coolf1r3
Don Juan
Alright. So my ex and I dated from 12/07 to 8/08. For the first two months or so, I thought I could get back into the game. Since November of 08, I've been thinking of her a lot. I finally called her just to see how she was doing. I learned that she was dating a new guy and got really depressed over it. Some freshman in college, hm. She's a sophomore in HS, I'm a senior. For the last few months, I've somehow convinced myself that her and I could work if we gave it another try but she doesn't want any of it at the moment. I got on her boyfriend's bad side due to some stupid sh!t I said and he made her promise him that she wouldn't talk to me anymore. She agreed but still talks to me sometimes, but I really have to force the conversation. I've begged, I've cried, I've gotten angry, the works. I spent last night bawling my eyes out because I tried to call her and she wouldn't pick up because she was on the other line with that kid. I send a tirade of texts telling her to never contact me again but she left me a voicemail saying "Hey, it's me, I don't think that those texts about calling you are what you meant to say...so uh...whatever...bye." I broke down and called her back, apologizing profusely and choking on my own tears. I made mistakes when her and I were dating, I lied to her, I made excuses, but I've made a positive step in improving my self-concept since then. I just want another chance. I'm sick of clutching my pillow to my chest every night and waking up at 3AM, wishing that she would be curled up next to me. Another thing that absolutely infuriates me is when she makes a sexual joke. Jokingly, I said "**** your boyfriend, lol" when she said that he was calling and she replied with "All in due time." I was speechless and it felt like I had been slapped in the face. Can anyone provide some insight into why this hurts me so much? I can't stand the thought of someone else...touching...her. She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. We never made love but I've found myself wishing that we had. I've tried to move on numerous times but I always find myself calling her after a day or two. Sometimes, I don't even last that long! What the **** is wrong with me? Part of me wants another chance but another part of me knows that since I ship off to boot camp in August, I'll just end up hurting her. The reason we broke up was because she was becoming obsessive. She'd call my cell and if I didn't pick up, it was on to my house phone, then my mom's cell. Crazy, but she said that it was due to my lying to her and she didn't trust me. I'm desperate, guys. I seriously contemplated suicide last night and I'll be damned if this (future) Marine isn't going to be around to protect his country. Why do women have this kind of power over men?
I'm scared.
Help.
I'm scared.
Help.