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How do you date when you absolutely ****ing hate yourself?

Roober

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You've lost gratitude for the basics in life.

Try 20 hour fasts
Try eliminating all water intake for a day
Try living outside in a tent for a week

Push your mind or body to your limits, and you will begin to appreciate the basics like a roof over your head and food in your belly.
 

Serenity

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Answering the title, you don't.

You can't receive love and much less give love if you can't even love yourself. The people you meet probably don't hate you right away and they might even like you as long as there's some distance between you. Dating is different because people seek intimacy and to reduce that distance, so sooner or later the fact that you hate yourself will definitely affect the relationship.

There is no point in dating for as long as you do not love yourself, it will just be a frustrating waste of time ending in disappointment and pain every single time.

You should focus on yourself and find a way to love yourself before even considering dating. You may have to completely redefine yourself, it's not going to be easy and it will get a lot worse before it gets better. It is possible though, I have done it, but I hit rock bottom before I was able to rise up from it. I imagine many people just don't have the strength to go through with it though.
 

bat soup

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I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.
The good news is that if you can find a woman that hates you, then at least the two of you will have something in common.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Answering the title, you don't.

You can't receive love and much less give love if you can't even love yourself. The people you meet probably don't hate you right away and they might even like you as long as there's some distance between you. Dating is different because people seek intimacy and to reduce that distance, so sooner or later the fact that you hate yourself will definitely affect the relationship.

There is no point in dating for as long as you do not love yourself, it will just be a frustrating waste of time ending in disappointment and pain every single time.

You should focus on yourself and find a way to love yourself before even considering dating. You may have to completely redefine yourself, it's not going to be easy and it will get a lot worse before it gets better. It is possible though, I have done it, but I hit rock bottom before I was able to rise up from it. I imagine many people just don't have the strength to go through with it though.
Narcissist self view believes that it can't give love and perform loving actions if you don't love yourself. But there are plenty of people who don't take that good care of themselves who share love and loving actions with others more than they do so for themselves.
 

lost_blackbird

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I only have negative thoughts and I don't like me at all. I don't see why people like being around me. I'm not who I thought I was going to be and sure I can work on it its just not, me. I don't know who I am to be honest. Or what I want. I feel like I used to know now it's just nothing matters.
That makes two of us bro. I exist, I don't live.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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Why bother? You need to work on yourself first. Your mindset is poison not only to you but anyone else you come in contact with
 

Firecrotch66

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The good news is that if you can find a woman that hates you, then at least the two of you will have something in common.
lmaoooo actually there is a woman I could text rn who does hate my guts and be like yo you hate me I hate myself you free tonight?
 

Firecrotch66

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I agree with the poster above me. When in a mindset like this you are not gonna attract someone who is worth your time. The one you'll attact are just gonna bring more negativity in your life. Concentrate on finding yourself and what you want/desire in life, reading you post I get the feeling you're not happy with your (social) position. Work on that first. Remember, women are the cherry on top of the ice cream, not the desert itself.
You know I'm actually going post a question on that in a sec here because I agree with that. Girls entering my life right now just bad news. True they are agreed.
 

Firecrotch66

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6 months of monk mode bro.

6 days a week in gym that’s weights and cardio each session
Read a book a week
Meditate
You can masturbate but no porn.
Minimal spending. Buy nothing but necessities which is really just food, gas money for work and housing.

TV on weekends only.

No hanging out with friends .. solitude.

Trust me you need this.
I train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at a combat school normally 7 days a week. Weekdays an hour to two. Weekends 3 hours normally and then I mountain bike weekends and at least twice a week. I live up in Colorado so its pretty normal thing for me to do. I'm getting into rock climbing soon once I catch up on my computer science homework. Wintertime weekends I'm skiing from 6am side country. Side country is basically "out of bounds" resort. You're allowed to do it as long you enter the right gate or just know the area and know the risks. You know avanlaches being the main one. Tree wells. You can trigger an avalanche. Lot of hidden dangers cliffs and whatnot. I'm getting into back-country this year it's very similar just you have to skin up the mountain instead of having a chairlift take you to the top and it's not resort at all its out there. This past month haven't had a regular schedule for any of my sports because I've been doing lot of traveling. Lot of flying. What I already do, can that replace weight lifting or is weight something crucial that needs to be there regardless of what I do outside of it? I'll start doing the rest you reccomended. I deleted all my social media fb, twitter etc recently and that's the best decision I have ever made. I feel free. I can finally live life to some extent. In terms of friends I don't really have any. My brain is not wired that way. Lot people think I'm very extroverted person and while I come off that way I'm solitude by nature. I don't really like people that much. The few times I socialize are either they have something I want or I'm you know horny.
 

Firecrotch66

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The guy is clearly suffering from depression. Solitude is clearly not the answer.

Why? he needs support with good people. He needs people that are decent that will not only boost him but give him feedback and let him mirror himself with these people in order to get social feedback. He needs to have an appreciation of who he is....and you can only do that with other people.

Jesus, the post is screaming desperation and potential suicide. I've seen it too many times.

Never tell anyone in that state to isolate themselves.

the guy desperately needs a support network.

we need others to give us feedback.
Lmao in terms of suicide I've tried committing suicide so many times where I don't bother trying anymore. It's just painful it never works. I've had sports accidents that should've killed me or at least I should've broken something and nothing. So at this point I realize God is most likely real and every attempt is just going to bring me alot of pain and I'll just live life as I currently do with just bodily pain that none of my doctors can find in me. I can feel the pain and it hurts like a motherf but noone can find it. So it's not worth it. The universe is literally preventing me from dying so f**k it. Would be nice to find good people. I can't really find any. I had friends pre covid. I'm glad I don't have them anymore because this lady I knew for couple years she was in the Hells angels biker gang. Another was a scam artist a really fu**in good scam artist. Dude was from Ukraine not sure if that really matters. The third one was a chemist who was trying to build a lab for producing some kind of drugs of some sort. The other friends I had I was good friends with a psychiatrist. She kept telling me she had a personality disorder called aspd yet the sex was pretty good even though she was kinda...a bad person. I mean she was my neighbor and she gave God head so not too terrible at least I got something out of it. At same time I wish the God head could've come out of someone who wasn't a very bad person. You know I realize I must come off as a criminal type if all the people I was friends with were. I don't know where I fu**ed up in life. The worst thing I've ever done is got a speeding ticket. So I don't know why I attract these people yet I do and yes a support network with good people would be nice. At the same time I don't know if I want to go out and find these people when I must be given off some kind of gang vibes because those are the people I attract.

I miss having a feedback loop. That's what I call it. I duno if I'll see that again anytime soon. All of last week I was getting death threats from some dude on a local forum. The whole time the dude was saying come to my town which is bout 45 mins from me so he can stick a knife in my throat. What this started from was from me expressing my opinion. This kid is a virgin and he's telling how to talk to women.....I have a ton of experience with women. Kid was bragging about killing a man because he was "protecting his family. I told the dude look if you go around and solve all your problems with violence no girl is going to stick around you man they might thank you for saving them but they gona run. A man who solves his problems with violence isn't a man that's a dog.

Expressing that opinion resulted ironically in death threats the entire...****ing week. Which kinda funny because that's normal for me. I have enough evidence on this kid that even if he tries to do something all I have to do is turn it over to law enforcement and he's going to jail for the next 5 years. There is a law specifically for situations like that one. It annoys me because the kid is the same age as me and it's just stupid. If you write a text to someone that you want to kill them that's breaking the law right there. I have this kid's picture and his texts. I know what city he's in and I bet money on it he probs already has a record. So all I have to do is fwd that info to that town's police dept and that kid is going to jail. That's actually one of the bigger reasons I don't like being round people. They do all this stupid ****ing ****. If you wana square up with someone guess what you're going to jail. We live in a time now where if you do violence as civilian you go to jail. It's just so stupid. I don't really have any more words for this. While having a support network would be nice it's just I don't bother anymore. Everybody just does so much fuc**ing dumb s**t. I just want no part in it.
 
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Firecrotch66

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Do a lot of writing. Write down your thoughts and read it back to yourself. I don't know if that will help, but it's what I would do in a similar situation.
I've been told to do that before actually. My brother told me to start doing that. Long time ago he told me to.
 

Firecrotch66

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I think a lot of young men lacking father figures are in this position today and it's a hard thing to get people to care about, it is really messed up, if your not a woman or LGBTQ you basically don't exist until you go see professional help and then it's finding the right professional because it's rare to just settle on your first experience, you need to find the right professional on a personal level and some people never do.
I can see that. I have a Dad. He wasn't really there for me growing up. Neither was my Mom. I'll give you an example when I was in middle school I had this weird phobia of fruits and my older brother, my Mom, and my Dad would chase me around the house with the fruits because they thought it was hilarious that I was afraid of touching the fruits. I was terrified of them for whatever reason. My Mom's comment was hey it's just an apple. It got to a point where one day my brother was chasing me around the house with an apple. He cornered me in the kitchen and I had an idea. I grabbed the cleaver off the shelf and look at him with it up. I saw a look of fear in his eyes and chased him around the house with a cleaver. I was 10 years old. He was 12. When I was 14 I bought a steel katana off ebay and a machete and anytime my brother would f**k with me I'd just take em out the sheath and stare him down with the knives. Ever since my family is ****ing scared s**t-less anytime I'm around a knife. I have training with lot of different types of weapons because of my family. It started out as a way to just keep em at bay and then I found sports that use em so I got interested in it. I would never hurt any of them with that stuff. It's just aggression is the only defense I have from the douchebags called my family. It's not only father figure. I just don't have the greatest upbringing. I was taught from a young age the world doesn't care about you or anyone else. I am seeing professional help because I want to not repeat mistakes of my family and I want to be able to disable this conditioning I have from that upbringing. I don't want to spend my 30s thinking the world is a cold cruel world because that's what I grew up with. I grew up with seeing the world as cold and cruel. I am a cruel person. I have no problem ruthlessly ending relationships with people. I have absolutely no issue with doing things without any empathy whatsoever. Now I have an issue with it because I don't want to become my parents. I don't want to be like them cold and cruel. I want to be someone who's gentle, kind, and empathic, in sync with the world around me. Part of me hating myself is just realizing that I have hurt people psychologically and emotionally in my past. There is a girl I felt deeply for and she hates me now because I told her I loved her and then sadistically annihilated her self esteem and everything of her within the same week. Told her I love her and then broke up with her couple days later. Made her insecurities seem real. That was 4 years ago. I can't become my Dad.
 
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Firecrotch66

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Thought this warranted making a video response (no advertising of any kind in the video per SoSuave rules):
Damn this is exactly what I was looking for....This is gold. Yes my diet is **** lol. Need to stop eating out. Start cooking more. I'm 23. I'm going to rewatch what you said a bunch of times. This is gold. So the kid who giving me death threats he did say something he is right about and it's been going through my head all week. He said I need to learn to respect others. He ain't wrong. Someone's said that exact line to me before. Kid's got the right idea. Poor execution. In terms of dating I agree. However, so what I was about to post was a question about you know there's two types I keep attracting, women who are late 20s and they behave like they're 14. What happens is I end up parenting them. For me its ridiculous because this is a they're in their late 20s and they're acting even more child like than my 12 year old sister. There's a girl I have an on and off thing with she is exactly a child in a 26 year old's body. I found out last night from her she's going round and telling all her coworkers and everybody that'll listen every detail of what we do together and that's not cool at all. That is private information. I know for a fact if a woman is happy in her thing with a guy she ain't gona say anything she will be silent and have a smile on her face. We have a saying in Polish which has a direct translation into english. This is how much weight that saying has. It's bit** gives dog takes. Her going around and prostituing every detail of what we do together is her giving and any guy listening to that that wants something from her will reealize him being a dog he can take. I don't like that. All I can think is what am I doing with a chatty katty.

Every-time she does stuff like this I'm parenting her. It's annoying because another example I mentioned elsewhere the psychiatrist friend. I was parenting her too. The other type I attract are these women with criminal records and that's another s**t show I'm not gona open up a bag of marbles with. Dating for me is just this never ending sh**show. I don't get it. My older brother being a bigger douche than me got himself a normal stable girl. My cousin he's dating a girl who got trust issues yet they're managable. I'm over here either with some older woman and being her Dad or dealing with a Jodi Arias who hasn't decided to cut my head off yet.

I don't go for these girls they find me. These girls are like less than 1% of the population and it's like I have a gps clip stuck in my a**. They locate me like a vampire and I have the sweetest blood. S**t's crazy man. Thank you for the video. I'm saving that. It does help. :)
 
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Firecrotch66

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Been there.First order of business,figure that **** out,because you can’t date with it. You might get into relationships,but they will neither last nor be rewarding,and then you’ll be left with regrets,which in turn will further fuel the ****ty feeling you have about yourself,and the cycle just repeats itself,perpetuating your problem.Your profile says you’re 23.If that’s true,then you have time.More than you realize.But you are at a make or break stage where you cannot afford to waste anymore of it.If you want answers,find a purpose,dedicate yourself entirely to that purpose,it will become your true north, and everything will sort itself out.Everything else goes on the back burner for now, and that includes dating.You’re in no shape for it anyway.
I can see that now that i'm looking at my track record.
 

Firecrotch66

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I would look into Talkspace, or if you have health insurance, book a few sessions with a professional who is covered under your plan. It’s possible you’re in a low point in life, or it’s possible you suffer from depression. You provided no background so I can’t say.

If you smoke weed or use any drugs, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

I would not drink any alcohol either, it chemically imbalances your hormones and mental health.

Exercise, especially cardio, is a very powerful antidepressant.
hehe....I do Alot of drugs.....mostly acid and weed. I don't like coke its disgusting. Adderall is fun but I won't touch it. Yeah I'm stopping today. I posted it elsewhere but the whole becoming every girl's father when I'm dating them I've hit this point where I feel like weed is not helping. It's just made me ok with a cr*ppy situation. I don't drink. I drank a lot of moonshine from when I was 14 till I was 19 and haven't touched a drop since. My buddy used to make it and we'd drink it like water. I can't drink at all anymore. Even lil bit of alcohol makes me super sick. My body rejects it. I forgot exercise was an antidepressant. Thank you.
 

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Firecrotch66

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You can't be happy for anyone else... if your not happy with yourself.... you will need to work on it. Whatever that looks like to you. Women smell that **** a mile away.

You can't rely on someone else for your happiness... that's too much to put in someone.
I can see that. Def can tell.
 
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