How do you pursue without chasing?

[Vivacity]

Sorry, but you're just flat wrong. Push and pull is great game conceptually and literally. Stirring emotion in a woman, both good and bad, is at the core of what people consider "love". Given that you can't have good without bad, you must have some negative emotions. Confusion is also a good thing. Intrigue, mystery. These things drive human curiosity. No woman wants the boring nice guy.

Sorry, I like certainty. I will find the one that is certain and does not confuse me. I want to use my time productively rather than spending time trying to figure out what a girl/woman does and says.

I will leave such garbage for other men to pick, if they want to.

 

[MrWiggles]

Sorry, I like certainty. I will find the one that is certain and does not confuse me. I want to use my time productively rather than spending time trying to figure out what a girl/woman does and says.

I will leave such garbage for other men to pick, if they want to.

you sound like a woman

 

[Juanto]

I just broke up with the ex and i want to ask out a friend who is in my social circle. Now my ex was not in my close social circle since it was a long distance relationship that didnt last long (around 4 months) but she was introduced once around a month ago in a dinner with those friends. Now, the girl I want to ask out was not present at that dinner and although I never said the ex was my gf at the time, it was obvious from our interactions that something was going on there (and we didnt try to hide it).

So question is, is it too soon to ask this girl out on a date because she might think im a douche (nobody knows i broke up yet) or is it OK?

P.S: some of the advice here previously given are gold

 

[TheGambino]

I just love this forum

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I just love this forum

I thought were not supposed to pursue chicks? We allow ones which have shown interest a shot...

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I just broke up with the ex and i want to ask out a friend who is in my social circle. Now my ex was not in my close social circle since it was a long distance relationship that didnt last long (around 4 months) but she was introduced once around a month ago in a dinner with those friends. Now, the girl I want to ask out was not present at that dinner and although I never said the ex was my gf at the time, it was obvious from our interactions that something was going on there (and we didnt try to hide it).

So question is, is it too soon to ask this girl out on a date because she might think im a douche (nobody knows i broke up yet) or is it OK?

P.S: some of the advice here previously given are gold

You don't date INSIDE your social circle, you use it to meet new women that you can date.
Don't screw your social circle up man.

 

[TheGambino]

I thought were not supposed to pursue chicks? We allow ones which have shown interest a shot...

Im in the middle of text shooting to some plates right now.

F8cked one, made her cumm, but she can't forget the old AFC me that was in love with her best friend. I changed A lot she saw that and we had some sexual action. Just texted her to have drinks.. lets see what happens. If she replies vague or says shes busy or whatever Ill instantly next this one. Im going to the same club saturday where she is, ill ignore her ass if she shoots me down now and make moves on other girls in front of her.

Other one is a FWB girl. Texted her for sunday night.

I need to spin more plates, because the other one I was dating is uneducated and drinks everyday.

Ask them out, have a fun date, if they show low interest, f8cking next.

btw: ill be having a goal at a date. Im just kino'ing, getting the vibe and talk sexual so you can pump her. Have that ''make out'' goal in your mind while listening to her and just make a f8cking move.

 

[Juanto]

My opinion: Invite her to drink with you. If people in your social circle don't like it, oh well.

Is your ex hotter than the girl you like? In my opinion, if your ex is hot, then the chick who you like is probably already somewhat wet between the thighs for you.

In my mind, if the chick you like is a hottie, and your ex is ugly/fat/average (no disrespect), then your target will likely want nothing to do with you.

She never actually met my ex or seen her, so she doesnt know what she looks like. Where does that leave me now?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

"ÈI must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

The simple answer is to train your mind away from fear; fear of approach, fear of fcking up, fear of outcome, fear of rejection (either initially, or after 20 years of marriage), fear of her leaving.

The difference between pursuit and chase is intent and independence of outcome.

-With pursuit, you give the girl the option which she takes or leaves. It's cool and calm, in such a way that she is free and safe to reject without hurting your feel-feels. Pursuit is sporadic and nonchalant. Pursuit ends after a couple of back-to-back rejections. Pursuit states it's purpose (sexuality and romance) and doesn't waver from that. Pursuit arises from a place of desire and want and is indicated by genuine interest from the target.

-Chasing is incessant and bordering on insistent. There is a vibe of desperation and panic. She feels awkward from your approaching. Chase is metronomic and persistent in the face of continuous rejection. Chasing tries to bargain with the subject, often wavering or downright neglecting the purpose (sexuality and romance), agreeing, "Sure, of course we can just be friends". Chase arises from place of fear and need, indicated by projected interest on to the target.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Why so overly complicated. if you have a healthy self-esteem and value yourself while being interested in a girl, dare I say like, and pursue her it's all good. if you're just desperate for sex our afraid of being alone (codependent) that's "chasing".

Agreed. Though yours is very high level concept. There are too many examples in this forum of how guys can't control pursuit becoming chase when they start dating a woman. I just try to dig a little deeper, describing the processes and logistics.

Tell me you've never chased a woman and I'll stand corrected.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why so overly complicated. if you have a healthy self-esteem and value yourself while being interested in a girl, dare I say like, and pursue her it's all good. if you're just desperate for sex our afraid of being alone (codependent) that's "chasing".

I still don't believe it's healthy to "pursue" her if she isn't letting up on some ground. It's best to find ones that want to let you win.

 

[Juanto]

Not sure where that leaves you now but in my mind it doesn't matter.

This aft. I would invite her to a drink tomorrow eve. Be specific with day, time, and place.

Asked her out for coffee for saturday night, she said it was kind of me to ask but tshe said is not in town now and that she is also not interested in finding an intimate relationship.... Long time i havent gotten such a straight up answer....

Any way of replying to this gracefully from my side?

 

[MrOctober]

once you smash you go ghost and they chase.

i always tell them to text me. that gets the pattern going.

 

[Juanto]

"Thanks for your honesty....let me know if you change your mind"

Isnt the last part a bit beta, in the since that im telling her I would be always waiting for her?

 

[Prodoge]

Or....you can just quit all this over-thinking and theorising. Just ask them out to hang out. You will feel better about yourself whether you get a date or get rejected. This is because you are not thinking "what if", you simply got it out of the way.

Sure, if you know them and see them regularly you don't need to ask them out immediately. You can gradually show your interest and see if she responds positively

And it doesn't matter if it's officially "pursuing" or "chasing". Who really gives a ****? You are asking them out to get an answer, yes or no, so you get peace of mind sooner. It's to benefit you first.

You are worried about appearing needy, but you won't, unless you're needy. Needy people appear needy, you see? A confident guy just knows they aren't needy, so they don't feel like they have to worry about appearing needy at all.

How do you show interest gardually ? Like for me it is either hot or cold no in between, either i am interested or not.
To be honest I am not that good at showing interest, i really need practice and girls i see often are ideal for this.

 

[Juanto]

"No hard feelings Hon I appreciate your candor. Best regards to you xoxo Juanto."

I would delete her #.

Ended up following this route, I also think this was the best course of action, just say thanks for their honesty, and just move on with my life.

Thank you Espi

 

[CMNILS87]

Asked her out for coffee for saturday night, she said it was kind of me to ask but tshe said is not in town now and that she is also not interested in finding an intimate relationship.... Long time i havent gotten such a straight up answer....

Any way of replying to this gracefully from my side?

It's not a straight up answer

Girl talk: "sorry, I'm just not looking for a sexual relationship with you". Other guys that are hot and give me tingles will bed me.

 

[Juanto]

Another personal thought about this:

The most valuable aspect of this particular experience is in the way that you choose to conduct yourself in your Social Circle amidst the presence of this chick.

When/if you are in her presence in the group setting, I suggest maintaining a respectful, polite laid-back DISTANT attitude toward her.

Do not apologize or act cold or ignore her presence, but maintain a bit of a disconnect.

If others in your social circle inquire or make comments, offer minimal feedback and be humble about it. Act like her rejecting you happened years ago and that you benefited from the experience. "Yeah man she shot me down. She is a beautiful woman. I guess you can't win em all right?"

When she sees that her rejecting you won't stop you from being a high-value DJ, she might start sending IOIs. If she does, make her work for it.

QUality advice here Espi, thanks. Will certainly remember these words

 

[Juanto]

It's not a straight up answer

Girl talk: "sorry, I'm just not looking for a sexual relationship with you". Other guys that are hot and give me tingles will bed me.

Well straight up in the sense that she made it clear that now she has no interest in me

 

[WanderingMan]

No it's not if you have other options to explore. one could perceive the fact you're thinking so much about what you text, because it shows you care to much.

That doesn't make any sense. Anyways, if you have other options, then you wouldn't be available for her if she decides to take you up on your offer sometime in the near or distant future.

I think you should text her what mauser suggested and delete her number and forget about her. or just delete her number and forget her. the former leaves the door open for something in the future.

Why delete her number?