How did you learn how to masturbate?

[ThunderMaverick]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pKDtmJITTug

How Martin Lawrence discovered..."himself".

 

[comic_relief]

for me it was when i was 10.

my parents took me to the zoo and we were in the monkey area. i dont know where my parents had gone, but i found myself alone watching the monkies.

this one monkey came closer to the bars, probably about 10 feet from me.

anyway, it was a smart monkey and when i stuck my tongue out at it, he stuck his tongue back out at me. we started to mimic each others behavior, like a game.

anyway, after a few minutes he suddenly started jerkin his gerkin. being only 10 i though this was part of the game. so i took off my pants and started doing the same thing.

he was shrieking like a wild monkey and jerkin really hard. so i tried the best i could with my 10 year old vocal cords to shriek like the monkey.

anyway, people started to gather around and im sure they were saying things but i wasn't paying attention.

the monkey blew his load and so did i. when i turned around some of the women were crying and some of hte guys were laughing.

then i saw my mom come running through the crowd. she was soooo angry and told me to 'PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!!!"

all i said was 'mommy, the monkey made my weiner spit.'

i miss the zoo.

I don't know exactly the exact moment, but it was in the shower. I touched my d!ck with my hand and it felt really good.

So I continued and then I cvmmed. It felt so damn good that I kept doing it to this day.

comic_relief

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Haha, hilarious thread.

I had heard people talk about it, but I didn't know how to do it. However, around the beginning of 8th grade, there were periods of time where I'd be extremely horny, but I didn't know yet how to "take care" of these feelings. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble going back to sleep. One day, after getting out of the shower, I just couldn't take it anymore. For some reason I just started tugging on my ****, and it felt amazing. After a little while some white **** started coming out, and I flipped out. It took me a few minutes to realize what I had just done, and I got really excited. I resolved to try it again another day in the shower so that I could keep the good feeling going and not have to worry about a mess. That was my disappointing discovery that the good feeling does not last forever.

Another funny story regarding this was several weeks I found out how to masturbate, I "lost" the ability to do it. I hadn't yet realized for some reason that you needed to be "turned on" for it to work, and I panicked for a few weeks until I finally found out the problem. I haven't had any problems since, fortunately.

 

[Quiksilver]

The first time I heard about masturbating was when my fishing buddy(he really liked fishing) told me in grade 5.

He asked me if I knew how to masturbate. Being the ignorant rat I was back then, I had no idea what that meant.

Since he liked to fish, I thought he was talking about MasterBait, a type of fishing bait perhaps.

--

First time I learned how was when applying moisturizing sun screen, in grade 7.

 

[Munchking]

these posts are all great.

I'm a bit of a late bloomer as in I didn't *** until i was 14... from "health" classes I knew all about the machinery and how it was supposed to work, so i started getting worried that my touching myself at an earlier age I had "broken" something...
i had gotten into the habit of closing my eyes during the orgasm, and one day i felt something sticky on my fingers...

 

[Nighthawk]

My grampa taught me.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I was born masturbating. It's my earliest memory.

I remember my head came out first and that's when I saw the doctor that delivered me, a blonde with a nice big rack. I instantly grabbed my penis. Then I was born with one hand on my penis, and the other hand trying to grab the doctor's big t!ts. I think I may have even winked at her.

From there on, life's been good!

 

[DJDamage]

This time I blame porn.

This was when I was 12 and there was no internet.

I have never seen or thought about anybody doing any sex act but I heard about it at that time. If you lived in the early 90's as a kid, the only sex you could see was going to a dirty ass porn shop and buying a magazine or a movie (and no kid could pull that off). Other then that everything was pretty much sheltered as far as sex being exposed to the mainstream.

This one kid in my apartment building told me "yo come downstairs outside the building where there is an underground stairs, i got some magazines I want to show you". I was like ... "hmmm I wonder what kind of magazines? is it a sport magazine?!"

Well you guessed it, it was a porn magazine. The guy had tons of magazines in a box and he handed me one, and I opened it and it was the nastiest sh1t I have seen up to that point. It was like an early 90's penthouse magazines and all I saw were fvcking big hairy d1cks and balls going inside big hairy vaginas so I looked at that and I said " ohhh sh1t that is sickkkkk and grosss!!" but I kept flipping the pages and I wanted to see other magazines so I can see more hairy vaginas and big t1ts. I was disgusted by the big d1cks and fascinated by the hairy vaginas and big t1t women. Now that I think about it, this was also the very first moment I knew that I was stright.

So finally that night I felt my first stiffy so I grabbed a fvcking pillow and rocked against it and that is pretty much it. Its a good thing most women shave their pvssy now a days.

 

[joekerr31]

My grampa taught me.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

dude, your grandpa ain't suppose to teach you how to masturbate?

did he make you sit on your hand for a half hour until it went numb and then beat off with it?

 

[Mr.Positive]

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

dude, your grandpa ain't suppose to teach you how to masturbate?

did he make you sit on your hand for a half hour until it went numb and then beat off with it?

My grampa used to say to me.."pull my finger", and then he'd fart.

Maybe his grampa told him to pull something else.

 

[war-hero]

My pops worked at a zoo. So I learned from watching the monkeys (the animal not the uber-cool pop band) do it. Probably the only guy on here who ever wanted to spend the night at the zoo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur754tgc8C0
I know what this is all about.

 

[WhitePimp]

Mine's pretty gay...:moon:

I was playing Civilization 2 and I was possibly 11 or so, I dont remember. I thought the computer animated emissary for the Zulus was hot for some reason and I literally just instinctively "knew" that if I touched my penis I could get that fvcking tickly good feeling. I spanked it, and felt weird for jerking off to a computer animated chick. 11 years later and I'm a bonafide pro, I dont even get the awkward post-fap guilt anymore! :cheer:

 

[joekerr31]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p73cx_4HQiU

you can learn so much at the zoo.

 

[rjones]

this is the funniest monkey i ever seen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciLllSAcF-8&NR=1

 

[joekerr31]

this is the funniest monkey i ever seen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciLllSAcF-8&NR=1

this whole thread has turned deeply disturbing.