How do I combat my apparently flaw?

[The LadyKiller]

For awhile, I've wondered what my problem has been when it comes to a lower-than-desireable success rate with women. I believe I have finally found the root. I am over-the-top. I believe that is the problem.

I am naturally an outgoing, energetic and gregarious/talkative guy. I have a lot of confidence in myself and feel I can take on any challenge and achieve success. I am not intimidated by others and will start a conversation with literally anyone. At the same time, I try to keep interactions positive and avoid unnecessary drama.

Unfortunately, I get a sense that girls misinterpret this in the following ways:
- They think I am hitting on them strongly. Usually not the case. When I first meet someone, I have no problem starting a conversation. With some quick humor, it helps break the ice.
- They think I like" them. Similar to the first reason above, these girls seem to think that there are feelings in play just because I am conversing with them like a normal human being. I'm not making a move, or getting a number, or arranging a date; it's really just smalltalk. Not even much (if any) kino, since again most girls I'm not going to instantly "like." My friends and other guys I know talk to them too, but apparently I must speak some different language.
- They think I will spread gossip. Makes sense that talkative people will spread gossip and such. I don't, and anyone they'd ask will agree. I don't want to be the subject of gossip and therefore hold myself to that standard; I don't spread rumors or reveal secrets others ask me to conceal.
- They don't think I listen, then accuse me of being "weird" when I remember what they said. Again, the belief is that people who talk a lot don't listen. I listen - and remember what she says. So when I run into the same girl again and pick up on something she said, I get confused when she asks how I know that particular detail. Umm...because you told me?

This results in:
-Girls don't open up. - No matter the circumstances, they will act in the same manner all the time. No emotion. They turn into robots. Always the same tone in their answers (they try to sound positive), any attempts at furthering a conversation (getting them to open up about themselves) are turned away. It's an circle.
Where's the party? One way of achieving social proof is by having girls in your company. Well, one of the "results" here is that I don't have that luxury. Therefore, I'm not as much in the know about parties or other social gatherings. I am usually only invited after a close friend of mine tips me off about a party.
They never initiate. This is similar to my first result. If I don't do anything, neither will they. However, with my friends and other guys I know, girls at least will start some sort of conversation with them. With me, if I do nothing, that's it.

I feel these results all stem from the fact they believe I am over-the-top. Being outgoing + normal = creepy? That makes no sense, it does not add up. My question is, how do I hone my energy into a strength? I believe that to make things happen, you have to take the bull by the horns. If you sit around, nothing will come.

 

[YouKnowI'mRight]

- They think I will spread gossip. Makes sense that talkative people will spread gossip and such. I don't, and anyone they'd ask will agree. I don't want to be the subject of gossip and therefore hold myself to that standard; I don't spread rumors or reveal secrets others ask me to conceal.
- They don't think I listen, then accuse me of being "weird" when I remember what they said. Again, the belief is that people who talk a lot don't listen. I listen - and remember what she says. So when I run into the same girl again and pick up on something she said, I get confused when she asks how I know that particular detail. Umm...because you told me?

Women are very sensitive to there being a log of what they've said because it's just talk.

That's why I never say something in response like "but you said back...." or anything like that. In fact, I pretty much never bring up stuff she's said previously unless it's very very relevant to something of interest to her.

As far as remembering things about women too fast in the first place...IT CREEPS THEM OUT TO HAVE A GUY DOING THAT SORT OF THING. I'm not saying you're doing that....I'm not there....but you did ask for input. Check to see if you might be giving the impression that you're obsessing fast and investing too much into small-talk conversations. It's a big vibe-killer with most women.

You might try pretending you're like the guy from the movie Memento (not THAT much) for a few days and notice the differences in the ways girls, especially HBs will treat you. They'll tend to work to get your focused attention.

 

[SgtSplacker]

It's creepy if someone remembers too much of a conversation you had with them and starts to volunteer this info. You can start thinking that it meant more to them than it should have.

When you communicate with people try not to squash them with your energy. Keep your energy level just a bit above theirs. Give people time to match your energy in a conversation. If you just come off all bubbly peeps are just going to think your weird. But if you start off at their energy level and gradually raise it they will have a chance to get excited also and participate in the conversation in a like manner as you. If you don't have anyhting to be excited about then why are you so excited?

Look being really energetic and remembering everything are two things you really dont want to do together. Be a little reserved when you let someone know you remember details about them. Dont spit out everything on your mind. Use tact when talking to people.

The gossip thing only happens if you either talk about other people, or if you just chat about any frivalous little thing. Don't do either of these things. Talk about important things mostly.

To hone your energy into strength you must learn to control it and keep it inside without loosing it altogether. You may see someone and want to follow up on a previous convo. Dont just walk up to them and go off. Ask a question and let people talk to you. Be more reserved. Be more thoughtful or mindful of what you say. Think more talk less... Try to inspire thought in people.

 

[The LadyKiller]

your apparently flaw?

Haha typo on my part. Supposed to be apparent, I forgot to change it before I hit submit (had a different title in mind earlier).

As for the responses, one thing I wanted to mention is I do NOT volunteer this information out of the blue . I know someone who does, yes it's creepy. It's more creepy that he knows things about me that I did not tell him. He'll ask me how I liked a previous job and he knows this b/c he googled me and saw my name. Usually if a girl is talking about something the first time we met, then the next time she talks about it again, I usually can pick up the convo because I remember. For example:

Girl: I went to school in LA, so I know the scene out there.
Me: Yeah, UCLA, right? Good school.
Girl: Yeah...how did you know that?
Me: Lol you told me that yesterday.

Things like that.

 

[Konada]

I used to do this alot but then I have evolved a trick of my own. If you really want to input this information into the conversation, for example in your convo, a simple 'Oh what school do you go to?' easily melds your intended input into the situation.

Example:
Girl: I went to school in LA
<you knows she's in UCLA>
You: Oh, what school do you go to?
Girl: UCLA
You: UCLA? Wow that's a good school.

The trick here is to pretend you don't know about it but in reality you do. Pose a question to direct them towards the reply you want to give back, it makes you come off less creepy I would say.