Help

[mcfusion31]

This is my first time posting, as I've been a long-time lurker. I discovered this website through Rolo Tomassi and Pook. The reason why I'm making a post is that I feel lost. I went through a breakup in January and want to start going out to meet people because I haven't had any success with the apps. All my friends got married young, and now I have no friends who are available all the time. Do you guys go out alone, and if so, how do you do it?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

This is my first time posting, as I've been a long-time lurker. I discovered this website through Rolo Tomassi and Pook. The reason why I'm making a post is that I feel lost. I went through a breakup in January and want to start going out to meet people because I haven't had any success with the apps. All my friends got married young, and now I have no friends who are available all the time. Do you guys go out alone, and if so, how do you do it?

I have and do Go Out Alone.
Just go to a bar, club, cafe…. Get a drink & chill. Enjoy the vibe and music.
Then. Either a girl might come up to you. Or. You can initiate.
It’s a bit more fun to go with a friend(s), but solo is fine.

 

[Gamisch]

You can almost write off the entire year moving like this...

We all been there a couple of times..yes it's devastating and hurts like hell..yet here's the best/ worst reality a man like you can get:

Your ex is having TONS of fun aka getting railed by anything with a d1ck.

It's time for you to get over her and start living for yourself. My stick is that any man's vision on.lofe should be WAY more than " friends an women". You need to grand mission that's about reaching the stars. Your lifestyle shouldn't even allow you to have time to hang out and do nothing.

There is no cure other than what I said..time combined with succes is what you need right now

 

[SW15]

want to start going out to meet people because I haven't had any success with the apps.

Most men have unpleasant experiences on the swipe apps.

The apps are hyper efficient for elite looking men (90th percentile +). The 80th - 89th percentile will likely have a good enough experience. For men below the 80th percentile in looks, it's a losing effort.

The typical man only matches with less than 1% of his right swipes. The typical woman only swipes right on 4-5% of all men she sees.

All my friends got married young, and now I have no friends who are available all the time.

This is a common experience for men in the late 20s/early 30s who don't marry. By the time a man reaches 32-35, most of his male friends married and are not interested in accompanying him to bars.

Most men try to solve for this problem by upping their presence on swipe apps. However, as stated above, swipe apps are not a good solution. Without swipe apps, there are some solutions. All of the options have faults.

1. Do more non-bar approaching
2. Approach women in bars while going out alone
3. Try to make new male friends who are unmarried and willing to go to bars with you
4. Keep your existing social circle and see if your male friends' wives will introduce you to single women they know.

Do you guys go out alone, and if so, how do you do it?

With the 4 solutions above, I've done options 1 and 2 the most. I've primarily done Option 1 as I've upped my non-bar approaching since circa age 30.

I have gone out to bars alone and done approaches. It's not a big deal to do but it is unpleasant to stand around alone and not have anyone to talk to in between approaching groups of females.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

This is my first time posting, as I've been a long-time lurker. I discovered this website through Rolo Tomassi and Pook. The reason why I'm making a post is that I feel lost. I went through a breakup in January and want to start going out to meet people because I haven't had any success with the apps. All my friends got married young, and now I have no friends who are available all the time. Do you guys go out alone, and if so, how do you do it?

It is pointless to roam around alone or play the day game nowadays.

It is much better to:
- max-out your dating profile (by hitting gym, hair stylist, changing wardrobe/style, putting some nice photos from trips or that you have made)
- include some flashy add-ons to what you wear, if you can naturally include them into your style);
- enter some courses where you can easily play the odds to your favour (you are early 30's - it's the best time to start 2nd faculty/post-grad studies and meet some young female students, except now you will be the mature, arguably well off student that still look quite young and may sway some chicks on his terms), you can connect it with studying at library etc.
- when going in dating app-date, it is a rule to pay for 3 consecutive dates in row if you are qualifying girl for LTR material (actually it is also a sound game if you don't);
- if you have at least 6/10 quality car (around 10 years old nice looking Audi will do), use it to pick up date since date no. 2 if High Interest
- consider some hobbies that you really may like or you have liked before but stopped practing them due to any particular reason and consider returning to them IF there are females around (there's really no point to look for friends at your age anyway IMO, either you will meet them naturally or not);
- consider 2nd job as bartender if you REALLY want to find some new connections and you can pull it off with your daytime job not screwing at both;

Do not:
- attend dancing classes (they are often sausage fest mixed up with thirsty SMV 4/10's females nearing wall that want to rock any c0ck - alas if you do not care about quality of your dates too much, this may be ok place);
- date women which profiles scream "high maintenance"
- date women which give you signals that you need to lead with money all the time
- enter language courses to meet ppl (it's waste of time and money)
- hit on girls in the gym
- force yourself to do something you don't really like

 

[SW15]

Do not:

You have some good "Do Not" activities. I want to add some commentary to what you've provided.

Do not attend dancing classes (they are often sausage fest mixed up with thirsty SMV 4/10's females nearing wall that want to rock any c0ck - alas if you do not care about quality of your dates too much, this may be ok place);

In general, dancing classes are a loss leader. They are useful to take to get good enough in a style of dance and then go to a club that plays that style of music and has a dance floor. The classes themselves directly won't result in many actual dates. A man will need to go to a nightlife venue itself with a dance floor and meet women there. Trying to meet women through dancing is generally time consuming. If a man is starting from scratch on the dancing path, dancing likely won't produce results for years. It may take something like 1 - 3 years to get good enough at that style of dance to do well in the nightlife venues using dance as a form of seduction. Most men want a quicker return on effort when they need to get laid or get an extended girlfriend.

The problem is that classes themselves usually are not a good way to meet women. A lot of the female attendees of dance classes are not dateable women for a variety of reasons. If a dance class effort leads to finding sex or girlfriends, it often isn't directly due to the dance classes. When this happens, a man took dance classes long enough to get good at a particular style of dance, went to a nightlife venue for this style of dance, and then met a woman/women at these nightlife venues. As stated earlier, this was probably a multiyear effort. This would be most common in salsa/Latin class or Country Western dancing.

Do not hit on girls in the gym

Within gyms, there are 2 distinct areas for hitting on women. Neither one is a good option

1. The general gym floor
2. Group fitness classes

Most men focus on Option 1. The general gym floor is difficult because most women wear earbuds/headphones at the gym. Women use their smartphones as a music player with earbuds/headphones to avoid approaches on the general gym floor and outdoor settings. This is a trend that started in the 2000s with iPods/early MP3 players but really took off in the late 2000s once smartphones replaced MP3 players.

Group fitness classes (Option 2) can be associated with a gym (ex. LA Fitness, Lifetime Athletic, etc.) or a standalone facility (ex. SoulCycle, Barry's Bootcamp, CorePower Yoga, etc.). No matter where I've gone, the social environment around group fitness classes is similar. I have seen no difference between women's receptivity to approaches after a group fitness class at a regular gym vs. a standalone fitness studio. There are great ratios (2-2.5 women for every man is a reasonable expectation) but poor on sociability. Women don't tend to like to engage after class. Many will exit quickly before there's even an approach opportunity.

 

[Vanderdonck]

This is my first time posting, as I've been a long-time lurker. I discovered this website through Rolo Tomassi and Pook. The reason why I'm making a post is that I feel lost. I went through a breakup in January and want to start going out to meet people because I haven't had any success with the apps. All my friends got married young, and now I have no friends who are available all the time. Do you guys go out alone, and if so, how do you do it?

Sorry and congratulations.

What are your interests? Music? Sports? Building things? Language? Think about the things you love that take your mind off of life, and pursue them in group settings if you can.

And yes, guys go out alone. Are you in the US?

 

[mcfusion31]

You can almost write off the entire year moving like this...

We all been there a couple of times..yes it's devastating and hurts like hell..yet here's the best/ worst reality a man like you can get:

Your ex is having TONS of fun aka getting railed by anything with a d1ck.

It's time for you to get over her and start living for yourself. My stick is that any man's vision on.lofe should be WAY more than " friends an women". You need to grand mission that's about reaching the stars. Your lifestyle shouldn't even allow you to have time to hang out and do nothing.

There is no cure other than what I said..time combined with succes is what you need right now

I was seeing someone a couple of weeks ago friends hooked us up but she was to liberal and someone i just wanted to have fun with

 

[mcfusion31]

Sorry and congratulations.

What are your interests? Music? Sports? Building things? Language? Think about the things you love that take your mind off of life, and pursue them in group settings if you can.

And yes, guys go out alone. Are you in the US?

I signed up in March for dancing and have been going to the gym for a while. I live in Calgary, Canada, and I am trying to stop staying home on Friday and Saturday nights, work full-time, and attend school in September to complete my HR degree. I listened to Dr. Robert Glover's book, which suggests expanding your route, talking to everyone, testing for interest, and walking through open doors. I just need advice going out alone.

 

[mcfusion31]

Most men have unpleasant experiences on the swipe apps.

The apps are hyper efficient for elite looking men (90th percentile +). The 80th - 89th percentile will likely have a good enough experience. For men below the 80th percentile in looks, it's a losing effort.

The typical man only matches with less than 1% of his right swipes. The typical woman only swipes right on 4-5% of all men she sees.



This is a common experience for men in the late 20s/early 30s who don't marry. By the time a man reaches 32-35, most of his male friends married and are not interested in accompanying him to bars.

Most men try to solve for this problem by upping their presence on swipe apps. However, as stated above, swipe apps are not a good solution. Without swipe apps, there are some solutions. All of the options have faults.

1. Do more non-bar approaching
2. Approach women in bars while going out alone
3. Try to make new male friends who are unmarried and willing to go to bars with you
4. Keep your existing social circle and see if your male friends' wives will introduce you to single women they know.



With the 4 solutions above, I've done options 1 and 2 the most. I've primarily done Option 1 as I've upped my non-bar approaching since circa age 30.

I have gone out to bars alone and done approaches. It's not a big deal to do but it is unpleasant to stand around alone and not have anyone to talk to in between approaching groups of females.

How would you recommend to do this? Calgary is quite conservative, and I'd like to start going out more. I hate being home on the weekends playing poker online.

 

[SW15]

How would you recommend to do this?

To do what? Go out to bars alone?

Calgary is quite conservative, and I'd like to start going out more.

Calgary is major city. It's not as conservative as the less populated parts of the Alberta and Saskatchewan provinces of Canada.

You have a valid point that Calgary is more conservative in terms of ideology than Toronto or Vancouver. Toronto is a hellscape of a mating environment. That's well known on the internet and doesn't need to be discussed here. I'm sitting in a major USA city and I know how about the awfulness of Toronto's mating environment. I would rather be trying to get my penis wet in Calgary as compared to Toronto.

I think you have the right idea with wanting to go out more to bars.

I hate being home on the weekends playing poker online.

That's not going to result in you being able to thrust your penis into a vagina. You are going to need to do productive things to relieve your sexual urges. No porn, no masturbation, no online poker, no video games.

 

[mcfusion31]

To do what? Go out to bars alone?



Calgary is major city. It's not as conservative as the less populated parts of the Alberta and Saskatchewan provinces of Canada.

You have a valid point that Calgary is more conservative in terms of ideology than Toronto or Vancouver. Toronto is a hellscape of a mating environment. That's well known on the internet and doesn't need to be discussed here. I'm sitting in a major USA city and I know how about the awfulness of Toronto's mating environment. I would rather be trying to get my penis wet in Calgary as compared to Toronto.

I think you have the right idea with wanting to go out more to bars.



That's not going to result in you being able to thrust your penis into a vagina. You are going to need to do productive things to relieve your sexual urges. No porn, no masturbation, no online poker, no video games.

I quit porn since the breakup, which was in Jan and have been seeing this chick for a couple of months afterwards. The only thing hindering my success would probably be not going out. I'm not ugly, but I'm 5'8, but it never hindered me before. my ig@zoofaqiryar

 

[SW15]

I quit porn since the breakup

That's one of the better seduction practice that any man can have. Going without porn and masturbation can make a man hornier and more motivated to approach. Approach anxiety is likely to be decreased if a man is so horny and has immense sexual urgency.

The only thing hindering my success would probably be not going out.

You probably need to up your volume on both daygame and nightgame approaching.

The main advantage with approaching at nightlife venues is that women in nightlife venues are more likely to be seeking new penis as a result of showing up to a nightlife venue. Women expect to be approached at nightlife venues. However, they are often very defensive in these approaches and a man has to clear a high threshold of quality to be considered in these approaches. This is commonly called a "biatch shield".

In nightlife venues, women almost always go out in groups. Men don't go out in groups as much as women. You were asking about solo approaching in nightlife venues. It can be done but you'll always be approaching groups of women. You have to be precise reading non-verbal cues and deciding which groups of females are worth your time for an approach. You will also need to learn how to isolate a target from the group. Isolation is crucial in either getting enough quality time to have a conversation that could result in plans for a social outing (aka a first date) or a part of escalation for same night sex.

Isolation is less of a factor in daygame. In non-bar venues, women are often isolated away from their friends. This can happen at gyms, grocery stores, or on walking paths as examples. Additionally, daygame is more conducive for solo men. You seem to lack options for male friends/connections to join you at bars, so you might want to consider doing more daygame.

The biggest downside of daygame is that it is an untargeted audience. Even if you select good non-bar venues in urban neighborhoods with a high concentration of 20s/30s single, childless women, most women will NOT be receptive to your approach. She might be cordial and pleasant, but the conversation will fizzle out fast. She has no reason to talk to a male stranger. Non-bar approaching (typically done during daylight/early evening hours) is horribly inefficient. The majority of women between ages 18-49 aren't seeking new penis at the moment they are approached in a non-bar setting (credit Blaine Anderson for this statement). That is a major disincentive for doing non-bar approaching.

Unfortunately, there's not a good way to determine before an approach that a solo woman in a non-bar venue is in the market for new penis. Most women will have boyfriends that satisfy their needs adequately and new males are not a priority. These women do not disclose their boyfriend status prior to the approach.

Additionally, in non-bar approaching, you are often competing with technology for a woman's attention. Women at parks/on paths are often wearing earbuds/headphones to discourage approaches from males. Women at the gym also commonly use earbuds in gyms to discourage male approaches. Some non-bar venues are better than others in finding women not immersed in tech, but this is getting more difficult to find in the Western world as time passes.

 

[mcfusion31]

That's one of the better seduction practice that any man can have. Going without porn and masturbation can make a man hornier and more motivated to approach. Approach anxiety is likely to be decreased if a man is so horny and has immense sexual urgency.



You probably need to up your volume on both daygame and nightgame approaching.

The main advantage with approaching at nightlife venues is that women in nightlife venues are more likely to be seeking new penis as a result of showing up to a nightlife venue. Women expect to be approached at nightlife venues. However, they are often very defensive in these approaches and a man has to clear a high threshold of quality to be considered in these approaches. This is commonly called a "biatch shield".

In nightlife venues, women almost always go out in groups. Men don't go out in groups as much as women. You were asking about solo approaching in nightlife venues. It can be done but you'll always be approaching groups of women. You have to be precise reading non-verbal cues and deciding which groups of females are worth your time for an approach. You will also need to learn how to isolate a target from the group. Isolation is crucial in either getting enough quality time to have a conversation that could result in plans for a social outing (aka a first date) or a part of escalation for same night sex.

Isolation is less of a factor in daygame. In non-bar venues, women are often isolated away from their friends. This can happen at gyms, grocery stores, or on walking paths as examples. Additionally, daygame is more conducive for solo men. You seem to lack options for male friends/connections to join you at bars, so you might want to consider doing more daygame.

The biggest downside of daygame is that it is an untargeted audience. Even if you select good non-bar venues in urban neighborhoods with a high concentration of 20s/30s single, childless women, most women will NOT be receptive to your approach. She might be cordial and pleasant, but the conversation will fizzle out fast. She has no reason to talk to a male stranger. Non-bar approaching (typically done during daylight/early evening hours) is horribly inefficient. The majority of women between ages 18-49 aren't seeking new penis at the moment they are approached in a non-bar setting (credit Blaine Anderson for this statement). That is a major disincentive for doing non-bar approaching.

Unfortunately, there's not a good way to determine before an approach that a solo woman in a non-bar venue is in the market for new penis. Most women will have boyfriends that satisfy their needs adequately and new males are not a priority. These women do not disclose their boyfriend status prior to the approach.

Additionally, in non-bar approaching, you are often competing with technology for a woman's attention. Women at parks/on paths are often wearing earbuds/headphones to discourage approaches from males. Women at the gym also commonly use earbuds in gyms to discourage male approaches. Some non-bar venues are better than others in finding women not immersed in tech, but this is getting more difficult to find in the Western world as time passes.

In a typical AFC, I had girls approach me, not the other way around. I want to break this cycle. Any help will do. Where should I go approach people?

 

[SW15]

In a typical AFC, I had girls approach me, not the other way around. I want to break this cycle.

Having women approach you is not a bad thing on the surface. Women don't need to approach much.

An Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) is a guy who doesn't create attraction with women. He's often ignored in nightgame and daygame.

If you aren't approaching women and are having approach anxiety about making the approaches, then you are more likely to be an AFC.

You can approach women anywhere. There are different kinds of nightlife venues and different kinds of daygame venues. Figure out the women you want and figure out if you are attractive to them as is. If you aren't currently attractive to your target audience of women, take time off to get yourself more attractive (typically on looks or money).

 

[Vanderdonck]

An Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) is a guy who doesn't create attraction with women. He's often ignored in nightgame and daygame.

I was a bit of an AFC in college. Girls approached me but I often fumbled them. I did get laid but not to the degree I could have. It's possible to be attractive physically and still have bad game.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I signed up in March for dancing and have been going to the gym for a while. I live in Calgary, Canada, and I am trying to stop staying home on Friday and Saturday nights, work full-time, and attend school in September to complete my HR degree. I listened to Dr. Robert Glover's book, which suggests expanding your route, talking to everyone, testing for interest, and walking through open doors. I just need advice going out alone.

Well, Calgary, I assume you have lots of bars. Why not start easy? Do you like watching sports? Go to a sports bar for the next big game or whatever. Lots of fun loving people, guys and girls, easy way to strike up conversations. I know it's summer so only baseball happening but just a thought to get your motor running.

Otherwise here's what I would do. Forget the weekend unless you're with buddies. Pick a weeknight, Thursday maybe. Go out and have a drink at a nice bar. Wine bar, brew pub, whatever. Get to know your bartender/bartendress. Doesn't have to be the same place every week. Strike up conversations. Weekdays are good because people are in a chill mood and it's not super noisy. You want a modest amount of people but not too much or too few. Don't think about getting laid with these outings, just socializing and enjoying yourself.

 

[mcfusion31]

Having women approach you is not a bad thing on the surface. Women don't need to approach much.

An Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) is a guy who doesn't create attraction with women. He's often ignored in nightgame and daygame.

If you aren't approaching women and are having approach anxiety about making the approaches, then you are more likely to be an AFC.

You can approach women anywhere. There are different kinds of nightlife venues and different kinds of daygame venues. Figure out the women you want and figure out if you are attractive to them as is. If you aren't currently attractive to your target audience of women, take time off to get yourself more attractive (typically on looks or money).

I didn't go out this weekend because UFC and also I started second guessing myself how do you push through? I have some bad deprivation thinking and been working on it.

 

[SW15]

I didn't go out this weekend because UFC

UFC? What the hell, man?

Watching spectator sports is a beta male activity.

Too many men fall prey to various spectator sports.

Go out and play a sport.

how do you push through?

Pushing through approach anxiety is all about having a good sex drive. You are so horny and motivated for sex.

In order to get motivated to make approaches, I abstain from porn, masturbation, limit spectator sports consumption, exercise, and eat a healthy diet with minimal processed foods.

Abstaining from porn and masturbation increases the desire to get laid. With high desire, you will push through a lot to get pussie.

 

[mcfusion31]

UFC? What the hell, man?

Watching spectator sports is a beta male activity.

Too many men fall prey to various spectator sports.

Go out and play a sport.



Pushing through approach anxiety is all about having a good sex drive. You are so horny and motivated for sex.

In order to get motivated to make approaches, I abstain from porn, masturbation, limit spectator sports consumption, exercise, and eat a healthy diet with minimal processed foods.

Abstaining from porn and masturbation increases the desire to get laid. With high desire, you will push through a lot to get pussie.

Well, I'm going out this Friday. I have been attending dance classes since March. I have a showcase on August 8. I want to practice my bachata, salsa and rumba. I don't watch porn. I feel like that is the most cuck and beta thing you could do because you're watching other people have sex. I've been watching UFC since I was 12. Man, I'm 32 now. It's been ages, but I won't give it up. Was going through weed withdrawals. I would say I'm more Mode 3. Roger Alan Currie. I get timid even with high sex drive. I get attached to an outcome. I have been listening to the book of Pook and Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover this weekend. I'm going out.