How can I put her at ease about my sketchy past?

[Checkmate12]

There is a girl Ive been talking to for the last couple months now and she is definitely LTR material. Awesome personality, not to mention she's an hb9 virgin. She has a high interest level and is consistently the one to steer the relationship towards more serious waters. Of course the road that leads towards an LTR comes with what is essentially a "background check."

Each date she steadily progresses with asking more and more personal questions. Past relationships, etc. The reason this is a problem for me is because I cheated on the last girl I was in a serious relationship with, which ultimately led to its demise. She has already asked me (on the 2nd date, no less) why my last relationship didn't pan out and I just told her that I wasn't yet comfortable talking about it but we could revisit the topic at a later date.

Clearly, past unfaithfulness is a huuuge red-flag to a woman. If we enter into a relationship Im confident that she'll find out eventually through mutual friends, so I think its critical that the disclosure of this information comes from my mouth. So essentially, my question is how do yall think I should handle this? My thoughts are that if I continue to spend time with her and put her interest level through the roof that my past will be irrelevant and I can just give her the "I messed up, I learned my lesson" spiel. Perhaps it could even work in my favor as all girls want to make a man their little "project." How do I get it across to her that Im definitely not the man I used to be (which is completely true, but irrelevant for our purposes), and she has nothing to worry about?

 

[cola]

u dont owe her an explanation, if u r working on ur future with her, she shouldnt need to know ur history..
tell her that

 

[Checkmate12]

u dont owe her an explanation, if u r working on ur future with her, she shouldnt need to know ur history..
tell her that

I agree with this completely cola. I don't feel I owe her an explanation. Unfortunately this in itself wont stop her from being completely turned off after finding out.

 

[Epimanes]

If you plan on making this long term honesty is the best policy. How can you have a long term relationship if its foundation is not built on trust, openess and honesty? But if you are just wanting into her pants to de flower her and then dump her a few months from now then who cares what she says or asks.

 

[Checkmate12]

If you plan on making this long term honesty is the best policy. How can you have a long term relationship if its foundation is not built on trust, openess and honesty? But if you are just wanting into her pants to de flower her and then dump her a few months from now then who cares what she says or asks.

Absolutely. I plan to give her full disclosure, what Im really asking is how I go about it? Its a really delicate matter and I think the timing and the execution have to be on point. The way I word things, etc. Basically I need her to feel confident that it's not going to happen to her.

 

[Cremasta]

She has already asked me (on the 2nd date, no less) why my last relationship didn't pan out and I just told her that I wasn't yet comfortable talking about it but we could revisit the topic at a later date.

This here is a bit of a mistake on your part. You've made it out to be more than it is, women have a habit of latching onto these things and bringing them up later.

Your best tactic here is to be as nonchalant about it as possible and just tell her that things simply didn't work out, then avoid the topic altogether. If she starts pushing really hard about these things, then you could maybe say "Look, I'm not going to ask you about any of your exes, I don't need to know, it's just none of my business - I'm only concerned with how you treat me now."

There's no upside to you spilling your guts about everything you think you've done wrong in the past.

 

[PlayHer Man]

In short.. if a woman can't accept you for who you are then she can go f*ck herself. :yes:

Kill the oneitis and take her off the pedestal. She is flawed like everyone else and there is no need to grovel at her feet for approval like a servant. You're not her dog are you? So stop licking her feet and kissing her ass.

Stop looking at the floor and standing pigeon toed when you meet a girl you really like. Be a man. Be proud of your identity.

 

[Checkmate12]

@Cremasta: Solid. I like this strategy. If I talk about it like its no big deal and avoid unnecessary detail then all should be well. Ive been caught up in trying to go about this in an "acceptable way" and forget that some things are just better left unsaid.

@Playher Man: Hardcore. I needed that though. I don't like the AFC she's been bringing out in me but with each challenge comes opportunity for growth. Be a man. Be proud of your identity. Love it.

 

[Dali_tx_o]

"It's complicated"

"I don't really know - I'm not Oprah"

"I guess we were incompatible"


Or, if you really can't manage having it as a secret forever buried - hold it as an ace card, that you will use to make girl fall in love deeper than ever with you (if you do get into a relationship). I don't know how you'd do it, since it depends on personality, but me, here's how I'd tell it:

Ideally, a month or two after she said she loves you, after another date, on top of some abandoned multi-story building roof with the view of city lights (I quite often climb on top of abandoned buildings to take pictures, so it's not out of my character), have a little chat about something non related, joke around. Then, just look at the distance, and say out of blue:

"Remember when you asked me why my last relationship did not work out, and kept bugging me about it?"
"...yeah?"
"Because I wasn't that great before. I cheated on her."
Then, look the girl in the eyes:
"But you know what? You're different. You have that something that she didn't have. I used to not care that much, I used to think that people just come and go. I simply, did not care. I would cheat, be selfish, hurt feelings and break hearts, because I thought that's what people do. That's what I saw around me since.. since a long time, and I didn't know better... But you changed me. You... you made me want to become a better man."

Make it sound like she kept you straight, like she was SPECIAL, and build a new mystery for her to ponder about ("All he saw around him? What does that mean?"). And don't drop this bomb too early, this is a long term game. I'd say, a year in at least, after she told you she loves you or something.

On the other hand, I had only one chance to use something like this, and although it worked spectacularly, use at your own risk.

Props to who can guess where the last line is from.

 

[Mr Wright]

Had a pretty much identical situation with my ex. Shes hot and basically spent her early years rejecting guys. She was a virgin too, I think it's a virgin thing because she's pretty conservative in her views(and it took about 4-5 months to unleash her sexuality and now shes a saucy little minx)

But the point I think is important to make is that when she found out, she was actually a little put off by it because I've done some pretty "rough" things and she was actually insecure and thought she couldnt live up to what I was used to. The thing is now she is hands down the best sex I've ever had and I think she finally believes that and I've managed to get her to do some of the things that she was so weirdered out by originally. She like me, loves having sex in public so we do often(we still sleep together)

I would be honest because once it's out of the way, she either accepts it or she doesnt, it is that simple.

 

[instantnoodles]

Shes hot and basically spent her early years rejecting guys. She was a virgin too, I think it's a virgin thing because she's pretty conservative in her views(and it took about 4-5 months to unleash her sexuality and now shes a saucy little minx)

This.

I'm glad a guy for once can understand. It's hard being a virgin and when your guy doesn't understand why you're shy ... Makes it even harder. You're right. It does take months for her sexuality to be unleashed. Virgins do not have an open sexuality yet

+1

 

[PlayHer Man]

This.

I'm glad a guy for once can understand. It's hard being a virgin and when your guy doesn't understand why you're shy ... Makes it even harder. You're right. It does take months for her sexuality to be unleashed. Virgins do not have an open sexuality yet

+1

Its easy to make excuses.

Human beings have been having sex for thousands of years. If all virgins were as insecure as you claim.. the human race would of died out a long time ago. :crackup: :crackup:

It comes down to personality type. Some people are adventurous risk takers. Others are insecure and timid. But its not my job to work around everyone's mental issues. I'm not a social worker.

 

[instantnoodles]

Its easy to make excuses.

Human beings have been having sex for thousands of years. If all virgins were as insecure as you claim.. the human race would of died out a long time ago. :crackup: :crackup:

It comes down to personality type. Some people are adventurous risk takers. Others are insecure and timid. But its not my job to work around everyone's mental issues. I'm not a social worker.

I don't give a damn about your opinion, it's full of sh1t anyway. Sometimes SOME virgins can be like this.

I never said they were insecure. Where did you get this from?? I think you created it out of thin air.

Shy. I said shy! Can you read?? There is a slight difference between being "shy" and being "insecure".

I knew you'd comment. :crackup:

But its not my job to work around everyone's mental issues. I'm not a social worker.

I guess it comes down to your previous post, where you said:

In short.. if a woman can't accept you for who you are then she can go f*ck herself.

Guess it's my personality. And it's not for you. I think I should probably tell you the same if you are not accepting of my "mental issue" or more precisely, "shyness in the bedroom". :yes:

 

[Mr Wright]

Its easy to make excuses.

Human beings have been having sex for thousands of years. If all virgins were as insecure as you claim.. the human race would of died out a long time ago. :crackup: :crackup:

It comes down to personality type. Some people are adventurous risk takers. Others are insecure and timid. But its not my job to work around everyone's mental issues. I'm not a social worker.

I understand what you mean but disagree, what I meant was that a virgin isnt going to be interested in being hung from the ceiling and having candle waxed dripped on them as you clamp their nipples with crocodile clips connected to a car battery the first time they have sex, it's a case of not running before you can walk, thats all. I've slept with 6 virgins and each of them had different personalities but some of the changed straight away but others took longer to "break in" so to speak.

I think most girls who have never had sex would feel a bit insecure about being with a guy who has been with even a fair few.

 

[instantnoodles]

I understand what you mean but disagree, what I meant was that a virgin isnt going to be interested in being hung from the ceiling and having candle waxed dripped on them as you clamp their nipples with crocodile clips connected to a car battery the first time they have sex, it's a case of not running before you can walk, thats all. I've slept with 6 virgins and each of them had different personalities but some of the changed straight away but others took longer to "break in" so to speak.

I think most girls who have never had sex would feel a bit insecure about being with a guy who has been with even a fair few.

EXACTLY! Finally someone with logical sense and experience of the REAL WORLD. This is simply reality.


@Mr. Wright: That is some graphic bedroom scene by the way. Ouff. :nervous:

 

[j0504s]

If I were you, I’d be authentic and honest without shooting yourself in the foot…I don’t believe in gimmicks and games…if you deliver the right message she will not question it…and NEVER ask your friends about it…people who are your true friends anyways would never sabotage your situation...I PERSONALLY would say something to the tune of...

"A lot of people live in delusional state and think every girl or guy you date you will 100% marry, but then these people become disappointed because this is clearly not true; Or you can understand the rational reality 99.9% of relationships have a beginning a middle and an END, there no specific time constraint on it but that’s reality...it’s always worth it to take a chance though...regret is NOT in my blood...I am a man of integrity...so I go after what I want...So I went after My Ex...I thought it could be great and it was, BUT then we grew apart, that’s it...we weren't meant to be or a good match or w/e...SO...there was an END...that’s it...there is no crazy epic stories to my past relationships…we just no longer had the spark that once was…and that’s ok b/c you know what!!! I wouldn't change anything that happened b/c I learned from it...you learn from everyone and everything….and now I met you and if you’re lucky you can get a shot with me……” – at this point Her panties will be dripping so much you will need a mop and bucket to clean the floor up with or people will slip and there will be a lawsuit…which will forever be known as “The Pvssy Juice Trials” (naturally and obviously JUDGE Nismo-4 will be the one mediating this case)

you obviously don’t need to say this, but something that is authentic and doesn't make you look like scum...There’s absolutely in no way will it benefit you to straight out say I cheated on my EX, so it ended…(especially b/c she’s virgin w/ probably with plenty of options if she’s a true HB9...again beauty is in the eye of the beholder)....Just say “we grew apart that’s really it” that’s everything she needs to know b/c its true...it’s in the past you can’t change it you can only learn...you are no longer dating your ex, it doesn’t matter...you don’t need to ever speak of her as I doubt she even wants to hear about it...If she likes you enough nothing will affect her being with you if she were to find out…

Keep Spinning Boyz,
J0504S

 

[PlayHer Man]

I don't give a damn about your opinion, it's full of sh1t anyway. Sometimes SOME virgins can be like this.

I never said they were insecure. Where did you get this from?? I think you created it out of thin air.

Shy. I said shy! Can you read?? There is a slight difference between being "shy" and being "insecure".

I knew you'd comment. :crackup:

I guess it comes down to your previous post, where you said:

Guess it's my personality. And it's not for you. I think I should probably tell you the same if you are not accepting of my "mental issue" or more precisely, "shyness in the bedroom". :yes:

If you don't give a damn about my opinion.. why did you respond AND send me a personal message about it? :crackup: :crackup:

YES.. if I can't accept you for your mental problems then you have every right to move along. We agree.

 

[instantnoodles]

If you don't give a damn about my opinion.. why did you respond AND send me a personal message about it? :crackup: :crackup:

YES.. if I can't accept you for your mental problems then you have every right to move along. We agree.

Funny how you only commented on that part, not on the content of the topic

I don't care because most of the time, it's terrible advice. However I think Im going to continue responding to your opinion in the future if I see fit. I'm not afraid to

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Idiot!

 

[Dominance]

I disagree, I don't think you should tell them everything. You don't even have to tell her that at all. Just say "it just didn't work out".