How do you deal with introducing women to your dark past?

[firstbornunicorn]

Let's say you had an awful childhood with alcoholic/drug addicted/abusive parents living in absolute poverty, how do you tell this to a prospective long-term partner? I can't help but think the ones I tell this to just assume I will be the same.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Do not tell. You are in no obligation to tell. If she finds out, your answer is:

“Yes. I had a hard upbringing. I overcame the odds and will pass my positive learned experience onto those in the future.”

Men, keep the negatives to yourself. Don’t lie. However do not volunteer any information that will be used against you. The “vulnerability” trap is bullshvt.

 

[SW15]

Do not tell.

This is it. Keep this to yourself. Deal with it privately with a mental health professional if necessary.

 

[Black Widow Void]

On the contrary.
I speak from experience. I’m surprised that my family isn’t pictured in Wikipedia under the heading of “dysfunctional.”

I used to think that everyone in school lived the family life - seen on TV. You'd be surprised how many others didn’t have the (so-called) ‘normal’ upbringing.

if and when you share your past, women will (by your family comparison) see you as intelligent and strong; because you broke away from your environment.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Do not tell. You are in no obligation to tell. If she finds out, your answer is:

“Yes. I had a hard upbringing. I overcame the odds and will pass my positive learned experience onto those in the future.”

Men, keep the negatives to yourself. Don’t lie. However do not volunteer any information that will be used against you. The “vulnerability” trap is bullshvt.

Ok, but, "how was your childhood" is a staple conversation to gauge what shaped a person. I especially like how women talk about their own fathers. If she never looked up to her father she will have a hard time looking up to any man. But when I ask this question I can't not answer it when it's asked back.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

On the contrary.
I speak from experience. I’m surprised that my family isn’t pictured in Wikipedia under the heading of “dysfunctional.”

I used to think that everyone in school lived the family life - seen on TV. You'd be surprised how many others didn’t have the (so-called) ‘normal’ upbringing.

if and when you share your past, women will (by your family comparison) see you as intelligent and strong; because you broke away from your environment.

This was the case with my longest LTR, but these days idk anymore. People that had perfect lives have a hard time seeing it, and I don't want them to have pity.

 

[FairShake]

Nobody had a perfect childhood. Build bridges, find commonalities, and all that.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Hard to say actually.

If she had a crappy upbringing, that fact could make your bond stronger but if she had a stable healthy family she could see that as a potential source of problems.

My family is disfunctional beyond anything I saw in my personal experience in other people, it would take a drama movie to beat it.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Ok, but, "how was your childhood" is a staple conversation to gauge what shaped a person. I especially like how women talk about their own fathers. If she never looked up to her father she will have a hard time looking up to any man. But when I ask this question I can't not answer it when it's asked back.

Don't ask them about their fathers. You can glean their attitude towards men through other conversational subjects.

 

[BMX]

IF you choose to "circle back" and never talk about it with her, then be prepared to show that you aren't still hung up on your childhood and badly scarred/unable to function properly at present. Show that you succeeded in life and are confidently carrying yourself. They'll know when they see that condo around your wrist, your worldly whiskey collection, personal library, BAMF physique from your 1,000 lb. deadlift, jack off muscle car in the garage, instruments, stacks of bodies and campaign ribbons or whatever it is you do combined with your mindset. These people on their purpose aren't all that worried about these tea party questions. That crappy childhood isn't living rent-free in their heads anymore. If any of you two are 30 and up, you've had way more than enough time to stop blaming childhood bull and become what you needed to become (a savage), and they better show that too because it's a two-way street.

Go watch Kwame Brown right now...telling these charlatans to take the blunts out of their mouths, pull up their pants and start handing out backpacks to schoolchildren. He's not losing sleep over his father that wasn't there or all the time growing up before the NBA.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Do not tell. You are in no obligation to tell. If she finds out, your answer is:

“Yes. I had a hard upbringing. I overcame the odds and will pass my positive learned experience onto those in the future.”

Men, keep the negatives to yourself. Don’t lie. However do not volunteer any information that will be used against you. The “vulnerability” trap is bullshvt.

It eventually is going to come up in any LTR, you can't avoid it. I always dread that part of a LTR .

if she had a stable healthy family she could see that as a potential source of problems.

I can confirm this, I'm not sure how i can best deal with this.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Only tell a girl something like this once she's emotionally attached to you.

Generally speaking, you shouldn't keep stuff like this bottled up inside, anyway. It's not healthy.

So should I lie in the beginning or just not get into detail?

 

[EyeBRollin]

So should I lie in the beginning or just not get into detail?

No details. Put a positive spin on it and keep to generalities.