Anyone care to share how they overcame a big fear in life? No matter how much I do it, I'm still afraid to talk to people I don't know in public. Working in an a male dominated field, and not having too many friends, this has left me single for quite a while. I have trouble finding opportunities that I think many other men have. I get out and do things, but it's always by myself. Maybe someone here has a similar experience. What did you use as your motivation? What steps did you take to overcome your fear?
How did you overcome fear?
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Nygard
Senior Don Juan
Some pricks have told me, countless times, that in order to lose fear about something, you have to do it, many times. I don't know where they're hiding the crackpipe because they were obviously out of their head when they told me such bullcrap. I've done said things many times and right now, the fear has never left me.
You never ever lose fear, you live with it day after day and try to cope with it.Some are more successful at living and doing stuff while afraid.
You never ever lose fear, you live with it day after day and try to cope with it.Some are more successful at living and doing stuff while afraid.
Being confident does not mean you have no more fear, it means to have a loadfull of fear, enough to shiit your own pants, but still getting up and doing it anyways.
Start REALLY small. Treat it as how people cure their own phobias. Do small things that kinda scare you everyday. Over time you have to build on it. Its not a overnight thing, its over time. You have to constantly challenge yourself everyday with overcoming those VERY little fears. Over time, you will be able to tackle bigger fears and eventually all your fears. even RIGHT NOW. take ACTION, not inaction. Dont just say "yeah, I should do that" You have to MEAN IT. dont just say it. take action!
I know what you are feeling. I had the same feeling. I was a VERY antisocial/introverted/shy person. Small steps man! you got to face your fears. Read "the power of now" by Ekhart Tolle for a deeper understanding of getting rid of your fears. It WILL help.
Start REALLY small. Treat it as how people cure their own phobias. Do small things that kinda scare you everyday. Over time you have to build on it. Its not a overnight thing, its over time. You have to constantly challenge yourself everyday with overcoming those VERY little fears. Over time, you will be able to tackle bigger fears and eventually all your fears. even RIGHT NOW. take ACTION, not inaction. Dont just say "yeah, I should do that" You have to MEAN IT. dont just say it. take action!
I know what you are feeling. I had the same feeling. I was a VERY antisocial/introverted/shy person. Small steps man! you got to face your fears. Read "the power of now" by Ekhart Tolle for a deeper understanding of getting rid of your fears. It WILL help.
Thanks for the replies. I'm petty sure I have been conquering my fears for years. It's just taking so long. It might be that I had a longer way to go than most. I mean, my dad's idea of making kids behave was basically to put the fear of God in them and shelter them from the world. Now, I'm trying really hard to fix everything that went wrong with that mindset.
Funny you should mention "The Power of Now." That book has been sitting on my nightstand for about a couple weeks now. I've been indulging in other books. Maybe I should put those down and pick up this one. Meanwhile, I'll look for something to do where there's people to meet... right now!
Funny you should mention "The Power of Now." That book has been sitting on my nightstand for about a couple weeks now. I've been indulging in other books. Maybe I should put those down and pick up this one. Meanwhile, I'll look for something to do where there's people to meet... right now!
Bluewater7
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I recommend also the book "The Secret" - and the DVD actually. You need that. If you think something is scary, it is. If you think its easy, it becomes or is easy. The more you build it up as scary in your mind... over time... the more scary it is. You need to do what the others advise and start thinking over time how EASY things are and how EASY it is to talk to people.
The problem with the secret is that it kinda pushes the meaning to much. It tels how if you want a necklace you will somehow get it by some guy coming to you and giving it to you. I say that is PURE bull**** because there is no scientific proof. Even Tyler Durden says so himself.
I believe the message to get out of that is to think what you want to think and you will behave that way. Its been scientifically proven that if you are happy or sad, your body will automatically change its body language in that manner. If you are sad your hands will be crossed, your voice will be low, etc. So you might as well use this manner to your advantage and be positive and happy. That way your body will act the same.
Also when you are in such a state you will be able to see more opportunities because your mind will always be in the state of looking for new opportunities...it won't be busy worrying about something in the past. Everything else seems very unscientific and flawed. It takes the aspect of hardwork out of the equation which I find very hard to believe.
I believe the message to get out of that is to think what you want to think and you will behave that way. Its been scientifically proven that if you are happy or sad, your body will automatically change its body language in that manner. If you are sad your hands will be crossed, your voice will be low, etc. So you might as well use this manner to your advantage and be positive and happy. That way your body will act the same.
Also when you are in such a state you will be able to see more opportunities because your mind will always be in the state of looking for new opportunities...it won't be busy worrying about something in the past. Everything else seems very unscientific and flawed. It takes the aspect of hardwork out of the equation which I find very hard to believe.
Bluewater7
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There is scientific proof regarding The Secret. Check out the book "The Answer" by John Assaraf. In the beginning chapters he discusses meta-physical studies relating to thoughts and the actual effects they have in your body and life. I'm not a scientist, but studies are there, and essentially The Secret touts The Law of Attraction and to "Feel Good" (which is also what you said) - two things that are very real.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
Kamikaze
you never lose your fear i agree but there are times during the day when i feel at my best in the morning for instance after absorbing quite a bit of caffeine
so what time of the day are you at your best?
also use the KAMIKAZE technique use an innocuous Q
YOU JUST APPROACH THE "VERY " WOMAN YOU SEE AND ASK HER " where s the station
THE VERY FIRST WOMAN YOU SEE
you never lose your fear i agree but there are times during the day when i feel at my best in the morning for instance after absorbing quite a bit of caffeine
so what time of the day are you at your best?
also use the KAMIKAZE technique use an innocuous Q
YOU JUST APPROACH THE "VERY " WOMAN YOU SEE AND ASK HER " where s the station
THE VERY FIRST WOMAN YOU SEE
No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert Glover - A great book that explains how to get over the Nice Guy Syndrome.ssj4halo said:
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie - Despite what I thought about the book from it's title, it's actually quite an honest and open explanation of how to do thinks like move people to your way of thinking. I would say it's probably most helpful in a business type setting, but can work in other areas of life as well.
Nasty People - Jay Carter - This was recommended to me to help me better understand and come to terms a lot of negative people I was influenced by while growing up. The book refers to these people as invalidators.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff - Richard Carlson - This book seemed to reiterate a lot of what was in How to Win Friends and Influence People. It wasn't nearly as good, and I can't say I agreed with everything that was said. I only read about 1/3rd of it before I was done.
Another book that I heard is good is Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.
Start small and work your way up.. Make a journal, and a training schedule.
Start with sales reps and people who get payed to speak with you.
Start by asking x= amount of people what time it is.
Once you get comftorable with that than start asking x= amount of people what we call a "open question" which is a staple of pick up. Its a question that requires more than a yes or no reply.
example
You: Hey, I was thinking of getting a leather jacket, and I want it to look nice, would I look better in a hipster type of leather or a quater length.
Stranger: Xxxxxxxx <-- May want to use something like that on females only
Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't beat yourself up if you choke..
Start with sales reps and people who get payed to speak with you.
Start by asking x= amount of people what time it is.
Once you get comftorable with that than start asking x= amount of people what we call a "open question" which is a staple of pick up. Its a question that requires more than a yes or no reply.
example
You: Hey, I was thinking of getting a leather jacket, and I want it to look nice, would I look better in a hipster type of leather or a quater length.
Stranger: Xxxxxxxx <-- May want to use something like that on females only
Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't beat yourself up if you choke..
F.E.A.R.
False expectation appearing real.
You overcome fear by one understanding what it is. It is your ego's self defense mechanism designed to keep you safe from precieved threats to it. What part of the brain does fear come from? Google it and understand it.
You have to do what you are afraid of. You have to understand why you are afraid and face it down. This is you task in life as a man. To overcome your fears. Even if you are still afraid you have to do it anyway. That is called courage.
A man with no courage cannot win, nor hold on to the things he does win.
Also you have to prepare your mind with meditation and prayer. Action plus faith equals success.
Lack of action plus no faith equals you.
Never give up. Fear is the enemy, give it nothing.
Good luck.
False expectation appearing real.
You overcome fear by one understanding what it is. It is your ego's self defense mechanism designed to keep you safe from precieved threats to it. What part of the brain does fear come from? Google it and understand it.
You have to do what you are afraid of. You have to understand why you are afraid and face it down. This is you task in life as a man. To overcome your fears. Even if you are still afraid you have to do it anyway. That is called courage.
A man with no courage cannot win, nor hold on to the things he does win.
Also you have to prepare your mind with meditation and prayer. Action plus faith equals success.
Lack of action plus no faith equals you.
Never give up. Fear is the enemy, give it nothing.
Good luck.
King_Supreme
Don Juan
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i used to fear public speaking but now its no problem for me. for my degree requirements i had to take a public speaking course at the begining of this year and when i first started i was scared to sh!t. i speak extremely proper which isnt a bad thing but for some reason in the environment im from young black males arent supposed to.
so i was extremely scared of getting talked about for it, i also have a lisp which im self conscious about. after being forced to give so many speeches in class i over came the fear. since the class ive done a few other public speaking events at school with no fear and its because i know im damn good it. i still get nervous but im no longer scared.
i guess the fear goes away after dong something so much and realizing your fears arent even real. now im sure inside some peoples heads they may say oh he talks "white" or they may laugh cuz i have a lisp but for the most part no one is doing that. i just need to apply this to talking to women. it makes no sense how i can get on a stage and talk to 100 people but cant talk to 1 girl without a lil fear.
so i was extremely scared of getting talked about for it, i also have a lisp which im self conscious about. after being forced to give so many speeches in class i over came the fear. since the class ive done a few other public speaking events at school with no fear and its because i know im damn good it. i still get nervous but im no longer scared.
i guess the fear goes away after dong something so much and realizing your fears arent even real. now im sure inside some peoples heads they may say oh he talks "white" or they may laugh cuz i have a lisp but for the most part no one is doing that. i just need to apply this to talking to women. it makes no sense how i can get on a stage and talk to 100 people but cant talk to 1 girl without a lil fear.