How disrespectful was this?

[the_stig]

Girlfriend of five months goes to a club tonight with some friends to watch a ufc fight, gets drunk, etc. I'm working late but she's adamant she wants to see me after I'm done. I agree since it's on my way home. I beat her there, and as she's greeting me in the Kitchen, her one and only AFC orbiter walks in and says "oh hey I need my sweater back quick". She peels it off, along with a pair of beads, gives it back to him, and he leaves. To top it off, she then says "bye babe! I mean, umm, (stumbles for his name), Jon!" She was tipsy, but you can imagine the shock I'm in as this suddenly happens.

Turns out, she invited him to join her and her friends. He met everyone there and conveniently gave her a ride home. I've met him once before; he's a co-worker she shot down but they "remained friends" and hung out pretty often. When we became exclusive, I set the "no hanging out one on one with the opposite sex" boundary, but apparently she thought this didn't apply.

My gut says this was a "make him jealous to see how much he cares" test. I kept my mouth shut and after a few minutes, she opens up with "oh you're jealous because I invited John, I can tell!". In the past she has swore up and down she has no attraction for him, which I believe, but I felt disrespected as that took place. This is the first time she's pulled any BS.

What are your thoughts??

 

[Jariel]

I went through this same scenario with my ex. She asked me not to go out with any female friends unless it was part of a mixed group so we basically set that rule in place. But then one day she told me she was planning to catch up with an old (male) school friend for coffee during her lunch break.

He was a bit of a drip so I had no worries of her cheating, but was p!ssed that she broke the rule that she set in place. I brought it up and she kind of shrugged it off and said "Oh, it's only Adam, that doesn't count." I just smiled and said, "Ok, that's fine."

About a week later I went to the cinema with a female friend. She's actually really attractive, but we've always been just friends. I told my girlfriend about it and she went bright red and was so p!ssed. She started lecturing me about our rule and I told her we scrapped that rule when she went out with her friend. I continued to tell her that it was good to catch up with my friend and say how glad I am that we agreed to see our friends more.

She started promising me she'd never meet up with a male friend again, trying to convince me not to see my female friends.

Just call her bluff and use this to your advantage. Take the power back.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

It might seem a very small thing for a breakup. But a ****load of tests is coming, you can see the character of a person in small details and this girl will give you trouble.

 

[Zarky]

When we became exclusive, I set the "no hanging out one on one with the opposite sex" boundary, but apparently she thought this didn't apply.

Once you're making "rules" in a relationship, you're already f*cked.

Date more women.

 

[runner83]

Once you're making "rules" in a relationship, you're already f*cked.

Date more women.

Zarky is spot on.

If you need to make a rule like this, you are already no longer in control.

You need to take action to spark up her jealousy and regain control of the relationship.

In any relationship, the person who has the most power is the one who cares the least - RT.

 

[Jaylan]

A girl who plays games or disrespects me is not my girlfriend.

Simple.

 

[Aaron B]

she can dish it out but i bet she can't take it

show up randomly with a girl in tow

she'll get the message

i disagree about setting rules

it's up to the man to clearly set and enforce the boundaries

then again, if she breaks a rule she never knew about and you dump her then she comes crawling back and apologizes and says she won't do it again, that IS enforcing a boundary is it not?

 

[Aaron B]

I brought it up and she kind of shrugged it off and said "Oh, it's only Adam, that doesn't count." I just smiled and said, "Ok, that's fine."

About a week later I went to the cinema with a female friend. She's actually really attractive, but we've always been just friends. I told my girlfriend about it and she went bright red and was so p!ssed.

Just call her bluff and use this to your advantage. Take the power back.

This is gold.

They can dish it, but rarely can they take it.

Actions, not words.

Also, this is a perfect of example of how you can get a logical and verbal agreement with a woman, but that agreement won't hold any water with her. She will rationalize it "oh, it's only adam, so it doesn't count"

Yeah maybe it doesn't count to her, but she's in a relationship so she's only 50% of the total equation, which is what you reminded her of when you went to the movies with a hottie.

Well done. Brute force is the only thing they understand.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She goes out to "get drunk", personally invites a male "friend", is found by you to be wearing his sweater AND beads, she says goodbye to him by calling him "babe".

I hope you wake up to what is really going on. That was no test. It was a slip of the tongue.

 

[Hyper2010]

...

''She peels it off, along with a pair of beads, gives it back to him, and he leaves. To top it off, she then says "bye babe!''

Only ever an acceptable occurance if the man is her brother or very gay.


''you can see the character of a person in small details and this girl will give you trouble''

Judge her integrity by her actions, not her words. She is trouble!

 

[backbreaker]

IF you are just fvcking the girl or she is a plate, there is no problem whatsoever. hell invite the guy to have a drink with you.


if you two decided that to be exclusive, and she does that, she would never hear from me again. it's blatant disrespect for the relationship.


I mean, how would it look if my now wife came home to meet me after i went out and some chick who she knows wants to F me came out my bedroom and said thanks for a good time and went home, and i was drunk on top of it? I'd probably not make it out the house alive.

 

[Equilibrium]

That would be grounds for a good dumping in my opinion. If a chick did that to me I would next her. If it really was a test, do you want to date a girl who would go to THAT extent to test you? I mean, that's damn far. What she did may not have been cheating but it's so freaking disrespectful.

 

[Lord Sidious]

These type of BS is f**** up. I´d would start seeing other chicks from now on, if I were you.

You´re a man, so you should act as one. Let her know her place.


Or better, put her a nice pair or jet skids and send her away!



Take care.

 

[window]

mmm the fact that she was wearing his sweater is a problem imo...else I wouldn't worry.

 

[floydb25]

This is one of those instances where assuming everything is a test can get you into trouble. What I see is a person lying and trying to cover it up - then throwing it back on you. Had you got into an argument over it - I can almost guarantee that you'd be to blame for being such a jerk - when she swears up and down that they're "just friends", and that you're making a big deal out of nothing. Now you are the bad guy - when she's the one breaking promises, acting suspicious, possibly cheating, etc. This is what people tend to do when they're backed in a corner - even though they are the ones up to no good. Which is the point, really, and how they get out of it scott-free - without the other person realizing what's going on.

I've had this same thing happen several times in the past. There are no tests like this. The only testing is to see what they can get away with. So possibly, if she can lie her way out of this - she knows what to do and say in the future. There's your test.

Rule of thumb: Don't trust anybody. Believe and assume nothing. Don't assume everything and everyone is genuine. Don't analyse; focus on the facts.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

She didn't disrespect you at all. While they were having fun and hanging out, her guy friend gave her a sweater because she was cold. Get over yourself.

 

[bornbeta]

She didn't disrespect you at all. While they were having fun and hanging out, her guy friend gave her a sweater because she was cold. Get over yourself.

spot on, you are saying it was a jealous test and you didn't buy it, but you seem to have bought it 100% to me.

rem : jealous is the most beta thing

 

[floydb25]

Yup. What's more logical, the intricate conspiracy theory that this was a test or that she called him babe because that's how she thinks of him?

I'll take option B for 100, Alex.

What people don't understand is that liars and players always slip up. You just gotta catch them, and pay attention. Don't let **** slide, or believe their claims. Don't keep giving them chances, either. You don't need scientific evidence that someone is cheating. You probably won't catch anyone in the act. If the signs are visible enough, and your suspicions are high - get out.

I've heard all this friends crap before. They always spent more and more time together, and eventually got together, or at least fooled around on occassion. Didn't find out until well after the fact. Usually not even until well after we broke up. Every so-called friend was an option or back-up plan. And they always claimed to be nothing more than friends. No interest whatsoever. Until they slept with them, but that was always an accident.

Other people I know went through the same ****. There are always signs - you just gotta see them, and act accordingly.

Don't be fooled.

 

[Leopold]

UH OH... she's making ... RRRRRULES???!?

That doesn't exist on my book. Either she takes it MY WAY or she takes the highway.
Snobby b@tch is what i call that... I dont see anything good coming from that relationship. Start finding a better catch PRONTO!!!

GL mate!!

 

[backbreaker]

i could care less if she is lying or not. that's not the point. you don't go out with other guys if you are exclusive. friend or not.

don't let her switch the game up by getting you worried about did she or did she not.