"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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How did it do?

TheZinc

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but she could have told me right away when i asked her out instead of waiting longer to drop it and keeping the suspense, and instead telling it in the most awkward way which OF COURSE creates awkwardness, and when i ask her that i want to talk shes gets on her high horse about avoiding me because she thought i was attracted to her? COME ON! i think i have decent enough excuse.. for my action even thought it was unnecessary and over-done.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Iceberg

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TheZinc said:
THIS has nothing to do with desperation or lack of female contact.
no it took her two months to tell me she had a bf, as soon as i found
So you're saying to took you two months to ask her out. If you had asked her out in week #1, that would have saved you how many weeks of frustration?

That was my point.


She would get very strange and weird when we were alone and not the bad kind, like the nervous "omg! his actually spending time with me".
See, here's the thing. I'm good with girls now. Years ago, I was similar to you. And now that I'm good with girls, I NEVER notice things like "OMG he's spending time with me" nervousness....But when I was bad with girls, I probably noticed stuff like that. Know why? Because I imagined it.

You find a girl you like, and maybe she likes you too, so now everything she does becomes some reflection of liking you.

Talks to you everyday? She loves you.
Offered to drive you to your car? She loves you.
Other acts of kindness? She loves you.

You're spending too much time reading signs and signals and not enough time asking these girls out.


since i dont understand why anyone would act this way otherwise?
Perhaps because she thought you were a cool, attractive guy.
 

cordoncordon

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One thing I have noticed on this site over the years is the huge number of guys that think a particular girl is interested in them sexually or romantically, when they really aren't. I see that ALL the time. I blame it 100% on the male ego.
 

Mantis Toboggan

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TheZinc said:
but based on what i am seeing, my approach was completely whack and i have completely lost any possible chance..
FUN!
any suggestions as to how i should have acted?
If you're talking to a girl for a week or two in class and getting a good vibe, just invite her to something fun. "Hey, there's a jazz show in the park this weekend. Come with me."

It's not even your approach that was whack...it was your reaction to the rejection. If a girl rejects you, just move on. We're men. We fail and then we learn from our failures and keep moving. Women pout and send nasty emails.


TheZinc said:
but she could have told me right away when i asked her out instead of waiting longer to drop it and keeping the suspense, and instead telling it in the most awkward way which OF COURSE creates awkwardness,
So what? She's a girl. Stop expecting her to have a man's sense of logic.

Is this the first girl you asked out on a date? Holy sh*t.



and when i ask her that i want to talk shes gets on her high horse about avoiding me because she thought i was attracted to her? COME ON! i think i have decent enough excuse.. for my action even thought it was unnecessary and over-done.
You talked to a girl for 2 months and you asked her out. I've heard men complain less about the end of their marriages.

You need to loosen up. Rejection is a part of the game. You seem way too uptight about this. I dont even think you're ready to date a girl. You need to go back to basics. Rebuild.
 

thevilittletroll

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i see a few problems with your situation. first of all dont get offended by a lot of the things everone else on this post have been saying. for the most part they all have very valid points.

#1 you should have asked her out right away. she may have been attracted to you at some point, she wanted you to make a move but you didnt. and because you waited so long to make your move she may have put you in the friend zone.

#2 i dont believe she even had a bf. girls use that excuse all the time, and most of the time its just a s.h.i.t test just to see how you'll react. you failed miserably, now she thinks you are a creepy, needy guy, who might turn out to be a stalker. so there is probably no chance you will ever get with this girl. you should have acted like it didnt matter.

#3 the facebook deletion was inevitable, you really freaked her out by getting all upset about it.

#4 there may be a possibility that she was never attracted to you in the first place. she may have been nice to you and friend zoned you right away.

you will find that it wouldnt have mattered wether she had a bf or not. if she was attracted to you, she would have hooked up with you. would you have felt any differently if you hooked up with not knowing she had a bf? i think not. the other point i want to make is about your interactions with her. were you just talking about boring logical stuff, or were your conversations going sexual at any point? my guess is that there wasnt, and it was just mostly fluff talk. i also think that you showed too much interest too fast and strated acting differently, that freaked her out.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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