How do I get over inexperience?

[nightcrawler]

ItsOnNow you got my same problem. I've had it since I was 15..the self pity I had turned into anger, rage, and pretty much hatefulness.

Don't let it become the above. Even though I may appear confident/normal and put up a front of lone wolf/I don't need anybody I feel miserable and wanna die.

Make some friends I guess and the girls will come to you. Although friends are hard to come by. I don't have a single friend..maybe that explains everything :crackup:

Maybe you'll have better luck than me though ..personally I've given up my life is too full of **** these days and I can't dig myself out. At least I am not pitying myself anymore though. I've accepted who I am.

So yeah, my advice is to make new friends. If you already have friends then I guess go talk t the chicks in your social circle...

 

[ItsOnNow]

Hmm. I started feeling this way around 16. Coincedence?!?! Haha. Yeah,I've had rageful/hateful moments,moments where I was angry at the world,where I felt like I had been ripped off,had been owed,and looking back on it,it actually had very little to do with women. Oh sure,I was pissed cause I felt like I couldn't get someone,but it was something more bothering me. Like I was not living up to full potential,like I was stuck in this place I didn't want to be in.

Freindship has been tricky for me. Something happened to me last year,that I am still in a bit of a headscrew over. That may be part of the problem as well. That's another thing that's always bothered me,lack of a social circle. This has been a problem since I was a kid.

 

[MrNotebook]

You have to reach a point where you know the problem is not "out there", but rather fully accept that the problem is created and nurtured in your own mind. Essentially its a certain mindset that serves you no puporse that you need to get rid of.

At this point you are at the right place. The first step to personal change is self-awareness and you are there. Its good to see you're not in denial. Some folks live in denial all their lives and end up old and crazy.

The more able you are to take responsibility for your life past and present, the less you will feel that others have stole the years from you. The more responsibility, the less anger, less rage, less fear, etc until it all disappears and you find yourself as yourself and able to transmit peace which will naturally attract others without any effort.

Trust me on this one...if you read "The Power of Now" it will change your thinking and thus change your life.

 

[ItsOnNow]

That's what kills me,I realize it is in me,realized that for ever,yet I have done nothing. And it's like everyone else is so far ahead of me,well,in certain areas of life. One big thing is never really having had a gf,or been with as many,or had the right game,or even attraction it seems like. Where can I get that book?

 

[MrNotebook]

"That's what kills me,I realize it is in me,realized that for ever,yet I have done nothing."

Don't be hard on yourself about the fact you realize it and haven't done much in the way of improvement. Change ain't easy. All that really matters is that you are aware of the simple need to improve upon yourself. Thats enough for now.

Don't worry about "how", just focus on having a strong enough motivation behind "why" you want to change. The how will work itself out. Having the right intensity of motivation is enough to kick your a$$ into gear.

"And it's like everyone else is so far ahead of me,well,in certain areas of life."

That is how you feel. However ask yourself, is this true? Challenge that belief and discard it. Everyone else (most people) are fakin' it. Most people we come accross are full of fear and worried what we think of them. The only difference is they've perfected the acting game of projecting like they have it all together. Most people I realize are so caught up in "appearing" secure when they fail to realize accepting our insecurities plays a big part in feeling secure about ourselves. So really its not worth comparing yourself to others since they're screwed up anyway. Who has the answer about ourselves more than ourselves? Remember, people have an outside view of you while you have a view from within.

"One big thing is never really having had a gf,or been with as many,or had the right game,or even attraction it seems like."

Look at it in a good perspective. You've never had a gf, bummer, ok. Now, in all that time you've not had a gf you have been learning how to live independently and learning to not need anyone. I was lonely for many years until I turned the gift of lonliness into the gift of freedom. Its painful at first, but when you learn to avert your focus and accept it you will find the gift freedom that comes with being by yourself. Most of the guys that have had gf all their lives couldn't survive without one and have become so dependent upon having one and probably couldn't figure out how to do for themself and would ultimately crack if forced to live by themselves. You, on the other hand can do without one and when you get one its ok if things don't work out because you know you're ok on your own anyway - no biggie you'll know you already been there, you won't be crushed. Remember all this because when you get married you may look back and miss those days you had all to yourself where you didn't have to answer to anybody. Appreciate and discover the gifts of your freedom while you still have it.

Where can I get that book?

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Gui...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207832787&sr=8-1

 

[Luveno]

Do stuff.

Easy answer!

 

[wolf116]

Find an ugly/chubby chick who would love to help you out. Tell her straight up that you don't have much experience and need a teacher.

 

[comic_relief]

This is one big thing that has always bothered me. Is not enought experience,while everyone else is more experienced. Most guy's,even girls,began in teen's etc. Yet I am here and inexperienced. Have only slept with two girls,and it has been a long time even since then. It's like while everyone else was out getting laid,I was at home depressed. Sometimes I think I care too much what people think,as if I am inferior. I know I shouldn't think like this,but all this talk of sex get's to me.

without reading the entire thread because I am writing a paper.

Q: "How do I get over inexperience?"
A: Go experience life. The best teacher in the entire world.

comic_relief

 

[ItsOnNow]

Well,he advice is great. But yet I know,I will still keep doing things over and over,I don't know why,It's some kind of pattern. I have been reading alot on this site,and it has affected me somewhat,yet I have yet to make the change I have always wanted. I never listened to advice from before,i.e parents. But what has bothered me is this feeling of being out of the action for a long time. I don't know if that's a natural feeling or not. I am also concerned about alot of time spent well,looking at porn. I am concerned about this cause of well I guess,Masculinity issues I suppose.

My problems are somewhat similar as described in:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=142896

But I don't want to be the creepy guy. As they say,it's like only real good looking guys cold approach,or is that true? I don't even know how to look for/read signals. Sure,I can say,yeah,I'd do her,haha,but can't make it happen. I.E,number,kiss,date,the deed. It may be some sort of well,embarassment. And yet here are guys of all ages succeeding where I am not. Its social things as well. I haven't even approached,gotten rejected,got a number etc. All I want is someone there really. I know,I should be out of high school,yet,I don't know If i am,know what I mean?

Alot of this is eating me away. Like seeing people together. And I ask,who's the more afc? The guy who does have that one special girl,and its all real and honest,or the guy who sleeps around and what have you?

 

[ready123]

almost a week and this guy's still rationalizing about why he shouldn't be able to take action

this guy needs his ass kicked too

 

[ItsOnNow]

I know. I have needed it kicked for a while. I just,I don't know. I can't get my ass in gear. It's some sort of,I don't know. It's some sort of mix of depression,procrastination,and doubt. And not really improving myself,thinking too much about past. And generally not having what I want,i.e able to get laide whenever from women. I am out of school,and should be beyond this. I haven't even begun to try,and yet,here's 15,16 year old guys out there doing there thing. It's also this feeling of not having my sheeit together. In terms of school,education,future,etc. I fee like I should be on the cusp,yet I am so far behind.