Hey fellas, need your help to realize this terrible idea

[Who Dares Win]

Long story short, I wanna drop a message to my ex gf from 5 yrs ago. (yeah yeah I know what you're thinking and makes sense)

My main goal is not getting back with her also for the fact that we are in two different countries so that would be quit hard especially given the lockdowns...

I banged many girls before and after her but quite frankly she is the only one I would like to keep in touch with, she was an angel from any point of view but I was a full blown assh0le back then and cheated countless times till she finally got fed up and left me, actually she didnt talk to me for months and only after she briefly agreed to a "good bye date" aka "hope you die date".

I simply realized that she is one of the few people that I would like to have in my life as much as a dear friend I lost contact with for different reasons.

I have her on telegram and viber so I can shot her a message...I resisted the urge to write something stupid and came here asking for suggestions.

Opinion on opening and timing?

Ps. Im not concerned about possible rejections, insults or stuff like that...

 

[AttackFormation]

Imo you're better off starting with something brief and simple for the first message, just to get her to respond with anything. Then from how she responds you can work out your next text, instead of making the first message you send into a "battering ram".

 

[Lookatu]

I simply realized that she is one of the few people that I would like to have in my life as much as a dear friend I lost contact with for different reasons.

Before everyone jumps on you here, if you two had a mutual breakup or it was cordial at the very least, I'd say you could be her friend but don't expect anything more than that. Most likely it would have to boil down to timing and even luck in just being her friend even.

Most likely she has stuff going on in her life. Maybe she's married or has a serious bf. Who knows? Plus it's long distance so you know you could only be friends.

It doesn't hurt though if you just wanna see what's been going on in her life and leave it at that.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Imo you're better off starting with something brief and simple for the first message, just to get her to respond with anything. Then from how she responds you can work out your next text, instead of making the first message you send into a "battering ram".

Was considering the same thing while trying to limit lines that could p1ss her off furtherly since I was used to write her all the times she ignored me after knowing of that girl or that other one...need to avoid recalling those times in her head.

Before everyone jumps on you here, if you two had a mutual breakup or it was cordial at the very least, I'd say you could be her friend but don't expect anything more than that. Most likely it would have to boil down to timing and even luck in just being her friend even.

Most likely she has stuff going on in her life. Maybe she's married or has a serious bf. Who knows? Plus it's long distance so you know you could only be friends.

It doesn't hurt though if you just wanna see what's been going on in her life and leave it at that.

Yeah I'm ready for that, makes sense if it happened, just wanted to get in touch again also cause the distance itself taken that decision regardless my choice.

If you guys have any suggestion for the opening, Im glad to hear it.

 

[NSX-R]

I would use something as an excuse for recalling her in my mind . For example you saw a movie that you used to see a lot together or found something that was hers or saw her in your dream and thought to text her . Something in that order and I’d pick it from there and considering how she responds continue from there .
Her ego will hit most likely but she’ll have no excuse to fight back cause you send an innocent message.It’s something very natural to recall nice memories and people love when they get remembered.

 

[Grinderman]

I would delay this action.

Are you about to react on emotion or from a rational, objective mind.

This has been a strange past year with covid, lockdowns and restrictions. It sent many a person into a tailspin, leading to
irrational decisions.

How will this action benefit you, logically.

 

[MoMoses]

My main goal is not getting back with her also for the fact that we are in two different countries so that would be quit hard especially given the lockdowns...

I would never advice someone to become an open book and tell her about your feelings. Never.

However, since you're not trying to get into her pants and are looking to befriend this woman after doing her wrong I'd say she definitly needs to know you're sorry.

Take my advice with caution because I'm no expert at keeping ex-gf's as friends (in fact I never do that) but I did get back with girls I messed up with, by honestly apologizing for what I did and raising the attraction after that.

You haven't spoken in years? Then I'd send her a message, telling her you were thinking of her. You should bring up a certain memory that triggered your memory of her. I don't know.. you're at the zoo and remember spending a day there with her.. something like that. It's a acceptable reason of thinking about someone you haven't spoken to in years. Tell her you're sorry for what happened and hope she's doing well. Make sure she knows you're not trying to get her back or else her defences will kick in.

If all goes well, the so called Fading Effect Bias will have done its work and she will remember the good times more than the bad times. This might give you a shot at communicating with her again.

If she's happy with her life and feels you are happy aswell, there's no hidden agenda and the ill feelings towards you have gotten eroded along the way.. well.. she might be open to rekindling the relationship.

Keep us posted man

Edit: I need to add this: I would never get back in touch with an ex. She will get a ego boost.. "aww, he's still thinking about me. He hasn't found anyone as great as I. That'll teach him for cheating on me". She'll feel like she's in a dominant position. Deciding if she should grant you a reply or not.. you don't want women to be in that position. This being said.. you already made up your mind and you wanna contact her. so I told you how I would do it if I were to contact my ex after all these years. Wanna state for the record that I do not think this is a good idea. You don't need her. She lives in another country and will add nothing to your life. I don't know you and I don't know her, so I might be way out of line for saying this.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Long story short, I wanna drop a message to my ex gf from 5 yrs ago. (yeah yeah I know what you're thinking and makes sense)

My main goal is not getting back with her also for the fact that we are in two different countries so that would be quit hard especially given the lockdowns...

I banged many girls before and after her but quite frankly she is the only one I would like to keep in touch with, she was an angel from any point of view but I was a full blown assh0le back then and cheated countless times till she finally got fed up and left me, actually she didnt talk to me for months and only after she briefly agreed to a "good bye date" aka "hope you die date".

I simply realized that she is one of the few people that I would like to have in my life as much as a dear friend I lost contact with for different reasons.

I have her on telegram and viber so I can shot her a message...I resisted the urge to write something stupid and came here asking for suggestions.

Opinion on opening and timing?

Ps. Im not concerned about possible rejections, insults or stuff like that...

Drop the idea dude.
Sorry man, but its way too late and there is no reason to have remorse over spilled fine wine on the floor.
5 years is lot of time passed by and you both moved on - well she did at least. (?) and you are not the same people as you were 5 years ago. Her BF/husband wouldn't allow it either (LJBF), and quite frankly if it was me it would be "hell no" too. You are setting yourself up for trouble and unnecessary drama mate.

 

[andreihaha]

I would delay this action.

Are you about to react on emotion or from a rational, objective mind.

This has been a strange past year with covid, lockdowns and restrictions. It sent many a person into a tailspin, leading to
irrational decisions.

How will this action benefit you, logically.

This past year was actually very good for some people, including myself. It gave me and others time to reflect and to be ok with being more alone.

For the OP, it looks more like a rational decision than an irrational one. Looks like he's interested in something more, nothing wrong with that.

That being said...my experience with women from the past was really poor, no matter what side I was on, dumped or being the one to let them go. I'd say it's almost surely better to look for someone new, no matter how low the odds are.
You seem to have fvcked up big time. But...if this is how you feel about her, take a chance and be honest. No BS trying to trigger her emotionally in a way or another. Present your best offer. And expect her to say no. Even if she does, at least you'll have some closure eventually. And you will move on in the direction you feel.

 

[Gstring]

Single message, "hi, what you wearing" no question mark. She will respond. She shouldn't mind another orbiter in her life.

Thing is, the 'nothing' between you two is such that she has power in the 'relationship'. Essentially your plate left you. When plate leave you, she must come back herself, and you make her lick your ass as per ams suggestion, and then throw her down the curb. She left you because she thinks she can do better than you. Now what you doing going back? Sure you make excuses for yourself, friends and such, I care about her etc.. That is a load of bs. If you had cared about her, you would not contact her - think about it, she has boyfriend, maybe husband, now you contacting her and potentially ruining what she has going on in her life. You contacting her because you don't have good things going on in your life, literally. Just the act of contacting her says a ton about yourself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe start off with something small like Hope everything is going well for you during this time, etc.

Then after a few messages you will need to send an "Elephant in the room" text addressing the situation if you feel like you fvcked things up which is sounds like you did. Give her a sincere apology one time and briefly address it and then talk about what you learned from it. Don't make this a giant run on paragraph, make it brief but really mean what you say and then see how she responds and go from there. You have to accept she simply may not want you in her life in anyway.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I would use something as an excuse for recalling her in my mind . For example you saw a movie that you used to see a lot together or found something that was hers or saw her in your dream and thought to text her . Something in that order and I’d pick it from there and considering how she responds continue from there .
Her ego will hit most likely but she’ll have no excuse to fight back cause you send an innocent message.It’s something very natural to recall nice memories and people love when they get remembered.

Thats the option I consider the most, either some common memory or a common friend that I recently met.

I would delay this action.

Are you about to react on emotion or from a rational, objective mind.

This has been a strange past year with covid, lockdowns and restrictions. It sent many a person into a tailspin, leading to
irrational decisions.

How will this action benefit you, logically.

True, not doing anything this weekend also asked here to have cold blooded replies and feedbacks.

I would never advice someone to become an open book and tell her about your feelings. Never.

However, since you're not trying to get into her pants and are looking to befriend this woman after doing her wrong I'd say she definitly needs to know you're sorry.

Take my advice with caution because I'm no expert at keeping ex-gf's as friends (in fact I never do that) but I did get back with girls I messed up with, by honestly apologizing for what I did and raising the attraction after that.

You haven't spoken in years? Then I'd send her a message, telling her you were thinking of her. You should bring up a certain memory that triggered your memory of her. I don't know.. you're at the zoo and remember spending a day there with her.. something like that. It's a acceptable reason of thinking about someone you haven't spoken to in years. Tell her you're sorry for what happened and hope she's doing well. Make sure she knows you're not trying to get her back or else her defences will kick in.

If all goes well, the so called Fading Effect Bias will have done its work and she will remember the good times more than the bad times. This might give you a shot at communicating with her again.

If she's happy with her life and feels you are happy aswell, there's no hidden agenda and the ill feelings towards you have gotten eroded along the way.. well.. she might be open to rekindling the relationship.

Keep us posted man

Edit: I need to add this: I would never get back in touch with an ex. She will get a ego boost.. "aww, he's still thinking about me. He hasn't found anyone as great as I. That'll teach him for cheating on me". She'll feel like she's in a dominant position. Deciding if she should grant you a reply or not.. you don't want women to be in that position. This being said.. you already made up your mind and you wanna contact her. so I told you how I would do it if I were to contact my ex after all these years. Wanna state for the record that I do not think this is a good idea. You don't need her. She lives in another country and will add nothing to your life. I don't know you and I don't know her, so I might be way out of line for saying this.

Agree on everything especially the first and the last part, hope the fading effect bias will work given the amount of time..actually I was considering to calibrate my words to summon it.

Drop the idea dude.
Sorry man, but its way too late and there is no reason to have remorse over spilled fine wine on the floor.
5 years is lot of time passed by and you both moved on - well she did at least. (?) and you are not the same people as you were 5 years ago. Her BF/husband wouldn't allow it either (LJBF), and quite frankly if it was me it would be "hell no" too. You are setting yourself up for trouble and unnecessary drama mate.

You may have a point, I'm considering that too...I recall she told me at some point when we split that anywhere she went that reminded it of us and she couldnt enjoy those places anymore being them clubs or pubs.

Single message, "hi, what you wearing" no question mark. She will respond. She shouldn't mind another orbiter in her life.

Thing is, the 'nothing' between you two is such that she has power in the 'relationship'. Essentially your plate left you. When plate leave you, she must come back herself, and you make her lick your ass as per ams suggestion, and then throw her down the curb. She left you because she thinks she can do better than you. Now what you doing going back? Sure you make excuses for yourself, friends and such, I care about her etc.. That is a load of bs. If you had cared about her, you would not contact her - think about it, she has boyfriend, maybe husband, now you contacting her and potentially ruining what she has going on in her life. You contacting her because you don't have good things going on in your life, literally. Just the act of contacting her says a ton about yourself.

No sh1t that could be the case, I may even consider not to write her at all considering that btw you remind me an other user that got banned exactly before you subscribed.

Awfully I cant blame covid or other external factors for my state, this condition Im talking about existed before the plague awfully.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Nope. Abort. Terrible idea.

She can’t forget the past. Find a new woman.

 

[christie]

I would delay this action.

Are you about to react on emotion or from a rational, objective mind.

This has been a strange past year with covid, lockdowns and restrictions. It sent many a person into a tailspin, leading to
irrational decisions.

How will this action benefit you, logically.

good frame +1

 

[christie]

someone hacked WDW's account, this isn't his usual personality/persona on here

 

[Who Dares Win]

First of all thanks anyone for the feedbacks, I appreciate it strongly.

My plan at this moment is NOT TO DO ANYTHING, the reason is that I may have taken the wrong decision so its better to further evaluate to cut any emotion or feelings involved.

 

[evan12]

Long story short, I wanna drop a message to my ex gf from 5 yrs ago. (yeah yeah I know what you're thinking and makes sense)

My main goal is not getting back with her also for the fact that we are in two different countries so that would be quit hard especially given the lockdowns...

I banged many girls before and after her but quite frankly she is the only one I would like to keep in touch with, she was an angel from any point of view but I was a full blown assh0le back then and cheated countless times till she finally got fed up and left me, actually she didnt talk to me for months and only after she briefly agreed to a "good bye date" aka "hope you die date".

I simply realized that she is one of the few people that I would like to have in my life as much as a dear friend I lost contact with for different reasons.

I have her on telegram and viber so I can shot her a message...I resisted the urge to write something stupid and came here asking for suggestions.

Opinion on opening and timing?

Ps. Im not concerned about possible rejections, insults or stuff like that...

I know how you feel , you know shoot the message , things will not go worse, you are already ended everything, the bad truth to know is women forget more quickly the men they were with because they get more easy new ones, dont be surprised if she dont have any feeling toward you.

 

[bat soup]

Long story short, I wanna drop a message to my ex gf from 5 yrs ago. (yeah yeah I know what you're thinking and makes sense)

My main goal is not getting back with her also for the fact that we are in two different countries so that would be quit hard especially given the lockdowns...

I banged many girls before and after her but quite frankly she is the only one I would like to keep in touch with, she was an angel from any point of view but I was a full blown assh0le back then and cheated countless times till she finally got fed up and left me, actually she didnt talk to me for months and only after she briefly agreed to a "good bye date" aka "hope you die date".

I simply realized that she is one of the few people that I would like to have in my life as much as a dear friend I lost contact with for different reasons.

I have her on telegram and viber so I can shot her a message...I resisted the urge to write something stupid and came here asking for suggestions.

Opinion on opening and timing?

Ps. Im not concerned about possible rejections, insults or stuff like that...

Do it if you want. Just don't make her response important. If she ignores you or has a bad attitude, forget her just as you would any other broad. After this much time her looks are probably 2 points worse anyway.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Do it if you want. Just don't make her response important. If she ignores you or has a bad attitude, forget her just as you would any other broad. After this much time her looks are probably 2 points worse anyway.

If she doesnt reply or curse and insults me even mocks me I would probably be relieved since my sense of guilty and desire to reconnect would weaken.

You have alpha remorse. Question is for you is why you have this focus on this 1 girl.

It's hard to say, I believe its a mix between regret for not making it work with her when she was really a unicorn and sense of guilty for basically harming her despite she was an angel.

The following months she was depressed and gained weight while when she was with me she was in top shape cause she knew I had girls around.

Anyway its really unbelievable how I performed combar sports for year with no problem to control my anxiety while in this case Im seriously disturbed.

I made my mind not to do anything and while I will proceed according to the plan I still have my subconscious mind tormenting me any possible time.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The one that got away. Yea it sucka but I guess the rule of thumb is dont go backwards. But as far as reaching out? I dont know.
What is it that lead you to feeling this remorse? Did you experience a recent loss?

Well you may have a point its a kinda sh1tty moment, I got great gains in terms of finance but quite crappy in the rest.

The fact that Im officially no longer young being in my mid 30s doesnt help either.

Anyway Im keeping everything in stand-by but I believe the best decision is not to contact her anymore, she probably is doing fine without being reminded of those times of stress she got cause of me.