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How do you guys resolve fights in a relationship?
- Thread starter Plank
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bat soup
Master Don Juan
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I always make sure that she understands that I'm right and she's wrong.
The Diver
Senior Don Juan
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If you're fighting with your woman, you're with the wrong woman and need to leave.
A submissive respecting woman will let you lead, respect your decisions, and rarely if ever, will fight with you. ( it doesn't mean she is a doormat. If she has something to say, she will, but she won't turn it into a fight and drama. It'll be more like a respectful ideas exchange)
I have been in the past with a woman like that, and in two years, we had two "fights."
Murk
Master Don Juan
I used to like fire in a woman, someone who can give it back, not anymore, give me submissive feminine tranquility any day. When we are young our views of a "good woman" are so skewed.
The Diver
Senior Don Juan
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Yes, you still can have a lot of action and fun with a stable, calm woman, without all the stress and the bs dramas.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
First you have to differentiate between disagreement and argument. You also have to differentiate between normal people is a conflict and bat-sh1t crazy people in a conflict.
None of this post is in anyway related to crazy people... normal people do not get upset about little things... crazy people do. If you are with a crazy person then you just have to leave.
Disagreement is completely normal between people, and compromise is actually pretty easy as long and both parties do not lose emotional self-control. Conflict has at it's root incompatibility, it can be serious or slight... but it is always incompatibility.
People who make a living as 'relationship' and marriage counselors will tell you it is all about communication. THAT is only part true. It's like saying breathing is the key to life. Well... no kidding... you don't take in air, you die. You don't communicate, you can't have a relationship. Being able to honestly communicate is important, but it doesn't solve anything other then two people figuring out what each person wants, then both people figuring out common ground and the willingness to compromise on things they don't.
The problem is that people get into relationships, hiding who they really are. Over time the truth rises to the surface then conflict starts. No amount of communication can fix this.
The best way to deal with arguments is to be smarter about women you get into relationships with... you have to be honest about who you are and what you want right at the beginning, and reward your chick when she is completely honest about what she wants... again... right at the start. It is better to learn UP FRONT if the woman you are with is compatible with who you are... you can not pretend to be something you are not long term and neither can she.
It is the difference between making a relationship work and finding a relationship that works organically because people are compatible. Too much fighting isn't anything you should put up with... occasional disagreements are normal... constant arguments are not.
None of this post is in anyway related to crazy people... normal people do not get upset about little things... crazy people do. If you are with a crazy person then you just have to leave.
Disagreement is completely normal between people, and compromise is actually pretty easy as long and both parties do not lose emotional self-control. Conflict has at it's root incompatibility, it can be serious or slight... but it is always incompatibility.
People who make a living as 'relationship' and marriage counselors will tell you it is all about communication. THAT is only part true. It's like saying breathing is the key to life. Well... no kidding... you don't take in air, you die. You don't communicate, you can't have a relationship. Being able to honestly communicate is important, but it doesn't solve anything other then two people figuring out what each person wants, then both people figuring out common ground and the willingness to compromise on things they don't.
The problem is that people get into relationships, hiding who they really are. Over time the truth rises to the surface then conflict starts. No amount of communication can fix this.
The best way to deal with arguments is to be smarter about women you get into relationships with... you have to be honest about who you are and what you want right at the beginning, and reward your chick when she is completely honest about what she wants... again... right at the start. It is better to learn UP FRONT if the woman you are with is compatible with who you are... you can not pretend to be something you are not long term and neither can she.
It is the difference between making a relationship work and finding a relationship that works organically because people are compatible. Too much fighting isn't anything you should put up with... occasional disagreements are normal... constant arguments are not.
logicallefty
Moderator
If we are arguing over 'what she wants' vs 'what I want', I will generally try and find a compromise if there is one to be found. I stand firm and say "I will go X far (the compromise) but no further, take it or leave it." Compromise without giving in all the way is how I handle a lot of things. If there is no compromise I want to give, I will say "Sorry, I can't help you with this".
If we are arguing over 'what she thinks is fact' vs 'what I think is fact', I will try to objectively listen to her and see if I am possibly wrong. If I am, I admit I am wrong. If I am not wrong, then I say "we will just have to agree to disagree on that".
If she is just being b|tchy and irrational with no logical thing to argue about, I will say "Save your energy, I'm not partaking in this". If she continues, I go to my man cave or leave for a little while.
If we are arguing over 'what she thinks is fact' vs 'what I think is fact', I will try to objectively listen to her and see if I am possibly wrong. If I am, I admit I am wrong. If I am not wrong, then I say "we will just have to agree to disagree on that".
If she is just being b|tchy and irrational with no logical thing to argue about, I will say "Save your energy, I'm not partaking in this". If she continues, I go to my man cave or leave for a little while.
Dr.Suave
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This 100%. Met my girl more than a year ago. 0 fights
Funny I was just about to make a post related to this. This has been troubling me. I know what to do but I am just working myself up to it. I believe that if your woman is a good woman she will not argue with you much. The main point of conflict in a relationship is the women not trusting the man enough to let him lead.
Is there much arguing in the military between commanding officers and privates? No. This is how a relationship should be run. The final say much be man's. A woman does not have enough wisdom ( in most cases) to argue back. This is why religion tells women to submit. In rare cases she will be correct and in those cases you should let her lead. These are rare cases. If she is right in the majority of cases then that means she needs to find a better man.
Is there much arguing in the military between commanding officers and privates? No. This is how a relationship should be run. The final say much be man's. A woman does not have enough wisdom ( in most cases) to argue back. This is why religion tells women to submit. In rare cases she will be correct and in those cases you should let her lead. These are rare cases. If she is right in the majority of cases then that means she needs to find a better man.
oldmanofthesea
Master Don Juan
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Keep your emotions in check. Do not get angry or heated. Understand that arguing or fighting will NEVER end in a positive conclusion. The only way an argument can have a positive outcome is if one person is fully convinced by the other person that they were wrong the other person is right, and that happens in 0.000001% of all arguments.
Arguments often start because a woman is unhappy and experiencing emotion as a result of it and she is not always able, or willing to directly tell you what the problem is. Unfortunately it is the man's job to decode the real underlying reason for her anger. Yes that is an unfair burden for men but so is life and we have some things much better than women so you will have to learn to take this in stride.
My formula for an "argument" is simple, and it works well:
1. Do your best to keep anger in check, and try to envision yourself on the same side of the fence as her, looking to solve a problem together.
2. Listen to what she is saying or complaining about etc. Like really listen. Ask questions. Repeat some of the things she says to demonstrate you are listening, hear and understand her. Then explain how you feel about it. You don't have to agree with her, nor she you. The point is to explain to each other how you each are feeling. That won't be enough for her, usually, and she will generally want you to admit to be being wrong (even if you weren't) but do NOT do that (unless you do feel you were wrong). At this point she will likely want to engage you in circular arguing which you must put an immediate stop to by ending the discussion entirely. Once she has said her piece and you have said yours, you say, "I have heard what you've had to say. I understand you. I hear you. I have told you how I feel about it and it doesn't seem we are going to agree on this. More discussion is not going to change either of our minds and arguing won't help us so we are going to have to drop this and move on now." Then refuse to engage her certain attempts to continue arguing with you.
3. Don't take women so seriously. They say a lot of sh*t they don't mean and they feel in-the-moment. You just have to accept that. However, if they get downright nasty, insulting, or out of line, draw a boundary CALMLY by describing what they said/did that was inappropriate and tell them it is not acceptable tfor her to talk to you that way and if she pushes back on that then you end the conversation and tell her you'll talk later when she has calmed down. Leave if you need to or ask her to leave.
In either of the last two situations where you are ending the conversation, get ready for her to get even madder and accuse you of controlling the conversation, being a hypocrite, "shutting down", whatever. This is where you need to understand, accept, and believe in masculinity vs femininity. Contrary to what a woman tells you, it is NOT WRONG to end a conversation just because SHE doesn't want it to end. In reality, you are doing her a favor because she is overwhelmed by her emotions and can't control herself. As a man, you can. You must ignore her accusations/insults about your shutting down the conversation, and take space until she calms down. She will complain about your taking space too but that should be ignored as well. Leave the house if you have to or ask her to leave.
Sometimes it helps to think of women as children having their temper tantrums. Women are ruled by their emotions, just like children, so it helps you not take them so seriously when they are in this state.
It can also help to sit down next to her, try to re-frame the situation/mood, hold her, tell her "hey, what's this all about? You know we are good? This isn't that big of a deal is it? I love you." This can be very difficult because the last thing most of us want to do when a woman is acting-out and criticizing us and treating us unfairly is to go to her and hold her, but often times this is what is needed most, and of equal importance, if you HAVE made this offering to her and she still refuses it, then you can be even more comfortable, certain, and confident that you have done everything you can in this situation and the conversation must end here and now and no matter what she says to push back on that, you are making the right move to shut it down.
Do not argue with women. And do not let a woman convince you that you are wrong for shutting an argument down AFTER you have heard what she has to say and truly listened to her. These two points are critically important.
Arguments often start because a woman is unhappy and experiencing emotion as a result of it and she is not always able, or willing to directly tell you what the problem is. Unfortunately it is the man's job to decode the real underlying reason for her anger. Yes that is an unfair burden for men but so is life and we have some things much better than women so you will have to learn to take this in stride.
My formula for an "argument" is simple, and it works well:
1. Do your best to keep anger in check, and try to envision yourself on the same side of the fence as her, looking to solve a problem together.
2. Listen to what she is saying or complaining about etc. Like really listen. Ask questions. Repeat some of the things she says to demonstrate you are listening, hear and understand her. Then explain how you feel about it. You don't have to agree with her, nor she you. The point is to explain to each other how you each are feeling. That won't be enough for her, usually, and she will generally want you to admit to be being wrong (even if you weren't) but do NOT do that (unless you do feel you were wrong). At this point she will likely want to engage you in circular arguing which you must put an immediate stop to by ending the discussion entirely. Once she has said her piece and you have said yours, you say, "I have heard what you've had to say. I understand you. I hear you. I have told you how I feel about it and it doesn't seem we are going to agree on this. More discussion is not going to change either of our minds and arguing won't help us so we are going to have to drop this and move on now." Then refuse to engage her certain attempts to continue arguing with you.
3. Don't take women so seriously. They say a lot of sh*t they don't mean and they feel in-the-moment. You just have to accept that. However, if they get downright nasty, insulting, or out of line, draw a boundary CALMLY by describing what they said/did that was inappropriate and tell them it is not acceptable tfor her to talk to you that way and if she pushes back on that then you end the conversation and tell her you'll talk later when she has calmed down. Leave if you need to or ask her to leave.
In either of the last two situations where you are ending the conversation, get ready for her to get even madder and accuse you of controlling the conversation, being a hypocrite, "shutting down", whatever. This is where you need to understand, accept, and believe in masculinity vs femininity. Contrary to what a woman tells you, it is NOT WRONG to end a conversation just because SHE doesn't want it to end. In reality, you are doing her a favor because she is overwhelmed by her emotions and can't control herself. As a man, you can. You must ignore her accusations/insults about your shutting down the conversation, and take space until she calms down. She will complain about your taking space too but that should be ignored as well. Leave the house if you have to or ask her to leave.
Sometimes it helps to think of women as children having their temper tantrums. Women are ruled by their emotions, just like children, so it helps you not take them so seriously when they are in this state.
It can also help to sit down next to her, try to re-frame the situation/mood, hold her, tell her "hey, what's this all about? You know we are good? This isn't that big of a deal is it? I love you." This can be very difficult because the last thing most of us want to do when a woman is acting-out and criticizing us and treating us unfairly is to go to her and hold her, but often times this is what is needed most, and of equal importance, if you HAVE made this offering to her and she still refuses it, then you can be even more comfortable, certain, and confident that you have done everything you can in this situation and the conversation must end here and now and no matter what she says to push back on that, you are making the right move to shut it down.
Do not argue with women. And do not let a woman convince you that you are wrong for shutting an argument down AFTER you have heard what she has to say and truly listened to her. These two points are critically important.