How do you pursue without chasing?

[WanderingMan]

"ÈI must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

MonkeyKing, can you tell me where you got this quote from?

The simple answer is to train your mind away from fear; fear of approach, fear of fcking up, fear of outcome, fear of rejection (either initially, or after 20 years of marriage), fear of her leaving.

The difference between pursuit and chase is intent and independence of outcome.

-With pursuit, you give the girl the option which she takes or leaves. It's cool and calm, in such a way that she is free and safe to reject without hurting your feel-feels. Pursuit is sporadic and nonchalant. Pursuit ends after a couple of back-to-back rejections. Pursuit states it's purpose (sexuality and romance) and doesn't waver from that. Pursuit arises from a place of desire and want and is indicated by genuine interest from the target.

-Chasing is incessant and bordering on insistent. There is a vibe of desperation and panic. She feels awkward from your approaching. Chase is metronomic and persistent in the face of continuous rejection. Chasing tries to bargain with the subject, often wavering or downright neglecting the purpose (sexuality and romance), agreeing, "Sure, of course we can just be friends". Chase arises from place of fear and need, indicated by projected interest on to the target.

A lot of phenomenal posts in this thread.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

MonkeyKing, can you tell me where you got this quote from?

It's from Dune, by Frank Herbert. The Litany against Fear.