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Here’s a story about what “not ready for a relationship” really means

Robert28

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Backstory: A few months back I met who we’ll call Brad. Brad was pretty clear from the get go that he was interested in dating me. I was interested in him too, but since I just got out of a very bad 3 year relationship I told him I wanted to be friends first and take things slow which he was okay with. We got really close and hung out and spoke regularly. I grew to really like him a lot but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually take the next step.

About a month ago Brad invited me to a small get together (very small because of COVID), we both got a little buzzed and when he walked me home he started holding my hand. I kind of just got caught up in the moment and ended up kissing him.

The next morning the tone of Brad’s texts changed and all of a sudden he was texting me “hey beautiful”. To tell the truth it freaked me out a little because everything was happening so fast. I took my time to respond, but I told him that while I thought he was an amazing person I just needed to be single for a while and I just couldn’t do a relationship right now, but I wanted to remain friends. He took it surprisingly well and things went mostly back to normal.

However, around this time I’d also reconnected with an old crush we’ll call Joe (24M) and had been hanging out with him too. Shortly after the kiss with Brad, Joe admitted he liked me and asked if I felt the same, to which I replied yes. Long story short Joe and I ended up becoming official about a week ago. I posted a picture on Instagram with my new boyfriend.

I honestly thought Brad would be happy for me, but now all of a sudden he’s stopped initiating conversations with me entirely, and when I do try to reach out to him I only get one word answers. I still think Brad is a wonderful person and it hurts that now all of a sudden he doesn’t seem to want to be friends anymore. What can I do about this? Any help is appreciated thanks!

tldr; Was seeing a guy for a few months, told him I only wanted to be friends because I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. He doesn’t want to be friends now that I’m dating another guy
 

Robert28

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Thought I’d pass this along to all of you, this was a story I read on another site. There’s SO many examples of everything we talk about on here all summed up in one story.
 

Robert28

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I thought you were gay for a second
Lol no. I didn’t know if linking to another site was against the rules, that’s why I copied and pasted it instead.
 

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SirBigBell

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Backstory: A few months back I met who we’ll call Brad. Brad was pretty clear from the get go that he was interested in dating me. I was interested in him too, but since I just got out of a very bad 3 year relationship I told him I wanted to be friends first and take things slow which he was okay with. We got really close and hung out and spoke regularly. I grew to really like him a lot but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually take the next step.

About a month ago Brad invited me to a small get together (very small because of COVID), we both got a little buzzed and when he walked me home he started holding my hand. I kind of just got caught up in the moment and ended up kissing him.

The next morning the tone of Brad’s texts changed and all of a sudden he was texting me “hey beautiful”. To tell the truth it freaked me out a little because everything was happening so fast. I took my time to respond, but I told him that while I thought he was an amazing person I just needed to be single for a while and I just couldn’t do a relationship right now, but I wanted to remain friends. He took it surprisingly well and things went mostly back to normal.

However, around this time I’d also reconnected with an old crush we’ll call Joe (24M) and had been hanging out with him too. Shortly after the kiss with Brad, Joe admitted he liked me and asked if I felt the same, to which I replied yes. Long story short Joe and I ended up becoming official about a week ago. I posted a picture on Instagram with my new boyfriend.

I honestly thought Brad would be happy for me, but now all of a sudden he’s stopped initiating conversations with me entirely, and when I do try to reach out to him I only get one word answers. I still think Brad is a wonderful person and it hurts that now all of a sudden he doesn’t seem to want to be friends anymore. What can I do about this? Any help is appreciated thanks!

tldr; Was seeing a guy for a few months, told him I only wanted to be friends because I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. He doesn’t want to be friends now that I’m dating another guy
The woman in this story is a lunatic.
So she really genuinely is asking why Brad has gone cold and doesnt understand why thats the case? Either she is thick or is acting dumb on purpose.

Brad has gone cold because she disrespected him. She told him she wasnt ready for a relationship yet and he gracefully accepted that, but she then went on to enter a publicly-declared relationship with Joe a few days later. Her actions show she disrespected, misled and lied to Brad, thats why he has understandably gone cold.

She is so fvcked up in the head that she sees him as the one with the issue since he was supposed to be happy for her now that she is with Joe, a week after she’d told him she wasnt ready for a relationship.

Women act like druggies sonetimes
 

TheProspect

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Lol no. I didn’t know if linking to another site was against the rules, that’s why I copied and pasted it instead.
Linking sites is okay in most cases, provided you’re not promoting your own site or business (advertising)

It’s preferred when you post a link though that you also provide a comment on what’s contained within the link, or quote part of it, so members don’t have to click on it. In other words, provide context.

In your case I would just have put your original post in quotation marks and mentioned it was taken from what a girl said on another site haha all good though man
 

TheKid

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She wanted him as a backup. And shes having trouble seeing her behaviour as bad and his as good. Shes trying to flip it like hes the bad one.
 

Georgepithyou

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The woman in this story is a lunatic.
So she really genuinely is asking why Brad has gone cold and doesnt understand why thats the case? Either she is thick or is acting dumb on purpose.
For whatever reason women think unattractive men are asexual and would never ever develop feelings for then as friends.
 

spikeanut

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The woman in this story is a lunatic.

She is so fvcked up in the head that she sees him as the one with the issue since he was supposed to be happy for her now that she is with Joe, a week after she’d told him she wasnt ready for a relationship.

Sadly this is where you're wrong; the woman in the story no different than any woman you meet on the street. This is a routine story of a woman's hypergamy against a nice guy's affection. Brad was a nice guy that confessed his feelings for her at the onset therefore he was no longer interesting nor a challenge. Brad was a 2nd tier orbiter who kept her company and took away her boredom, while she waited for her true prize of Joe. Wash, rinse, repeat...this is a tale as old as time.
 

devilkingx2

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My thoughts/analysis on the woman in the OP are as follows:

1. She's insanely self-centered, she thought he would be happy about the thing she didn't tell him that is bad news for himself and only has significance because of a past history he doesn't know about.

2. Even the way the story is written could not make sense if she had the capability of rational though, if she read this to herself she'd see she literally jumps from not wanting a relationship to having a boyfriend in an instant.

They say women are emotional and people in general are emotional at least as much as they are rational but this is reaching animalistic levels of acting purely on instinct lol.
 

RangerMIke

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A man should never hear this. A man should never be looking for a relationship. If you hear this then you are putting out the vibe that you are going to willingly walk into a cage like a domesticated animal, or even more cringe worthy ASK to be branded and placed in a pen.

This is one of the most unattractive things a man can do. Women would rather capture a wild mustang and try to break them in then ride some old horse that is already broken in, tided up riding around in a circle like a County fair ride for little kids.
 
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firstbornunicorn

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A man should never hear this. A man should never be looking for a relationship. If you hear this then you are putting out the vibe that you are going to willingly walk into a cage like a domesticated animal, or even more cringe worthy ASK to be branded and placed in a pen.

This is one of the most unattractive things a man can do. Women would rather capture a wild mustang and try to break them in then ride some old horse that is already broken in, tided up riding around in a circle like a County fire ride for little kids.
But if I'm actively looking for a woman to have kids with... Reproduction is a selfish act. I'm acting on selfish self-interest to get into a relationship.
 

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TheFinalLine

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Hahaha. A woman has a hard, three year breakup. Hanging out with two men and then sleeps with the one that turns her on more. It must have been a really horrible breakup. Poor thing. (Eye roll)

Assume all women are entertaining other men and having sex. Because they are. Knowing this down to your core, will keep you from becoming enamored with a woman. Women are fun and interesting. But their biology doesn’t support your ideal scene that you carry around in your socially programmed, foolish head. It’s hilarious.
 

RangerMIke

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But if I'm actively looking for a woman to have kids with... Reproduction is a selfish act. I'm acting on selfish self-interest to get into a relationship.
Nothing wrong with this... but you have to go in with a mindset that any one of hundreds of chicks out there will fit the bill. You just need ONE, but there is no 'one'. Date as many as you can... but you have to find one that wants you so bad that she is willing to put effort into catching you. She has to want you FIRST, because if she doesn't then there is NOTHING you can do to make her want you.

If she won't chase you, she doesn't value you... if she doesn't value you then she won't respect you... if she doesn't respect you she CAN NOT love you.

This is how women work... they do not operate like men.
 

firstbornunicorn

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Nothing wrong with this... but you have to go in with a mindset that any one of hundreds of chicks out there will fit the bill. You just need ONE, but there is no 'one'. Date as many as you can... but you have to find one that wants you so bad that she is willing to put effort into catching you. She has to want you FIRST, because if she doesn't then there is NOTHING you can do to make her want you.

If she won't chase you, she doesn't value you... if she doesn't value you then she won't respect you... if she doesn't respect you she CAN NOT love you.

This is how women work... they do not operate like men.
Yes, but. Some women have not bothered trying to "get" me because they assumed I was out of their league and/or they thought I just wanted sex and wouldn't commit. So it's not so clear. Of course, if one has enough volume, then it's easier. But creating volume is really hard without devoting way too much time to it.
 
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