How do you be dominant with EVERYONE?

[Tempest]

How do you be DOMINANT with everyone? The problem I have is that I used to be shy. Very shy and wouldn't say a word. That is the past and I am over that. The real problem is that when I go out and whatnot, people attack me (not physically). They sense my energy that I am weak and will make fun of me, crack jokes at me, pick on me, etc.

I don't have this issue with girls. I am very dominant around them and tease them, etc... is it the same thing with guys? How do you portray that you're dominant with guys and avoid getting attacked in these situations? This happens all the time and I don't know why. Any suggestions?

Thanks.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

You need to understand that you cant be dominant with everyone...What you can get is respect though...You need to be respected...Cause you will never be dominant in every given situation...Take myself...People respect me and they dont try sh1t with me, but there are those people who will...Say if one of these people try and disrespect me, if I try to get physical, they will try to take it beyond fighting and start using weapons and sh1t...What you need to to is avoid situations where you are not in control, cause people may try to disrespect you and you dont know what their own limits are, and you might find yourself in some sh1t over nothing...

So to sum it up...

1. Earn respect
2. Stay in control

Oops, work on your body language too...

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Another thing you have to understand is that some people arnt even worth your time...Its better to be the bigger man and leave the situation...Last month me and my friends went to visit one of my friends at school...Me and one of my friends were walking outside and these 2 white kids were talking about this girl that would be perfect only if she stopped fukking n1ggers...When we heard this, we turned around and looked at them, and these 2 kids ran faster than the flash...My friend wanted to fight them, but I was like nah cause they ran anyway...If we would of fukked them up, we would of gotten in trouble over nothing...Same thing if you see some dude talking sh1t...Do you see this dude everyday? People on here would be like fight him, but why would you waste your time? In your mind, you have to know that you are better than that and keep it moving...

 

[Tempest]

Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean... and I think respect is definetly also one of the issues!

However, I notice a lot of people... dominant people. I can tell just by their body language. Like this one guy at work, noone challenges his dominance and he is ****y and kind of a jerk with everyone... but people still like him and he is popular. How is this done ?

I heard something from the DYD DVD series (from one of the guys in the audience), and I wrote it down.

"When you first start doing something, people will pick up on your weakness. They will pick up on your energy and they will attack you. You will get slammed and expect that when you first are trying anything new. Once you have developed your onstrength,
nobody challenges you anymore. When you get to the level when it is congruent with you and you are strong with yourself, you will never get the resistance from other people.

It's like at night when a dog smells your fear and the dog will want to bite you. But if you turn around and look at it, the dog will feel your power it will run away. It's the same thing. People are just the same. They'll bite you if they feel you're weak, but the minute you turn strong it all disappears."

Also... how do you gain respect from people ?

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

As far as being dominant, you need to work on your body language...

As far as that quote, my cousin told me something similar...He told me that you have to be strong as hell in order to be yourself...Why you think you see all these people copying other people? Cause some of them may not be strong enough to do what they really want...I remember when I was younger, people would always try to fukk with me, and I always had to defend myself, cause I was in my own little world doing what I wanted...

I remember I was talking to this girl and she was just getting into rap, and she went and got a pair of air forces...And someone told her to take them off cause she didnt have buisness wearing them, and she told me she doesnt wear them anymore...If she was strong, she wouldnt give a sh1t and wear them anyway...Yesterday, I got these goggles and I was wearing them on my forehead, and the reaction was funny cause we were in the restuarnt and people were saying sh1t about them...Before, it would of bothered me, but I dont really care now, actually some of the comments had me laughing...Why can I do this? Cause unlike the girl that I was talking about, Im to the point where Im strong/confident enough not to care what people think...


If you want respect, when someone disses you, you need to put them in their place right then and there, dont let that sh1t continue...I remember there was this one dude who I let sh1t slide with, and I paid for it cause he sh1tted on me for the whole school year...It got to the point where I was skipping class to avoid him and I was getting sick cause I was so shook...Now if I see him, I cant get mad cause I learned from it and I built myself up...So when people try sh1t with you, you gotta nip it in the bud...There have been times where I would get into little fights or whatever but sh1t happens...Just nip it in the bud...

 

[DeathDealer]

There are some guys out there that believe "dominance" equals "ignoring everyone and thinking they are top dog" that's alright but being "dominate" equates to "being lonely."

I know some guys out there that they're hot stuff and think lowly of other men, the thing is they only come out of their shell when it comes to interacting women and let me tell you what. Women can read a mile away from what their true agenda is and abuse these "so called dominant" guys.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Out of curiosity, why would you want to be dominant with everyone? Doesn't that expend a lot of energy that could be better used elsewhere? How does domination increase your sphere of influence? Do you feel that dominance leads to popularity? Why exert your control over other people? Isn't it enough to be in control of yourself, or are you even truly in control of yourself?

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Out of curiosity, why would you want to be dominant with everyone? Doesn't that expend a lot of energy that could be better used elsewhere? How does domination increase your sphere of influence? Do you feel that dominance leads to popularity? Why exert your control over other people? Isn't it enough to be in control of yourself, or are you even truly in control of yourself?

I dont think he means dominant the way everyone thinks, I think hes just trying to be respected...I guess hes gonna answer the question....

 

[Jvesti]

It is VERY simple

1. KNOW what you want
2. BE congruent with that

I can be dominant without saying much or talking a lot it doesn't matter. Stop worrying about external behaviorisms.

You either are dominant or you aren't. It isn't a tactic and skill game.

WARNING: What you are about to read is what at least 90% of people on here do when they here "Oooooh dominant and i'll get girls". And It'll get you no where.

If you are only trying to be dominant because you heard it gets girls, don't. You'll always be a big phony putting up a front and it will almost always be sniffed out. I've seen it plenty, and when a real dominant person or alpha comes along you'll get torn apart and put right in your place in a hard way. Cause it is all about you trying to change yourself to impress others.

Now if you want to be dominant for the sake of being dominant. You are a MAN. One who knows what he wants in life and holds that to great importance. This is natural. Become a Man, those 2 pieces afforementioned are a huge part of being a man. And to the degree you are a Man is to the degree there will be dominance.

 

[Tempest]

Thanks.

Yeah, I didn't exactly mean dominant with EVERYONE. I meant just how to be dominant with not just women, guys as well.

From what Jvesti said, so basically just develop your confidence? I'm not doing it for women, it has nothing to do with that really. I'd just like to avoid getting picked on and wonder why I'm the one out of the group which mainly has this directed to. I'm not the only one out of my group, actually... there are other weak figures in the group that get picked on just because they're idiots.

I'm not sure why body language is so important, though. Could you elaborate further?

 

[Jvesti]

Confidence is a big part of it. And ya i understand you are referring to friends too. The problem is it seems you are looking for their respect,.... you don't need it. If you have purpose, know what you want, and keep congruent with that you just don't care when someone with another purpose for themselves or a plan for you disagrees. Believe in yourself

As I said

1. KNOW what you want - meaning you have PURPOSE and DIRECTION. When you go out later tonight, you know EXACTLY what you want to do because you know what you want out of life. Get in the habit of thinking for yourself and eventually its you.

Me right now, I am staying up finishing a business plan that I need to finish before I meet with score.org monday. I know exactly what I want. A friend called me an hour ago for me to come out. There was no contest here. Going out tonight wasn't what I needed to do tonight in my purposes or goals in life. ..

If he tries to force me to stop what im doing we obviousely shouldn't be friends and I'm comfortable with that situation. Because I am self-reliant and not dependent on others to feel whole.

If I feel like I need to really kick back and meet girls. I go out on the town. I don't cave to my friends demands of a crapfest night. I know what I want. And I also LISTEN to my friends because sometimes they can supply me with better information than i might have to accomplish that goal.

Know yourself, live YOUR life. Underneath the lack of thought there are things YOU want. So take the clutter off those ambitions and desires and go for them. ACTION not REACTION. Alpha is ACTION, Beta is REACTION.

2. Be Congruent with what you want

If you know what you want, stick with it. Otherwise, other people are deciding what you want for you. As easy as it is to go with the flow, you have already pulled your head out of the sand. So because of this, if you feel not in control you will be miserable. And who wants to live life for someone elses vision. Thoreau said, "Most men live quiet lives of desperation" and its so true.

*This is not to say to be stubborn for the purpose of being stubborn. OR not being open to others suggestions. Because sometimes others suggestions are a better way of getting what you want.

Another thing to take notice on is if You want to talk to girls. You better go and talk to girls. Or your mind will look to be a follower once more. You will be dependent on that "ballsy friend of yours" who can actually go and talk to girls. And that my friend sucks! I've seen it a zillion times, one guy got balls the others just follow to get the handmedowns of the situation.

That goes for business, the classroom, discussions, just about anything else in life. People follow the person who can do what they can't or has what they want.

Leaders make tons of mistakes believe it or not. That's how they become leaders, they put themselves out there and don't live under the wing of someone making decisions for them. MOST IMPORTANTLY, they learn from the mistakes. Mistakes are the only way you are going to learn and break your mold. Think about the group leader in your friends. Although, you have probably blocked it out. He has probably made mistakes on crappy plans, or getting laughed at or rejected by girls many of times. The fact is he's probably approached so many girls that the rejections are easily forgetable. And he gets way less rejections or negativity from people because he's learned through the mistakes already. A virtuous cycle.

All the followers are so caught up what others think that they could never risk any of their friends seeing them fail. But that'll keep you in the follower loop.

So anyways hope that made sense.

Originally posted by Tempest
Thanks.

Yeah, I didn't exactly mean dominant with EVERYONE. I meant just how to be dominant with not just women, guys as well.

From what Jvesti said, so basically just develop your confidence? I'm not doing it for women, it has nothing to do with that really. I'd just like to avoid getting picked on and wonder why I'm the one out of the group which mainly has this directed to. I'm not the only one out of my group, actually... there are other weak figures in the group that get picked on just because they're idiots.

I'm not sure why body language is so important, though. Could you elaborate further?

 

[thefonz]

i'm really glad this thread was started......i've been having some dominance issues recently

the other day i went back for a day at my moving company and i forgot how macho and @ssholish some of those guys can be, you know just the constant "your gay" "your a pu$$y" kind of witless banter. I let this one guy call me his ***** at one point of the day because it caught me off guard and at the time i didn't think he meant anything by it....but later on he was ragging on me and picking up on every weakness. I held it together pretty well and never bowed down to anything he told me to do unless "I" felt i needed to do it....looking back i could have avoided the whole situation if i had stopped him dead in his tracks right when he said that (i put him in his place before for gettin out of line, this time he caught me of guard)

So Basically the keys to domance are deal with all problems AS THEY ARISE and always control your body language.....one key i use is if there is a job at hand to be done focus all your attention onto that regardless of all else around you

 

[fatkins]

Well, by ****slaping them ofcourse.

 

[Engetsu]

I had the same problem as you before.

What everyone here is saying is true. It's all in the mindset. But you're probably asking yourself how to get into the mindset. The answer is usually "fake it til you make it".

How do you "fake it"? Well, remember that the first impression is always the last one. So whenever you meet a new group of people is the moment to show off your dominance. Did it every happen to you to be in such a good and funny mood when you were making everyone laugh or were getting pretty deep (or anything that doesn't happen often) and you happened to cross paths with someone new, and that person got a very good impression of you at first? Didn't you realize that that person, no matter how gay you acted with them the next time, would always greet you with a warm smile every time they see you? If it never happened, I'm sure it happened to many people here. This is why you need to show your dominance at first. I don't like the word dominance, because you shouldn't lead your life thinking that you should dominate your friends, so I will use the expression "show your true personality" instead, because it is quite similar, since your true personality is the one where you are at peace with yourself and where you know what you want, and don't act like a stuttering fool with everyone.

So how do you get to the point where you are at peace with yourself? To explain this, I will start off by saying two great quotes that basically mean the same thing: "Just be yourself" (I know it's a classic and people hate it, but the true meaning of it couldn't be more true) and "Imitation is suicide" (by Pook).

What you need to do is tap into the essence that makes you yourself. Find the ONE best thing about yourself, and play it up every time you meet someone new. If it's your ability to make people laugh, then crack jokes the first time. If it's your ability to relate to someone and tell them a cool story, then do it. But no matter what you find in yourself that makes you who you are, it HAS to leave an impression. It can't be something bland, and it has to make you stand out from the first moment you talk to that someone. You should NOT try to imitate someone else who has respect in order to gain people's trust and respect. Everyone has their own ways of doing things, and you will certainly be better at what you if you've had it since you were born. Now the key is really to be your true interesting self at all times so that people really feel that what you're saying is coming from the heart.

Now you need to understand that you can't dominate everyone and you can't get along with everyone. Those people that your true personality doesn't click with usually aren't worth your time. And don't worry, because once you get to the point of being able to be yourself with anyone, all the time, those people will be extremely rare because everyone will like you! The key to getting there is EXPERIENCE.

Something that I strongly believe in is that everything is already inside of you. Your personality, your game, your skills, your humor. You already have ALL of that, and your goal is to have absolute control over every single one of those traits so you can play it up at any moment necessary.

So go out there, meet new people, and get in touch with the DJ that is already in you.

PS: This may seem incoherent at first because I typed it out pretty fast. If you have any questions feel free to ask here or by PM.

 

[Zairi]

It's hard to be dominant with everybody.There's this one school in my country,my home city,where there's alot of foreign people like Somalians and Russians.Those foreigners have formed a clique in that school,so they run the school.You try to be dominant there you'll get a knife in your stomach,and I'm talkin' for real.Those guys won't even respect timetables,teachers or rules.My friend went to that school 'cause there's an art class but now he regrets leavin' my school 'cause up in that school it's really hard time.Instead in my school it's easy to be the dominant male 'cause we don't have any real gangs.

 

[Jay-X]

somalian people? aren't they the skinny ones with big stomaches full of air?! i didn't know there were somalians outside africa... usa is a strange place, men

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by Tempest
How do you be DOMINANT with everyone? The problem I have is that I used to be shy. Very shy and wouldn't say a word. That is the past and I am over that. The real problem is that when I go out and whatnot, people attack me (not physically). They sense my energy that I am weak and will make fun of me, crack jokes at me, pick on me, etc.

I don't have this issue with girls. I am very dominant around them and tease them, etc... is it the same thing with guys? How do you portray that you're dominant with guys and avoid getting attacked in these situations? This happens all the time and I don't know why. Any suggestions?

Thanks.

wether ur dominant or not people will gie u wisecracks, its wether your dominant or not that determines how u respond.