How did I become an AFC again?

[Brooks]

Become distant. We can’t stand that and will chase. This means don’t initiate sex, texting, calls, etc. I cannot resist a man that ignores me! lol

Then she would know there’s games and tactics at hand. Or she would create drama?

I'd agree with this as a plan of recourse, but as I mentioned, it's low- probability. Much harder to re-attract than just start over with someone new.

But scrapping a otherwise great relationship seems a little drastic, no?
With the right attitude couldn’t it just be a slow recalibration? Rather than starkly dropping off?

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I don’t see it as a game. When i feel like i am getting too attached to a man, I pull back. Meaning I focus more on myself and what I am doing rather than focusing on him (i do more yoga, read, go out with others). I think that’s what makes people more attractive. Having their own lives and not fawning over anyone else. When a man is too into me I feel pressure and it’s a tad creepy. I like to know he has options, hobbies and doesn’t need me to fulfill his life or entertain him. So if he’s more distant I know he has all that on his own and it’s more attractive to me.

 

[Dash Riprock]

But scrapping a otherwise great relationship seems a little drastic, no?
With the right attitude couldn’t it just be a slow recalibration? Rather than starkly dropping off?

If you feel the relationship is otherwise strong except for the fact you've lost leverage or "hand" (in Seinfeld terms), then yes, try a slow, steady re-calibration. This should be your default mode of thinking anyway as women should only represent the small dollop of mashed potatoes on your huge plate of Thanksgiving food. They are there and present but certainly not the main course. The "meat" is your purpose and life goals as a man which should NEVER be the pursuit of the acceptance and approval of one woman.

 

[Robert28]

I got out of the “we are friends” rut I was in after I found myself there after we’d been dating awhile. I sorta knew I had slipped to that level but it didn’t hit me until we had an argument about something and she said “you don’t control me, we are friends, we aren’t dating”. I was like holy **** hit the reset button, this isn’t where I want to be! I went radio silence for 3 days before she reached out and apologized, I wasn’t out of the woods yet though. I knew I had to set up a date to show her I was still the fun guy she liked at one time. We went on several dates where I made sure I was on my tip top game and she said she was having the best times with me again. In between dates though I NEVER initiated texts or calls. She’d text me the day after the date and we’d exchange about 4-5 texts and I’d stop responding after a few. She wouldn’t let 2 days go by without texting me again. She also wanted to hangout more all of a sudden with me acting this way. It’s a lot of work though, I wouldn’t do all this for just any girl.

 

[Epic Days]

Seeing someone once a week is enough. It keeps it going. Throw in a two week beak every now and then.

It’s important for a man to understand his biology. If you see her too much or too often you will burn it down. This includes texting and phone conversations. Keeping a relationship breathing is fun once you get it down.

I think it’s possible to have a relationship for years like this. People ruin things because they always want more.
For the best and dirtiest sex, chill out.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Great post! Only thing i want to add is some red flags are dealbreakers. Some are just things you work with as a couple. I won’t date an alcoholic or drug user or anyone with a criminal past. Even if they don’t drink anymore or that jail time was long ago. So the flags are subjective and you have to decide what you can handle and tolerate and what you won’t. Probs different for everyone.

 

[Brooks]

People ruin things because they always want more.

That is true. Greed.

1 week is not enough though. I’d say 2-3x a week is perfect