Hold or attack?

[ThunderMaverick]

Well all like bullet points so here they are!!


Knew this girl a couple of years ago.
Fooled around a lot.
Lost contact.
She gets a boyfriend and breaks up with him a year later.
She gets in touch with me again a few weeks later.

We had dinner and a chat a couple of weeks ago and we almost made out while saying goodbye. She told me she really wanted to but she just broke up with her boyfriend so she would feel weird doing it. I asked if she missed him or still had feelings for him. She said not really.

I think this particular girl is pulling herself out of the matrix because she admitted to me "I use to have new boyfriends to get over the old ones before. I don't want to do that anymore. It's an insecurity issue I have to get over and it wouldn't be wise for me to get into another relationship right now."

She told me she was really attracted to me and could imagine a relationship with me but now wasn't the right time. I also explained to her that as well as we get along and how compatible we might be, I wouldn't be putting my sex life on hold while she sorts herself out. (I have about 3 plates spinning. One I'm already having sex with.) She agreed and we talk occasionally still. Loads and loads of sexual tension, gentlemen. I told her that it's a policy of mine NOT to have female friends, but I would bend the rules this time.

I see a lot of potential in her but as I said I'm already dating others. I want to keep her around to see what happens. I'm not sure if I want to be overly flirty with her also as that might seem like I'm putting pressure on her. We're going out Saturday night with a group of friends so does anyone think that I should take it easy on the flirting? Just be her friend and act like one? Heeeh...keep my grubby hands to myself?


Oh I want to ask the girls this too. Have you ever been in this situation where you just wanted to be alone after a break up but had another prospect that you really liked? Did you jump his bones immediately? Did you wait or talk?

 

[iqqi]

Oh I want to ask the girls this too. Have you ever been in this situation where you just wanted to be alone after a break up but had another prospect that you really liked? Did you jump his bones immediately? Did you wait or talk?

I mention all the time that right now I avoid all kinds of commitment, due to needing some "me" time to learn from a previous break up. Its almost been a year, too. Still "me"-timing!

I've met a few guys that I like a LOT. None of them know how much I truly like them, as I do things to keep them from trying. Such as complete avoidance, lol. I have them on a back burner in my mind. I myspace stalk one of them.

The only guys I fool around with right now, are ones I wouldn't LTR. Ones that are "safe", so to speak.

Believe it or not, all girls don't subscribe to the "monkey branch swing" mentality.

Check out Penny's last post on page one of Humanist's current thread in the main discussion forum, as well.

 

[penkitten]

i believe that it took alot of courage for her to be honest and tell you she needs time to sort herself out and work on herself. now is a really bad time for a relationship.
if your paths separate here, please remember how wonderful of a lady she was to just come right out and be honest with you.
she must work on herself, and it is not fair to put you in the middle of it.
she has not wronged you in anyway.

do not put your life on hold and wait, because she may never return.
however, if your paths cross again down the road, you can take it from there.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Well like I said she said she likes talking to me besides everything else. I would have a problem with this if I weren't spinning plates but I really do get along with her well. We're like a couple of teenagers when we do hang out.

So are you ladies suggesting that I ease up on her as far as talking about everything hook up and relationship wise? Just be her friend?

 

[iqqi]

Well like I said she said she likes talking to me besides everything else. I would have a problem with this if I weren't spinning plates but I really do get along with her well. We're like a couple of teenagers when we do hang out.

So are you ladies suggesting that I ease up on her as far as talking about everything hook up and relationship wise? Just be her friend?

You don't have to label it any kind of way. Just be Thunder Maverick to her. Does every move you make come from what label you give a relationship?

Have fun, go with the flow, respect her boundaries, and respect yourself. Ta da!

If I was you, I'd "date" her once a week or so. Go out to a bar or dancing once a week. Tell her she has to pay for herself, because you don't want to give her any wrong ideas about your intentions.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I've met a few guys that I like a LOT. None of them know how much I truly like them, as I do things to keep them from trying. Such as complete avoidance, lol. I have them on a back burner in my mind. I myspace stalk one of them.

Now you're afraid of what you could possibly have with these guys by AVOIDING THEM!? Are you sure you're just not attracted to them at all? Or not attracted enough? You might fall for them. Is that what you're afraid of?

The girl did mention not wanting to kiss me because she might get a little co dependent. i.e. calling a lot. Wondering where I am, etc. I told her I wouldn't mind. ^_~ I'd be flattered.

 

[iqqi]

Now you're afraid of what you could possibly have with these guys by AVOIDING THEM!? Are you sure you're just not attracted to them at all? Or not attracted enough? You might fall for them. Is that what you're afraid of?

The girl did mention not wanting to kiss me because she might get a little co dependent. i.e. calling a lot. Wondering where I am, etc. I told her I wouldn't mind. ^_~ I'd be flattered.

I know for a fact I'd want more from these particular people, if I got involved. So yes, I avoid them. I'm not ready for that kind of situation. You know, a sitatuation involving real emotion, lol.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Hmmm. Why not just go for it? It has been a year.

Edit: I do like you're advice on the whole date once a week thinggie. I might do that. =D

 

[iqqi]

Hmmm. Why not just go for it? It has been a year.

I can tell that I still haven't learned all my lessons from my previous LTR.

AND I completely avoid real intimacy, I FREAK out even, when I "feel" something.

I take that as a sign I'm not ready for anything substantial just yet.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Thanks for the input ladies. I really appreciate it!

Guys? What do you think?

 

[##17]

The only guys I fool around with right now, are ones I wouldn't LTR. Ones that are "safe", so to speak.

Such as all the Nice Guys you keep posting field reports about? :crackup:

 

[iqqi]

Such as all the Nice Guys you keep posting field reports about? :crackup:

EXACTLY, actually.

I knew the ugly "nice" guy was a player, therefor I would never take him seriously as a LTR candidate.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

"Matrix thread"? Because I'm asking for a female perspective?

I'll turn this topic into 3 plus pages with the stuff I've left out. But maybe someone who frequents my threads knows what details I'm leaving out.

I won't mention them until someone calls me out on it though.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

F*ck it. The girl I'm speaking about is my ex.


HAHAHAHAHA.

Does that change anything?

 

[iqqi]

Post links.

If its the chick with no morals, then you are a fool.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I'm too lazy to look. Find them.

Edit: Oh actually I requested that topic be deleted. "For a limited time only." Remember?

Maybe she's finally learning from mistakes. Don't worry. I'm not holding my breath.

 

[lookyoung]

Its old news and it sound to me that her interest level in you is probably not very high. If it was she would be sucking your dik. Woman never can be alone. The 3 LTR I had were with men within 3 months of the breakup. Most of them are insecure creatures that need validation.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Your ex? again? The question is, are you in control??? As a man should be!!!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Your ex? again? The question is, are you in control??? As a man should be!!!

Of course, Dr. P. She's not one of the plates I'm spinning at the moment. I don't even consider her a plate yet. Not after all she's told me.

It's old news and it sound to me that her interest level in you is probably not very high. If it was she would be sucking your dik. Woman never can be alone. The 3 LTR I had were with men within 3 months of the breakup. Most of them are insecure creatures that need validation.

She's confessed she's an insecure creature and she wants to work on that insecure part of herself. She does not want to be co dependent as she has been in the past. We have a friendly relationship and if things were to happen I wouldn't mind boning her again. (she's still the best so far)

Like I said I don't want to play on her loneliness (I DO still care about her) because I think it would be short lived in the long run anyway. Soooo I guess I'll be doing what I have been doing so far; being her friend.

 

[iqqi]

YOU are whipped and enslaved by a chick with no morals. WHY do you want HER? Why do you choose her? Sex? That will be what enslaves you in your misery.

This is a great example of how you men are also creatures of emotional insanity and irrationality. ALL a woman has to do is TRIGGER a man's emotions and he is CAPTURED.