How do I find my purpose?

[GoodOne123]

Recently I have been thinking about how I have not yet found my purpose. This is bothering me because I feel like I'm just drifting through life without it.

I've watched videos on YouTube where people say that when you're just drifting through life youlle be more likely to be obsessed with irrelevant stuff such as girls, drinking, and partying. I have to say from my experience that this is true.

It's not like I'm not doing well for myself. I've got a decent career, a car, my own place, and a few hobbies that im good at, but I'm just feeling a bit lost if you get what I mean.

Any advice from other guys on the forum on how to find your purpose/passion? I feel like it would help not only me but other guys around my age too (I'm 25)

 

[17 shots]

What are you good at? What do you like to do?

 

[Spaz]

By cutting down or being dismissive.

It's a feeling, like when being told of doing something or following a set of rules that society expects you to, which even you think sounds really logical, nice, wonderful and as you convince yourself of its merits, you find urself awake at night unable to breathe, as you breathe it all of it into ur lungs, trying to take it in, you can't help but be short of breath.

That's when you know that it's not for you.

Then repeat and cycle the process until such a time when you not only can breathe it in but thrive in it.

 

[samspade]

This post may help. I think one key he mentions is not to think about it as a "purpose" but simply what's important to you. Otherwise it becomes way too existential a question. Think about it...some people are barely surviving, scrounging for food. It's a little spoiled of us to think we all have this career- or hobby-related cosmic purpose. We're lucky to have the free time.

@17 shots also boiled it down for you with two great questions. Make a list of those two items.

 

[GoodOne123]

What are you good at? What do you like to do?

I've always been good at playing music, guitar and piano specifically. I also am also into fitness, and can loft weights and kickbox pretty well. I've been doing all these things for about 10 years.

The problem is I don't know if I want to do these things as a full time career. I don't have a strong feeling that compels me to do any of them all day every day. Isn't that how yoir purpose should feel, to want to do it all the time?

 

[GoodOne123]

By cutting down or being dismissive.

It's a feeling, like when being told of doing something or following a set of rules that society expects you to, which even you think sounds really logical, nice, wonderful and as you convince yourself of its merits, you find urself awake at night unable to breathe, as you breathe it all of it into ur lungs, trying to take it in, you can't help but be short of breath.

That's when you know that it's not for you.

Then repeat and cycle the process until such a time when you not only can breathe it in but thrive in it.

Right so you're telling me I need to pay attention to how my body responds to the activity I'm doing. Interesting, sounds like paying more attention to intuition than your mind

 

[samspade]

The problem is I don't know if I want to do these things as a full time career. I don't have a strong feeling that compels me to do any of them all day every day. Isn't that how yoir purpose should feel, to want to do it all the time?

Your purpose doesn't necessarily have to be your career. It can be a hobby or side pursuit. You've probably seen human interest stories where people embark on some kind of charitable deed that becomes their passion. Obviously they don't get paid for it.

If your purpose and career intersect, that's great. But it's very American to conflate the two without exception. The whole "do what you love [for a living]" b.s. mantra. There's no shame in working at a career to pay your bills so you can enjoy life on your time. Ideally your job will be tolerable at least.

For instance, in the field in which I work, the knowledge and skills needed come easily for me, and I enjoy it overall. The specific line of work isn't some crazy passion of mine, but it involves things that interest me.

Meanwhile I enjoy playing basketball, but the Knicks haven't called lol. I also sing and enjoy performing arts as hobbies, but if I'm content to keep them as hobbies.

On the other hand if there's a passion of yours that you want to be your profession, you need to think about it and come up with a plan - short term and long term goals. Either way, sounds like you've got some meditating to do.

 

[Spaz]

Right so you're telling me I need to pay attention to how my body responds to the activity I'm doing. Interesting, sounds like paying more attention to intuition than your mind

Yes because you only got 1 life.

Doing something (that's not ur calling) such as working as a fund manager in wall street might level you up to being rated as just good enough but never great.

Sooner or later you'll be viewed as basically a bottom feeder (by ur peers) in wall street, this will inadvertently eat at you and this will have negative repercussions that will spill into ur private life, affecting ur health, friends and even family.

 

[Epic Days]

I’ve changed career three times. Each time lifting higher.
The problem is when you sink your teeth into something you will eventually reach a pinnacle. Then there’s an empty feeling. “That’s all there is to this?”

Work is actually simple. You learn enough to produce and then you elevate it. But everything you’ve done before was none of your “purpose”.

Purpose is a high level fulfillment. It’s what you were born to do but the world sidetracked you.

There’s a lot to be said about @Spaz comment on the influence of the body. It’s an optimization of spiritual + physical. What you do has a creation effect on reality in the physical universe. You are creating the physical universe.

 

[bcude]

I want to straighten something out because purpose means different things for different people.

Does it have to be about something bigger than yourself to be called a true purpose? (like charity work)

i.e going to the gym can make you excited each morning and be a true passion for you, but where is the line between a hobby and purpose?
Because if a hobby is considered a purpose we can have many purposes.

 

[GoodOne123]

I’ve changed career three times. Each time lifting higher.
The problem is when you sink your teeth into something you will eventually reach a pinnacle. Then there’s an empty feeling. “That’s all there is to this?”

Work is actually simple. You learn enough to produce and then you elevate it. But everything you’ve done before was none of your “purpose”.

Purpose is a high level fulfillment. It’s what you were born to do but the world sidetracked you.

There’s a lot to be said about @Spaz comment on the influence of the body. It’s an optimization of spiritual + physical. What you do has a creation effect on reality in the physical universe. You are creating the physical universe.

I definitely relate to the empty feeling you mentioned. I have that feeling in my current career because I have already achieved what I set out to do in it. I'm just afraid to start from square 1 in a new career, and throw away all the career progression I made in my current career.

Interesting way to look at purpose as a higher fulfilment.

 

[17 shots]

I've always been good at playing music, guitar and piano specifically. I also am also into fitness, and can loft weights and kickbox pretty well. I've been doing all these things for about 10 years.

The problem is I don't know if I want to do these things as a full time career. I don't have a strong feeling that compels me to do any of them all day every day. Isn't that how yoir purpose should feel, to want to do it all the time?

We kind of are in the same boat. I'm really into fitness and I'm really good at music. I make beats and rap in my free time. Like you, I don't want to do either all day every day, but what I'm trying to do is make both of them successful streams of supplemental income. I want to get certified as a personal trainer in the future, so I can help others get into shape, and I want to start selling beats on the side, as well as start a YouTube channel where I can put up all of my rap songs I have sitting on a hard drive

For me personally, I don't look at your purpose as being something that has to be a full blown career. I look at it as taking advantage of your God given abilities, and using them to either help, entertain, or make others feel better. Someone might hear you playing guitar, and their whole mood might change for the better, or they might feel inspired, music is very powerful. That alone could be your purpose. I myself have watched people playing Beethoven on piano on YouTube, and I was deeply moved

Would you be interested in teaching others to play piano or guitar? Or kick boxing.. or helping people get into shape?

 

[GoodOne123]

We kind of are in the same boat. I'm really into fitness and I'm really good at music. I make beats and rap in my free time. Like you, I don't want to do either all day every day, but what I'm trying to do is make both of them successful streams of supplemental income. I want to get certified as a personal trainer in the future, so I can help others get into shape, and I want to start selling beats on the side, as well as start a YouTube channel where I can put up all of my rap songs I have sitting on a hard drive

For me personally, I don't look at your purpose as being something that has to be a full blown career. I look at it as taking advantage of your God given abilities, and using them to either help, entertain, or make others feel better. Someone might hear you playing guitar, and their whole mood might change for the better, or they might feel inspired, music is very powerful. That alone could be your purpose. I myself have watched people playing Beethoven on piano on YouTube, and I was deeply moved

Would you be interested in teaching others to play piano or guitar? Or kick boxing.. or helping people get into shape?

Ah I see, so basically I need to stop being so rigid in my thinking and just do the activities that make me happy, regardless if they end up as my full time career or not.

Interesting how we got similar interests.

Monetizing my talents has always been on my mind, I'm just not sure anyone will actually pay me to teach them guitar. Like I've got lots of performing experience and stuff, but I don't have any formal/classical music qualifications. Meybe I can give it a try to find out.

 

[Roober]

I want to straighten something out because purpose means different things for different people.

Does it have to be about something bigger than yourself to be called a true purpose? (like charity work)

i.e going to the gym can make you excited each morning and be a true passion for you, but where is the line between a hobby and purpose?
Because if a hobby is considered a purpose we can have many purposes.

A purpose is essentially a goal. What many men fail to recognize is that it NEVER ends. It is a cycle getting you closer and closer to your deepest purpose, one you may or may not reach.

After you reach each layer, you will go through a fairly normal down period where you feel empty, boring, and useless. The key is not to stay, bit to find the next goalpost.

For example...
I wanted to better job, I found one in 2016
I wanted a less restrictive job, I found one in 2018
I wanted a make more than my dad , I found one in 2018
I wanted more time with my kids, I made it happen in 2018
I wanted to hit 200k while maintaining time for my boys, i will hit 230k this year and work 25hrs/week 50% remotely

For 2020,
-I would like to get my business moving
-hit 300k
-finish my house

Every time I reach a goal, I have had a down period where I felt deflated. Even now, I am feeling a bit unmotivated. There is a couple important things to keep in mind.

1. move the goal posts further and further, no goal is too high

2. Think of all the things you want in life, and what you need to do to get there

3. Talk about your ideas with people, bounce ideas or just talk to get them out

4. Be willing to give 100% to your purpose and sacrifice everything