I have noticed recently that I have a lack of motivation to approach, and whn I finally want to, I start making up a million excuses why I shouldn't. How do you guys just make yourself get passed those feelings, say f-it and approach anyway?
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
How do you push yourself to approach?
- Thread starter Drewskie
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Do exactly that, say f-it and go approach.
Its also called the 3 second rule. In the first 3 seconds of being attracted to a woman you should approach, any longer and your mind'll come up with tons of BS to prevent you from getting them digits!
Its also called the 3 second rule. In the first 3 seconds of being attracted to a woman you should approach, any longer and your mind'll come up with tons of BS to prevent you from getting them digits!
BigWillyStyle
Banned
Approach where? In clubs and bars I used to be pretty ****ing drunk, so approaching wasn't scary...
I've gotten relatively confident being able to read the right signals, so I feel okay acting on them. It still can be a bit nerve racking, but nothing can be more fun than a conversation with several new girls, or a group of folks.
Vice
Master Don Juan
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Three things:
Something she's DOING
Something she's SAYING
Something she's WEARING
Pick one of those and make a comment on it. If you're in an especially fun mood this is even better. You don't need to think of any lines or conversation starters this way, because she's providing YOU with all the material you need.
Something she's DOING
Something she's SAYING
Something she's WEARING
Pick one of those and make a comment on it. If you're in an especially fun mood this is even better. You don't need to think of any lines or conversation starters this way, because she's providing YOU with all the material you need.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Three3Kingz
Don Juan
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monkey see, monkey do 
( . )( . )
Banned
Theres an easy trick. I used to remind myself that men have actually been known to face down things far more scarier than a girl, I heard some even faced machine gun fire. If your pride and ego doesnt win out after that then you may aswell cut your balls off and throw them away, you have no business pretending your a man and you'll actually confuse people who may happen to read your drivers licence and other day to day paperwork that require you to give your sex.
Ambition Now
Don Juan
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Make a mental image of the most creepy AFC guy you know. Everytime you feel like hesitating to approach, remind yourself that if you dont do it, its one more step towards you becoming this AFC guy.
For me, I'm not so much it's fear of approach as much as it is fear of not knowing what the hell I'm going to say after "hi". I'm a bit toward the introvert side as it is and can have some difficulty sparking conversations with people I don't know already, even guys. Unless I already know they are people I have something in common with. I generally am just not the type of guy who is talkative and gregarious towards random strangers. It's just not my personality style. Number two, I hate small talk. You have no choice but to do it sometimes, but I don't enjoy it and my brain sometimes just shuts down and I just have nothing to say to people's mundane comments about the weather, tv, blah, blah.
All the PUA tactics seem to be geared toward people with extroverted personalities and nothing toward people like me.
All the PUA tactics seem to be geared toward people with extroverted personalities and nothing toward people like me.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Rescue Mission
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Drewskie,
you need to ignore all of this emotional internal mumbo jumbo advice that you are getting in this thread, and listen to me, as I have successfully tested the following technique to PUSH yourself to approach:
train yourself like a dog (I am serious), condition yourself to get treats for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior
example? sure thing - make a deal with your friend that for every hot girl that you want to approach but don't approach, you have to give him $20. Maybe the first girl or 2 you will still not approach, but you will learn quickly that it is a sure-fire way to lose all your money. You are going to have NO CHOICE but to start approaching.
what's the treat that you get for this good behavior? (aka approaching girls) you get to meet hot girls that you might possibly fvck later on, aint no better treat than that!
you need to ignore all of this emotional internal mumbo jumbo advice that you are getting in this thread, and listen to me, as I have successfully tested the following technique to PUSH yourself to approach:
train yourself like a dog (I am serious), condition yourself to get treats for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior
example? sure thing - make a deal with your friend that for every hot girl that you want to approach but don't approach, you have to give him $20. Maybe the first girl or 2 you will still not approach, but you will learn quickly that it is a sure-fire way to lose all your money. You are going to have NO CHOICE but to start approaching.
what's the treat that you get for this good behavior? (aka approaching girls) you get to meet hot girls that you might possibly fvck later on, aint no better treat than that!
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
I'm giving them an opportunity to meet me...
Plain and simple, why would I be so selfish to NOT create those opportunities for them. You're walking and see a chick, she's waiting/hoping to get that chance to meet you so go CREATE.
CREATE THE EXPEREINCE
Plain and simple, why would I be so selfish to NOT create those opportunities for them. You're walking and see a chick, she's waiting/hoping to get that chance to meet you so go CREATE.
CREATE THE EXPEREINCE
thefonz
Master Don Juan
Well I've been approaching for a few years and I think if you're a naturally witty person then going in with nothing to say is ok. Juggler advocates doing this too, he calls it "go in nuetral".PHAT Rabbit said:
However, I think it's always good to have something prepared. Remember, it's not what, it's HOW you say it. A canned openor is just as good as a situational one as long as your showing interest in the girl. Having something prepared helps take some of the pressure off thinking of what you're going to say so you can focus on other things like Body Language, Tonality, or just plan admire her more...
Oh and nervousness only works in daygame and actually helps a little. Nervousness is not endearing in bars and nightclubs and will sink you like a stone.
Forty0ztoFreedom
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What's important to me I'm finding, is to shed the false self-image that I am beyond AA. That I've 'beat' it. When I get high on myself like that, I end up not approaching so as not to deal with the possibility of that illusion being shattered. So I have to embrace and accept that I have the anxiety, and then start small. A "Hi" here and there, then maybe a SMALL conversation, and then finally going in for a full approach. Its not pleasant at first, but you just have to force yourself.