How do I get over inexperience?

[ItsOnNow]

This is one big thing that has always bothered me. Is not enought experience,while everyone else is more experienced. Most guy's,even girls,began in teen's etc. Yet I am here and inexperienced. Have only slept with two girls,and it has been a long time even since then. It's like while everyone else was out getting laid,I was at home depressed. Sometimes I think I care too much what people think,as if I am inferior. I know I shouldn't think like this,but all this talk of sex get's to me.

 

[The Deacon]

Cmon man, chill. Chill. You're okay. Just don't get too crazy or sad about not being the most experienced guy out there. The only way you can get better at hitting pitches is by swinging the bat. I don't know what else to tell you.

 

[Hair stylist]

This is one big thing that has always bothered me. Is not enought experience,while everyone else is more experienced. Most guy's,even girls,began in teen's etc. Yet I am here and inexperienced. Have only slept with two girls,and it has been a long time even since then. It's like while everyone else was out getting laid,I was at home depressed. Sometimes I think I care too much what people think,as if I am inferior. I know I shouldn't think like this,but all this talk of sex get's to me.

Hi there

The fact that you want to improve is already the first step. Dont let everyone else seeming more experienced get you down, because it just isnt relevant. Just because a bunch of guys SAY theyre going out and getting it every weekend doesnt mean they are, trust me. And even if they are, this isnt about them, its about you. Do not feel less than because youve experienced less sex than someone else, having a lot of sex is not a measure of self worth.

My advice to you is to stop sitting home depressed. Go out. Go to a bookstore, coffee place, social gathering, mall. Just go somewhere. Do not sit home and be bummed because that will get you nowhere. Heres what i want you to do for me:

This Friday night, take a good shower, put on some nice clothes, listen to some great music to put you in a good mood, and go out to a place by YOURSELF to socialize with the ladies. Go to a bookstore, go to a coffee shop, restauraunt, bar, club, whever you want to go, but go by yourself and looking and feeling your best, and i promise you, something good will come out of it, you just have to relax and trust yourself. Let me know how it goes!

 

[canadianmetalhead]

ya dude the only way to get over inexperience is to bite the bullet and go out there. get that experience you lack. the longer you procrastinate the worse it will get believe me.

 

[SinJester]

Only one way to fix this, and it's to get experiance

 

[ItsOnNow]

That's the thing,I have been feeling crazy and sad for feeling this way. For a long time. I feel like I am at some halfway point,yet everyone else is ahead of me. In all things in life. Like I went down path b when they were all going down path A,they somehow learned the proper skills,and I didn't,or perhaps I was not taught them. Like this is something that has had me in a big head screw. Like I am not the proper man. Could be a maturity thing. Or this learning problem I have. Something is missing. Like meeting chicks,some part of me is missing,as in making steps a,b,and c happen. Like I just can't go up and talk to them. Or I want to do it without coming off as the weird/creepy/nervous guy. And it feels like so much time has gone bye. Then,after reading about some of the horror stories on this site,as well as,http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/,it's had me think twice about alot. Or maybe It is lack confidence.

Thing is,I work most of the time,even on days off,or when I get off of work,I am in this constant zone that I can't get out of. Some sort of social hinderance. Like I can go places,but can't meet people,and it is the constant left out feeling. I know,you should be able to stand on your own. I am trying.

 

[penkitten]

practice makes perfect?

 

[Mavrick]

ItsOnNow, what the fvck did I tell you? If you post another negative post, I'd rip you to pieces. Well, I'm not because you're not worth it. It's like you don't even know what thinking positive means. Come on, man. It's not about inexperience. It's about changing your attitude. Until you post something positive, I'm done. I know you have it in you. I know you can look at the good side of your life.

 

[ItsOnNow]

I know,I know I should be practicing. But,something aint there. It could all just be in my head. But I feel so behind in meeting/approaching/socializing. Like,I can't do it. I don't know why. Yet so many guys approach randomly. I don't know if its im not in the right mindset,or lack of confidence dominance,or I come off the wrong way,or something else.

 

[Mavrick]

Maybe I do have something that qualifies me more than most. Maybe I am being a little harsh. I have a lot to be grateful for, and I've done some pretty impressive things in my life. So, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I was on the bottom looking up once. Maybe I need to be the positive one.

Look, if you need anything, I'm here for ya.

You are going to get shot down, but that's where you learn. I went out tonight and this chick was talking to me like I was her b1tch. I turned around and talked to my friend. She started telling me to talk to her. She started qualifying because she felt like she was fvcking up.

On another note, I was seeing a girl at work that I couldn't get enough of, and I turned it around by backing off for a while. When she came back, I told her I was seeing an attorney, and I didn't want to mess that up. She went crazy by trying to qualify herself.

 

[MrNotebook]

ItsOnNow,

I can totally relate. For the longest time I was stuck in rut in my own self-pity. Until I decided to DO something about it. I knew deep down inside what the world made me out to be wasn't me. Essentially, I was imprisoned in MY OWN MIND. It kinda felt like I was living behind this glass wall and watching my own life pass me by. I felt dead. I felt unable to freely express myself due to fears associated with rejection from others. People sense fear in us and it makes us unnatractive. I couldn't figure out how to just break out of it and feel "free" to be me. A little introspection revealed it had NOTHING to do with anybody. It had to do with how I viewed myself. Come to find out, I viewed myself from a dirty pair of glasses called the "past". I decided that NOW was the time to be myself, regardless of whether people accepted me or not. Essentially, I had to challenge all the beliefs that ran through my head and decide not to believe them anymore. One by one, I began forming a new belief system. Over time I slowly began to let go of what I have been programmed to believe about myself by family, friends, strangers, etc and look deep within to find out what do "I" like? What do "I" beleive? What is "my" opinion? The trick is to do this without bitterness or selfishness, but moreso an attitude that you want to free yourself so that you can find yourself and learn to love others without any negative attachments. Its not an overnight process, however be prepared because your brain will try to trick you into continuosly believing what you've been believing.

Two books I highly suggest you read that will help you in the process of finding and freeing yourself from your own self-imprisonment...

"The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment", -Eckhart Tolle

"I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead", -Byron Katie

 

[Mavrick]

ItsOnNow,

I can totally relate. For the longest time I was stuck in rut in my own self-pity. Until I decided to DO something about it. I knew deep down inside what the world made me out to be wasn't me. Essentially, I was imprisoned in MY OWN MIND. It kinda felt like I was living behind this glass wall and watching my own life pass me by. I felt dead. I felt unable to freely express myself due to fears associated with rejection from others. People sense fear in us and it makes us unnatractive. I couldn't figure out how to just break out of it and feel "free" to be me. A little introspection revealed it had NOTHING to do with anybody. It had to do with how I viewed myself. Come to find out, I viewed myself from a dirty pair of glasses called the "past". I decided that NOW was the time to be myself, regardless of whether people accepted me or not. Essentially, I had to challenge all the beliefs that ran through my head and decide not to believe them anymore. One by one, I began forming a new belief system. Over time I slowly began to let go of what I have been programmed to believe about myself by family, friends, strangers, etc and look deep within to find out what do "I" like? What do "I" beleive? What is "my" opinion? The trick is to do this without bitterness or selfishness, but moreso an attitude that you want to free yourself so that you can find yourself and learn to love others without any negative attachments. Its not an overnight process, however be prepared because your brain will try to trick you into continuosly believing what you've been believing.

Two books I highly suggest you read that will help you in the process of finding and freeing yourself from your own self-imprisonment...

"The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment", -Eckhart Tolle

"I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead", -Byron Katie

Awesome post!

2 books I will recommend are as follows:
"Loving What Is" by Byron Katie
"What to Say When You Talk To Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter

A good Christian book to read is "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge (this book about men and what men really should be about).

 

[ItsOnNow]

That's the thing, I don't know if it's a self pity anymore,maybe more some sort of doubt. Or just constant internal negative feelings. I can say what my opinion,I can say what I believe in,what I am for,what I am against,etc.

Yeah,I feel like life has been passing me by,I feel a bit dead inside,this is what bothers me the most. Mostly because years have gone bye,and I am in the same rut. I think fear of rejection is a big problem,which probably stems from a bit of unsocialness,and bad experience's,and things I have done myself,as in ways I have acted or done to people. I was weird growing up. Looking back,I am shocked. No wonder I kind of ended up the way I did. I feel like I don't have a group,a tribe,etc. And these are,as they say,"formative years". But I kinda missed the college boat. That's another fear,not finding love.

 

[ready123]

dude, get out of your negative reality and go do something

this thread is pointless and pathetic

 

[Mavrick]

You have to start by changing you self-talk. Find different ways to talk to yourself.

Instead of saying "I'm doubtful", say "I'm hopeful". Stop beating yourself down with a self-defeating attitude. You are what you think. The mind can destroy and cripple you if you train it to do so.

 

[Hair stylist]

That's the thing, I don't know if it's a self pity anymore,maybe more some sort of doubt. Or just constant internal negative feelings. I can say what my opinion,I can say what I believe in,what I am for,what I am against,etc.

Yeah,I feel like life has been passing me by,I feel a bit dead inside,this is what bothers me the most. Mostly because years have gone bye,and I am in the same rut. I think fear of rejection is a big problem,which probably stems from a bit of unsocialness,and bad experience's,and things I have done myself,as in ways I have acted or done to people. I was weird growing up. Looking back,I am shocked. No wonder I kind of ended up the way I did. I feel like I don't have a group,a tribe,etc. And these are,as they say,"formative years". But I kinda missed the college boat. That's another fear,not finding love.

Ok, are you 500 pounds, deformed, and an amputee? If not, then i cannot think of ANY reason why you could not find a date other than you will not allow yourself. Talking yourself down will get you nowhere you have to rise above that negative garbage.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Self talk,I talk to myself all the time.HaHa. Both in my head,and when I am trying to figure things out. I think this has been the problem. That's it,I am too used to talking myself down. Like listening to that negative voice,or letting things affect my inner state. And I am not 500 lbs,more like 220,not deformed,or an amputee. I am trying to rise above. One thing that bothers me,is not playing the role,taking the lead,possible lack of desire. Or my drive is somehow different. I realize part of it is satisfying,but don't know how too properly. So I worry I would be left.

 

[Birdem]

Can you ever just lay back and actually enjoy yourself? You should worry if you are having a good time. I know there are places you feel good and comfortable take the lead by bringing the girl there, it's not science. I do not believe it's lack of desire because if it was you wouldn't be posting about it. When you talk bad in your head it's like an avalanche it keeps growing. One minute you can bad talk in your head about your shirt than 5 minutes later you will worry if your pants are bad to. The mind is a powerful weapon you can use it to benefit you or just shoot your foot with it.

 

[New2Town]

Fvck your pillow. It may not be productive, but it'll be funny if your parents or roommate walk in by accident.

 

[ItsOnNow]

That's the thing. It's like my mind is or can be in two different places,yet never in that always feel good/confident/im the shvit way. I could never get myself into seeing it. I think perhaps cause i couldn't stand people who were like that. What also bothers me is alot of the constant inactivity,lack of involevment,feeling behind,while others,even those younger me,keep progressing forward,and I feel like I haven't done jack squat. Like I can't focus myself.


That's the thing,it's like I can't meet a girl,take her,then what happens happens,like i missed the boat.
Thing is,I was never the type to worry if my clothes looked good either. So that's not the problem. I consider myself pretty non-materialistic. It's something more inner than that. It's mostly when I am inactive,Like I am now,when I feel this way. This has been a problem since teen years,yet,this is something I haven't gotten over.