. Face it guys, unless you are willing to be a heartless bastard and have no emotional connection to your woman, you're going to get owned at some point. If you can be han solo, you've got it made though.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Please, enough with this bull****. Women have NOTHING of true value to offer most guys because most women date up.

Use your brain. Perhaps friends or friends of friends are better than her. You can use them. You can always link a connection to how you can benefit from someone, you need to know how. Women by themselves cannot provide any value to you besides sex, but some of them do open doors for you. Think outside the box.

 

[sazc]

I am not sure that I buy this dating up theory. Personally, I would be hard-pressed to drop Amyann that I am happy and emotionally invested in simply because someone came along that I felt would increase my social financial etc. value. However if she's not emotionally invested in you but she's dating you or if she feels emotionally distant from you, she is the ripe for the picking if someone else comes along.
I am not going to say that no women practice dating up, I just don't see the point in taking up something that is connected and stable to go on to something that is uncertain.

 

[Trump]

How many of you guys are like this:

It doesnt matter what a chick says, its the same with me. Aloof, emotionally distant, not obtainable. Basically I get what I want from them and I dont really even take into consideration what they want or need.

It doesnt matter if a chick says "I really like you" or "you are very frustrating". Its the same look and response on my face. A smile and an "okay" is all they ever get from me.

I guess after a failed marriage and then a called off engagement back to back, I have just developed the mindset of "this is what I want from this, take it or leave it".

I spin a lot of plates, have numerous hobbies (too many probably) and I have a daughter that I have 90% of the time who is involved in sports. So whenever I choose to give time and attention to someone I am talking to, its limited and I try to keep secks the primary focus of the "relationship". As soon as the chick tries to take the focus off secks and to an emotional level I bail out.

It has me thinking maybe I have blown some otherwise very good opportunities with women because of how I can walk away so easy at the first sign of red flags (Clingy, insecurity, jealous, etc). I often think "I'll keep banging you for now but this is going nowhere past that". And thats what I do, bang them until they get so tired of my emotional detachment they put themselves on the bench.

Eventually there should be more than plate spinning and hanging out and I have become so detached emotionally, I seriously thought about completely going off the grid dating wise for a while. Spend time with my daughter, running, eating right and my hobbies. A time to really find out what I want long term.

Have I developed a characteristic that should be marveled or a curse? How many of you guys get to this point and what do you do to get over the hump (either way)?

What did the failed marriage and called off engagement do to you bro? It's like you are so angry at not being able connect with your ex-wife and ex-fiancé that you are taking it out on other women.

I guess it's human nature. We see others have close connected wives and families and when we fail to achieve that ourselves, we lash out and over compensate.

If you are attracted to a woman and she wants connect, go with the flow. To be all rock and roll now is only hurting yourself.

 

[Glassguy]

I am not angry or bitter at all.

Quite the opposite. I go out and have a great time and am a very optimistic person. I dont look at the divorce and ended engagement as a curse, actually I see them as a blessing.

This thread is not about lashing out. Its about communication involving the process a man goes through when he moves from a somewhat beta personality to one that really doesnt give 2 sh!ts about the emotional connection with women.

When I am with a chick, I am very mannerly, fun, connected. Its all about having a good time. The difference, with me, is that when leave I them for the night or they leave my place, there is nothing more there until the next time we hang out.

I look at ways a woman benefits me. It doesnt really matter to me how I benefit her. Several chicks have been good resources for my business networking, etc. That aspect grew but there was still no emotional attachment.

Its almost like I refuse to change who I am from the beginning, so the chicks get mad that I am not emotionally investing more and more into them. When they get to the point of giving me an ultimatum or want to have "the talk", it generally doesnt fare well for them.

 

[TheFixer14]

Use your brain. Perhaps friends or friends of friends are better than her. You can use them. You can always link a connection to how you can benefit from someone, you need to know how. Women by themselves cannot provide any value to you besides sex, but some of them do open doors for you. Think outside the box.

Take your own advice. It doesn't happen. Even if it does, it's rare.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Take your own advice. It doesn't happen. Even if it does, it's rare.

Women do hook things up, they can pay for dates or help with bills, others even will help you with chores. You have to know who your dealing with. All women are not leeches. Many will help you how they can.

 

[highSpeed]

Women do hook things up, they can pay for dates or help with bills, others even will help you with chores. You have to know who your dealing with. All women are not leeches. Many will help you how they can.

Until they get what they want out of you. Then you are an expendable resource or a useful idiot.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Take your own advice. It doesn't happen. Even if it does, it's rare.

Women only dating up? Have you read Tenacity's posts? That's clearly not the case. It happens much more often than you think.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Until they get what they want out of you. Then you are an expendable resource or a useful idiot.

All women aren't predators though. There are some built to be providers and nurterers.

 

[The Duke]

GlassGuy- I've basically been that guy you described for many years. They cared far more about me than I did them. I was always respectful and upfront, but I was the one in charge and didn't give very much. some stuck around, some didn't.

In this most recent relationship, I've opened up, put my feelings out there, given her more than I've given any female in many years. Been the perfect guy. Only thing it has really accomplished is creating me more anxiety and having to compromise more. It hasn't generated anymore loyalty or respect.

I'm sure ole Poon King will see this and grin! lol.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

Book a therapy session with a good, non-SJW professional. Seriously.

You're wondering if this phase is a marvel or a curse. Neither, it just is.

We have needs. A lot of them. Physical, mental, emotional, social, etc etc etc.

Self-awareness is often the first step to resolving an issue like this. You might find some answers or self-discovery discussing this with online strangers in a community filled with sexually frustrated men, but I'd wager you'll get a lot farther, faster, in a clinical setting. You're not just some recently-awakened beta AFC.

A good therapist will facilitate your own path to understanding your own mind and body. I'd bolt at the first sign of one who tries to "fix" or "turn" you.

 

[El Payaso]

How many of you guys are like this:

It doesnt matter what a chick says, its the same with me. Aloof, emotionally distant, not obtainable. Basically I get what I want from them and I dont really even take into consideration what they want or need.

It doesnt matter if a chick says "I really like you" or "you are very frustrating". Its the same look and response on my face. A smile and an "okay" is all they ever get from me.

I guess after a failed marriage and then a called off engagement back to back, I have just developed the mindset of "this is what I want from this, take it or leave it".

I spin a lot of plates, have numerous hobbies (too many probably) and I have a daughter that I have 90% of the time who is involved in sports. So whenever I choose to give time and attention to someone I am talking to, its limited and I try to keep secks the primary focus of the "relationship". As soon as the chick tries to take the focus off secks and to an emotional level I bail out.

It has me thinking maybe I have blown some otherwise very good opportunities with women because of how I can walk away so easy at the first sign of red flags (Clingy, insecurity, jealous, etc). I often think "I'll keep banging you for now but this is going nowhere past that". And thats what I do, bang them until they get so tired of my emotional detachment they put themselves on the bench.

Eventually there should be more than plate spinning and hanging out and I have become so detached emotionally, I seriously thought about completely going off the grid dating wise for a while. Spend time with my daughter, running, eating right and my hobbies. A time to really find out what I want long term.

Have I developed a characteristic that should be marveled or a curse? How many of you guys get to this point and what do you do to get over the hump (either way)?

And the problem is....?

You have figured out a way to protect your heart from the clutches of women and you're complaining?

It would be a curse if after a failed marriage and a called off engagement, you would still want to invest in a woman emotionally.

 

[Glassguy]

And the problem is....?

You have figured out a way to protect your heart from the clutches of women and you're complaining?

It would be a curse if after a failed marriage and a called off engagement, you would still want to invest in a woman emotionally.

Not complaining, just checking my sanity brother. Making sure I'm not out there alone lol.

I guess if I got a "wow" factor with a chick, I might pull my guard down a little but I'll never lose frame.

It's funny because when I tell a woman that I'm not emotionally "ready" for a relationship/commitment, they see it as a challenge and chase harder. I know that eventually they are going to grow weary of chasing something that can't be caught right now.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Not complaining, just checking my sanity brother. Making sure I'm not out there alone lol.

I guess if I got a "wow" factor with a chick, I might pull my guard down a little but I'll never lose frame.

It's funny because when I tell a woman that I'm not emotionally "ready" for a relationship/commitment, they see it as a challenge and chase harder. I know that eventually they are going to grow weary of chasing something that can't be caught right now.

It's temporary. No matter how "over it," you feel, there will be a day when you meet an HB10 (in your eyes), and you will unwillingly get invested ... again. There's just no fighting the feeliez when the "right" girl comes along to bring them out--unfortunately.

No teflon don in this game.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

No. This is the one thing that I disagree with people on here. If you only look at them for sex, you are missing out on other possible benefits they can give you (social opportunities, career paths, her dad might be Bill Gates, etc). Look at them more as people you can benefit from rather than just pretty bodies that you stick your **** in. And if they are willing to have sex with you and want an emotional connection with you, they are definitely willing to help you out in other aspects of your life as well. People forget this sometimes.

No. If you want to pursue a proper relationship with a women, you can not use them as a means to an end. You need to think about the woman as an end in herself. Morality 101.