Maxtro
Master Don Juan
I need some new ways to deal with anger. I'm afraid that somewhere down the line I may really hurt myself or somebody else.
Any tips?
Any tips?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
How do you deal with anger?
- Thread starter Maxtro
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
taiyuu_otoko
Master Don Juan
This works quite well. Get an old tennis racket, and make sure you're home alone, and scream and holler at whoever/whatever is angering you, and beat the crap out of your bed with the tennis racket, until you physically can't move your arms any more, and your voice is literally hoarse.Maxtro said:
Another option is to get a heavy bag and some boxing gloves.
The bottom line is you need to get it out through physical exertion, some kind of hitting or kicking something, until you are physically exhausted. And make sure your anger is focused. Really scream and yell at whatever is pissing you off.
Does wonders.
Just make sure your neighbors don't call the cops, because it will sound like you are murdering somebody.
You may also want to give EFT a try, that works for some people.
http://www.emofree.com
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
Hmm interesting idea. I understand the concept of using physical exhaustion and doing acts of 'violence' to calm down.
Right now I keep shifting from bouts of rage to depression. I just wish I could fall asleep but it's only 8:40 pm.
Will the screaming and yelling work if what I'm pissed off at is myself and my life? I guess I can throw women in there as well.
Thanks at the EFT link. I'll look at it when I'm able to read something in depth like that.
Right now I keep shifting from bouts of rage to depression. I just wish I could fall asleep but it's only 8:40 pm.
Will the screaming and yelling work if what I'm pissed off at is myself and my life? I guess I can throw women in there as well.
Thanks at the EFT link. I'll look at it when I'm able to read something in depth like that.
Start working out. Lift some heavy iron, that should exhaust much of the neg energy you've got built up inside.
You'll find it rather hard to gather the energy to be angry towards anything after you've done a set of heavy squats and deadlifts.
You'll find it rather hard to gather the energy to be angry towards anything after you've done a set of heavy squats and deadlifts.
Sir Psycho Sexy
Senior Don Juan
rofltaiyuu_otoko said:
heavy bag does wonders
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Working out takes the edge off your personality......
You'll be less emotional more relaxed...
With a much better outlook and sense of humor...
This is what I have found......
And I can f*ckin' RAGE when I get going.....
Start easy but try to hit it every day.......
Good luck ....keep a cool head
Over and Out.
You'll be less emotional more relaxed...
With a much better outlook and sense of humor...
This is what I have found......
And I can f*ckin' RAGE when I get going.....
Start easy but try to hit it every day.......
Good luck ....keep a cool head
Over and Out.
escaleraroyal
Master Don Juan
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there are things called anger management schools
Nygard
Senior Don Juan
Sleep. Working out doesn't work. It's like some people who relive anger by listening to 80's songs, it works for them because it's just a little annoyance. Those bouts of anger that shift to depression leads me to think you're actually angry at yourself, because I can relate to those feelings.Just sleep or work on something like a madman without stop.
Quiksilver
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2006
- Messages
- 2,813
- Reaction score
- 55
Hitting the gym and channeling that anger into your lifts helps.
Second is attitude. I don't get angry really (I get frustrated sometimes but it's always superficial), and when I do I just step back and realize that whatever/whoever is making me angry is insignificant and unworthy of devoting enough energy to get angry about.
Third, anger isn't entirely bad. If it was, it would have been weeded out of the human psyche hundreds of thousands of years ago. So it obviously has some purpose, just, living in a civilized society can complicate things.
If some guy short-changes me on purpose at the store, first instinct is to go back behind the counter and club his head in, but second instinct is that that is wrong and men deal with things with civility and we live under rule of law so unless you're prepared to do some serious time, petty violence (non-defensive) is a big no-no. Most chronic violent criminals don't have that second instinct.
Therefore, understand that the issue you're getting angry about is unworthy of that level of emotion.
Or something like that ... Usually helps me.
--
p.s. better to have a reigned in temper than to be an effeminate pushover who cowers from all aggression.
Second is attitude. I don't get angry really (I get frustrated sometimes but it's always superficial), and when I do I just step back and realize that whatever/whoever is making me angry is insignificant and unworthy of devoting enough energy to get angry about.
Third, anger isn't entirely bad. If it was, it would have been weeded out of the human psyche hundreds of thousands of years ago. So it obviously has some purpose, just, living in a civilized society can complicate things.
If some guy short-changes me on purpose at the store, first instinct is to go back behind the counter and club his head in, but second instinct is that that is wrong and men deal with things with civility and we live under rule of law so unless you're prepared to do some serious time, petty violence (non-defensive) is a big no-no. Most chronic violent criminals don't have that second instinct.
Therefore, understand that the issue you're getting angry about is unworthy of that level of emotion.
Or something like that ... Usually helps me.
--
p.s. better to have a reigned in temper than to be an effeminate pushover who cowers from all aggression.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
I work out 3 times a week. I guess I can try going to the gym when I'm pissed. But that ruins my routine. Tomorrow is a gym day so I can try to channel it then.
What's pretty scary is that I tend to snap if I had a really bad day. I can be sitting at my computer being ok then I have a bad thought then next thing I know I'm throwing my chair across the room. I need a way to deal with those feelings. I also have the moments of feeling very low and then I may end up laughing uncontrollably.
Unfortunately I have a history of insomnia so sleep is not an option. Heck I managed to fall asleep around 10 and I woke up around 1:30am and here I am.
I should probably see my counselor next week and talk about this.
I'm generally a very laid back guy but I feel that the way my life is going is tearing at my psyche. There aren't that many times where I get angry and usually I'm alone and at home when I do. Right now though I don't know what I'd do if someone crosses me when I'm having a bad day.
Both my parents had issues with anger. They got divorced because my dad hit my mom. I never even want to come close to going down that path.
I am extremely angry at myself at the world, at women, at God etc.Nygard said:
What's pretty scary is that I tend to snap if I had a really bad day. I can be sitting at my computer being ok then I have a bad thought then next thing I know I'm throwing my chair across the room. I need a way to deal with those feelings. I also have the moments of feeling very low and then I may end up laughing uncontrollably.
Unfortunately I have a history of insomnia so sleep is not an option. Heck I managed to fall asleep around 10 and I woke up around 1:30am and here I am.
I should probably see my counselor next week and talk about this.
I'm generally a very laid back guy but I feel that the way my life is going is tearing at my psyche. There aren't that many times where I get angry and usually I'm alone and at home when I do. Right now though I don't know what I'd do if someone crosses me when I'm having a bad day.
Both my parents had issues with anger. They got divorced because my dad hit my mom. I never even want to come close to going down that path.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
I know how you feel for sure!! I sometimes get so pissed off or anxious too that I feel like the ground is being taken out of my feet, I sweat and feel very hot, almost sick sometimes... Almost like puking. That's happened quite a few times to be honest... And I'm generaly a optimistic guy and happy too.
Just wanted to write that, sometimes your emotins are like poison that will kill you unless you spit it out... I do some tai chi, eat well, drink water, that helps. Listen to some music and try laughing (even if it's forced) should work well too, but I never did it to avoid anger before.
Of course the best thing you can do is work in your self esteem and do some self reflection, that is the only way you'll completley be able to remove it. If you work out you'll stop feeling angry but if the trigger is still there, it will get back next time too. All I can say else is to accept your anger, not feel ashemed of it, not feel like you're a bad guy or weak for feeling it, and to have patience because it will take time for it to change. Good luck I know it can be awful... But I'm sure that many people have had it millions of times worse then I did too... Maybe you can describe it a little better? My dad also has issues with anger, destroying the computer, pulling it's wires, kicking it, shutting down the whole elecricity of the house just to piss others, and many worse, I'm surprised I even have a computer lol.
But I'm sure that as long as you work on your self esteem, these "angry at the world" things will pass and you won't have to deal with them for the rest of your life.
(Not with this intensity).
Just wanted to write that, sometimes your emotins are like poison that will kill you unless you spit it out... I do some tai chi, eat well, drink water, that helps. Listen to some music and try laughing (even if it's forced) should work well too, but I never did it to avoid anger before.
Of course the best thing you can do is work in your self esteem and do some self reflection, that is the only way you'll completley be able to remove it. If you work out you'll stop feeling angry but if the trigger is still there, it will get back next time too. All I can say else is to accept your anger, not feel ashemed of it, not feel like you're a bad guy or weak for feeling it, and to have patience because it will take time for it to change. Good luck I know it can be awful... But I'm sure that many people have had it millions of times worse then I did too... Maybe you can describe it a little better? My dad also has issues with anger, destroying the computer, pulling it's wires, kicking it, shutting down the whole elecricity of the house just to piss others, and many worse, I'm surprised I even have a computer lol.
But I'm sure that as long as you work on your self esteem, these "angry at the world" things will pass and you won't have to deal with them for the rest of your life.
(Not with this intensity).