"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
How do you cut loose a friend without hurting him?
- Thread starter Swoop
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
reyalp
Master Don Juan
brucevangeorge
Banned
Scrumtulescence
Master Don Juan
He is a friend. We kick it almost every night. We had fun but I have grown. I am no longer into the wild life anymore. He is still into it. I tried to make him grow with me. But you can't help someone who doesn't want to be help. He loves this type of life style. I am moving on to brighter and better things. So now, it's hard to say no to him when he calls me up to go out. I even told him I am giving it up. But he doesn't understand. He thinks I am just going thru some phase and tries to get me back in it. He doesn't understand I really have move on. He is very stubborn He won't listen until he figure things on his own. And lately, he has been making things difficult on me. I value our past but if he doesn't want to grow with me but actually holding me back, I came to the conclusion, I have to cut him loose. But I don't want to hurt him as he has been a pal to me ever since we met.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
ObieJuan
Senior Don Juan
All I'm saying is you'll have to find your own reasons. Good luck bro.
StrangeButTrue
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Messages
- 217
- Reaction score
- 0
One way is no better than the next. Next time he does something ****ty to you, make a big deal out of it to piss him off.
Don't talk to him a lot, avoid hanging out with him. You guys will drift apart.
Chillisauce
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2005
- Messages
- 367
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 39
Mayb try cutting back on the amount of time you spend with him bit by bit each week until eventually you only see him once a fortnight.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
Kerensky
Master Don Juan
good luck soldier
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.