How are most guys confident on default?

[Irs88]

edit out!

 

[Irs88]

okay I got the answer. They work from an inner self and deep convictions and less on the outside world.

 

[Maxtro]

I'm actually going to say that they got lucky in their early experiences. Like it or not, men do get confidence from having good relationships and sex.

So what happened is that some guys had some success in their early teens through sheer act of luck. Then they just kept on having more and more successes. So they became confident.

Some other guys did not have any of the early success and for whatever reason ended up being shunned by females. Those guys never learned the skills on how to deal with women. It's impossible to gain confidence when one does nothing but fail.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I actually got somebody to like me back in elementary or Jr. High.

 

[Falcon25]

They are good looking or rich and are blessed with great genes (big divk, ambition, great dna) Any other questions I can help you with?

 

[Julian]

I'm actually going to say that they got lucky in their early experiences. Like it or not, men do get confidence from having good relationships and sex.

So what happened is that some guys had some success in their early teens through sheer act of luck. Then they just kept on having more and more successes. So they became confident.

Some other guys did not have any of the early success and for whatever reason ended up being shunned by females. Those guys never learned the skills on how to deal with women. It's impossible to gain confidence when one does nothing but fail.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I actually got somebody to like me back in elementary or Jr. High.

Wow cry harder will you, blaming your life on your childhood. The past is over so fuk it right. Not everyone who is a success in life/women/whatever started that way. Im know theres plenty of ballers and players who didnt achieve any success until later in life due to their childhood failures and the bad hands they were dealt. But you know what? They overcame that bullsh1t and did reach the level they wanted and didnt sit and wonder with "what ifs".

 

[Maxtro]

Wow cry harder will you, blaming your life on your childhood. The past is over so fuk it right.

Not everyone who is a success in life/women/whatever started that way. Im know theres plenty of ballers and players who didnt achieve any success until later in life due to their childhood failures and the bad hands they were dealt. But you know what? They overcame that bullsh1t and did reach the level they wanted and didnt sit and wonder with "what ifs".

Just because the past is over and my childhood is long gone, doesn't mean it didn't have a profound affect on who I am now.

Since I've been trying to improve my life for a while now, but I'm still completely struggling, it's impossible to never wonder "what if."

That doesn't mean I've given up, just that I have a serious handicap that must be overcome.

 

[kingsam]

Just because the past is over and my childhood is long gone, doesn't mean it didn't have a profound affect on who I am now.

Since I've been trying to improve my life for a while now, but I'm still completely struggling, it's impossible to never wonder "what if."

That doesn't mean I've given up, just that I have a serious handicap that must be overcome.

a personality is pretty much defined by age 10ish (according to the BBC)
what effects it?
- genetics
-parents
-other environmental (which is party also determeined by your parents)

so its fair to wonder "what if" and "blame it on your childhood" to an extent, BUT then think im a MAN now, i have to move on and make it my reality, so you can change your self later on but it takes time!

 

[Nygard]

Some people go through their early days with their self-steem and their confidence mostly unscathed, and then they just soar through life, grab it by the balls and get it done. Some other people have their ups and downs, but they can easily repair the damage by doing this:

BUT then think im a MAN now, i have to move on and make it my reality, so you can change your self later

Some other kids, because of a very weak parental support, a very bad set of 'cards' that are unfavorable on their early days and just plain bad luck, end up with zero self-steem, constant self-hate and no confidence at all. For them, I have nothing but sympathy and good-wishes, because there's no way they're gonna fix themselves and they'll have to spend a lot of money on therapy to have a chance at steering the ship.

 

[Kerpal]

I'm actually going to say that they got lucky in their early experiences. Like it or not, men do get confidence from having good relationships and sex.

So what happened is that some guys had some success in their early teens through sheer act of luck. Then they just kept on having more and more successes. So they became confident.

Some other guys did not have any of the early success and for whatever reason ended up being shunned by females. Those guys never learned the skills on how to deal with women. It's impossible to gain confidence when one does nothing but fail.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I actually got somebody to like me back in elementary or Jr. High.

+1

Your upbringing and the environment you grew up in are also HUGE here.

Take a kid who grew up with supportive parents, surrounded by the same type of people, went to good schools with teachers who cared, etc.

Now take a kid whose parents ignored him, grew up in the bad part of town as a minority, and went to ****ty schools with teachers who don't give a **** (my personal situation).

Who will be more confident? Growing up this way had severe negative effects on my confidence, self esteem, mindset, etc. I can't even imagine how different/better my life would be if I had gotten to live the typical "normal" suburban childhood.

 

[Maxtro]

I wouldn't be surprised if quite a few of us had childhoods that messed up our confidence, self-esteem and social skills. Unfortunately those things also had an affect on how we deal with girls.

In the end there are only two things we can do, roll over and die, or work our butts off to fix the wrongs that were not even our fault.

I've been in CBT for a few months and I'm starting to feel better about myself. I'm also working on areas that need a lot of improvement. It's going to be a long hard road, but have no choice to stick to it.

One thing though is that I'm jealous of my 16 year old half-brother. The kid's going to have a much better life than I did and will probably ended up getting way more girls that I ever (never) did.

Unlike my brother (25) and I, he is being raised by both his parents, who actually now know what they are doing and want to make sure he succeeds in school and life. He's getting help from our dad about women, which dad never gave to me even though I lived with him. If the good upbringing weren't enough he's also about 6 inches taller than me, kid's probably 6 feet while I got stuck at 5'6. Same f-ing dad and he's 6 inches taller than me...

OK rant over, I'm going to fight on etc.

 

[Kerpal]

Same f-ing dad and he's 6 inches taller than me...

Sure he has the same dad?

 

[Maxtro]

Sure he has the same dad?

Yup. Our Dad is 5'10 and a full Cuban all his sons are half Cuban half white. I'm 5'6. My 25 year old brother is 5'8. So somehow the sons from his first marriage were shorter than him. New wife and suddenly he's got a 6' kid. What's weirder is that all the men on my mom's side of the family are over 6 feet. My maternal grandfather is 6'2. Apparently my paternal grandfather whom I never met, was 5'6. Out of all the men in my family to get height from it had to be the shortest one

I try not to think about my height and make it a big deal but it does lower my confidence being so short. There's also the factor that being short may have made me look bad in the eyes of women.

 

[sharkbeat]

Too much whining here. I am 5'7", and yes some women are at my height and won't even look at me, who the fvck cares -- I don't care about them either. How you carry yourself and what you do is what's important. You can be a midget, but if you do big things, in the eyes of many, you are 10-foot tall.

Yes, people are annoying that they have preferences. They prefer X over Y. They compare and ****. They do bad things and they traumatize you. They talk you down and condescend you like they are superstars. BUT WHO GIVES A ****!?

Why don't you start focusing on achieving your goals?

 

[Nygard]

One thing though is that I'm jealous of my 16 year old half-brother. The kid's going to have a much better life than I did and will probably ended up getting way more girls that I ever (never) did.

Heh, my brother is 18 and he's had more chicks in 2 weeks than I've had all my life.

 

[phenomenom]

Stop blaming your bad childhood or the past on your low self esteem now! I agree that it affects a person in a big way, but you'll stay with the same low self-esteeem until the moment that you truely can say to yourself that past is the past and im gonna change. Use your past bad experience as your motivation now!! BUT ONLY AS MOTIVATION!! because if you keep thinking about them, remember them and relive them in your mind you will never completely get past them. And they will just keep coming back in your head and keep you trapped. You'll experience a great cycle.

You'll be motivated to change your life and become the man you want to become. You'll make a list of goals and try to reach them. You'll work hard for a week, two weeks, month, BUT THEN you'll start remembering your past self, all your failures and bad memories. This sh!t comes at you after the smallest failure or sometimes out of nowhere. And now you're back to low selfesteem again. Back to where you started, ground zero. After some time pass, some more failures, you'll get madd and want to change again. But the same cycle will come through IF YOU LET THOSE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR PAST SELF COME AND CONTROL YOU MIND!!!

To change, you have to do things differently than you've been doing before. It all starts with your mentality, in what you think about. If your thinking the same thoughts you've been thinking before, then you havent changed a bitt! The past is nothing more than a print a shoe leaves behind!

 

[DanelMadr]

Telling yourself 1000 times (it's a lot) a day that you are 'confident, prize and the best thing to ever happen to a woman' IS NOT GONNA CUT IT!!!

If you are not a sociopath your brain knows you are lying.

You become confident when you do things you are afraid of and you don't die.

To do "dangerous" things without prior confidence you need something called COURAGE aka not being a pvssy.

Any psycho self-babble and affirmations are proven nonsense, especially for long run. The reason why they don't work is they bring attention to your shortcomings....you say "I am confident and prize" and your brain goes.."Why is he saying that? Maybe because he is missing these qualities...." See.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

They are good looking or rich and are blessed with great genes (big divk, ambition, great dna) Any other questions I can help you with?

I got one. Are you ever going to quit?

Poster: "What is the secret to confidence?"
Falcon25: "Be good-looking."

What's REALLY scary is that there's 2 or 3 other posters on here (virgins) that'll look at that sequence of dialogue and think..."Yeah, that seems about right." You epitomize AFCism. Confidence comes from within, not from having money or facial symmetry you fucking misinformed tabloid-reading twat. Go read the DJ Bible.

 

[Falcon25]

I got one. Are you ever going to quit?

Poster: "What is the secret to confidence?"
Falcon25: "Be good-looking."

What's REALLY scary is that there's 2 or 3 other posters on here (virgins) that'll look at that sequence of dialogue and think..."Yeah, that seems about right." You epitomize AFCism. Confidence comes from within, not from having money or facial symmetry you fucking misinformed tabloid-reading twat. Go read the DJ Bible.

It's hard to be a homosexual isn't it? I know that it kills you everyday that you have to hide who you really are. I feel bad for you. Especially after I saw your picture on that post. Confidence does come from within, but remember, the more good looking, rich, and great genes you have, the easier you will attain it. You have lost all credibility on this forum. Every post about you is making fun of you. We call you facial symmetry. You are disliked by people you have never met, no wonder women dislike you as well.

 

[Falcon25]

I got one. Are you ever going to quit?

Poster: "What is the secret to confidence?"
Falcon25: "Be good-looking."

What's REALLY scary is that there's 2 or 3 other posters on here (virgins) that'll look at that sequence of dialogue and think..."Yeah, that seems about right." You epitomize AFCism. Confidence comes from within, not from having money or facial symmetry you fucking misinformed tabloid-reading twat. Go read the DJ Bible.

It's hard to be a homosexual isn't it? I know that it kills you everyday that you have to hide who you really are. I feel bad for you. Especially after I saw your picture on that post. Confidence does come from within, but remember, the more good looking, rich, and great genes you have, the easier you will attain it. You have lost all credibility on this forum. Every post about you is making fun of you. We call you facial symmetry. You are disliked by people you have never met, no wonder women dislike you as well.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

It's hard to be a homosexual isn't it?

You respond to the facts with "O YA??! WEL UR GAY N STUF!!!!"? You're awesome, dude. Keep doing what you do.