"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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how do you set boundaries while remaining open to others?

rocco

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how do you set boundaries for your coworkers, strangers, bosses, classmates, while remaining open and friendly towards them?
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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reset

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Do you have some examples of how your boundaries are being tested?
 

rocco

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I have two examples.

I go to college and there is a classmate that likes to talk bad about other classmates. He talked sh1t about me in my presence, and it really pissed me off but I kept it to myself for the most part. I am trying to be more friendly open guy in my class. I am concerned that if i confront him in an overly agressive manner it would make me look bad towards other classmates.

Also I do sports, and my coach is constantly crossing my boundaries. He does it in a friendly way sometimes, sometimes he does it to seem alpha.. I had a bad day, a lot of stress with college, and the coach just really annoyed me the other day. But the fact that he has constantly crossed my boundaries in the past for so long, it almost seems beyond the norm to confront him about it.
 

MoveYourAss...

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You ask the eternal question.

That's great. I don't have a one-fits-all-situations solution, so I can only give you some ideas:

It's about balance.

And about the realization that your (healthy and authentic) boundaries actually help for the opening process, on behalf on yourself and on the others. It's easier do deal with. Same with beeing open, just for the uber-alphas.

And about the realization that it is ok to react unperfectly, overreact, for instance (within some reason), as long as authentic.

And about tolerance: My martial arts teacher, for instance, is way better than me and the others. And sometimes he crosses boundarris because of temporarily trouble or whatever. That's human. Apart from this rare thing he is a reat person and teacher. If the basic relationship is good that's fine, the other will know it himself.

And about knowing that other interesting people see what's going on and may appreciate your coolness and un-fazed-ness (within reason, again).


You wrote you kept it to yourself. Don't, if it's a strong or permanent nuisance. It is more difficult to deal with, however, if it's a low level stuff they are trying.

A propos "Tryin'": Maybe they don't even know about what they are doing. Talk to them alone, so they don't have to play theatre for the audience.

And (I don't think you need to be tild that, just to include the basics): You cannot always be the only one bad-ass uber-alpha in the room. It's more than enouh to be able to do that if really necessary. Apart from that, beeing an alpha is the way. It's ok to let the "control" wander around, it will come back to you if you're open to it, and you can take it if you need to, I hope.

To go more practical: Humor is best. Laugh with them and the audience.
 
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