How best to respond to this girl?

jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
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#1
A little bit of background:

-She is a colleague in the same company, different department.
-She got my number from her female friend who I'm friends with at work. She has displayed SUPER high interest, even the people at the office have noticed and commented.
-Anytime I've backed off when she played hard to get, she would user our mutual female friend or food to come talk to me. Basically her friend would start a conversation, then she would come join, and her friend would leave the conversation within a minute or two. Or she would bring baked goods to me to have an excuse to talk to me, it was super obvious, even my coworkers and boss commented on it.
-I was busy dating other women so I took a few days to respond to her texts sometimes. She started mirroring me. If I texted her 3-4 days later citing that I had been busy, she'd respond that she had been busy too. We'd be talking about hanging out, and she would agree to hang out and I would drop off (BasedZeus and many other gurus, leave her wondering a bit, it works, girls do it to us all the time, I think she is gaming me now), text her some time later citing how busy I was (legitimately) and she would respond back that she has been busy too, and kind of play hard to get/back off just a bit almost as if she was taking two steps forward and one step back like so many of the gurus teach. She has game IMO. I think about her more than all the other girls I'm dating combined...
-For example, I invited her to happy hour, just the two of us. She was like, I'd let you know. A week went buy, then the day I had suggested she would text me at close of business and ask me if I was going to happy hour. I told her I had already left for the day, and she was like, oh yeah, I she already left for the day too, citing how she was so tired (yet she had texted me asking if I was still going to happy hour on the day I had suggested and that she had told me she would let me know about....a week later she texts me at happy hour time the day of, and claimed that she had already gone home too AFTER texting me to see if I was going or not and learning that I had already left for the day...lol. Totally mirroring me.
-So basically after this push and pull movement we hung out, it took a couple tries. She texted me minutes after the date citing how she had fun, etc. I suggested she cook us dinner, as a next date, that I'd bring a bottle of wine, etc. She agreed. Once again I dropped off in conversation so as not to text her too much. This was four days ago.
-So I text her today. Ask her if she has anything good to eat for our dinner, she says not yet.
-I tease her about what I'm going to do with her since she hasn't come up with anything yet, etc.
-She tells me (English is not her first language) that she has been very busy lately and that she is starting to exercise and take English classes, that's why she hasn't.
-AGAIN, let me emphasize that she has to date, always given me enough to keep me into her, then she will back off a little bit when I move on her; she will take two steps forward, one step back. I do the same with her. She is mirroring me actually. If I text her that I haven't responded in a few days because I've been busy, she will respond that she has been busy too. But she has to date always given me some kind of gesture (coming to talk to me, bringing me food, having her friend start a conversation with me that she then joins and her friend walks away from almost a minute into, etc.) to keep me engaging her when I don't contact her for a while. If she senses that I'm losing interest, she will give come forward a bit, then agree to cook us dinner, etc. and then back off a little bit when I engage her again. But so far it has ALWAYS moved forward.

tl;dr


She gives me enough to keep after her. Moves things forward and just when she thinks that I think I have her, she will add some doubt. When she thinks she's added too much doubt and I stop talking to her, she easily schedules a date, telling me she is busy x days but free y day when she engages me again and I ask her out.

It has become a predictable pattern from setting up dates to during and after dates. Two steps forward, one back to keep me guessing. I fully expected her to put an obstacle in the way when setting up the second date despite the fact she agreed to cook me dinner after our first date ended. She always does this. It's a constant ebb and flow.

Possible responses to her text about why she hasn't come up with a menu yet because she is very busy exercising and taking English classes:

A) I can help her get some exercise :) and I can teach her English if she teaches me her language, etc. and setting up a date and time (I like it because it's ****y/funny/flirty and keeps me engaged rather than pouting and complaining).

B) I tell her that I'm actually pretty busy too and maybe we should just be friends, at least for now... (this is me walking away from her a bit). I don't think this has a high probability of success. I think she will just feel rejected completely by this.

C) Some combination of the above... Part A first then the addition of "but hey, maybe we should just be friends for now..." This kind of sends a mixed signal and keeps her guessing. In one breath I'm giving her an excuse to hang out in a flirty way, but in another I give the option of just being friends....

D) I tease her about how it's too early to play hard to get.

E) I wait for a while and see if she re-engages me.

Or? I'm open to suggestions....
 
Last edited:

17 shots

Senior Don Juan
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#3
I think A or D are good. I've had success asking women to teach me their language. The ones with high interest always agree, the ones who aren't tell me to look at YouTube or something lol
 

backseatjuan

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#4
So you guys are texting back and forth?

Do this right away, stop giving her attention at work, and stop texting her. If she texts you, respond within couple of hours, but don't validate her.

Now as far as asking her out, text her up right now, today is a good time, it's Thursday. Ask her if she's available this weekend to go out with you. Keep it short, one sentanse. If she says yes ok, if she says no, don't give her any attention, don't even respond to her texts, and keep it short at work, do some other sh1t with your life, stay busy, find another girl, or better 10 more b1tches to pursue. But don't be rude to her, and do not show that her saying no gotten to you any out of your way. You fvcking give your attention to other sh1t and b1tches at your work, not her, does not mean you have to treat her differently, just don't focus on her. Then hit her up again in two weeks, say hello, ask if she's available for this weekend. If no, stop talking to her and sh1t, let her come around to you.

She might not be available for dating at this moment, maybe boyfriend, maybe she is not dating, maybe she got her period, maybe she got other options better and more interesting than you. Don't spend your time on this b1tch and don't expect her to drop everything and date you right away.
 

jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
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#5
After reviewing her text, my own posts and the history of how our dates have progressed (two steps forward, one step back) and that she has always said the same thing (very busy) and that she is not saying no, just that this is her excuse as to why she hasn’t come up with a menu yet when I asked, I’ve realized that:

* I don’t want to over react and say something like hey, this is getting old, too unavailable half the time, etc. which would make a mountain out of a mole hill. She has historically done this two steps forward, one step back with me. She always gives me enough hope to move things forward again. Especially if I back off a little bit, she will come forward again and when I ask her out again she accepts.

*I would likely be best off teasing her about how I can help her get a workout in her response to how she has started exercising, etc.

*That after saying in a flirty way that I can help her get a workout so she can save time not going to the gym and hang out with me, that I have come forward again and that it’s time to take myself away in the same text right after saying that, so as to pull away a little bit and send mixed signals (which has historically made her come forward and be available when I contact her to hang out again).

Something to the effect of: “I can help you get a workout ;-)

Or maybe you’re right.”

This is a flirty response combined with a sentence that leaves my interest somewhat vague. It makes it sound like I might be disengaging but also isn’t saying that I am, thus leaving the option of engaging again later.
 
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jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
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#6
So you guys are texting back and forth?

Do this right away, stop giving her attention at work, and stop texting her. If she texts you, respond within couple of hours, but don't validate her.

Now as far as asking her out, text her up right now, today is a good time, it's Thursday. Ask her if she's available this weekend to go out with you. Keep it short, one sentanse. If she says yes ok, if she says no, don't give her any attention, don't even respond to her texts, and keep it short at work, do some other sh1t with your life, stay busy, find another girl, or better 10 more b1tches to pursue. But don't be rude to her, and do not show that her saying no gotten to you any out of your way. You fvcking give your attention to other sh1t and b1tches at your work, not her, does not mean you have to treat her differently, just don't focus on her. Then hit her up again in two weeks, say hello, ask if she's available for this weekend. If no, stop talking to her and sh1t, let her come around to you.

She might not be available for dating at this moment, maybe boyfriend, maybe she is not dating, maybe she got her period, maybe she got other options better and more interesting than you. Don't spend your time on this b1tch and don't expect her to drop everything and date you right away.
Lol, read my post. We are already dating. I know she is single and lonely.

She always does this. It is her two steps forward and one back.

Like I said, just days ago she agreed after our first date to cook us dinner. Now she ie a little unavailable. She did the exact same thing with our first date.

Check my last post before this one and let me know what you think of my response.
 

flowtheory

Master Don Juan
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#7
Your interest is super high in her because she’s doing exactly what you want to stop. Two steps forward and one back.

You know, sometimes women who always agree to or open their schedules to the dates do have high interest, they’re just being cautious.
I was watching a tv show the other day and one of the women in it stated (not verbatim) “if we just jumped and said yes to the guy who we really like, it takes away all the fun. A lot of the fun is being a little aloof or difficult. Plus, by being that way we actually get to see if the guy is actually one of the good ones”

So it’s actually really smart from an attractive woman’s point of view to be cautious and not always act super high interest to the men. Because she’s been deceived probably a thousand times and doesn’t want to end up with some little man boy again or whatever.

My point is this: If you’re seeing her for dates and she is always agreeing to see you, don’t fret. Actions over words. You’re thinking a lot about this. Stop. Her game is working wonders on you and you’re close to using the FRIEND word or getting angry because she’s not acting how you want her to. It’s part of the game and dance.

Just do this: Plan a date, suggest that date, then go on that date, make her FEEL the good energy on that date, escalate, end of date.
Then repeat that forever.

Never stop being the man who plans the date. Don’t become needy, dependent on her validation to move forward. And never suggest anything if you don’t want that (friends). You don’t have to play games to reveal her cards.
Just know your value and put it forth. If she’s wasting your time and neglecting your attention, move on. Doesn’t have to be in an angry way. You just move on. Never call her game out. There’s better ways to covertly do that.
 

jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
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#8
Your interest is super high in her because she’s doing exactly what you want to stop. Two steps forward and one back.

You know, sometimes women who always agree to or open their schedules to the dates do have high interest, they’re just being cautious.
I was watching a tv show the other day and one of the women in it stated (not verbatim) “if we just jumped and said yes to the guy who we really like, it takes away all the fun. A lot of the fun is being a little aloof or difficult. Plus, by being that way we actually get to see if the guy is actually one of the good ones”

So it’s actually really smart from an attractive woman’s point of view to be cautious and not always act super high interest to the men. Because she’s been deceived probably a thousand times and doesn’t want to end up with some little man boy again or whatever.

My point is this: If you’re seeing her for dates and she is always agreeing to see you, don’t fret. Actions over words. You’re thinking a lot about this. Stop. Her game is working wonders on you and you’re close to using the FRIEND word or getting angry because she’s not acting how you want her to. It’s part of the game and dance.

Just do this: Plan a date, suggest that date, then go on that date, make her FEEL the good energy on that date, escalate, end of date.
Then repeat that forever.

Never stop being the man who plans the date. Don’t become needy, dependent on her validation to move forward. And never suggest anything if you don’t want that (friends). You don’t have to play games to reveal her cards.
Just know your value and put it forth. If she’s wasting your time and neglecting your attention, move on. Doesn’t have to be in an angry way. You just move on. Never call her game out. There’s better ways to covertly do that.
Exactly. I agree. I see what she is doing and honestly I kind of like it. She has game and it's making me want her more. But she always gives me something to move us forward. Ebb and flow.

So you don't think I should text my flirty above response? Just wait a week or two then try to setup another date?

I kind of like my response above. But am open to suggestions.
 

jnMissouri

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
Messages
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#9
Your interest is super high in her because she’s doing exactly what you want to stop. Two steps forward and one back.

You know, sometimes women who always agree to or open their schedules to the dates do have high interest, they’re just being cautious.
I was watching a tv show the other day and one of the women in it stated (not verbatim) “if we just jumped and said yes to the guy who we really like, it takes away all the fun. A lot of the fun is being a little aloof or difficult. Plus, by being that way we actually get to see if the guy is actually one of the good ones”

So it’s actually really smart from an attractive woman’s point of view to be cautious and not always act super high interest to the men. Because she’s been deceived probably a thousand times and doesn’t want to end up with some little man boy again or whatever.

My point is this: If you’re seeing her for dates and she is always agreeing to see you, don’t fret. Actions over words. You’re thinking a lot about this. Stop. Her game is working wonders on you and you’re close to using the FRIEND word or getting angry because she’s not acting how you want her to. It’s part of the game and dance.

Just do this: Plan a date, suggest that date, then go on that date, make her FEEL the good energy on that date, escalate, end of date.
Then repeat that forever.

Never stop being the man who plans the date. Don’t become needy, dependent on her validation to move forward. And never suggest anything if you don’t want that (friends). You don’t have to play games to reveal her cards.
Just know your value and put it forth. If she’s wasting your time and neglecting your attention, move on. Doesn’t have to be in an angry way. You just move on. Never call her game out. There’s better ways to covertly do that.
You're right I was close to using the friend word until I reviewed everything this morning and realized it's a non issue. I just need to keep in the game with her and not make a mountain out of this.

Reminds me of this girl I was sexing and she eventually texted me that it seemed like that was all I was after with her etc.

I walked away. Years later I looked at her text again and realized I misinterpreted her text; she had said just sex was fine. I made an issue out of nothing....
 

backseatjuan

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#10
Dude, your posts are too long, and your life is confusing just like your posts. Keep it simple man. If the girl is unavailable, that means she is fvcking someone, back off a couple of weeks. She is not the only girl in the universe.
 
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Glassguy

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#11
OP- dont build us a clock in these posts. Just tell us the time.

Ask her out. She either says yes and shows up or anything else is a no.

If you dont get a yes with her showing up, stop being her yo-yo. Cease contact with her. Period.

She is only stringing you along because you are allowing it.

She is on giving you enough to keep you interested because you havent been a man and went after more

Ask her to join you for drinks. She can shyte or get off the pot.
 

mrgoodstuff

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#12
After reviewing her text, my own posts and the history of how our dates have progressed (two steps forward, one step back) and that she has always said the same thing (very busy) and that she is not saying no, just that this is her excuse as to why she hasn’t come up with a menu yet when I asked, I’ve realized that:

* I don’t want to over react and say something like hey, this is getting old, too unavailable half the time, etc. which would make a mountain out of a mole hill. She has historically done this two steps forward, one step back with me. She always gives me enough hope to move things forward again. Especially if I back off a little bit, she will come forward again and when I ask her out again she accepts.

*I would likely be best off teasing her about how I can help her get a workout in her response to how she has started exercising, etc.

*That after saying in a flirty way that I can help her get a workout so she can save time not going to the gym and hang out with me, that I have come forward again and that it’s time to take myself away in the same text right after saying that, so as to pull away a little bit and send mixed signals (which has historically made her come forward and be available when I contact her to hang out again).

Something to the effect of: “I can help you get a workout ;-)

Or maybe you’re right.”

This is a flirty response combined with a sentence that leaves my interest somewhat vague. It makes it sound like I might be disengaging but also isn’t saying that I am, thus leaving the option of engaging again later.
How about ignoring her and spending time with someone who makes it easy?
 
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jnMissouri

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#16
My response above worked just like I thought it would. She laughed and asked about the details of the "workout" so to speak. So I told her i'm going to set it up to show her in person.


Seems as though she got the hint and came forward again. I do wonder if I should have texted her that I'd show her that back so soon, same day. Maybe it released the tension, or maybe it will have given her enough hope to allow me to now wait a few days to text and set it up. Leaving some doubt. The ball is in my court.
 
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