I have noticed recently that I have a lack of motivation to approach, and whn I finally want to, I start making up a million excuses why I shouldn't. How do you guys just make yourself get passed those feelings, say f-it and approach anyway?
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
How do you push yourself to approach?
- Thread starter Drewskie
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Do exactly that, say f-it and go approach.
Its also called the 3 second rule. In the first 3 seconds of being attracted to a woman you should approach, any longer and your mind'll come up with tons of BS to prevent you from getting them digits!
Its also called the 3 second rule. In the first 3 seconds of being attracted to a woman you should approach, any longer and your mind'll come up with tons of BS to prevent you from getting them digits!
BigWillyStyle
Banned
Approach where? In clubs and bars I used to be pretty ****ing drunk, so approaching wasn't scary...
I've gotten relatively confident being able to read the right signals, so I feel okay acting on them. It still can be a bit nerve racking, but nothing can be more fun than a conversation with several new girls, or a group of folks.
Vice
Master Don Juan
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Three things:
Something she's DOING
Something she's SAYING
Something she's WEARING
Pick one of those and make a comment on it. If you're in an especially fun mood this is even better. You don't need to think of any lines or conversation starters this way, because she's providing YOU with all the material you need.
Something she's DOING
Something she's SAYING
Something she's WEARING
Pick one of those and make a comment on it. If you're in an especially fun mood this is even better. You don't need to think of any lines or conversation starters this way, because she's providing YOU with all the material you need.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Three3Kingz
Don Juan
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monkey see, monkey do 
( . )( . )
Banned
Theres an easy trick. I used to remind myself that men have actually been known to face down things far more scarier than a girl, I heard some even faced machine gun fire. If your pride and ego doesnt win out after that then you may aswell cut your balls off and throw them away, you have no business pretending your a man and you'll actually confuse people who may happen to read your drivers licence and other day to day paperwork that require you to give your sex.
Ambition Now
Don Juan
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Make a mental image of the most creepy AFC guy you know. Everytime you feel like hesitating to approach, remind yourself that if you dont do it, its one more step towards you becoming this AFC guy.
For me, I'm not so much it's fear of approach as much as it is fear of not knowing what the hell I'm going to say after "hi". I'm a bit toward the introvert side as it is and can have some difficulty sparking conversations with people I don't know already, even guys. Unless I already know they are people I have something in common with. I generally am just not the type of guy who is talkative and gregarious towards random strangers. It's just not my personality style. Number two, I hate small talk. You have no choice but to do it sometimes, but I don't enjoy it and my brain sometimes just shuts down and I just have nothing to say to people's mundane comments about the weather, tv, blah, blah.
All the PUA tactics seem to be geared toward people with extroverted personalities and nothing toward people like me.
All the PUA tactics seem to be geared toward people with extroverted personalities and nothing toward people like me.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Rescue Mission
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Drewskie,
you need to ignore all of this emotional internal mumbo jumbo advice that you are getting in this thread, and listen to me, as I have successfully tested the following technique to PUSH yourself to approach:
train yourself like a dog (I am serious), condition yourself to get treats for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior
example? sure thing - make a deal with your friend that for every hot girl that you want to approach but don't approach, you have to give him $20. Maybe the first girl or 2 you will still not approach, but you will learn quickly that it is a sure-fire way to lose all your money. You are going to have NO CHOICE but to start approaching.
what's the treat that you get for this good behavior? (aka approaching girls) you get to meet hot girls that you might possibly fvck later on, aint no better treat than that!
you need to ignore all of this emotional internal mumbo jumbo advice that you are getting in this thread, and listen to me, as I have successfully tested the following technique to PUSH yourself to approach:
train yourself like a dog (I am serious), condition yourself to get treats for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior
example? sure thing - make a deal with your friend that for every hot girl that you want to approach but don't approach, you have to give him $20. Maybe the first girl or 2 you will still not approach, but you will learn quickly that it is a sure-fire way to lose all your money. You are going to have NO CHOICE but to start approaching.
what's the treat that you get for this good behavior? (aka approaching girls) you get to meet hot girls that you might possibly fvck later on, aint no better treat than that!
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
I'm giving them an opportunity to meet me...
Plain and simple, why would I be so selfish to NOT create those opportunities for them. You're walking and see a chick, she's waiting/hoping to get that chance to meet you so go CREATE.
CREATE THE EXPEREINCE
Plain and simple, why would I be so selfish to NOT create those opportunities for them. You're walking and see a chick, she's waiting/hoping to get that chance to meet you so go CREATE.
CREATE THE EXPEREINCE
thefonz
Master Don Juan
Well I've been approaching for a few years and I think if you're a naturally witty person then going in with nothing to say is ok. Juggler advocates doing this too, he calls it "go in nuetral".PHAT Rabbit said:
However, I think it's always good to have something prepared. Remember, it's not what, it's HOW you say it. A canned openor is just as good as a situational one as long as your showing interest in the girl. Having something prepared helps take some of the pressure off thinking of what you're going to say so you can focus on other things like Body Language, Tonality, or just plan admire her more...
Oh and nervousness only works in daygame and actually helps a little. Nervousness is not endearing in bars and nightclubs and will sink you like a stone.
Forty0ztoFreedom
Senior Don Juan
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What's important to me I'm finding, is to shed the false self-image that I am beyond AA. That I've 'beat' it. When I get high on myself like that, I end up not approaching so as not to deal with the possibility of that illusion being shattered. So I have to embrace and accept that I have the anxiety, and then start small. A "Hi" here and there, then maybe a SMALL conversation, and then finally going in for a full approach. Its not pleasant at first, but you just have to force yourself.